Disclaimer: Don't own anything, not making money, etc.

Warnings: See first chapter.

Author's Notes: I know, I know! I haven't updated in forever. I'm sorry. I'm just an irresponsible author. :hangs head: But, so is life.

Also! I'd like to announce that I'm going to write a challenge fic. Of the first three people who message me with ideas, I'm going to pick one to write a Naruto one-shot for. My only rule is that it can't be pure smut, since 1) I'm not allowed to put that on here and 2) I'm probably not very good at writing it anyway. But! Any ideas other than that are fine. I look forward to the challenge!

So now, here's the fic!


When Naruto woke up, his head wasn't hurting, precisely—it was more like the earth's axis had tilted a little farther to the left overnight, and Naruto's body hadn't yet readjusted. His vision was blurry, his brain felt a bit too big for his skull, and each limb seemed the approximate weight of a train car.

And apparently he was hallucinating as well, because there was no way that was his ceiling he was staring at.

"I think I'm drunk," he said out loud. His voice came out weird, like his mouth had a very small sock stuffed into the back of it. Or maybe it just sounded weird to him. Who could tell?

"I wouldn't be surprised," a voice answered from the other side of the room. "You drank enough for three people last night."

Naruto turned his head toward the voice and immediately wished he hadn't. Everything went extra bright and extra blurry all of a sudden. He felt exactly how he thought a goldfish would, looking at the world through a tank of water and a layer of glass.

Naruto closed his eyes. It was easier to think when he wasn't trying to bring anything into focus. "Mm…what?" he mumbled.

"I said, you're probably still drunk from last night. You won't be for long, though, and once you're sober you'll have the hangover of the century. Better take these."

Things were moving a little too fast for him. "Huh?"

"Open your eyes, Sensei."

Naruto peeled back his eyelids and squinted against the light. The only thing he knew for sure was that there was a figure standing above him with dark hair and light skin who sounded just like Uchiha Sasuke.

"Uh…Sasuke?"

"Yeah. Take these." A pale hand was held out next to Naruto's face. He concentrated on it, and eventually his eyes focused enough to let him see the two blue pills sitting in Sasuke's palm. Naruto knew he should reach out and take them, but his arm muscles didn't feel like part of his body. After a few moments of struggling to lift his hands, Naruto gave up and just opened his mouth.

There were a few seconds of hesitation before Sasuke dipped his fingers into Naruto's mouth and carefully placed a pill on the blonde's tongue. His fingers were cool and very smooth against the hot insides of Naruto's mouth. Naruto wanted to lick them.

Sasuke put the rim of a glass against Naruto's lips. Naruto dutifully tilted his head back and a controlled rush of water was poured into his mouth. He swallowed by reflex, not noticing the treacherous lurch of his stomach before it was too late.

He threw up all over the floor. The floor-that-wasn't-his.

"…Apparently, we've progressed to the hangover," Sasuke noted dryly. He sighed shortly, then a blissfully cold hand came down on the back of Naruto's neck. "Okay, let's get you into the bathroom."


They got to the bathroom just in time for Naruto to throw up again. Luckily, the stuff ended up in the toilet this time.

Well, most of it, anyway.

He flushed the toilet when he was done, but the sound of flushing set him off again and his stomach heaved for a third time. Not much came up this round, just a few burning chunks of something dark orange and a sickening mouthful of bile. He flushed the toilet again but left his head hanging over the bowl.

"You alright?"

Naruto jumped a little at the voice. He'd sort of forgotten Sasuke was there. He turned his head fractionally so he could see Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. The student was perched deftly on the rim of a—extremely huge—bathtub.

"Yeah," Naruto croaked. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"Spewing on your carpet. And all over your bathroom."

Sasuke's shrug was a fluid ripple, wide shoulders rotating under his shirt. "It's not your fault," he said.

"Yes it is."

"Well, technically speaking, yes," Sasuke conceded. "But you didn't decide to be sick."

Naruto laughed hoarsely. "No, I definitely didn't," he said.

Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The action looked very young, and Naruto was irrationally sad that he made Sasuke act like the kid he was.

"I'll…go get you some more pills," Sasuke said, standing abruptly. "Just…stay right there, okay?"

Naruto, who had no intention of moving whatsoever, nodded weakly. Sasuke left the bathroom and Naruto dropped his head back into the toilet and shut his eyes.


He must have dosed off for a while, because when Naruto opened his eyes again, he was leaning against the bathtub, and the bathroom was sparkling clean and smelling strongly of disinfectant. He let his head fall back and moaned, partly guilty and partly humiliated. Throwing up was just about the most disgusting thing he could think of—and, consequently, just about the last thing he wanted Sasuke to see him doing.

There was a knock on the doorframe and Naruto looked up. Sasuke was leaning against the open door and holding a cup of something. He looked a little sweaty, and Naruto realized—with another rush of shame—that Sasuke had probably been scrubbing up his carpet as best he could.

"Feel better?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah," Naruto said. To his surprise, he actually did feel better. Besides the splitting headache, of course.

Sasuke nodded. "Well, most of the alcohol's out of your system now," he said. "You should start feeling relatively normal in a while."

Naruto nodded. Sasuke handed him the cup he was holding and two blue pills.

"Let's try this again," Sasuke said dryly. Naruto blushed hotly and downed the pills. He waited a few seconds.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

Naruto shrugged. "No problems."

"Good." Sasuke opened the medicine cabinet over the sink and took out a toothbrush. "Brush your teeth," he said, "and come to the living room."


Naruto found a tube of toothpaste and thoroughly washed his mouth—that is, he brushed not only his teeth, but also his tongue, the roof of his mouth, and the insides of his cheeks. When he finished, he spit out the toothpaste and repeated the process.

When he decided that his mouth was finally clean, Naruto put the toothpaste away and padded out of the bathroom. He didn't know where to put the toothbrush, so he brought it with him.

Sasuke wasn't there when Naruto entered the living room. He winced when he noticed the carpet was clean, but wet and a little soapy. He picked his eyes up off the floor and looked around the room. He was immediately amazed. The living room was huge enough to fit his entire apartment inside. It wasn't decorated much, with an almost Spartan lack of items, but what furniture there was looked both tasteful and ridiculously expensive—the couch Naruto had passed out on was enormous and made of tan leather, the carpet Naruto had spewed on was an intricate design of blacks and golds, the coffee table in front of the couch was made from polished dark wood, and making up almost an entire wall was a colossal flat-screen T.V.

Naruto whistled. "Damn," he muttered. "Sasuke is loaded."

"Runs in the family," a voice said from behind him.

Naruto whirled around, flushing. Sasuke stood in the doorway of what looked like a kitchen, arms folded. There was an undeterminable look on his face. Naruto laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Runs in the family, huh?" Naruto asked. "Your folks must work pretty hard, then."

"I highly doubt that, as they're dead."

Naruto blinked. Great job, Uzumaki, he berated himself angrily. You really know how to be tactful.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said genuinely.

Sasuke shrugged. "I'm not," he said. "Mom was nice enough, but too weak to stand up for herself—or anyone else. And my father was a bastard."

Naruto blinked. He was stunned. After a few seconds of silence, he managed to speak. "But—they were your family," Naruto said. "No matter how they acted, they were your family. They loved you."

Sasuke's eyes were suddenly fierce. "Doubt it," he said viciously.

Naruto stood silently. After a few seconds, Sasuke said, "Why do you care, anyway?"

Because you were lucky to have them. Because I'd give anything to have what you did. Because I care about you and don't want you to remember your parents in anger.

"…No reason," Naruto said quietly. "So…you live in this big house by yourself, then?"

Sasuke scowled. "No," he said, voice dark. "My brother lives here too."

Naruto brightened. "Oh," he said. "That's great! So you're not here by yourself."

"Unfortunately, no." Sasuke was visibly tense, skin pulled tight over his bones.

"Uh…so you guys, uh…don't get along either?" Naruto guessed.

Sasuke looked as if he was about to snarl, but all he said was, "No."

Naruto forced a laugh, trying to relieve some tension. "So, what happened? Did he beat you up as a kid or something?"

"No. Never. He's too perfect for that." Sasuke's face twisted. "He's…fucking, fucking perfect."

Naruto literally felt blood draining from his face. He had seen people angry before, plenty of times (usually because of him, in fact), but this was something else. The look on Sasuke's face said he wanted to tear something apart—and, if Naruto was following the conversation correctly, that something was his brother.

Sasuke exhaled sharply through his nose and pushed an angry hand through his hair, visibly trying to relax. He looked up at Naruto and held an impatient hand out for him.

"Come here," he demanded.

Naruto scuttled over. "Yeah?"

Sasuke responded by seizing Naruto's shirt collar and bringing their mouths together. The kiss was strong. Thankful for the change of atmosphere and feeling bold, Naruto deepened the kiss, tugging on a handful of black hair and pushing his tongue into Sasuke's mouth. The boy's mouth was hot and soft and very, very wet, and Naruto felt his body heat up at the feel of it. He shivered a little as his tongue skimmed across Sasuke's canines.

Sasuke made a low, breathy sound and slid his tongue against Naruto's. The sensation was mushy and wet and kind of gross in an incredibly satisfying way—like the squelching feel of a boot stamping firmly into the mud. Naruto felt his guts turn to mush.

One of Sasuke's hands slithered up the back of Naruto's shirt. It ran up his spine, dragging blunt fingernails and carving streaks of fire into his skin. The sound of crinkling fabric was obscene in the quiet room. Naruto's hips twitched.

Sasuke's hips twitched back. He stumbled forward a couple paces, shoving Naruto along with him. All at once, Naruto's knees smacked the couch he'd fallen asleep on, and he sat down reflexively. Sasuke sat on top of him. The boy's thighs went apart and his knees caged Naruto's hips, pushing his ass into the place where Naruto's legs met his stomach. Naruto's vision went a little red at that.

Sasuke pulled back with a wet pop. There were hazardous smears of color on his cheeks. His mouth looked soft and his eyes looked young. He took in a breath, put a hand in the middle of Naruto's chest, and pressed his teacher into the couch cushions. He started dropping kisses on Naruto in an odd, disjointed trail—against the side of his nose, on the corner of his mouth, on the point of his jaw. His mouth finally settled on the column of Naruto's throat.

Even as his body flushed with slow pleasure, Naruto was taken aback by the show of gentleness. Even though Sasuke was a teenager, he'd always seemed older—even before Naruto had gotten involved with him romantically. Sasuke had been impossibly grown-up since the day Naruto had met him, and his personal touch had always fit his adult personality—cocky, headstrong, and brazen. Sasuke could be thoughtful, but he'd never been…sweet. This new behavior was strange, but…nice.

Naruto gasped when Sasuke sank careful teeth into the base of his neck. He curled an arm around Sasuke's head and flipped them over. Feeling disconnected from his actions, he felt his hand stroke down Sasuke's abdomen and slide between his legs.

Sasuke bit his lip.

"What—?"

"I feel like it," Naruto said. He thought he knew what Sasuke was trying to ask, but he didn't know the answer himself.

One side of Sasuke's mouth twitched up. "Well, then," he said, some of his usual confidence reemerging despite his breathlessness. "By all means."

Naruto hesitated a couple seconds before opening Sasuke's pants and slipping his hand inside.


Sorry! I've got to cut out this part for this site. If you want to see the unedited version, the link is in my profile. :)
Sasuke laughed softly and pecked Naruto on the cheek.

"You don't have to be so quiet, Sensei," he drawled. "It's not like you."

"Erk," Naruto mumbled. "Sasuke, could you stop calling me 'Sensei' at times like this? It sounds so perverted."

Sasuke blinked. "Well, what should I call you? Uzumaki-san?"

"No, that sounds weird too," Naruto said. "Just—just call me Naruto."

Sasuke cocked his head. "Naruto?"

The blonde nodded.

"Well, alright." Sasuke leaned forward and pressed his lips under his teacher's jaw. "Whatever you say, Naruto."