Chapter: Only

All Y'Alls Favorite Pairing

Disclaimer: Yes. I own everything. Pffft. Or not. Don't sue me. If you do, you'll have to pay ME money because I have this baby up.




So anyway.

Here goes.

I promise.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a boy named Harry Potter. He was gay. He was leap-over-the-rainbow-in-a-pink-tutu-accompanied-by-a-singing-unicorn-and-a-dancing-elephant gay. Only, no one knew it. Actually, he was so gay that he was in love with the infamous Draco Malfoy, who in the process of the fanfiction world has suddenly turned into a sap. So now, Draco Malfoy is an absolute, OOC sap who basically sits around on his beautiful, fuckable arse all day and reads slash fanfiction and sobs and wonders why no one loves him.

Now, how Harry sodding Potter, the Boy-Who-Just-Barely-Managed-To-Survive-Through-Some-Strange-Twist-Of-Fate-And-Some-Sappy-Thing-About-His-Mum-And-Her-Sacrifice, could fall in love with the now-sappy, yet still totally hot Draco Malfoy is a mystery that will probably never be solved by the ignorant MUGGLES we are. So anyway, on to the story.


So Harry Potter (who is reading a book and being extremely bored), Hermione Granger (who is wearing exceptionally slutty, un-Hermione-like Muggle clothing in a place where it isn't allowed), and Ronald Weasley, (who is checking out both Hermione and his little sister, Ginny, who is orgasming repeatedly at the site of her Harry, who is actually gay) were sitting in the common room.

Suddenly, Hermione came on to Harry, and stripped. In which case, Ronald had an earth-shattering orgasm, in which he died. The bastard. Harry then looked up at Hermione.

Harry: "Hermione, you know I love you and you know that your sexy clothing is very attractive on you, but I also think that you should know I'm gay."

Hermione: gasp "I knew it you dirty little slut."

At this very moment, when Harry confessed, Ginny died of sadness. Fucking Weasleys.

Hermione, upon seeing her friend die, also committed suicide.

In which case, poor Mr. Harry, the flying-fuck-of-a-son, Potter was left alone in the common room with three dead bodies. He shrugged, got up, and left the common room.

As soon as he left, he went to the bathroom, only to see the love of his life wanking off to a picture of Harry-sodding-Potter himself. Harry, very turned on by this, walked up to Malfoy, reached around him, and started to help Malfoy jack off.

Harry: "I've been secretly in love with you since third year. I lust after you and when I wank it is your name I call."

Draco: "Really? Me too. Let's fuck."

Harry&Draco: fuck in the bathroom where they could easily be discovered

Harry: "Shit, I'm pregnant."

Draco: "No worries. You'll be fine!"

Harry: pregnant Fine. runs off sobbing in hormonal rage.
Draco: also sobs just because he is a dumbass who is hormonal for no reason and sits on his lovely arse all day, singing stupid love songs

Draco: "Oh shit. I'm gay." is gay "BLAISE…BECAUSE ME LOVE HAS LEFT ME, WE SHALL FUCK!"

Blaise-who-appeared-from-no-where: "Okay"


Harry goes back to Draco.

Harry: "I'm sorry my darling."

Draco: "Me too. I cheated on you."

Harry: "Oh well. Will you marry me?"

Draco: "I'm not sure if it's legal, but sure!"

Harry: "Cool." suddenly worried. Love, where will the baby come out? Where will it grow? Holy fuck, how is this possible?"

Draco: "I don't know. It'll probably come out your ass. It'll grow inside you're bladder. We'll have a pee-baby!"

Harry&Draco: "Yay!"