A/N: y halo thar. This here's a (heavily) revised version of the old fic "Pray," in case the title wasn't a tipoff. :B I went back and took a look and realized it was, well, awful in both quality and content, so I fixeded it. Hope you like. :D


Pray

I.

My eyes are burning.

Takes me a second. To remember. Y'know. Mesopotamia Mesopotamia Mesopotamia. Like a charm to bring—

Them back.

You're dumbasses. All three of you. I'm pissed as hell. I'll never forgive you. I'm sorry. I never meant that. I'm sorry. I'm tired.

My eyes are burning.

My eyes are burning.

---

II.

"O-Otaru-kun."

"Don't," Otaru Mamiya says in the dark. He's me and not because for all his salt what does he have now but a salty pillow? I'll tell you. Not much.

"Otaru-kun. Please."

"Don't," Otaru Mamiya says in the dark. For a second I thought of you as dead too. Don't give me the hope of them if you're here and you're waiting. You and them don't make continuity just because you're here, waiting, breathing.

"No."

You picked one shitty time to start saying no to me, Hanagata. Don't think it surprised me. It didn't it didn't it didn't why do I waste my time with you. I hate you. I really, honestly hate you. Hands on me make it so hard to be your friend what the hell kind of person are you to be thinking about that at a time like this who the hell do you think you are. Who the hell do you think you are?

"I was… worried."

Guess I did tell you. Didn't I. Mesopotamia Mesopotamia Mesopotamia. I don't know why it's so funny all of a sudden. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't have the strength for this.

"Sorry. And."

And.

You with this warmth around me but none of it makes a bit of difference so you might as well go now and stop wasting your time before it's gone. Stop touching me. Stop touching me.

I don't. I.

"Say something else. Otaru-kun. We're, just…"

We.

"We?"

"Yeah. Ye-yeah, yeah, we. Otaru-kun… we'll be okay."

"There's no goddamn we here, Hanagata! Not now, not ever!" Touching me hands off hands off me. "Just get your fucking ass out of this and leave me the fuck alone cuz I sure as fuck don't need you here flinging shit like you always do!"

"I-I just…! Otaru-kun, you, you need help, you shouldn't be alone right now, it's—"

I should be with you is that right oh fuck you. Fuck you fuck you. "It's none of your fucking business is what it is! Get it through your head, you idiot! It's not gonna fucking happen!"

Hanagata.

You hit me.

"Where the hell do you get off with that shit? My god, Otaru-kun, give me some fucking credit here! You think this is about us? You think that's wrong? I loved them."

You hit me.

"I'm gonna have to tell Yumeji, Otaru-kun, my god." They. I. "If we don't have each other, then what do we have? Nothing!"

Nothing sounds about right.

"I guess there's nothing, then."

"So what, what're you gonna do, you're just gonna die, then? You're just gonna lie down and let yourself die? That's not like you at all!"

"No, Hanagata! I fucking mean it! You think you can just waltz in here and make everything right? Nothing's gonna make this right! They were everything I had and they're fucking gone and I can't believe they're not coming back, I, just… I can't even…"

I don't know what happened to him that he can reach out and hold onto me red-eyed. Even then. Making me feel like shit for being weak and for being an asshole. I.

I, I, I.

Hanagata. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Hanagata and my cheek is throbbing on that shoulder. I feel like shit.

---

III.

"I'm sorry too. I'm really… I'm sorry. Otaru-kun."

"Yeah."

"Come on. Lie back down."

"Yeah."

I'm so tired. I can't sleep even with a warm back. My face hurts.

I'm so tired.

I'm tired.

I'm.

—tarukun i promise i'll always always always be here for you okay if there's ever anything even the tiniest thing i…

"I love you."

"…yeah."

Yeah.

"Do you think I could kiss you?"

"No."

So we do.

fin