Link goes to the Del Mar Fair!

By: Shannon

(NOTE: I do not own the rights to the characters AND for those of you non-San Diegans, Del Mar is a town located about 10 minutes from San Diego, CA. It is home to the Del Mar Fair, which is a 3-week-long fair that has lots of fun stuff. Next year, the name will change to San Diego County Fair....I think).

One rainy day, Link went to the palace stable to get Epona inside the dry, barn. Pulling his raincoat tightly to himself with the rain pouring down on his body, Link took Epona to the barn and tied her up in her special stall.

"There you go, Epona," said Link. "You're nice and dry now. I'll go prepare a bucket of oats for you." He prepared a bucket of oats and gave it to Epona. "Enjoy, Epona. I'm going back inside for dinner." Before he was to go back inside, he noticed that there were no bales of hay in the storage in the barn. Link picked up a few bales of hay and climbed the ladder to the storage area of the barn and stocked it with hay.

Link then ran out of the barn, clutching his raincoat to himself, the rain soaking through his boots and his leggings. He then slipped and fell into a nearby hole he was digging to plant a tree.

Seconds later, Link fell flat on his butt on solid asphalt. "Ow!" he cried. "My butt! Sheesh, can't I have a softer landing sometime?" He snapped his fingers to make his raincoat disappear and looked around him. There were souvenirs, food, games, contests, prizes, exhibition halls, a racetrack, freebies, music from local radio stations, etc.

"Wow!" thought Link to himself. "Where am I?" He turned his rupees into American money and went to buy a ticket to get in. Upon turning in his admission ticket, he asked the teenaged ticket clerk. "Scuse' me pal," he said. "But where am I?"

The teenaged ticket clerk, whose name tag read BRIAN and whose nose was pierced twice (once on each nostril) AND whose blonde hair was longer than Zelda's, said in a surfer accent, "Well, dude, you're like, um, at the Del Mar Fair here in California."

Link looked at his name tag. "Thanks, Brian."

"Don't mention it, dude. Oh, and let me stamp your hand, cuz' like, you know, um, like, whenever you wanna leave the fair and like, you know, come back the same day so ya don't pay like, extra bucks for another ticket...."

"I know, I know," said Link as he removed his leather glove for Brian to stamp his hand.

"Okay dude, you're all set to go," said Brian.

Link thought to himself. He decided to go to the livestock exhibitions first. He walked past a cattle auction and saw a couple of Southern guys fanning themselves.

"Darryl!" said one of them. "Them hot flashes is comin' on me, again!"

"Don' worry Hank," said Darryl. "I gots them hot flashes too! How much did y'all bid?"

"I kaint remember, Darryl," said Hank. "But I think I gots this un'!"

The auctioneer announced, "SOLD! To Mr. Hank Buford!"

Hank danced and tossed his NASCAR cap in the air as Darryl cheered on his buddy.

"Cattle," said Link. "Sheesh."

Link went on to the Home and Hobby exhibitions and saw a first place prize for a guy who had a collection of beer taps. "Wow!" thought Link. "I wonder where he gets those."

Afterward, Link bought some tickets to go on a few rides. He went on the bumper cars, the funhouses, etc. After nearly puking on the Tilt-O-Whirl, Link sat down on a bench so his eyes could focus.

Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him. "Hurry, hurry, step right up! Come and play the Toss Across! Three balls for $1, 5 balls for $3, and 8 balls for $10! Hurry, hurry!"

"Hey, that sounds like fun," said Link, whipping out $3 to play 5 balls.

He gave his money to the booth operator. "Okay son, now here's the deal," he said. "Y'all need to get at least two balls in the bucket without hitting the inner side, so it has to bounce off the bottom before it hits the inner side. If y'all do that, y'all get a choice between a stuffed Pokemon, a stuffed Blue (from the Blues Clues show), or a stuffed Snoopy. If you get 3 balls, you get a larger stuffed animal, and if you get four or all five in there, y'all get a really big stuffed animal."

"Okay," said Link. He then wound up.......and threw all 5 balls in there without touching the inner sides of the bucket. The booth operator awarded him a giant, stuffed Snoopy.

After 5 more games, and 5 stuffed animals later, Link piled all his winnings in a rental locker. He looked at his sundial watch, which read 12:00 p.m.

"Lunchtime," thought Link. "And I'm starved!" He went and ordered a funnel cake, cinnamon roll, corn dog, egg rolls, fries, a burger, fried chicken, pizza on a stick, two tacitos, and a large chocolate malt and ate it all.

Patting his stomach, Link wandered to another exhibition hall, which featured info-mercial products. Link was listening to an announcer describing a new cleaning product, Kleen-O-Matic.

"Well, ladies and gentleman," said the announcer. "My name is Bud and I'm here to promote our latest creation, Kleen-O-Matic. You're probably wondering that you've seen practically EVERY cleaning product on the market and they haven't worked and you're probably assuming that this is just another cleaning product. Well, I will PROVE to you that Kleen-O-Matic is no ordinary household cleaner, but it is ALSO a deodorizer, disinfectant, bug spray, sunscreen, glass cleaner, and mouthwash ALL IN ONE! Watch as I rub in a sample of mud onto this patch of carpet. I will use 409 to clean one side of the carpet. As you can see, 409 is not getting the stain out. Now watch me use Kleen-O-Matic on the other side of the carpet. Notice that the stain is automatically removed from the carpet and the carpet looks like new! Kleen-O-Matic can be used on carpet, uplostry, cars, inside of cars, lawn furniture, pet stains, blood stains, food stains, and every stain you can imagine! It's made out of natural ingredients so it won't contain toxic fumes..."

As the announcer guy went on and on and on, Link yawned and went to look around at some of the vendors but the announcer watch Link leave his presentation.

"You sir!" said the announcer. "You haven't seen what ELSE Kleen-O-Matic can do!"

"Sorry sir," said Link. "I'm not interested."

"But sir, you have a wad of gum stuck to your skirt!" yelled the announcer as everyone turned to laugh. Link checked his tunic and sure enough, on the butt of his tunic, was a wad of pink, chewing gum."

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the announcer. "I'm going to demonstrate HOW Kleen-O-Matic gets gum out from clothing and hair." He grabbed Link by the arm and pulled him up in front of everyone. He squirted a good amount of the stuff on Link's butt and wiped up the wad of gum with ease.

"Now you've seen what Kleen-O-Matic does sir," said the announcer. "Would you like to buy a can for $19.95 or two for $35.95? We accept cash, credit cards, checks and you can order online too!"

"No sir," said Link. "I'm not interested."

"What do you mean you're not interested?"

"I am not interested in buying your product, sir! And furthermore, I'm not wearing a skirt, I'm wearing a TUNIC! T-U-N-I-C, TUNIC!"

Link stomped off angrily as the puzzled announcer scratched his head, wondering what he said to make Link ticked off.

Link then went to look at some more exhibitions and picked up some freebies from the booths (i.e. business cards, pencils, keychains, etc.). Then, Link was thirsty so he bought a large lemonade and drank it, watching a really cool ride he wanted to go on.

The ride was not really a ride but a "semi-bungee jump" as people are put into a harness, hoisted into the air and are allowed to swing freely high into the air.

"That's for me," said Link as he finished his lemonade and got on the "ride." He swung high into the air, back and forth. After he got back on the ground, Link bought some more souvenirs to take home to the kids. He then stayed around for a dinner-and-concert at 7p.m. After having a nice dinner and after watching a Peter Frampton concert, Link got his stuff from his locker, played his ocarina, and he was whisked back home.

He tiptoed into Hyrule Palace and stuffed all the stuff he bought into the closet. He looked at his sundial watch: midnight. He quietly changed into his pajamas and snuggled next to his wife, Zelda. The next morning, Zelda was towering over him, with her hands on her hips and her foot tapping.

Link then woke up. "Oh, hi honey," said Link, half asleep and not aware of how angry Zelda was. "When's breakfast?"

"Breakfast indeed!" snapped Zelda. "Where were you last night when you 'went to put Epona away?'"

"I went to a fair," said Link.

"You went to a fair at 6:30 in the evening, Link? I don't believe you."

Zelda was going through Link's wardrobe in the closet for signs of lipstick and perfume when she saw a whole bunch of stuffed animals, ride ticket stubs, etc.

"Okay," said Zelda. "Where was this fair?"

"It was in California. I was transported there."


"Yes, again. I even got you something." Link got up from bed and pulled out a diamond ring that he got from a jewelry exhibit.

"Oh Link, you shouldn't have!"

"You are my wife, Zelda," said Link. "And I thought it would go good with your ball gown." The two kissed.

"Oh, Link, I just can't stay mad at you for long," said Zelda, hugging Link.

"Aww shucks," said Link. "Oh, and I have something to ask you."

"Yes Link?"

"What's for breakfast? I'm starved!"