Author: Kitsune of Rabid Chibi Squirrels, Inc.
Summery: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Yusuke's school is holding it's annual Faculty Basketball Game, and Yusuke and friends have volunteered to put up flyers. However, the volunteer work soon turns into a competition to see who can put up more flyers than the others!
Author's Note: This was inspired when I went to an after-school meeting to put up flyers for our Faculty Basketball Game, and me and my friend, Liz, were trying to beat Corey, Amy, Jessica, Kathleen, and Amber in putting up the most flyers. I was starting to walk home when the summary just came to me, and I was laughing the entire way. So, here's my little one-shot thingy! Enjoy!
PS. This will be a LONG one-shot. If need be, I'll add chapters to it.
Disclaimer - I don't own anybody other than Kitsune, Kaonashi and Kyashoni.
"Well, Urameshi, it looks like we're stuck in this together, eh?" a certain idiotic red-haired buffoon said to his friend as they walked down the desolate hallway. It was so spooky after school; no one was around, not even the teachers.
"Kuwabara," Yusuke said, "Do me a favor."
"What's that?" Kuwabara asked, right before a fist connected with his face. He clutched his newly throbbing nose and whined in a nasaly voice, "What the Hell Urameshi!"
"Shut up!" Yusuke laughed, as he bolted down the hallway. Kuwabara decided to chase after him, soon laughing again.
A few minutes later...
"So, which room did Miss Kusanagi say she was in?" Kuwabara asked, looking over the paper in Yusuke's hand.
"201," the teen replied, eyes scanning over the paper. It read:
Nothing to do?
Come see the Faculty Basketball Game! Watch your favorite teacher score a slam dunk!
Admission is $2 per person. The game begins Thursday, March 9th! See Miss Kusanagi in room 201 for more details.
Are you in?
"Hey, Urameshi, isn't that the room?" Kuwabara's voice interrupted his reading, and he promptly smack the taller boy in the face with the back of his hand. However, Yusuke turned his attention to the door in front of him. He grabbed the handle and turned, pulling the door open to see...
"What the? Kurama? Kitsune? Sora? Sahara? Kaonashi? Botan? What are you all doing here?" Kuwabara asked.
"We've volunteered to help out Miss Kusanagi by putting up flyers advertising the basketball game!" Botan said, cheerily.
"But you guys aren't in our school," Yusuke pointed out. Kuwabara warily eyed Kitsune.
"Hello, Kuwa-kun!" she said, brightly.
"You're not gonna set me on fire again, are you?" he asked in a low voice.
Kitsune laughed. "Now, why would I do a thing like that?" But her eyes clearly said, If you keep mentioning stupid stuff in front of the teacher, I will.
Kuwabara put his hands up in defeat and walked over to Yusuke.
"So good to see you two gentlemen here. Now, I was just finishing in saying that you all are going to put up the flyers for the game, so, there they are, in that little packet," she said, pushing some strands of her long brown hair out of her face. She pointed to the little manilla packet sitting on the desk. "I made about 75 copies of each type of flyer, and there are a couple rolls of tape here, so have fun!"
"Where are you going?" Sahara asked.
"I told the class before that I had to leave for a doctor's appointment, but I'll return as soon as you're done!" Miss K. said, waving and walking out the door.
Everyone looked at each other for a minute before the nodded, taking bundles of the papers in hand, while Kitsune, Kuwabara and Botan took one roll of tape each.
"This could work," Kuwabara said, eyeing the roll of tape. Before Miss K. closed the door, Kitsune bolted out with something black held behind her back. However, no one seemed to notice. Miss K. took out her keys, and locked the door.
"I'll be back around 4:00 to take back whatever you have left and lock up. I locked your stuff in the room, so when I come back, you can get it." With that, she waved, as did everyone else, with the exception of Kitsune and Sora, who saluted, playfully, and left.
"Well, let's start," Kurama said, starting to hang up a flyer.
"Start what?" came a voice. Everyone turned to see Hiei standing there.
"We're helping Miss Kusanagi hang up flyers for the faculty basketball game!" Sora said, enthusiastically.
"I have an idea!" Yusuke stated, smirking. "A contest to see who puts up the most flyers! We split up into teams and hang up flyers, how's that sound?"
"Sounds fun, let's do it!" Sora said.
"Sounds pointless. Let's do it..." Hiei said with a smirk.
So it was decided. The teams were: Kitsune, Sora and Sahara; Kaonashi, Yusuke and Hiei; and Kurama, Kuwabara and Botan.
"One person puts up the flyer, the other tapes it, and the last takes count of how many they've put up. We just can't take down or trash anybody else's papers." Yusuke said, stating the rules.
"Agreed," everyone said, at the same time.
And the teams dashed off in different directions.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Sora, Sahara, and Kitsune:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
The three girls dashed off towards the nearest stairway, arms linked. "Alright, one here!" Sahara said, slapping the wall beside the door. Sora put up a flyer, while Kitsune fumbled with something behind her back.
"Any day now, Kits," Sahara barked, impatiently.
"Hey... what do you have?" Sora asked.
Kitsune turned around, grinning and showing off the heavy black tape dispenser. "Our secret weapon!" she said, gleefully. "None of the other teams have a dispenser!"
"Kitsune, I love the way your brain works!"
"I know," the fox said, putting small pieces of tape on all four corners of the flyer. 1.
They dashed off a couple feet down the hall, and Sahara put up a flyer while Kitsune taped it. 2. They put one on a door, 3, another on the wall, 4, and one of the girl's bathroom mirror, 5. Then they eyed the hand dryers on the wall and smirked. They put one above each one, 6, 7. Suddenly, Kitsune grabbed a flyer, and taped it right on top of the machine. 8.
"Where else can we put them here?" Sora asked. They thought for a minute.
"The stalls!" And they dashed through the bathroom door.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Kaonashi, Yusuke and Hiei:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Kaonashi placed a flyer on the trashcan and taped it there. 7.
"Why the trashcan?" Yusuke asked.
"Because when they walk by and throw stuff out, they'll look down and say, 'Hey, that's right, the basketball game!' It's a foolproof plan!" Kaonashi said, grinning.
"You mean, Kuwabara-proof," Hiei pointed out with a smirk.
"Exactly!" Yusuke said.
"You guys are mean," Kaonashi said, under his breath. They taped a flyer to the door of room 206. 8.
Suddenly, the door to the staircase behind them flew open and wind rushed in, signalling the arrival of a very hyper demon.
"Jin, you're an idiot!" came a voice echoing from down the stairway.
"Aww, c'mon Touya! It'll be fun! Besides, no one's gonna be here after the school is closed!" the red-haired leprachaun said, jogging up the steps, lookiong behind him at the ice master struggling to catch up. "Right?" He looked forward to see Yusuke, Kaonashi and Hiei, putting up the flyers, and looking in his general direction.
Touya finally caught up. "As always, you were WRONG, Jin! Someone is here! Oh, hey Urameshi..."
"What are ya doin'?" Jin asked, noticing the papers in Yusuke's hands.
"No, what are YOU doing HERE?" Yusuke asked.
"We don't know, we just are," Jin said, grinning like an idiot.
"We're in a contest to see how many flyers we can put up before the teacher comes back!" Kaonashi said, excitedly.
"Oooh! Contest? I love contests! Who else is playin'?" Jin said, clapping his hands.
"Well, me, Hiei, and Kaonashi are a team, Kitsune, Sora, and Sahara are another team, and Kuwabara, Botan and Kurama are another team."
As soon as Yusuke said 'Kurama', Touya dashed down the hall.
"Can I play?" Jin asked. Kaonashi and Yusuke exchanged grins. "Sure! The more, the merrier, right?"
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Kurama, Botan, and Kuwabaka...er...bara...:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
"Okay, now what?" Botan asked. They'd put up at least 13 papers already on the first floor.
"The tape thing is stuck!" Kuwabara cried, fumbling with the tape in his hand. In a short time, he'd managed to get the sticky substance all over himself. Botan groaned, going over to Kuwabara.
"Kuwabara, no, don't do that!"
Kurama stared as Botan assisted Kuwabara in getting the tape off of him. He could swear, as he was standing there, he could hear someone faintly call his name, as if very far away.
"Kurama . . ."
"Do you guys hear anything?" he asked the other two.
"It sounds like someone is calling your name, Kurama," Botan said.
"Yeah, but who in the world would be calling Fox-Boy's--"
Before he had time to register what had happened, he was knocked to the ground by a blueish blur. He looked up, blinking away dots to see a grinning ice master sitting on top of him.
"Touya?" he questioned, out of breath. Said Ice Master got off of him and helped him up.
"Jin had this crazy idea of coming to this school after hours for some reason, and we bumped into Yusuke, Hiei and Kaonashi. They said you were here, so I came looking for you!"
"Speaking of Jin, where is he?" Kuwabara asked.
Touya looked behind him. "Oh, somewhere." He waved a hand dismissively. "So, can I help?" He practically was jumping up and down in excitement, and looked at them with pleading eyes. (Can Touya do puppy-dog eyes with such small eyes? Oo)
"Sure, why not?"
"Touya, did you, by any chance, have ice cream and-or sugar?"
"Oh, okay then,"
They continued to put up more flyers.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Sora, Sahara, and Kitsune:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
After successfully putting flyers on every single stall, front and back of the door, in the bathroom, and on the mirrors, and on the spaces between the mirrors, and on the edge of the sinks, and above the toilets, they walked out of the bathroom laughing. Their flyer count was now 44.
After coming out of the bathroom area and into the hallway, they glanced at the boys bathroom, smirked, and rushed inside.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Kaonashi, Yusuke, Hiei and Jin:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Their count was now 41. They'd taped some on every 6 lockers on the second floor, plus one on every trash can on that floor (which only came to about 4 flyers).
"Now where?" Yusuke asked.
Kaonashi thought for a second. Suddenly, he cried, "Cafeteria!"
The four boys bolted down the stairs to the basement and to the cafeteria.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Sora, Sahara, and Kitsune:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
"Where now, Kits?" Sahara asked. Their count was now double what they had before, thanks to their unlimited amount of flyers.
Kitsune thought for a moment. (Deja vu?) All of a sudden, she shrieked, "TO THE LUNCH PLACE!"
The girls bolted down the stairs, somehow also obtaining Rinku and Kitsune's friends, Nleen and Liz, along the way, and to the cafeteria in the basement. Yusuke, Kaonashi, Hiei, and Jin were trying to put a flyer on one of the poles supporting the ceiling.
Kaonashi eyed the girls, then the other pole parrallel to the pole that Yusuke and Jin were trying to post a flyer on, but Nleen and Kitsune rushed over, hugging the pole.
"OURS!" they hissed. Kaonashi put his hands up in defense, and walked away.
Rinku tugged on Kitsune's shirt sleeve. She looked down at him, confused.
"Hey sexy," he said, trying to be "the man", "Why don't we hook up later at my place?"
Kitsune's eyes went like --, and she pushed him away from her. Liz and Nleen fought back giggles. "Kitsune's getting hit on by a five-year-old . . ." they taunted.
"Hey, I am NOT a five-year-old! I'm (insert Rinku's real age here, b/c I don't know it )" Rinku retaliated.
"He's a skinny yo-yo freak," Kitsune said, dully, "Leave 'im alone, but at the same time, keep him away from me."
Afterwards, the girls (and Rinku) raced around the lunchroom, putting up flyers like mad. "WHAT'S NEXT?"
"TO THE THIRD FLOOR!" Kitsune screamed, and they dashed off.
Yusuke, Kaonashi, Hiei and Jin looked at them, confused, before dashing off to do the rest of the basement.
Kurama turned around, only to find himself separated from Botan, Touya, Kuwabara, and the recently aquired Yukina.
"Well, this isn't good," he said. Figuring he'd at least try to find his way around, he went straight, the perfectly reasonable way. Right? Right.
It was when all lights shut off, he became a bit worried.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Kitsune, Nleen, Liz, Sahara, and Sora:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
(Rinku was kicked out for his pervertedness towards a certain fox demon --)
All lights shut down in the school.
At this time, the girls freaked out.
Kitsune ran around in circles, screaming her brains out.
Nleen sat down and bawled.
Sora was trying to figure out how to put up flyers in the dark.
Liz was trying to think things through in a civilized manner.
Sahara fell asleep.
"OMG IT'S DARK IT'S DARK IT'S DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
"Where the heck did the tape go? Can somebody help me put this thing up, pleeeeeeeeease?"
'Why am I stuck with these losers? Did I do my Latin homework? Oh shit . . .'
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . . wah, pickles . . ."
(you can just guess . . .)
Pretty soon, Nleen grabbed onto Kitsune leg and was being dragged around while Kitsune still screamed.
". WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she shrieked.
"WAIT!" Liz screamed. Everyone stopped, and Sahara woke up. She snapped her fingers. "Phlebotomy!"
Liz sighed. "Nevermind. Kitsune, get the flashlights."
Kitsune saluted and dashed off. Two minutes later, she came back. "Liz, I got lost!"
"Well, did you find flashlights?"
"Uh, no . . ."
"GO BACK AND GET FLASHLIGHTS!"
Kitsune shrieked and ran off again.
"We won't see her for a while, will we," Nleen said.
Liz shook her head. "Nope."
Kurama continued on through the dark. He still had no hope of finding the others. He stepped one way into the shadows, and panicked as he sensed someone's energy.
"Hello, my sweet kitsune . . ."
"Flashlights, flashlights, flashlights, flashlights, flashlights, pickles, lions and tigers and bears, oh my . . . . wait a minute."
Kitsune stopped in her tracks. She smiled and slapped herself on the forehead with her palm.
"Lions and tigers are primates! Duh!"
Calmly walking down to the second floor, she walked around, confused.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her, and jumped. She turned around. Nothing. Turning back around and continuing on. The footsteps continued, nearer this time. She glanced behind her again and called, "Hello?"
Nothing again. She was about to walk back when she felt hot breath on the back of her neck. She stiffened, hairs on her neck prickling and standing on end. An arm encircled her waist, and she felt soft hairs on her neck. Someone breathed in her ear, and said, "Hello, mate of my brother."
"Kyasho--" Before she could finish, a hand wrapped around her mouth, and Kyashoni dragged her to the unlocked library, closed the door and locked it after him.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Yusuke, Kaonashi, Hiei, Jin:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Keiko approached. Yusuke 'meep'ed and hid behind Kaonashi. Keiko came up to him with arms akimbo. Kaonashi glanced behind him.
"What are you doing back there?"
"Hiding from Keiko."
"Yusuke, I'm right in front of you," Keiko said, eyes narrowing dully, arms now crossed across her chest. "You skipped out on our date again."
"Well, you see Keiko--"
Kaonashi's head shot up, and he snarled. He glared murderously at no one in particular. "Kyashoni . . ." He stalked off in the general direction of the stairs.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Nleen and Liz:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
"Liz, was it such a good idea to split from Sora and Sahara?" Nleen asked, as they made their way around the third floor, putting up more flyers.
"Because they're gonna slow us down."
"Because they want to look for Kitsune."
"Because she's their friend."
"Because they've known one another for a long time."
"Because they're demons."
"Because that's how they were born."
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Sora and Sahara:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Another flyer up. That made 152. Another. 153.
"Where are we getting all these flyers? Didn't Miss Kusanagi say she only made 75 dopies of each flyer?"
"Yeah. I, uh . . . I DON'T know." Sahara stopped and thought. Sora did the same.
Suddenly, they came up with an answer.
"Kitsune's Endless Storage Area of Mysteriousness and Randomness!"
With that in mind, they continued to put up flyers.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Kitsune and Kyashoni:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Kitsune sat there, pinned to a wall. Kyashoni was too busy indulging himself to really care that she was screaming for him to get off of her. But that was just like him. A pervert.
Suddenly, the window crashed open and in flew Kaonashi, running right into Kyashoni, and knocking him to the ground. The two began to fight, as Kitsune sat on a chair, eating popcorn she'd produced from her Endless Storage Area of Mysteriousness and Randomness.
Somehow, Kitsune's other friend, nicknamed Smarties, showed up, and the two began to eat popcorn and watch the two NoFaces fight.
"Poke."Smarties poked Kitsune. Kitsune clenched her eyes shut and whined comically. "Aww,"Smarties said, then, with her two fingers, rubbed the top of Kitsune's head.
"Why do you always do that?"
"I dunno,"Smarties shrugged, smiling.
"I lika de chickens."
"I know you lika de chickens."
Several near-death matches, bruises, cuts, scrapes, really bad singing, and Kyashoni bashings later, Smarties, Kitsune, and Kaonashi walked out of the library, meeting up with Kurama, who'd just got done beating up Karasu.
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:With Botan, Kuwabara, Yukina, and Touya:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
They'd just finished their flyer pile and had nothing else to do, and so, they ran around the school for no apparent reason. Why? We don't know. It was one of those 'spur-of-the-moment' decisions. They all met up with Keiko, Yusuke, Hiei, and Jin, who shoved sugar down their throats, making them all even more insane and hyper than before, thus giving them an excuse to go, as Veruca Salt put it, in the original Willy Wonka movie, 'Absolutely Bonkers.'
:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:Later, with Everyone:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:
Somehow, Nleen and Liz, Sora and Sahara, Smarties, Kitsune, Kaonashi, and Kurama, and Yusuke, Keiko, Botan, Kuwabara, Yukina, Touya, Jin and Hiei met up, got drunk, partied in the school, and all went to their teacher's room, 201, or something. They all bashed the door down, grabbed their stuff, and waltzed out of the school, although 'waltzed' isn't exactly the proper term for that, because that would look very silly.
Instead, they walked out, separating into groups; Yusuke, Jin, Touya, Kurama, and Kaonashi; Hiei; Kurama; Keiko, Yukina, Botan, and Kuwabara, and Smarties, Nleen, Liz, Sora, Kitsune, and Sahara.
Eventually this leads them to a very strange place, called the Land of Cotton Candy, or, to Kitsune, the Firey Pits of Hell.
Only moments after their exit, Miss Kusanagai returned to the very damaged school, looking incredulously at the papers that lined the wall, littering the school. It snowed flyers that night and all that week.
What is the lesson of the story?
1. Never ask to help out a teacher to help put up flyers for a Faculty Basketball Game, it's pointless and a waste of time.
2. Never ask stupid questions, such as "You're not gonna set me on fire again, are you?" in front of a teacher. They might look at this as strange.
3. Don't issue a challenge you will lose.
4. Don't split into teams and try to beat other people by putting up more flyers than them. (well, okay, you can do that. )
5. Make sure you have a tape dispenser at your disposal.
6. Put flyers on trashcans, because trashcans have feelings, too.
7. Don't let Touya and Jin into a school unattended.
8. Don't give Jin sugar.
9. Don't give Touya ice cream.
10. Don't mention Kurama around Touya.
11. Don't trust Kuwabara with duct tape.
12. Try not to fall for Touya's puppy-dog eyes.
13. Stay AWAY from the cafeteria. It's a trap.
14. Don't get near Nleen and Kitsune's pole.
15. Make sure Rinku is FAR away from Kitsune.
16. Make sure Kurama doesn't run off alone.
17. Make sure the lights work properly.
18. Do not panic during a blackout.
19. Bring extra flashlights.
20. Make sure Kitsune has a map of the school so she doesn't get lost while trying to find flashlights.
21. Make sure Karasu is dead.
22. Keep Kyashoni away from Kitsune.
23. Try to avoid being raped by Kyashoni.
24. Try to do a better job of hiding from Keiko.
25. Try not to skip out of the date you made with Keiko in the first place.
26. Don't ask too many questions.
27. Always trust Kitsune's Endless Storage Area of Mysteriousness and Randomness.
28. Bring butter whenever you eat popcorn and watch fighting NoFaces.
29. Give in to the randomness.
30. Try not to get too hyper.
31. Don't make references back to Willy Wonka.
32. Clean up after you're done destroying the school.
33. If all else fails, get drunk.
And there you have it, ladies and gents. Alright, review, please! HEY! It's still a one-shot, cool! -singing to "Lollipop (Candyman)" by Aqua-