Don't review. I don't care what you think. I mean, I know how great I am, I don't need you to tell me. Plus, I don't own anything but a few good books and a ratty pair of tennies, so don't sue me. J. R. R. Tolkin and Tim McGraw get their credit where it's due. Rated M for the fun chapters "ahem-lemons-ahem", which are coming soon to a 'puter near you, but not right now. Oh, and there's gonna be some "corse language."
Denial and Distraction:
"Oh, I was twenty and she was eighteen. We were just about as wild as we were green, in the ways of the world!"
A pale, freckled, lanky teen in a tight tank-top and low ridding jeans was strolling along in the middle of a forest which had many trees which were much too tall to be of the same type which she had been strolling through twenty minuets ago, but she couldn't seem to find the set she was familiar with, no matter which way she went. She was wandering in what she hoped was a straight line, singing. In truth she sang in tune and with a pleasant voice but it had just been another of her many useless talents up until about five minuets ago when her nerves had forcefully shoved out the first songless notes just to fill her ears with something other than unfamiliarity and this forest was nothing but unfamiliar. She had always been a firm believer that change had the possibility to be a good thing, but this wasn't looking like one of those times. Truth be told, she had never been in a forest before. Oh sure, she'd been in woods, there were little patches of wood all around where she'd grown up and there had been some woods in the other states she'd been to, but they had never been -forests-, so this was very new for her. She didn't even hear any grackles (Dum-dum-duuuum)! If you've never been to Austin, Texas you can't fully -comprehend- the strangitude of this occurrence. They. Are. Like. Everywhere. (Slams hands down on desk to emphasize point) Great herds of them coat the power lines and stuff the trees by the parking lots. They nest in the trees behind everyone's houses; they take liberties with everyone's veggie gardens; they have no qualms about being friends with the plastic owls everyone buys to scare them off. Definitely a case of "whose guarding the guards." (Glares at own plastic inanimate owl, which stares off at nothing as though to mock the narrator) And then there was the air. The temperature of the woods had been an extra crispy ninety-nine degrees but the temperature here couldn't have been more than seventy-five. It smelled funny here, too. Plus the ground was made of nothing but fine lightly colored dirt. There was nothing more than an odd little twig every few steps, smatters of short plants in scattered spots, and an abundance of cute babyish mushrooms clinging to the bottoms of the towering trees like scared children to their all-powerful parents.
"She picked me up in that red rag top, We were free of the folks and hidin' from the cops, On a summer night runnin' all the red lights!"
Our bespectacled and bespeckledgirly was ambling a little more quickly along now that the dark forest seemed to be getting darker even though it still had to be early, because you see, our good little girl had never gone home after dark even though she was seventeen. Yes, she was very worried. She started to sing louder in hopes of being heard. She wasn't -especially- naive (Narrator covers snort of laughter with a cough at the blatant un-truth), and she knew that there could very well be crazies out here but she was really worried about the lack of car noises and figured that she might have gotten lost back around the residences. She adamantly was trying to disregard the fact that not only were the plants and dirt alien, the temperature of the funny smelling air had dropped twenty degrees, and there were no nuisance-making birds bitching and bickering, but the hills were -gone-. The land was flat for as far as she could see. There were alarm bells going off in her head, but it wasn't like she could do a damn thing about the situation, because although our melodious heroine didn't know it yet, she had been transported to Middle Earth.
"We parked way out in a clearin' in a grove and the night was hot as a coal burnin' stove. We were cookin' the gas we were had to last!"
At least she seemed to have decent morale. She was gonna need it, because she was really pissing off the March Warden at that moment.
"In the back of that reeeed raaag top
She said pleeeease DOOON'T stop!"
She pumped a fist and pulled a crudely toothy smile for emphasis.
Heaven help her.