Disclaimer: I own nothing, and if I did Sam and Jack would be married by now. Janet would never have died and Vala would never have existed.


What to do if you fall in love with your 2IC:

1. Admit to your feelings (this is a very important step)

2. Try not to get to depressed that the regulations are in your way of happiness

3. Do NOT let anyone else know (they'll bet on it behind your back)

4. Plot endlessly for ways to get around the regulations

5. Do not let the plotting get in your way of your regular duties

6. Do not tell your 2IC (VERY bad if you work with them on a regular basis)

7. Hope and pray for the day when the regulations will be gone

8. Eat lots of chocolate or drink lots of coffee (not alcohol)

-------------------------------------

Official Memo:

Daniel that was not funny. THANKS for telling everyone your wonderful ideas and schemes to win the $500,000 from Hammond.

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

-------------------------------------

Later that day, below that is a handwritten:

I DIDN'T DO IT! I SWEAR!

From the desk of Doctor Daniel Jackson

-------------------------------------

Official Memo:

YA RIGHT!

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

--------------------------------------

Later a typed up memo:

HOW TO BAFFLE AND ANNOY YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER:

1. Use a thesaurus to find the longest possible version of words in your mission report and watch their brains explode

2. Use long, scientific words to describe new planets and their environments

3. Use 'sir' in every other word

4. Take or hide every slice of cake and pie and replace it with blue jello

5. Hide his gameboy

6. Delete his Solitaire software off of his computer drive and rig something up so that he can't get it installed on it again

7. When you get him coffee, make sure that it's decafe

8. Make the briefings long like 6 hours

---------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

DANIEL I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

From the desk of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter

---------------------------------------

Non-official but very important memo:

WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I WROTE THOSE? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT I MIGHT BE BOTH OF YOU!

From the desk of Doctor Daniel Jackson

-------------------------------------

Official memo:

Attention all members of the SGC. I am prohibiting the use of the memo board for anything that might affect the emotional well being of any other member of the staff and its inhabitants this means Tel'c as well. Any failure to abide by this rule will result in immediate disciplinary action. And by disciplinary I mean a one way ticket to Chulak. Have a nice day.

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

----------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

Don't you think that's rather harsh Jack?

From the desk of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter

---------------------------------------

Official memo:

No I do not think that it is harsh, Carter. You are not the one who didn't get caffeine or cake for a day. I had a killer headache and yelled at a new recruit. I think I made her cry.

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

---------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

You both do know that the memo board is supposed to be used only for the purpose of posting new rules and stuff like that, right?

From the desk of Doctor Daniel Jackson

---------------------------------------

LATEST BASE GOSSIP:

Yesterday Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter was seen coming out of the base with a engagement ring on her finger. Has our wonderful General finally proposed? Or has Colonel Carter found another man? We will update you on all of the latest of the Carter-O'neill-air force regs triangle.

---------------------------------------

Official memo:

WHOEVER IS DOING THIS BETTER STOP OR I WILL FIND THE WORST POSSIBLE PUNISHMENT THAT IS ALLOWED. AND WHOEVER IS DOING THIS I WILL FIND OUT WHO IT IS AND PREPARE FOR HELL AND 3 YEARS IN CHULAK!

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

----------------------------------------

HOW TO ANNOY YOUR BOSS for archeologists:

1. Start explaining the differences between two major religions whenever he asks why anything is important

2. Drink all of the coffee

3. Bet against him

4. Win the bets

5. Tell him to confess his love to his 2IC

6. Bring in the most self-centered scientist to 'help' in a time of crisis

7. Don't let the scientist leave

8. Pretend it wasn't you when he starts yelling at you

9. Ask if you can go to certain planets of only cultural interest

10. 'Misplace' his gameboy on a obscure planet and force him to buy a new one

---------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

JACK, THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I DIDN'T WRITE THOSE OTHER LISTS SO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? SAM, IF THIS IS YOU I WILL TELL THE GENERAL WHAT YOU TOLD ME. JACK THAT GOES THE SAME FOR YOU. IF THIS IS BOTH OF YOU, THEN I WILL TELL YOU WHAT THE OTHER TOLD ME.

From the desk of a pissed off Doctor Daniel Jackson

----------------------------------------

Official memo:

Never mind the 3 years, it now is 4! With everything you post it will increase by a year, so I hope you know goa'uld! evil laugh and smile Also if it is not a airman but in fact is an irreplaceable member of this facility, then I will take away certain privileges. For example these are including, but not limiting to:

Carter – no blue jello or working overtime

Janet- I'll think of something

Walter- I'll think of something for you to

Siler- I will take away your privilege of fixing the base equipment with duct tape

Dr. Lee – we can always send you to Atlantis and you can deal with Rodney McKay

Daniel- I will limit your offworld escapades and then you will only go to planets that I think that we need you

Tel'c – no more Star Wars

Thank you and have a nice day!

Also, Danny, if you tell Carter I will replace the coffee with decafe and you can suffer the rage of the caffeine addicts on this base.

From the desk of a happy General Jack O'Neill

-------------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

Jack, do you really think that just taking away blue jello from me will be really effective? Also, if you stop the manhunt for the perpetrator, maybe they'll show up. If you want I could help out. All you have to do is ask. Oh, and Daniel, if you tell the General what I told you, then I will personally come after you.

From the desk of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, General Jack O'Neill's 2IC

-------------------------------------------

Official memo:

No, Carter, I didn't mean just for you, I meant off the menu for EVERYONE. And I would have you searched everyday for the substance. Then, maybe, I won't have to throw you off base every time I give you guys downtime. Do you mean you'll help out with the investigation?

- Jack

-------------------------------------------

Non-official memo:

HA HA! You shall never find me! I shall post anything on this memo board and get away with it! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

A/N: I hate notes in the middle of stories too, but if the poster (no pun intended) sounds like a lunatic it's going to become a crucial element of this story. And if you don't like the memos, remember, this is MY story and if you think you can do better, then try it

--------------------------------------------

Official memo:

This is not funny! This is insubordination! Disrespect of a superior officer! You shall be court marshaled! And reassigned to Chulak for a grand total of 13 years! HOPE YOU KNOW GOA'ULD!

From the desk of General Jack O'Neill

--------------------------------------------

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill is a sarcastic, bitter, annoying old man who hates scientists. Except for a certain Lt. Colonel. The General, also, just happens to have a picture of the wonderful Colonel at his house in a silver frame next to his bed. In love? Now here comes the million dollar question, does Samantha Carter feel the same? Everyone who has witnessed the pair at anytime in the past 8 years will know the answer to that. And the answer is………………… well you'll just have to read on and see.

--------------------------------------------

Official memo:

If you start to post something conclude it! For cryin' out loud! I was getting interested!

From the desk of a pissed off Brigadier General

-----------------------------------------------

Well, General, if you want to know why don't you ask your lovely 2IC yourself, if you really want to know?

-Agent X


Please reveiw! I shall post no more until you push the little blue (or purple) reveiw button. Or the posts shall be very short.