A/N: This story probably won't make sense to you unless you've heard the song "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon. It's quite good. And this story is very short and the slightest bit amusing. I guess you might be able to call it a songfic.
Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter
Everyone's Favorite Werewolf
Remus Lupin walked down the unfamiliar streets of Soho, staring at a map in his hands.
"Lee Ho Fooks…" Remus murmured, studying the map, "Where is that?"
Remus had promised Tonks that he would meet her at her favorite Chinese food restaurant after she worked. Unfortunately, Remus really had no idea of where this place was. He pulled the Chinese menu from his robe pocket and studied it carefully, trying to decipher the strange words and symbols on the paper.
A drop of rain fell on his head, and then another. Suddenly, the rain began to downpour at a rather rapid rate, and Remus held the map over his head with a small sigh of exasperation. Boy, he could really go for a big dish of beef chow mein right now…
Not wanting to stay in the rain any longer than he had to, Remus headed for the nearest restaurant and knocked on the door. It was locked, but someone was obviously inside.
"Hello?" Remus howled, "Can you hear me? Can I come in, please? It's rather wet out."
A man appeared at the door, but a woman appeared as well and stopped the man from opening the door.
"You'd better not let him in, Jim," The woman warned, "A little old lady got mutilated last night – it was one of those werewolves from London."
Remus sighed and closed his eyes, more rain falling on his now soaked head. Another one of the hazards of being a werewolf – nobody likes you. Well, almost nobody.
"Aren't you that hairy-headed gent who ran amok in Kent?" The man named Jim asked.
Remus scratched his chin thoughtfully.
"I wouldn't exactly call it 'running amok', sir; you see, I was on the wolfsbane potion and was getting chased by the ministry. It's actually a rather long story." Remus replied in his hoarse voice, yelling over the rain so his voice could be heard through the glass.
The man named Jim opened the door and stepped outside, much to his wife's dismay. He held out his hand and Remus grasped it briefly.
"The name's Jim," The man said curtly, then leaned in closer so his wife couldn't hear. "Lately you've been overheard in Mayfair."
Remus raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" Remus replied, his eyebrows arching, "I am Remus Lupin, by the way."
"It's nice to meet you, Remus," Jim said.
"You better stay away from him!" Jim's wife shouted through the glass, "He'll rip your lungs out, Jim!"
Jim gave Remus a curt nod and stepped back behind the door, then closed and locked it.
"I'd like to meet your tailor!" Jim said, and was gone.
Remus stepped back out into the rain, utterly nonplussed and still locked outside in the rain. Where was this restaurant? Remus began walking down the street again when he saw none other than the queen of England, accompanied by Lon Chaney and Lon Chaney Junior. Remus watched them as they passed and saw that they were doing some sort of strange dance. He shook his head and walked to the nearest Trader Vic's because it was the only restaurant that he knew in this area, and bought a Pina Colada. As he sipped it, the rain stopped and he caught a view of his reflection in the glass of a nearby shop.
Wow, Remus thought, my hair looks perfect…
A/N: Sorry if you didn't like it - Plot bunny syndrome...