I was going to put thisin my "Turk Oneshots" but I decided not to. I don't know why, tho'. Anyway, this was written mostly between one and two in the morning, noon, and 12 AM. Feel free to point out any typos I made or to let me know what you thought. This is all told from Rufus POV.

P.S. Don't forget that Reno's yelling his parts.


Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy


I sat there, watching as the four adults attempted to out drink each other. Shin-Ra's finest. I chuckled as Elena began swaying; she had never had good odds for lasting long. Though it had been an hour or two since they began.

"Lena's goin' duhn!" Reno yelled, bouncing in his seat as Elena fell off the back of her stool and onto the floor. "Thimber!

There are different reactions to getting drunks. Reno's is…well, hyper. He yells everything he says and can't sit still. Rude's is emotional, and I'm not sure what you'd call Tseng's.

"-too bad you can't name it 7-up that would be good it's two thirty and I can't think of anything that would work like 7-up I need a sprite name Sasha's too much of a girl's name and that wouldn't work for a guy sprite child and I can't fit 7-up if I spell it out but sixup doesn't sound as good and there's no numbers and that's just not good so it's just not going to work-"

The really funny thing is that he keeps a serious face the entire time he's talking. But there's not really a way to describe that. Though the words, "rambling" and "stupid," do come to mind. For Rude the word would be…disturbing.

"I luf yu geyz." Rude threw his arms around Reno, who was still bouncing in his seat. "Yer the gratest."

Who'da thought Rude could be so…so unRude-like. I have to admit, watching him sob into Reno's moving shoulder is a once in a lifetime experience.

"Uh don know wat Id do without yu geyz." He sniffed and drained another cup as Tseng suddenly changed subjects.

"-and getting past level eight is insane the amount of monsters in there and stuff you have to get past like tanks and birds and I don't remember what else-"

"Lookie me!" Reno spun his chair around as fast as he could and stumbled to his feet as it stopped, the mug of beer still in his hand. I sipped my own cup as Reno began stumbling around the room, spilling his drink. His drunken unsteadiness was only made worse by his dizziness. "Boooss, lookie mee!"

"Boss?" The man beside me raised an eyebrow. "They're your employees?"

"It's a holiday." I turned to him and looked him up and down. "Want to place a bet on who'll last the longest?"

A loud thump made me turn to see Rude now sitting next to me, deserting the still babbling Tseng. He sniffed and faced me, looking as if he was fighting not to cry. "Boss," He threw his arms around me and I stared down at his bald head in horror. He sobbed and choked out, "I love you moon and back."

He stumbled up and staggered away to where Reno was trying to talk to two women sitting in a corner. I think the hardest thing for him, besides forming the words, was actually standing there. I blinked and turned back to the man, fighting to regain my composure. "So, any bets?"

The man laughed. "I'll bet twenty Gil the big guy's last."

I laughed to myself. Sucker. Rude's size gave him an advantage, but Reno was an experienced drinker. I watched as he put the money on the counter and spun as the stool next to me squeaked. It was Tseng, who hadn't yet broken his long sentence.

"-toad suit helps but it's not the only thing to use and there are other ways to do it do you like cows because they're good I like cows they moo and mooing is good have you ever noticed how fizzy beer gets it's funny see it looks like it's got hair-"

Oh, please have Tseng go next. That serious face with the things he's spouting. It's gone from being funny to being disturbing.

"Where's 'Lena!" Reno appeared next to me, spinning in a circle.

"She's on the floor." I pointed and Reno ran in a huge, covering-the-entire-room line to where she was.

"'Lena! Guess what! Guess what!" Reno tripped and landed next to his blonde coworker. His drink spilled all over the floor as he landed. "My drink! Noooooooo!"

I sighed and took a large swallow of my beer. Next to me Tseng was beginning to pause in his sentence and sway a little.

"-think his hairs real that seems like an awfully fake red for hair maybe a…a…something-" He seemed to be swaying and I leaned away so he wouldn't hit me if he fell.

"Boss! I got a great idea!" Reno once again appeared next to me and shouted, "Don't you want to hear it!"

I sighed. "What is it, Reno?"

"We're gonna catch…a elephant!" Reno threw his arms into the air and spilled the beer all over his head. Beside me I heard Tseng's babbling suddenly halt and a thud as he hit the ground.

"You're going to catch an elephant? How and where?"

"Here! You can see them, can't you? They're everywhere! Pink and purple and few that are polka dot! I'm gonna go catch one!" Reno sprinted off and leapt into the air.

I closed my eyes and clapped my hand over my eyes. The crash I was expecting never came and I slowly turned my head.

"Go! Ride like the wind!" My face went straight back into my hand as the man beside me began laughing. Reno had landed on Rude's back.

"This is certainly more fun then I expected to have tonight." The man waved for the bartender to bring him another drink.

I nodded and turned back to see Reno had fallen off Rude and was lying on the floor, singing something. Rude sat down and patted Reno's face, babbling something about how much he meant.

"So, we're down to the next one who falls. Aren't we?"

I nodded and smiled. "My money's on Reno. The red-haired one." I dug through my pockets and put a pile of Gil on the table.

"Then I raise my bet to fifty." The man put some Gil on his pile and turned to watch the two remaining Turks.

I turned as well and watched as Reno's song changed and he began humming during different parts. Rude drained a cup of beer that the bartender had brought and Reno held his beer way over his head and turned it upside-down. The beer spilled out, some falling in his mouth but most on his face and the floor around it.

"You're paying for the trouble?" The bartender stopped as he was passing me. I nodded and he moved on to serve one of his customers. A loud thud brought me around to see Rude, flat on his back and snoring loudly.

"I believe I win the bet." I turned to the man to see him shaking his head.

"Fair enough." He pushed the pile of money towards me and stood up. "It was worth it to see something like that."

I nodded and the man left. Behind me, Reno was still singing and talking to Rude.


I got Tseng's babblings from stuff my brother was talking about. Mostly, some of it's just stupid stuff I thought up. So, drop me a review and let me know what you think of it.