Meg Gets Adopted
Chapter 1: Horseshoes
(Family Guy Theme Song Begins)
It seems today
That all you see
Is violence in movies
And sex on TV
But where are those good old-fashioned values?
On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us…
Laugh and cry
He's a Family Guy…
(Setting: Quahog, Rhode Island; 4:00 pm; Present Day)
It was a lovely Friday afternoon in Quahog, Rhode Island. Lois arrived back at the house after picking up Stewie from daycare, and Chris and Meg were on their way home from school. Peter and Brian were in the backyard playing ring toss with horseshoes.
"Okay, Brian, I bet you $100 I can get these three horseshoes on the post in only three throws," Peter said. He flung the first horseshoe. It missed, and it got caught in a tree. "Hold on, that was a practice throw," Peter lied. He went up to the tree and took down the horseshoe. "This time's for real." He hurdled the horseshoe at the post with all his might, but instead, it flew toward Joe's house and smashed his window.
"Damn it, Peter!" Joe shouted from inside.
Peter took his second horseshoe and tried to throw it, only to have himself spin around very quickly. "Who-whoa!" he shouted.
Brian sighed, "Peter, just give it up, you've already lost."
Peter said, "No, hold on, I can do this…" He then threw the horseshoe down on the ground and hit his foot. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Brian shook his head and walked out of the backyard and into the house. Peter was unaware that Brian had left. He kept throwing the horseshoe every which way except on the post. Finally, after nearly 500 throws, he got one horseshoe on the post. "Ha, you see that, Brian? That's one. Now, another two to go…Brian? Brian? Where'd you go?" Peter wondered.
Inside, Lois entered the front door with Stewie at her feet. "Hey, Brian, we're home. Where's Peter?"
"Oh, he's in the backyard playing horseshoe toss with himself. He's losing bad, though. And if you want to know what I mean, take a look at Joe's window," Brian said.
"Oh my…" Lois gasped when she went outside. She saw the large blow in the window that Peter made when he threw the horseshoe. Suddenly, two more holes went through his window. Peter had misthrown another two.
"That's it, Peter!" exploded Joe. He burst out of his house and rolled over to Peter in the backyard. "I'm kicking your ass!"
Lois, Stewie, and Brian went back inside the house, listening to Peter get beaten up outside. Then, Chris and Meg entered the house. "Hi, guys," they both said.
"Hi, kids," Lois said to them.
"Who's that yelling in the backyard?" Meg asked.
"Oh, that's your father. He's getting beaten up by Joe," Lois explained.
"What did he do?" Chris asked.
"Well…" Brian started, "…let's just say it had to do with something about Peter being a bad player at horseshoe toss."
The yelling stopped, and Peter stumbled into the house. His shirt was ripped up, and his hair was ruffled. He had a bunch of cuts and bruises all over his body. He even had a black eye. "I've learned a lesson: never play with horseshoes around Joe again," Peter said.
"No, no, Fatman, that's not what you should have learned. The real lesson is…YOU SUCK AT HORSESHOES!" Stewie exclaimed.
"Well, well…somebody's cranky," Lois said. "Time to go to bed, young man."
"Lois, it's 4:00," Brian pointed out.
"Time out, then, I don't care," Lois said. She took Stewie up to his room.
Suddenly, Chris tagged Meg and yelled, "You're it!"
"Not for long," Meg said. "I'm going to get you, Lardo!" However, Chris was too fast for her. She had trouble catching up with him.
"Ha ha ha!" Chris yelled.
"Another typical Friday afternoon, eh, Lois?" Brian asked when she returned.
"Guess so," she replied.
"Hey, why don't I do you later tonight?" Brian suggested.
"What was that?" Lois asked, sounding shocked.
"Nothing, I didn't say anything. I mean, why would I have said…look, over there," Brian said, quickly changing the subject. Lois looked away, and Brian hurried off to the basement.