The Stupidest Power Rangers Stereotypes

"That last monster we fought… he was the most powerful monster we've ever faced." Nick, who had the power of the Black Assault Force Ranger, announced, "I would know, because I've even worked on the Zords."

"Yes, but because you know some technical stuff, you must have absolutely no idea how to actually fight." Dean, who had the powers of the Blue Assault Force Ranger, stated.

"That's quite coincidental, because I don't know how to fight!" Nick suddenly realised, "Once, I was involved in an incident of violence, and on the occasion, my increasing my velocity, I made an attempt to cause my opponent to fell the impact of my foot, after I swung the trajectory of it at him following an incident in which I, travelling at maximum velocity, raised my foot, hoping for optimum momentum on impact, in an attempt to cause a reaction through the homo sapiens's molecular body, triggering nerve endings that would, in turn, cause him to get much lower to the surface of the substance which the most downward sections of his body occupied, and cause him to emit a sound which is vocally loud. Unfortunately, he took an alternative course out of the trajectory of the appendage, causing a reaction in which the appendage hit a surface of high resistance, and in turn appendages of lesser mass shattered."

"What?" Cheryl, who had the powers of the Yellow Assault Force Ranger, asked.

"He just said, he ran at someone and tried to kick them, but they stepped out of the way, causing him to kick a brick wall, breaking his toes." James, who had the powers of the Red Assault Force Ranger, explained.

"I knew he could understand that." Helen, who had the powers of the White Assault Force Rangers, "Which is why I used to love him until three seconds ago. I now love David, because the people who gave me my contract when I joined this show said that the White or Pink Ranger can only love the Red Ranger, but they also said that the White or Pink Ranger can only love the sixth Ranger, except that since Dekaranger has been adapted into Power Rangers SPD and we now have seven Rangers in a season, it has to be the seventh Ranger."

"Er… okay." James said, trying to take in this information, 2Wait, we don't have a relationship anymore? And why do I have no memory of ever having a relationship with you?"

"It's almost as if you fell into something that suffers from the mediocrity of an actual Power Rangers TV season." Scott, who had the powers of the Assault Force Stealth Ranger, "Where the only characters who can have a relationship are the most common ones, and even though people are at war with aliens trying to take over the Earth, they always have the tendency to spout one-liners instead of having any actual tension."

"Wait a minute… you actually love David now? Despite the fact that every time we see him, he's either trying to steal our Zords, steal our powers, or even, kill us?" James demanded.

"It said in my contract that since I'm the White Ranger, I'm only allowed to care about what I want, except when that big light that says, 'ON AIR' turns off." Helen replied.

"But wait a minute." Dean said, "A few seconds ago, Keanu Ree-, er, I mean, 'James', said the word 'killed'. But surely he meant 'destroyed' because even though we're at war, we can't act as if death really exists."

"Why you little- I'll kill you!" Homer Simpson, who wasn't an Assault Force Power Ranger at all, shouted, before chasing Dean off the set.

Later on, the heroes had met once again, at the local Youth Centre. There' actually wasn't a Youth Centre in their town, but the writers of the script couldn't be bothered to actually think of a location.

"Well, it really is calm at the youth Centre. Because actual tension is too much for the writers of this show to actually think about." James said calmly, "Also, since it was announced a whole scene ago, I'm not mad that Helen loves David."

"That's very good, because I can't think of anything more emotional to say, since I'm only provided with what the scriptwriters gave me." Helen replied, "Anyway, it's important to move on in life."

"And at the very least, the moral for today's episode has already been said, due to bad acting, on account that we weren't meant to say it until the end of the episode." Dean said, "So let's act like we haven't moved on for the next eighteen minutes."

"Eighteen minutes?" Nick asked, shocked, "But wait, that can't be! This show is given a thirty-minute slot… oh wait, without commercials it's only about twenty-two minutes. Act as if I said nothing."

"It's weird." Dean suddenly pointed out, "This is the strangest thing, but… no matter where I am, I feel like I'm standing in the background."

"It's probably just because they ran out of stereotypes and couldn't give you a personality." Cheryl said, "That's what happened to Tommy Oliver anyway."

"Who?" Dean asked.

"That guy who kept saying 'oh man' every five seconds." Cheryl replied.

"Who is that?" Dean asked.

"The guy who's only popular because his Zord looks very faintly like Mechagodzilla." Cheryl said.

"Sorry, I don't remember him." Dean replied, before asking "Who is he?"

"Well, he's… Doctor Tommy Oliver." Cheryl tried to explain, "They couldn't give him a personality, so instead, he gets to say 'oh man' every five seconds."

"Doctor who?" Dean asked.

"Forget about him!" Cheryl shouted, frustrated.

"Forget about him? I never knew who he was!" Dean shouted.

"Well, anyway, I think we need to find the solution to our problems, even though we don't have any at this moment." Nick stated, "Because nobody on this show ever has a life that can't in some way qualify as 'excellent'."

"I have a problem!" Dean shouted, "Haven't you noticed? I was just discussing it now! I always feel like I'm standing in the background and if this isn't stopped nobody will know who I am!"

"Well, I would help." Scott replied, "But I don't know who you are. Anyway, our company brought out action figures of this show's villains, but they haven't been in this episode yet."

"I know." James stated, "But in order to sell their action figures more effectively, they'll probably cut to a scene involving the villains, who don't even have a group name, planning some kind of evil plan."

"Now, we need to think of a plan." Darkstorm, the evil Emperor of an organisation of evil warriors that didn't have a name announced, "Everyone, we must think of something evil, but we can't actually kill anyone!"

"Wait, we killed that idiot Scott once!" Cindar shouted, "Oh wait… we just thought we did. It later turned out that we had captured him, hypnotises him and made him pretend to be a monster that the Rangers didn't particularly want to destroy."

"I remember that!" Lexor shouted, "And for absolutely no reason, we made him pretend to be a monster that the Rangers had much less urgency to kill than any other monster, allowing them to find out it was him."

"Yes, we must find a way to do something equally stupid, so that it neutralises any advantage we may have gained over the course of this war." Darkstorm announced

"Well, I'm not even going to try thinking of one." Virulina said calmly, "We all know that only two or maybe three Generals get action figures of them made, and it's never the female Generals, so the writers don't need a plot that involves me doing anything, ever."

"Yes, that is a good point. But because I'm not a General but 'one of those other villains', I'm going to do something stupid now." Mortdred announced. Then he placed his hands in a sink and then grabbed a few dangling, live wires.

"Okay, that's enough stupidity for this minute." Reekon announced, "As the lead spy of the evil organisation that doesn't have a name, I demand that I should be sent into action!"

"That won't work!" Cindar said, "Because you're a spy, not a warrior. And unlike the writers of Super Sentai, those who write its adaptation, known as Power Rangers, won't allow you to be in any plots because you can't fight as well as us."

"And the reason for that is because they think special effects and pointless fight scenes in which nobody has an actual objective are good compensation for a real plot, even though they blatantly aren't." Virulina said.

"That's it!" Lexor shouted, "I've got it! The Rangers only win so that the company can sell toys, so if we destroy all the toy factories in the world, the writers won't want to keep writing this and will have the Rangers killed off!"

"Good idea." Darkstorm agreed, "Once they can't sell toys anymore, they won't have any motivation to keep writing this show, and the simplest way to never write a Ranger season again will be to have the Rangers killed and the Earth taken over."

"I have an idea!" Reekon shouted, "We could try a plan that almost worked before, only, we could find out how the Rangers beat it, and stop them from repeating that, ensuring their demise."

"No, that's too risky!" Mortdred explained, "Once we try to stop them, they'll know we're trying to stop them, and we'll know that they know that, and they'll know that we know that they know that we know…"

"Yes, that makes perfect sense." David, who had the powers of the Assault force Tyrant Ranger said sarcastically, "Anyway, I'll just go to Earth and steal the Rangers powers by using my Tyrant Sword, rendering them helpless."

"That could work, but what if it doesn't?" Mortdred asked, not noticing that David had already left the room, "Then the Rangers will know what we're doing, and that will mean, they have a clue about something for once!"

"Mortdred, you have a great idea!" Darkstorm shouted, "The Rangers might have a clue what's going on, but if we can lure them into a giant Cluedo game, they'll be helpless!"

"That's the stupidest idea you've ever had." Virulina stated, "We don't even need to build a giant Cluedo game. Instead, we can simply send a monster against the Rangers that they can't kill."

"Yes, but how would we do that?" Darkstorm asked, "We already know that they can kill many, many, many monsters! A giant Cluedo game has no chance f defeating them, but it's got to work!"

"Fool! That is the last I'm going to hear of your insolence!" A voice shouted. Suddenly a series of lights began flashing on and off, while everyone pretended to be surprised.

"No, it can't be. It's our master, Lightstorm!" Darkstorm shouted. A second later, a strange warrior appeared. This warrior had identical armour to Darkstorm, but instead of being human, he was a very stupid-looking, reptile-like creature.

"Wait, why does our master resemble something that came out of a closest marked 'REJECTS' in the props department for the Super Mario Brothers, which nobody even remembers?" Reekon asked.

"Well, after they made the villain 'Mesogog' by stealing a reject costume from that movie, and someone with very, very low standards said it was intimidating, they decided to steal a costume that was exactly as bad." Mortdred explained.

"Unfortunately, there were no costumes of that level of crapness left on the planet." Virulina added, "So since spraying the Mesogog costume bright colours made it even less 'intimidating' than ever, they sprayed that costume even brighter colours!"

"But we must end this quickly!" Cravex said, "We only have one of this set of armour and we're compensating by using an actor who is so sick that his body has begun to look like the armour, but his condition is so bad that he'll die in seconds!"

"Not to mention, we have to switch that armour between a human actor and a rubber suit in every shot!" Darkstorm added. Suddenly, Lightstorm approached him and poked him in the eye.

"Morons thought Mesogog was a good villain because he stared at his henchmen while special effects appeared on screen and they very badly acted like they were in pain for half a second." Lightstorm announced, "So by actually laying a finger on you in anger, I am automatically the best and most feared Power Rangers villain ever!"

"Kill me so that we can stop filming the back of an actor who looks like my armour!" Darkstorm shouted.

"So, you think you can give me orders, do you?" Lightstorm asked, punching through Darkstorm's head, all the way down to his butt. The halves of Darkstorm fell to the ground and suddenly and illogically exploded.

"Now, prepare to send in my Super Crabmen!" Lightstorm ordered his troops, "They are identical to Darkstorm's Crabmen, only they had some very obvious weakness that I'm surprised nobody has found yet!"

"Good plan!" Cravex said, "Now we're going to crush those Rangers, because they've got no chance against this! And even if these Super Crabmen fail, I'll send in a monster that is exactly like every other monster I've sent against the Rangers!"

"That's all for this week and every week." Lightstorm said, "Well, up until the season finale, in which I grow a stupidly long neck and get killed by a very bland, mediocre attack, causing half of the fandom to get pissed off!"

People were running around and screaming. Despite the fact that half the attacks on the city resulted in this happening and the other half resulted in no reaction at all from the public, nobody was ever surprised.

"Rangers, come out and be obliterated, or I will shout more stereotypical 'bad guy' phrases!" Assault Tyrant shouted, "I will kill you all! Nobody can ever hope to defeat me! If I go down, I'm taking you with me!"

"Can you stop saying phrases now?" Cheryl asked, as the heroes arrived at the battlefield, not having morphed, despite the fact that it put their lives in considerably more danger.

"Never!" Assault Tyrant shouted, "Soon you will be powerless to stop me! Luke, I am your father! Join the dark side of the force! Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny! This is giving me a headache! I must whack my subjects with a staff for no good reason!"

"But he doesn't have any subjects." James stated, turning to everyone else, "Oh well, its time to morph in public, hence revealing our identities to fleeing people, and putting ourselves in much higher danger! Assault Force transform!"

"Now that you have morphed, I am going to fight you and take your powers, which is much better than killing you, for obvious reasons. Anyway, it's time for you to die… er, have your powers stolen!" Assault Tyrant shouted.

"Yes, that makes perfect sense." Assault Black stated, "Anyway, we don't know that a new villain has appeared yet, because it's not in the script that we know yet, although one has, so we're going to beat you easily even though we normally can't."

"That's deep… or is it lame? I think I'll go with 'lame'." Assault Tyrant shouted, charging forward and punching Assault Red. Assault Red stepped out of the way and Assault Tyrant ran into a pole, slamming his head into it.

"So, you think that's going to beat me? I really do have a headache now, because I just ran into a pole, but for the sake of a pointless fight scene and selling action figures to kids, I'll act like I'm not hurt." Assault Tyrant announced.

"Okay, now, prepare for obliteration!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as his sword energised. Then energy beams flew from his sword and struck the Rangers, knocking them back.

"Goodbye, stupid morons!" Assault Tyrant shouted, "Wait… hold on a minute here. I used the attack that's meant to drain power from people and this time it only fired laser beams. What the fuck is that kind of crap about?"

"That's simple." Assault White announced, "Unlike in Sentai, the Power Rangers writers only want black-and-white episodes, so powers that would otherwise cause a problem for the whole team are 'dubbed' as only being laser beams."

"Well that makes sense. I don't want this sword anymore." Assault Tyrant announced, throwing the sword aside. It slammed into the ground hard. Assault Tyrant charged at the Rangers.

"Assault Charger!" Assault Yellow announced for no reason, as she fired her Assault charger at the evil Ranger. Assault Tyrant was hit and for some reason knocked to the ground.

"No, I should have known how to block that when you announced what you were doing!" Assault Tyrant shouted as he slowly stood, smoke rising from his armour, "Tyrant Zords that nobody can even tell apart, launch and combine!"

"It's the Tyrant Knightzord!" Assault Blue shouted in something that sounded horribly like a filler line that had been badly dubbed from something his Sentai counterpart had said, that actually had relevance in the original scene.

"We must use the Assault Force Megazord to bring him down!" Assault Black shouted, turning to the camera, "Deluxe Assault Force Megazord, only $200. Contains pointless small parts that should be eaten by young children."

"Right, launch now!" Assault Red shouted, pressing six random buttons instead of the specific 1-2-3-4-5-'LAUNCH' buttons that were necessary, because he thought the camera was pointed away from him.

"Assault Force fusion!" Everyone but Assault Stealth, who hadn't done anything this whole time, announced. They teleported to the Zords' cockpits and the Assault Force Megazord formed.

"Now, I'll see if you're really capable of fighting me!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as the Tyrant Knightzord's staff appeared in its hands, while the Assault Pickaxe and Assault Shovel appeared in the Megazord's hands.

"Storm Hammer, activate!" Assault Blue called. The Megazord slammed the pickaxe into the ground, causing a series of explosions that drove the Tyrant Knightzord backwards.

"Goodbye, Rangers!" Assault Tyrant shouted as his gestalt's staff energised and the Tyrant Knightzord slashed the Megazord. Energy discharged into it, causing explosions around the Megazord, which walked forward as if nothing was happening.

"This was over before it started." Assault White said, as the Megazord combined its weapons into a sword, "While you can normally beat our Megazord easily, because a new villain debuted in this episode, you must be portrayed as pathetic!"

"No, it can't be!" Assault Tyrant shouted as the Megazord energised its sword and slashed the Tyrant Knightzord. Explosions erupted across the surface of it, causing it to split into its components. Assault Tyrant fell to the ground.

"It's over, David." Assault Stealth stated, "Since our first battle, we knew we had no choice but to kill you if we got the chance, and now that you're at our mercy, I'm going to stupidly ask if you want to join our team."

"And the only purpose of that," Assault Blue added, "Is so that Darkstorm can launch an assault, we take our eyes of you for a brief second, and you either teleport away, or ambush us during the battle."

"Sounds like a good idea." Assault Tyrant agreed, "I'm going to pretend I'm considering your offer until something happens, when I'm actually considering which of those options I should take."

"Good idea. I would go for the first option." Assault Yellow suggested, "The second option forces you to fight us to the death and we know the writers will never kill us off, whereas the first allows you to survive."

"Not to mention, there's still a lot of Tyrant Ranger merchandise, so the writers of this season aren't actually going to kill you off unless it's either you or us." Assault Black agreed.

"I think that moment has arrived!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as a squadron of Uber-Crabmen appeared.

"Should we kill him now, since we know he's going to escape anyway and attack us again if we don't?" Assault White asked.

"No, that would make us two-dimensional, and we all know that Power Rangers characters can't be more than one-dimensional." Assault Red replied.

Obviously, it hadn't been very long before Assault Tyrant had decided to return to base. However, when he got there, he immediately noticed that Darkstorm had been killed.

"Good thing he's dead." Assault Tyrant stated, as he demorphed, "I was starting to think he might have survived, and continued to cause problems by never returning to things that almost worked."

"But, it's also good that he had the intelligence to install this!" Lightstorm announced, holding up a large remote. Lightstorm pressed a button on the remote, and a monitor showed the components of the Tyrant Knightzord.

"This will be the most interesting thing you've ever seen." Virulina assured Assault Tyrant. Lightstorm pressed another button, and the components of the Tyrant Knightzord exploded.

"What was the point of that?" Assault Tyrant demanded, seeing his Zords blown into pieces before his eyes. However, nobody seemed remotely bothered by what would happen next.

"I have built these new Zords. There's actually enough difference between them for you to know that they exist." Lightstorm announced, before the monitor switched to show different Zords.

"These are your Tyrant Amphibious Tank Zord, Tyrant Hovercraft Zord, and Tyrant Fighter Jet Zord." Cindar announced, "Since the buttons normally used for combination are now redundant, they respond to the '7', '8' and '9' buttons."

"But wait, I used the '7' button before, so-" David pointed out, having already demorphed. Lexor shoved him into a wall for no reason, except possibly to make him stop complaining.

"With these Zords, you should be able to conquer the Rangers, for some reason or another." Lexor announced, "Regardless of the fact that there's no real reason why it would work."

"Anyway, once they have foolishly beaten the Uber-Crabmen, which I know is going to happen anyway, I will send you and a monster to attack the Rangers and defeat them."

"Actually, it would be better if you just sent a monster to fight them." Reekon pointed out.

"Why?" Lightstorm asked.

"Because, well, if you send a monster and it seems to be winning, everyone will assume that you're a greater commander than Darkstorm for the simple reason that your monsters appear to be stronger." Reekon explained.

"That doesn't even make sense." Lightstorm pointed out, "But, if it will make people think I'm a better villain than Darkstorm, even though there's no reason I should care, then I'll send a monster."

"Now, the plan is perfect." David pointed out, "So just for the sake of ruining any kind of suspense this episode could have, I'll just randomly blurt out that I'll attack once the Rangers call their Zords."

"Oh man, this is tougher than I thought!" Assault Red shouted, as he spun in a circle, tearing several Uber-Crabmen apart with the blade of his Assault spear. Then he through it at three more, impaling them.

"I know, saying 'oh man!' in every sentence seems easy, but I never knew it would be this hard!" Assault white added, blasting every Uber-Crabman in sight with her Assault Launcher, sending their pieces flying in all directions.

"Oh man, if this continues, we might actually succeed!" Assault Blue shouted, using his Assault cutter to blow Uber-Crabmen away from him, while assault Stealth blasted them apart with his bazooka.

"Oh crap, I almost forgot to say 'oh man!' in this sentence!" Assault Yellow shouted, as she slammed her Assault Blades into two Uber- Crabmen, crushing their upper torsos and causing them to fall to the ground.

"Oh man, saying 'oh man!' is starting to get old!" Assault black shouted as he slammed his hammer into an Uber-Crabman. Surprisingly its weight caused the Uber-Crabman to be split in half.

"Rangers, you will never defeat me! I am a monster that looks very vaguely like an Allosaurus!" A monster that looked very vaguely like an Allosaurus shouted as it approached.

"But because the first letter of my species name is 'A', and the second letter of my species name is 'L', I shall call myself, Alan!" Shouted the monster who vaguely resembled an Allosaurus… er, I mean, Alan.

"Great, he gave himself a human name. Now soccer moms will try to get this episode taken off the air because they'll think killing him is like killing a human." Assault White stated.

"I agree, this is even worse than that time when the Terror Toad got revived as the Horror Toad and then got blown up and came back to life as the Horny Toad." Assault Blue added.

"Well, calling a monster the 'Horny Toad' is one thing, but I think when you're coming up with names like 'Alan' you need to retire. I'm surprised Doug Sloan became so senile so fast." Assault Stealth pointed out.

"I know, they really should have realised that he was getting senile before they hired him to take over from Bruce somebody-or-other during the last three episodes of Power Rangers Mystic Force." Assault Black agreed.

"In case you forgot, I'm still here!" Alan shouted as he charged forward. Then he threw a bucket and it landed on Assault Black's head. Before the others could react, he placed buckets on the heads of Assault Black and Assault Yellow. Assault Red attempted to impale him with his spear, but Alan blocked the spear and placed a bucket on Assault Red's head. Then he threw another buck. Assault White attempted to shoot it but it was immune to being shot and landed on her head.

"Now that you have buckets on your heads, you are unable to see where you are going, hence rendering you completely helpless!" Alan shouted, laughing as if he had taken drugs, which in reality Doug Sloan had given him.

"That plan is too fiendishly evil! I must stop you at once!" Assault Stealth shouted, transforming his bazooka into a staff and running towards Alan. Alan simply stared at him.

"So, you think that's going to work?" Alan demanded. Instead of actually using his staff, Assault Stealth simply ran into Alan, and as a result, he fell to the ground, but Alan remained standing.

"Are you an idiot? I have a tail, so when you run into me I just fall back on it and I'm able to remain standing!" Alan shouted, as he kicked Assault Stealth, sending him rolling across the ground.

"Wait, I'm beating beaten and I'm a sixth Ranger. I must be… losing my powers!" Assault Stealth shouted, falling to the ground despite the fact that he wasn't losing his powers.

"What a moron." Alan stated. Alan fired energy beams from his eyes at the Rangers. The energy beams struck the buckets and blasted them apart, causing the Rangers to be 'saved'.

"It seems that you've made your last mistake!" Assault Red shouted, as he swung a punch. The punch missed and his arm hit the monster's neck. Assault red was carried forward by the momentum and tripped on the monster's foot.

"Is that all you're capable of?" Alan demanded, spinning and slamming his tail into Assault Red. Assault Red was unaffected, since he was lying on the ground and was too low to the ground to be hit anyway.

"That was the best plan I've ever seen!" Assault Blue shouted, as he helped Assault Red to stand. The Rangers turned back towards the monster, but he punched them and they fell back.

"Normally, Darkstorm's monster use giant robots, but since new robots are being introduced anyway and the budget for this episode isn't too high, I'll just grow." Alan announced, growing to giant size.

"Super Assault Force Megazord formation!" Assault Red shouted, pressing every button on his Assault Morpher, hoping that this powerful combination could save him against Alan.

"James, it's no good!" Assault Yellow shouted, "Since David is still alive, the episode that the Super Assault Force Megazord debuted in, hasn't happened yet, so we can't use that formation!"

"Then we're going to need to use the regular Assault Force Megazord!" Assault Red shouted, pressing the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 'launch' buttons on his Morpher. However, nothing happened.

"James, it's no use! Because those Zords already deployed and we formed the Megazord and it's about thirty feet away, the launch systems have nothing to launch! We have to retreat!" Assault Black shouted.

"No, I'll find a solution! All we have to do is use the other buttons, and hope this is an episode after we got the Drill and Excavator Zords back from David!" Assault Blue pointed out.

"Good idea, but if this doesn't work we're finished!" Assault White shouted, pressing the 6, 7, 8, 9, 0 and 'launch' buttons on her Assault Morpher. Five more Zords launched from the base.

"It worked!" Assault Red shouted, seeing the secondary wave of Assault Zords heading towards them. The Rangers teleported into the cockpits of their Zords while Alan just stood there, bored.

"They just formed their most powerful combination and I already know that in the script David gains new Zords in this episode! I'm going to stand here doing nothing!" Assault Stealth shouted.

"Good idea. Crusader fusion!" Assault Red called. The Stealth Bomber, Crane, Cement Mixer, Excavator and Drill Zords merged into the Crusader Megazord and it landed opposite Alan.

"Okay Rangers, prepare to take a pounding, because we already know he's a new kind of monster and he barely did anything when he was at normal size, so his 'advertising' must be in this battle." Assault Black stated.

"Today, you will die until you're dead!" Alan shouted, spinning and slamming his tail into the Crusader Megazord. The tail slammed into the Megazord and bounced off as if it weighed nothing.

"Oh no, today, we're going to die until we're dead! This is bad news!" Assault Blue shouted. The Megazord staggered back, and inside, all five Rangers were staring in horror.

"No, we've got to prevent this! Crusader Rifles!" Assault Red shouted. Two rifles appeared in the Megazord's hands and the Megazord fired several times, blasting Alan, and explosions erupted across his body, but he wasn't harmed.

"No, I'm dying! Whoops, I mean, you think you can beat me with that?" Alan demanded, firing energy beams from his hands for no apparent reason. The Crusader rifles were hit and exploded.

"That guy destroyed two weapons that don't finish monster and that we don't need!" Assault Red shouted, "So let's act like we care! Bad one-liner roll call! This can't be happening!"

"It can't be!" Assault Black shouted.

"They've been destroyed!" Assault Blue shouted.

"Hold on, guys!" Assault Yellow shouted.

"Never give up!" Assault White shouted.

"That's enough acting like we care!" Assault Red shouted, "Now, we're going to pretend we need the Assault Force Megazord and the Emergency Rescuezord!"

"Emergency Rescuezord is on its way!" Assault Stealth shouted, pressing the 1, 2, 3 and 'launch' buttons on his Morpher. As the Zords launched, he teleported into the Fire Engine Zord's cockpit.

"Emergency fusion!" Assault Stealth shouted. The three Zords combined with each other, forming the Emergency Rescuezord, which slowly walked towards Alan from behind, but slightly to the left.

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Assault Yellow asked as she and Assault Blue piloted the Assault Force Megazord towards Alan, approaching from behind, but slightly to the right.

"Triangle formation complete! Megazord suit stuntmen, pose for no good reason!" Assault Red shouted. The Crusader Megazord, Emergency Rescuezord and Assault Force Megazord struck poses for no reason.

"Now to pretend we're confident, even though we've already read the script!" Assault Black shouted, "Crusader Missiles, fire!" The Crusader Megazord's wings each deployed a missile, and the two missiles shot towards Alan.

"No, Rangers, you will fail!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as his fighter jet Zord flew towards the missiles and launched its own missiles, detonating one. Alan slammed his tail into the other missile, causing it to strike a building and explode!

"Oh no, without those two rifles that we've never needed before, ever, in any sense, we're sunk!" Assault White shouted for no reason as the Tyrant Hovercraft Zord and Tyrant some-kind-of-long-word Tank Zord appeared.

"Now! Tyrant fusion!" Assault Tyrant shouted. The Hovercraft Zord transformed into the legs, torso and head of the Tyrant Hunterzord. The other two Zords formed arms, which could easily have been included as part of the Hovercraft Zord anyway.

"Oh crap, he has three new Zords, even though he only really needed one." Assault Yellow stated, "We're never going to stand a chance against him and that thing that looks like a constipated Allosaurus now."

"Why do you think that?" Assault Stealth demanded, "It's obvious that he has new Zords, but since they haven't actually done anything, can't we at least assume we have some chance of winning?"

"Well, there's a slight problem with that." Assault Red replied, "If we act as if we think we can win, then there's actual suspense, so if we know we'll lose, we'll make the Disney company happy by not giving anyone a reason to watch this show."

"Good idea. We have no chance now!" Assault Black shouted. The Crusader Megazord ran forward and punched Alan three times. Then Alan was sent flying through the air and exploded!

"Sorry, I forgot to cut the Sentai footage in time. Now we should pretend he didn't explode." A crewman stated. Alan stood once again and launched energy beams from his eyes.

"We're taking heavy damage!" Assault Red shouted, as two laser beams that looked nothing like the ones Alan fired, struck the Crusader Megazord and the Megazord staggered backwards.

"Crusader Rifles, online!" Assault Black called. The rifles appeared in the Megazord's hands, perfectly demonstrating how none of the last six seasons of the Power Rangers TV show made sense in the slightest.

"Crusader Rifles, fire!" Assault Yellow shouted. The Megazord fired its rifles at Alan and the Tyrant Hunterzord. Both of them staggered backwards when they were hit even though they shouldn't have been affected.

"Die, Rangers!" Assault Tyrant shouted, firing missiles from the Tyrant Hunterzord's shoulders. The Crusader Rifles fell to the ground and exploded in what appeared to be the exact same footage as the first time.

"Can we form the Super Assault Force Megazord yet?" Assault Blue demanded, as the Assault Force Megazord and Emergency Rescuezord stood behind the Crusader Megazord, doing nothing.

"No, we still haven't reached that episode, since we're in the same episode!" Assault Red shouted back, "We'll have to crush them with what we have, unless the series is rewritten so that we can form the Super Assault Force Megazord."

"Assault Sword – Dimension Strike!" Assault Blue called. The Assault Force Megazord energised its sword and slashed Alan, causing explosions to erupt around him.

"Emergency Lancer, energise!" Assault Stealth called as his gestalt's lance energised. The Emergency Rescuezord impaled the Tyrant Hunterzord with it, causing it to collapse.

"No, we can't be losing in the debut scene of the Tyrant Hunterzord!" Assault Tyrant shouted as the Tyrant Hunterzord managed to stand once again. It charged at the heroic gestalts.

"I could attack him, but for some inexplicable reason that the writers will never actually explain, we're losing power fast!" Assault Red shouted, watching as the Zords' energy levels didn't decrease at all.

"I think you're thinking of the wrong episode!" Assault Tyrant shouted. The Tyrant Hunterzord leapt into the air and punched the Assault Force Megazord, Emergency Rescuezord and Crusader Megazord.

After a long pause, in which the words 'to be continued' appeared and proceeded to vanish, the three Assault Force gestalts turned to the Tyrant Hunterzord. Assault Red, however, seemed furious.

"The second part of this multi-part episode ends with you using a standard attack?" Assault Red demanded, slamming a hand into the Crusader Megazord's control panel, causing it to emit beeping noises.

"James, you've damaged the control panel. There's a zero per cent chance that we'll never stop him now!" Assault White shouted urgently. Suddenly a scythe appeared in the Tyrant Hunterzord's hands.

"Crusader Missiles, fire!" Assault Black shouted. Missiles launched from the Megazord's wings and slammed into the Tyrant Hunterzord. The Tyrant Hunterzord threw them aside and they exploded.

"Now to do something that would have been much more appropriate at the end of the last episode!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as the Tyrant Hunterzord energised its scythe and cut into the three Assault Force gestalts.

"No, we're being forcibly evicted!" Assault Blue shouted, as an explosion threw him and Assault Yellow out of the Assault Force Megazord cockpit.

"We have to hold on somehow!" Assault Stealth shouted, but explosions erupted in his cockpit and he was thrown out of the Emergency Rescuezord.

"If this continues, the plot may actually advance!" Assault Red shouted, as he, Assault Black and Assault White threw each other out of the Crusader Megazord cockpit.

"The Megazords… they've been destroyed!" Assault Stealth shouted for no real reason. Then everyone waited for two minutes to pass. Then the Assault Force Megazord, Emergency Rescuezord and Crusader Megazord exploded!

"Yes, we're going to get new Zords in this episode at some point!" Assault Red shouted enthusiastically. The Tyrant Hunterzord stepped on him, but Disney employees edited it so that the Tyrant Hunterzord stepped to the side of him.

"No, James has… not been killed." Assault Black stated, "Sorry, when the camera view changed to show him alive, I couldn't continue claiming he was dead, it's too stupid even for Power Rangers."

"Nothing's too stupid for this show!" Assault Blue shouted as he slammed a large frying pan into the side of his head. Assault Blue fell to the ground but everyone else remained standing.

"Wait… this episode… it's either being produced by Disney, or its horrible fanfiction. As we know, in horrible fanfiction, the Ninja Zords are always portrayed as being nearly-invincible!"

"I know, I've seen a load of shitty fanfiction where they were portrayed as being more powerful than the Thunder Zord, Shogun Zords, all of the Power Rangers Zeo Zords, all of the Power Rangers Turbo Zords, or the Mega Voyager." Assault Black stated.

"They were only portrayed as being more powerful than one of those sets of Zords individually?" Assault White asked, "If people like those shitty Zords so much, why not portray them as being more powerful than all of those Zords combined?"

"I don't know, but we need Ninjazord power!" Assault Red shouted. Somehow, a huge time vortex appeared and the Ninja Zords came out of it, even though they were lost in time forever… which, apparently, means 'until 2006'.

"Six-shot-only revolver that I'll never use again, fire!" Assault Tyrant shouted. A giant revolver appeared in the Tyrant Hunterzord's hand and it fired six shots. The frog, bear, wolf, falcon, crane, and ape Ninja Zords were destroyed, in that order.

"Rangers, we have just now, coincidentally completed your new Zords." Jake reported, "Prepare to combine them into the Assault Force Megazord II, because we couldn't think of a better name."

"And the people who decided to release the Turboranger mecha in America had no idea what to call them either!" Deirdre added. A red sports car, black truck, blue jeep, yellow dune buggy and white van headed towards the area.

"Initiate transformation sequence!" Assault Red shouted, before teleporting to the cockpit of the Assault Force sports Car Zord. The Assault Zords version II shot towards their giant enemies.

"Megazord fusion, initiate!" Assault Black shouted. The van, truck and sports car shot into the air. The truck's trail split off and connected to the underside of the truck's cab. Arms deployed from it while the rear section deployed connectors, and the front of the van opened to deploy more connectors, which the connectors on the truck attached to. The van split in half, transforming into the lower legs, while the truck had become the upper legs, arms and most of the torso. This combination landed on the jeep and dune buggy, while transformed them into feet, while the Sport Car Zord split apart. The front and rear sections attached to the front and back of the torso and the head deployed from the rear section.

"Deploy cannons!" Assault black shouted. Cannons that were attached to the Megazord's waist were transferred to the Megazord's hands. The Megazord fired at the Tyrant Hunterzord.

"Oh no, they have a Zord that's newer than mine by a few seconds! I'm doomed!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as the Assault Force Megazord II fired repeatedly on the Tyrant Hunterzord.

"I'll crush you!" Alan shouted, firing two fireballs. They collided with the cannons, but surprisingly the Assault Force Megazord II's cannons weren't destroyed by the attack.

"Super charge! Fire!" The Rangers called. The cannons launched beams of light that tore through Alan, blasting him backwards. The Megazord attached the cannons to its waist.

"Assault Force Megazord Saber!" Assault Red shouted. The sword appeared in the Megazord's hands. The Megazord began to approach Alan, but then stopped, and Alan charged towards the Megazord.

"Now, full power!" Assault Blue shouted. The sword energised and the Megazord cut through Alan twice. Explosions erupted around Alan and he finally collapsed and exploded into pieces.

"It's not over yet! I'm here at giant size for absolutely no reason!" Lexor shouted as he suddenly appeared. Then he began to grow to giant size. The Megazord stepped backwards.

"Oh crud, it's that guy we've beaten a million times before. We'll never win this fight!" Assault White shouted. Lexor threw a rock at the Megazord and explosions erupted in the cockpit.

"Oh no, the special effects people have lost control of their special effects!" Assault Blue shouted as the cockpit tilted to one side for no reason. The Megazord hadn't even been shaken by the attack.

"Now, you will experience defeat at my hands!" Lexor shouted, as he slowly approached the Assault Force Megazord II, which simply stood there, waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly, a series of explosions erupted across Lexor's armour and he fell to the ground, greatly weakened. A large, hovercraft-based Zord flew towards the area, still firing on Lexor.

"I'm back in action!" Assault Stealth shouted. The Hovercraft-based Zord proceeded to transform into a humanoid robot, which was about 2/3 the size of everyone else in the battle.

"Okay, I think I might be at some kind of disadvantage or something here, possibly just slightly." Assault Stealth announced, realising that his enemies should be able to crush him.

"Yes, and now that your Zord is a midget, you're doomed!" Assault Tyrant shouted. The Tyrant Hunterzord ran at the opposing Zord and began to kick it around. It crashed to the ground.

"Okay. Turrets, fire!" Assault Stealth shouted. The Hoverzord's shoulder turrets spun around and shot at the Tyrant Knightzord. It was sent staggering backwards by the attacks.

"Okay. Now we need to use similar attacks to convince people that there's a connection between our Zords." Assault Red stated. The Hoverzord leapt into the air and its feet began glowing. It kicked Lexor, knocking him back.

"Well, that works." Assault Yellow said. The Assault Force Megazord II energised its left hand and slammed it into the Hunter Knightzord, which stumbled backwards, but remained standing.

"No, I won't lose to you now!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as his Zord staggered backwards, explosions erupting across its armour. However, it wasn't defeated yet, and charged at the Megazord.

"Tyrant Scythe – Tyrant Slash!" Assault Tyrant shouted. The scythe began glowing and the Tyrant Hunterzord swung it towards the Assault Force Megazord II, cutting into its armour, because the cameramen didn't cut away in time.

"Assault Shield!" Assault Blue called. A shield appeared in the Megazord's hand and the Megazord used it to block the scythe, thanks to the fact that the footage of the scythe having actually hit the Megazord had already been rewound.

"Shield Punch!" Assault Yellow shouted out randomly. The Megazord rammed the shield into the Tyrant Knightzord. It staggered backwards, badly weakened, but was able to remain standing.

"Assault Force Megazord Saber, full power!" Assault Red shouted. The sword energised and the Megazord slashed the Tyrant Hunterzord, causing it to stumble back, weakened.

"No, now my Zords are very, very, very slightly more damaged than they were before!" Assault Tyrant shouted, as the Tyrant Hunterzord stumbled back, not even close to defeated.

"Super Ball, appear!" Assault Stealth called. An object that resembled a rugby ball appeared in the Hoverzord's hand. The Hoverzord suddenly flew into the air before diving towards Lexor.

"Full power!" Assault Stealth shouted. The Zord channelled energy into the ball and threw it at Lexor. Lexor threw his grappling hook at the ball, but he missed by a considerable distance and it slammed into him, throwing him back.

"No, this can't be the end of me!" Lexor shouted, before he collapsed and proceeded to completely explode into pieces. The Tyrant Hunterzord stared at his remains, before turning back to the heroic Zords.

"Well, it looks like that was the end of him. I'm not stupid enough to fight two Zords that have literally debuted seconds ago, so I'll just run now and pretend I'm not scared." Assault Tyrant said, as his Tyrant Hunterzord turned.

"No! Super Assault Force fusion!" Assault Red shouted. The Assault Hoverzord split apart, attaching to the feet of the Megazord. The arms folded back so that the main Hoverzord section could form a chest plate and head, and then a helmet attached.

"Wait. I said I'm retreating! Why are you so eager to throw away your lives?" Assault Tyrant demanded, as the Tyrant Hunterzord spun to face the Super Assault Force Megazord II.

"It's because this multi-parter replaces episodes 25, 26, and 27." Assault Black stated, "So since there's barely any time to advertise these Zords before the Ultrazord debuts in episode 29, the killing must begin!"

"What killing?" Assault Tyrant demanded, "I was given new Zords last episode. I'm definitely now going to get killed off now. Tyrant Scythe, energise!" The scythe began to energise.

"Super Mirage Beam, fire!" Assault Red shouted, as a huge beam of energy fired from the Megazord's chest plate. The Tyrant Hunterzord began to swing its scythe forwards.

"Tyrant Scythe, absorption mode!" Assault Tyrant shouted. The scythe absorbed the energy and slashed diagonally across the Super Assault Force Megazord II, knocking it back.

"Super Mirage Beam!" Assault Red shouted stupidly, despite knowing that the attack had no chance of working. It hit dead-on and separated the Tyrant Hunterzord into its components.

"No! Now you've left me no choice. I will return later, and you will be slaughtered!" Assault Tyrant shouted, before teleporting away. The Super Assault Force Megazord II stood victorious.

"That was pathetic? Can't you even destroy six Zords that just debuted?" Lightstorm demanded, "I don't even know why I had Cindar build new Zords for you to begin with now!"

"Why can't you give anyone a break?" Reekon asked, "So far, he's managed to destroy nineteen Zords… well, if you include the six revived Ninja Zords. Isn't that enough?"

"Well, I guess, sort of." Lightstorm realised, "But the truth is, the people who write Power Rangers don't want the villains to be serious in any kind of way. Even Furio was better than the crappy villains we've had from Time Force onwards."

"That is true." Mortdred agreed, "Because, as the whole point of my character is to be a scapegoat, at all times, I must agree with you, no matter what happens, even if you tell me to kill myself."

"No, you just said the word 'kill!" Virulina announced, "We can't ever say kill, died, die, dead, or death, even though I did say those words just now. Isn't that fascinating?"

"No, not really." Cindar announced, "But I, not being the main General, and with there only being about five episodes left in this season, am probably going to die at some point."

"Yes, well, what's the next plan going to be?" Reekon asked, "We already know that we can't defeat the Rangers yet, since there's going to be three more episodes in the season anyway!"

"That is a problem." Lightstorm agreed, "But next time, Virulina, you can kill off Cindar for absolutely no reason, then you can steal a robot and use it to fight the Rangers."

"And then, she gets killed off in a fiery explosion." Cravex suggested, "Nothing can go wrong, when you have a fiery explosion. At least, I hope nothing can go wrong when there's a fiery explosion."

"Well, our new Zords have obliterated our enemies very easily." James reported, "Except for the Tyrant Hunterzord and the Tyrant Ranger. They got away very easily after almost beating us."

"In addition to which, they almost beat us very, very fast, which, knowing how Power Rangers has been for the last six years or so, is probably a horrible attempt at foreshadowing."

"Yes, an attempt at foreshadowing this is, as Yoda would say." Dean added, "But, in the finale, when we face him, anything could happen, which literally includes anything!"

"But when they attack, how will we defeat them?" Cheryl asked, "I know there's three episodes left, but I don't want to have to wait three weeks to find out what happens next."

"Yes, well, you don't really have a choice." Nick pointed out, "I mean, it's not as if we get to read the script in advance. Or ever, for that matter. But, we'll find out eventually."

"I know, but what happens if we're forced to read the script?" James asked, "Anyway, since we're supposed to use the Ultrazord in episode 29, but the Zords we needed to form it are destroyed, what happens now?"

"Well, since the individual Zords aren't actually visible in Ultrazord form, the footage of the Ultrazord transformation has been edited to include the Super Assault Force Megazord II instead of the Super Assault Force Megazord."

"And if that doesn't work, the result would be a large explosion and everyone would die, so it's all good." Dean said calmly.