I hate Cameron:
I do apologize to all Cameron lovers and shippers, but while I don't mind whatsername's performance and Cameron's role on the show (weirder and weirder), the thought of Cameron having sex with anyone doesn't sit well in my world view. Let's just not think of the meth-sex episode shall we.
Especially House: Apart from the fact that most stories involving the two of them shagging like bunnies involve House rescuing orphan kittens, having epiphanies after traumatic events and the use of the word 'Alli' (all terrifying events in themselves):
"It's a miracle. I can see again." House looked deep into her eyes. "Oh Alli-poo, this traumatic event has made me realise I love you and want to adopt kittens, puppies, and other assorted small furry mammals – maybe even a turtle."
Cameron swooned. "Why yes Gregg (always gotta misspell his name for this sort of story) and then we can have adorable children with silly names, probably twins, and you can rediscover your life through the power of love."
Sound of record stopping…
HOUSE: I would just like it on record I would never ever say something like that. Anyway. I have a rat!
WILSON: Which you tried to kill with a deadly infectious disease. If you had a kid, you would probably stick a pin in its eye – just to see what would happen.
HOUSE: You know me so well. Can't disagree with you there old buddy.
So here is one for the Cameron – haters.
On to the story… and the bad poetry. Oh didn't I mention that before?
A thousand thoughts turned tumultuously in her head. She gave up on sleep and turned on the light, thinking about the tempestuous man that was her true love.
Maybe it was never to be. Cameron sighed softly to herself, reached for her diary and began to write.
An Ode to Love
From the diary of Alison Cameron (age 32 ½)
I sit in angsty agony,
I feel the weight of love heavy.
Avril's words call out to me…
But deep deep down,
It can never be,
He loves that whiteboard more than me.
And it burns.
It burns like the sun,
It burns like coffee black,
It scalds you going down,
Writhes like kittens in a sack.
Am I not the best?
… in my vest.
Do I not attack my job?
… with zest.
But always I am thwarted,
By Cuddy's heaving breast.
And he looks away,
Not giving me the time of day.
Sometimes I think he's even gay,
The way he looks at Wilson.
Cameron tearfully put down the diary and blew her brains out with a shotgun and many people rejoiced. Well maybe she might not have done that as that would be a bit mean - but maybe she did. Who knows. It is a crazy mixed up world.
The End, the end.