She felt tired.

Right down to her bones, she felt tired.

Riza felt like a step would kill her. But she couldn't sleep.

Not with the feeling of blood on her palms, with the guilt of being a murderer. There was no way she could wash this off, this invisible layer of grime. She didn't want to be part of this war, she didn't want to kill. Her head spun and she fell. Eternity she fell until she felt the cool floor against her face and she slept.

Desperately she tried, tried to dream to find that peace, that solace. She slumbered for hours and hours but the exhaustion never left her, body or soul.

She woke and felt foolish.

Like a child dreaming on an automobile.

But she got up. There was a lot of evil in this world, in this place. Darkness and shadows would always cause of to cower.

But there was one thing worth holding out for.

The light at the end of the tunnel, sunshine in the bleakness.

The illness didn't leave her,

But she got up. She got up to meet him.

""""""""""""""""""""""

Hawkeye shot up.

She couldn't breath. Her lungs shut down. The world was lost, she saw it rushed past her finger tips and

Air invaded.

Gasps and struggled breaths and coughs.

And arms.

Those warm arms and the breath on her neck. It was him. Her comfort her solace her reason.

Her sliver of paradise.

"It's alright, breath riza, its okay, I love you, I love you..."

Those words and she was shocked back to earth. It happened more often, her running out of air. And the, the other thing too.

Why couldn't she say it? Why? He loved her. She got up and he didn't try to follow.

The effort would have been lost.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

The doctor was his idea.

And it was over.

The visit, not the relationship.

He fidgeted. She wouldn't say it. why? why? why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Deep breaths, steady yourself he repeated.

It would be alright. It would turn out right. She would say it, eventually.

He hoped. He pleaded.

And there she was. Blonde and beautiful. Last try. He wouldn't take it anymore. Now or never.

Deep breath.

"I love you Hawkeye"

"I...I..."

Pause and no air

"I love you too"

A warm hug. Love. They loved. They loved each other, they were happy.

The world had shrunk it was so manageable now, so foolish.

"Roy?"

He roused himself from her neck "Hmmmm?"

"I'm pregnant"