DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the plot, blahdy blah blah. The title of this chapter is a song by T'Pau. It's rather excellent, you should definitely have a listen.
Heart and Soul
I stared at Sean like a complete freak.
"Yeah, Tracker is Miley's dad." Realization dawned on Sean's face.
"OH… you thought she was MY daughter?!" I looked down at the floor, my face burning.
"Yeah…" I muttered, "I did." Sean laughed out loud.
"No wonder you looked queasy!" He stood and pulled me up with him. I frowned at him.
"I did not look 'queasy'," I protested.
"Ok," he said, "Constipated, then." I swatted at his still-bare chest, my fingertips grazing his pectorals. Yum. Sean pulled me into an embrace. I wrapped my arms around his waist for the second time that evening, laying my cheek on his shoulder. He rested his own cheek against my head.
"I missed you, Em," he whispered. I squeezed him a little.
"I missed you too Sean," I whispered back, "Why'd you stay gone so long? You never called or emailed…"
"I'm so sorry," Sean said, "I got caught up in a lot of crap. My dad went to jail, mom got sick, I had to deal with a new old school… I just got caught up. I only ever called Ellie once, much less anyone else." This surprised me. I pulled away to look at him.
"Why only once?"
"To break up with her," he replied, "But I want to know about you. What have YOU been up to?" Sean let me go, and I sat back down in the chair and he on the ottoman.
"Well," I winced. This was going to be… awkward… "Uh… did you ever talk to Jay Hogart after you left?" I was COMPLETELY dreading telling Sean about my "ravine incident" (ugh… the ravine…) with Jay.
"Only once," Sean spat, "I didn't like what he had to say, so I never spoke to him again." I caught a look in his eye that told me that he preferred not talking about Jay, but I had to know what they talked about.
"What did he tell you?"
"He told me that you… y'know," he replied, "And that you caught his STD." I winced. Again.
"I basically told him that if he ever came near you again, he would no longer be equipped to give any other woman anything EVER again." Oh. Wow.
"Well," I sighed, "After THAT fiasco, I tried to lay low for the most part. Snake's cancer got really bad at one point, and then I found out that he was cheating on my mom with Miss Hatzilakos." Sean grimaced.
"Ew," he said, "I'm sorry, Emma."
"It's ok," I reassured him, "it blew over. But at the time, I was secretly dating her son, Peter. He videotaped Manny flashing her boobs while she was drunk, and sent it to the entire school." Sean's eyes widened.
"Damn," he laughed, "Nice guy!"
"Yeah, well, he turned to be pretty decent at times," I said, "He was there for me when I…" I didn't really want to go there, to when I was sick.
"When you what, Emma?" Sean pressed. I sighed, knowing I already started it. May as well finish, and see what happens after that, I thought.
"I… started starving myself, and throwing up what I did manage to eat." I looked at Sean; I can't remember a time where I've seen him so sad. I felt really shitty.
"Why, Emma?" he asked, putting a hand on each knee and leaning in, "You were never even CLOSE to fat? You were always so confident in yourself."
"Looking back, it wasn't a self esteem issue, not directly," I explained, "My life was falling apart around me; Snake's cancer was getting worse, he was cheating on my mom, the whole Jay thing, the shooting… I didn't feel like I had a handle on anything. So I took control of something." Sean hung his head.
"I am so sorry for not being there, Emma," he said, "I'm sorry for being so selfish." I shook my head.
"No Sean," I protested, "You had to do what you had to do. I should've been able to handle it better."
"Are you still… I mean, do you eat?" His eyes held so much concern, it was almost unbearable to look at him.
"I haven't done anything remotely close in years. When I think about it now, it feels like a piece of someone else's life that got grafted into mine by mistake, and I just sort of had to deal with it. I talked to some therapists, to my parents, Manny constantly watched me eat and made sure I didn't go near any toilets too soon afterwards," I shrugged my shoulders, "It's weird to think about it now. I know what I was thinking and feeling, but I'm still not sure about it. But Peter was a big help, and I was and still am very grateful to him for that. Unfortunately, he really was a big ol' creep deep down.
"After grad, I started at university, and here I am!" I tried to be a little more cheerful; I didn't want my reunion with Sean to be drug down by the "Old Emma Blues".
"So, are you seeing anyone now?" Sean asked as he got up. He walked to the coffee table and picked up a remote, clicking the stereo on. I smiled to myself; he's trying to create a mood, I thought.
"Nope, and the last boyfriend I had was Peter Stone. Such is my sad excuse for a romantic life," I answered.
"How come?" Sean asked, walking back towards the ottoman. He pulled me up to my feet and guided me towards an empty floorspace.
"Just busy with classes, I guess," I replied, "That, and there is a SEVERE decent man draught at school." As I was speaking, Sean put one hand on the small of my back and held my hand with the other. I let my free arm lay gently on his shoulder. I smiled coyly at him.
"Are YOU seeing anybody, Sean?" I asked. He looked down at me, laughing.
"No Emma, I am not," he replied, "But I WAS wondering…"
I may be an idiot. Even after the sweet palm kisses, the invitation to come home with him, the shirt off his back, and then the dancing, I really wasn't prepared for what would ultimately happen that night. But I couldn't have prevented it if I HAD known, because my heart knew, even if my stupid brain didn't, that I still loved Sean Cameron.
"Wondering what, Sean?" I nudged. His cheeks were a little pink and I thought I could feel him tremble a little bit.
"Uh, I was wondering what you would think if I asked you… Aw crap. I'm so freaking nervous," he laughed nervously. So cute. "What I'm trying to get at Em, is that I would really love to start seeing you again. And before you go getting all semantical on me, you know VERY well what I mean by 'seeing you again'." Sean stopped swaying to the music and looked at me with both humor and seriousness. I couldn't help but smirk a little.
"'Semantical' isn't word, Sean," I teased, "But despite your grammatical imperfections, I would love to start seeing you again, too."
"Cool," Sean smiled. I laughed.
"'Cool'? That's all you could muster up, Mister Eloquence?"
"My brain can't think of anything better at the moment," he replied, still smiling like an idiot. I really liked when he smiled like an idiot; it mean he was retardedly happy, and I loved that.
"Yeah well your cheeks are gonna lock up in that 'Cat Ate the Canary' face if you don't quit."
"Can't help it. I'm so happy I spotted you at the club tonight, you don't even REALIZE!" Sean exclaimed. I couldn't blame him really. I was pretty damn sublime, myself. He pulled me closer, hugging me, but this one was more… I dunno. It started off sweet and happy, but the longer we held each other, the more it became some other kind of touching altogether. It felt more urgent, more heated. I looked up at him, and for the first time that evening, I noticed how delicious his lips looked. He must have caught me eyeing them hungrily, because he dipped his head and pulled my chin up, and our lips touched. Softly at first, as if we were allowing them to get reacquainted. I pulled away and looked at him; his eyes were a darker blue than I'd ever seen them. They made me visibly shiver, but the really really good kind of hot shiver. I pressed my lips against his again, this time much more urgently. I heard him moan against them, a deep rumble-y moan that made my tummy do a free fall and bounce back up real quick. Holy shit, I thought.
My hands found their way up to his neck, where one held its spot there at the back. I ran the fingernails of my other hand through Sean's hair, remembering how he used to tell me that it "drove him crazy" when I did it. Apparently, nothing had changed.
"God, Emma," he whispered heatedly, coming up for air, "You still drive me crazy."
I told you.
I kissed him roughly, nipping his bottom lip lightly. He ran the tip of his tongue along mine. I felt his hands traveling along my hips and sides. With my right hand, I pulled the hem of the Flaming Lips shirt I was still wearing up and over my head; I wasn't sure what was going to happen that night, but I knew that right then, there was too much cotton and not enough skin. Sean helped the shirt off and the feel of his rough hands on my back and neck made me shiver for a third time. I arched into him, and he groaned much deeper and louder than he had yet.