It's All Coming Back to Me Now

Pairing: EO (of course)

Rating; R

Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns these characters. But I wouldn't mind a night alone with Elliot Stabler... LOL! enjoy.

Summary: this is post divorce. Elliot hasn't opened up to Olivia about his feelings about his broken family and more importantly her. When he gets news of her working a case alone, he starts worrying about her. What he doesn't know is that she worries about him as much if not more. It kills her inside. Okay... If i don't stop, im going to give it all away...

thank you to all who always review. it always means so much when you guys do. It always makes me want to write more. This story is written from a few motivations. One, when I heard Meat Loaf and Katharine McPhee perform this song, i melted. I love Meat Loafs voice and it speaks to the soul. Second, I just had surgery yesterday, so this is a good form of recovery. Thirdly, now Elliot and Olivia are the best couple to write for. Their chemistry is amazing to work with. well, enjoy the story. -

There were nights when the wind is so cold.
And my body froze in bed
If I just listen to it right outside the window.

"Olivia!" Elliot screamed as he shot up in his bed. He looked around his lonely apartment to no one beside him. He never missed Kathy. It had always been her. He saw the trees below blowing and he ached inside. He wanted to call her just to hear her voice. Deep inside, he knew it would have been enough. He looked at their picture by his night stand and smiled at it. She was always his beauty, though he never told her that. He got out of bed and went to his sink to wash his face or throw up. Images of Olivia bleeding in alleyways or dying by gunshot haunted his thoughts. He knew the only way he would be content is if he saw her. He slipped on a pair of jeans and a NYPD hoodie Olivia bought for him for christmas and drove to her apartment.

There were days when the sun was so cruel.
And all the tears turn to dust And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever.

Elliot took his spare key and let himself inside her apartment. It was warm and humid. He knew she had taken a shower recently. He heard whimpering when he walked passed her bedroom door. His gun was by his side when he entered her sanctuary. She was curled up asleep crying, fighting the demons of her subconscious. Elliot stared at her as she tossed in her bed. He dropped his gun by the side table and stood at the front of her bed. He heard her say, "No, no, Maria... no... youÕre safe... what... where... not Elliot... ELLIOT!"

He ran to her side and gently woke her up. "Liv, baby, Im right here. Baby, don't worry Im right beside you." He stroked her damp hair as she cried into his chest. When she gained composure, she looked at him and closed her self off removing the remittence of her tears.

"Elliot, how the hell did you get in here?"

"You gave me a key remember?"

"Yeah, but you need to leave. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Liv, its okay."

She cut him off saying, "Elliot, please. I can't let you see me break."

"Why? Why Olivia, why?"

"Elliot, you haven't been open with me for months and now you are in here, on my bed, expecting me to open up to you after one of many nightmares that haunt me. No way, just get out!"

"Liv, please. I needed to see you."

"Elliot, you needed a lot of things. I needed a lot of things. But there isn't anything we can do about it now. Please, just leave!"

"No, Liv, I won't leave you. I need to know you are okay."

"Elliot Stabler, if you don't get out of my room, I am going to call the cops!"

"Olivia, we are the cops!"

"You're right, okay. Please just get out! Don't you realize you are hurting me? Please. Just leave. Leave me be!"

With this, she pushed him out her bedroom door and shut it on him. He pounded for what felt like hours until he couldn't hit anymore. He then kneeled in front of her bedroom door and listened. He heard her tears until they stopped and he couldn't hear any movement inside. Now he got scared.

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where, or when, or how.
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made.

"Olivia, Liv, Please let me in." He begged. "Olivia Benson, you don't understand how truly sorry I am for breaking your heart. I never understood until this moment. Every night for weeks, even months, I have feared of losing you. You are my rock. You are my constant. When Kathy left me, I couldn't tell you I failed. I feared your rejection. I feared your disappointment. I feared you hating me, like I hated myself. But you, you have always been there and I pushed you away. And I saw you break in front of me. It killed me Olivia, it killed me. Every night I dream of you and sometimes the dreams are good, but sometimes I wake up wanting to die. I want you to know how sorry I am for hurting you. For not telling you that I love you. Please Olivia, let me in. Please..."

She opened the door to find him on his knees and his eyes were broken. She had stopped crying when she closed the door. But when she opened it and saw him kneeling before her, her heart ripped open again. He wrapped his arms around her middle and cried into her, "Forgive me? Olivia, forgive me!" She held him tight and lifted his head so his eyes met hers. She leaned down and kissed him, laced with gentleness and built up desire.

Baby, Baby, Baby When you touch me like this (touch me like this)
And you hold me like that (hold me like that)
We were gone with the wind Doll its all coming back to me And when I see you like this (see you like this)
And I see you like that (see you like that)
Only see what we want to see All coming back to me

Olivia felt connected to Elliot once again with one fulfilling kiss. It was healing and longing and full of love. She had never felt love like that before. Before she could interject her thoughts, his tongue found its way into her mouth and it massaged hers. She moaned in pleasure as Elliot began to stand. Their hands roamed unfamiliar territory, but it felt right. Nothing felt out of place when they felt one another. She felt him growl when she began nibbling at his earlobe. He pushed her away to look into her eyes. His were filled with remorse and hunger. She melted at the sight of his panting body in front of her. "Liv, tonight isn't about me. Tonight is all about you. It has always been about you..." He said as he swooped down and picked her up into his strong embrace. She took his face into her hands and kissed him as he walked her to her bed and gently laid her down.

He looked down at her with longing eyes. His eyes changed from sparkling blue to midnight in one moment. He lifted up her tank and engaged in her beauty. She kissed her collar bone and went to her right breast first. He slowly kissed and nibbled it and saw her moan beneath him. When he was finished he went to the other and looked into her eyes. Her brown pools were melting in his midnight oceans and he smiled at her. "Olivia, I will always be here," he said as he kissed her left breast, motioning to her heart beneath. That act of chivalry almost made her come in that moment, but she stopped herself, because she knew he wasn't anywhere near finished.

He made his way down her torso worshiping her body, that in his words, was crafted by the angels of heaven. He licked her belly button and she smiled from the pleasure he was inflicting upon her. When he reached her underwear, he looked up for permission. She smiled at his chivalrous act and nodded. He slowly removed them from her and took in the sight of her. "God, you are beautiful, Olivia," he said as he kissed her inner thighs. His movements made her buck against him and he grew more and more excited with every movement. He inserted one finger in her and she cried in pleasure. She was in heaven, she decided. Nothing had ever felt as amazing as that movement, until a moment later when he pulled out and moved two fingers inside her. She screamed his name and came within him. He licked his fingers that only tasted of Olivia and kissed her inner thighs.

The flesh and the fantasy's
All coming back to me
I could barely recall
But its all coming back to me now.

As she came down from her first orgasm, he repositioned himself in between her legs and began kissing her. She was flushed and was in awe of his gentle manner. Their fingers were intertwined as he entered her and she almost blacked out from the size of him. He was a perfect fit and she gasped from pleasure. As he began to move inside her, she felt herself losing control. "Liv, I love you," he whispered in her ear as they came together. They rolled around her sheets until they felt complete. She was on top of him when she withdrew herself from and and she laid next to him as they breathed in a calm rhythm. Their hearts beat in time.

If I forgive you all that (forgive me all this)
And you forgive me all this (forgive you all that)
I forgive and forget and its all coming back to me now.
Its all coming back to me now,
If we forgive and forget,
And its all coming back to me now.

When he pulled her into his arms he kissed the top of her head and held on to her. He smiled at the perfection God had blessed him with beside him. A tear escaped her eyes and he wiped it away with his thumb. "Hey, hey, angel. I love you. Don't cry now."

"Im crying because Im happy, El. Im really happy."

"Forgive me, Olivia," as he kissed her head, "please forgive me."

She looked up at him and smiled and looked deep into his eyes which changed to a sparkling blue once again. "There is nothing to forgive," she said with a smile. She lifted herself up and kissed him and said, "By the way, I love you, too."