Disclaimer-I don't own the TT
Story By StormDancer
It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.
I don't know who I am. Some people say I am Tara, and that is who I remember being. The titans, who are heroes and thus cannot lie, say I am Terra, the savior f the city. I do not know which is true.
She came today. The last of the titans to come and see me. The green one, Beast Boy, brought her. AS I saw her, I felt the hatred that I always see when I see her, though I don't know why I feel that way. Whenever I watch her with the rest of the titans, I admire her the most. So powerful, but she uses that immense power for good and not evil. But when I see her, I am automatically defensive and rude.
She walks around me, Beast Boy watching silently as I was subjected to her scrutiny.
"well," she said slowly, "she certainly looks like Terra."
I glared at her. She allowed herself a slight smirk.
"And she acts like her too. But Beast Boy," she turned to her friend, "lots of girls might. Are you sure it's her?"
That was interesting. The other titans had been trying to confirm themselves I was this friend of theirs, but they had already convinced themselves. Raven seemed completely neutral. It looked like she didn't care if I was Terra, or Tara.
"It's her!" Beast Boy assured Raven, "I'm positive."
"Well," she prevaricated, you did know her best. I suppose you would know."
He nodded, and she turned back to me.
"Do you want your memories back?" she asked blandly. I stared at her in amazement. Beast Boy's mouth dropped.
"Why are you asking?" he protested, "Just give them to her!"
She spun quickly, her cape swirling around her.
"Gar, how many times have you wanted to be a normal teen?" She asked angrily.
"A lot," he admitted.
"And if this is Terra, she has the chance to be one, without any guilt. And I will not go into someone's mind without their permission!" she stated in a firm monotone.
"Hey," I interrupted their argument, "can I ask something?"
"Sure," Beast Boy said. I glanced at Raven, and she nodded. Only then did I ask.
"What guilt? What did I do, to make me lose my memories if I am this girl?"
"Well, you were this awesome superhero, and you helped us fight-"
"You betrayed us to our worst enemy and brought the city to its knees. In your last breath, you defeated the enemy and sacrificed yourself to save us all," Raven cut off Beast Boy's ramblings.
"Why did I do that?' I ask in horror.
"Slade tricked you! It wasn't-"
Again, Raven cut off Beast Boy's impassioned reply with her won cool one.
"We don't know. Only you could tell us. So, do you want this?"
I bite my lip and glance at Beast Boy, who gives me puppy dog eyes. I feel myself succumbing to those adorable eyes.
"Beast Boy, go back to the Tower," Raven tells him without turning.
"Why?' he protests petulantly.
"Beast Boy, go," she orders.
"Just tell me why!"
"Because she can't be pressured into this decision! She needs to make it by herself!"
"Oh," Beast Boy considered her words, "I promise I'll be good."
Raven turned the full force of her gaze on him.
"Beast Boy Garfield Logan, go to the Tower before I make you!" she commanded. He made a face and left, winging into the air.
"Are you his mother?" I ask, amused. She rolls her eyes.
"Sometimes, it feels like it," she replies, "So, now that he's-"
She stops suddenly. I am, about to question her when she places her hands on her hips and glares into mid air.
"Beast Boy, I said to leave! I am so close to simply teleporting you back myself!"
A fly suddenly turned into a hawk and began winging its way towards the Tower.
"Now that he's really gone," she continues as if nothing had happened, "Consider closely your decision. I'll answer whatever question you want."
"How do you feel about Beast Boy?" I ask before thinking. Her cheeks turn a pale shade of pink.
"Any question about your state," she amended her previous statement. I smirked at my victory.
"Will the Titans ever trust me again?"
She thought a moment. I was glad my questions were being given such serious weight.
"Robin could be brought around eventually, probably. I mean, he turned once, so he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Starfire will immediately, and Beast Boy already does. Cyborg, I believe would come to trust you as well."
"You never said anything about yourself," I point out.
"That, Tara, is because you said 'again'. I never trusted you. And I probably never will," she replies seriously.
"Than why are you doing this?" I inquire incredulously, "For all you know, I could be ready to kill everyone here as soon as I remember to use my powers."
"I never trusted you as a friend," Raven says quietly, almost to herself, "But you sacrificed yourself without knowing you could break free, at great risk. You would have no reason to do that if you were just going to destroy the world you killed yourself to save. I trust you enough for that. And anyway," she allowed herself a smirk, "IN your current state, I could defeat you before you went very far."
"But how would you know?" I asked.
"To unblock your memory, I have to go into your mind. I would read your thoughts, emotions, and some of your subconscious. That is why I need your consent. To do that without asking would be rape of the worst kind, and well do I know it."
She would be in my mind! I wasn't sure if it rusted her enough to let her! But then again, I trusted her to do what she thought was best for the world, as she had always done.
"Would you?" I ask quietly, "If you were in my place, would you take back your memories?"
"I don't know," she answered slowly, "I wouldn't want them, that much I know. I have been put through tortures I couldn't imagine as a regular girl. All of my life I have wanted to be normal. But would I take them? I think I would. I would rather fight then let anyone else fight for me. And I would rather let myself be hurt then other people. So my answer is yes."
"And that's why you're a hero," I tell her. She smiles and nods graciously.
"Thank you. You were like that too, once. Do you have an answer?"
"Yes," I sigh resignedly, "yes, I do."
"What?' she asks, more gently than I have ever heard her or thought she could speak.
"Yes," I say timidly.
"Are you sure?" she asks, "Because once the memories are unlocked, I cannot rebind them."
"I'm sure," I state, firmly this time.
"okay," she says, and places her hands on my temples, "last chance."
"Are you trying to convince me not to?" I ask snidely. She actually grins.
"Of course not. Why would I do that?" underneath her breath, though, I heard her mutter, "Yep, it's Terra aright."
I felt something touch my mind, and then delve deeper. Suddenly,
PAIN! Thrown out of towns because of loss of control.
PAIN! Beaten by angry citizens
PAIN! Beast Boy's betrayal
PAIN! Slade's harsh teaching
PAIN! My own betrayal
PAIN! Slade taking over my mind
PAIN! Beast Boy's final glance
PAIN! Lava burning and hardening
PAIN! Power rushing out until I have no more to give, then offering my memories
PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!
My eyes open slowly. I am lying on the grass, curled into the fetal position. Raven is standing over me, her hand to her head. She sees my eyes open, and she smiles.
"Are you okay?' she asks. I groan in reply.
"Well, I don't care. I had to experience all that too. So get up," she commands. I moan, but comply. She pulls me the last few feet. I sway on my feet. A hand comes to steady me, glowing blue, and suddenly I feel better.
"Thanks," I say heartfelt to Raven. She nods in return.
"Let's go," she says, taking off. I follow right behind her, floating over the ocean to the Tower.
"Why'd you do that?' I ask. She turns to face me, flying backwards. I suppress a pang of envy.
"Do what?' she asks innocently. I roll my eyes.
"Bring me back. You hate me, always did. And now I can take back BB, because I know he was leaning towards you when I was gone, and we'll have the same issues we always had."
"I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't," she replies, and continues flying towards the Tower. I follow, slower so I have time to think.
It is said the phoenix is reborn as it rises out of ashes. I have been reborn twice, now. Once in the fires that made me Tara and now in their memories that gave me a chance to set things right again. I look ahead at Raven. We have both gone through fires and been reborn. She was reborn in her father's hells to someone with a will that could conquer demons. I was reborn as a scared girl, but I needed a third birth to give me the power top fight against that girl. All heroes have their own Tara, one who refuses to fight. Raven rid hers after one birth, me after two. I suppose that is the mark of the hero, battling d within us all to fight evil. I am a hero now. I was not before.
'Terra, watch out!" Starfire yells. I duck, and one of the Slade-bot's lasers flies over me. I wince as another nearly hits, then dance out of the way of another's punch, crushing it in rock.
"Remind me why I came back," I mutter. I look at Raven, fighting 6 on her won and winning, then shielding Cyborg with the last of her strength, and smile slightly. "I remember," I respond to myself, "I wanted to be a true hero."