You Have GOT To Be Kidding
A randomly inspired story by Aviarianna O' Lorien
Notes: I've recently read a few of these cross-over fictions and found that, at least for the well written ones that generally have NO romance in them, or very little of it, it's quite an interesting and if put to paper, er, word documents correctly, pretty damn good idea!
It's plausible too, that's a bit of a plus ne? Any how, so I figured why not try one out myself. Sure, I'm adding my little original character but it just wouldn't be an O' Lorien fic without an O' Lorien OC! Anyways…more or less this fic is simply for fun and I hope to make you laugh…hehehe! For the severe sake of my sanity Youko Kurama and Shuichi Minamino is the same person, a merged soul now known as Kurama. In other words…no mind conversations, they are completely merged souls, they are one now.
Oh yes…I don't own Harry Potter OR Yu Yu Hakusho, unless of course you count the books, Manga, and DVD's legally purchased. Not to mention the several other people, places, things and events that will be mentioned that I totally do not own.
Last but not least…if you flame me, I will laugh in your face because if you hate this so much why did you read it hm? You had EVERY opportunity to click the back button on your browser so don't make yourself look like and idiot, one Kuawabara is enough.
Time Frame: After saving the three worlds from Sensui…they now have to save the three worlds from…well an idiotic human that not even most demons would side with.
Chapter 1: What?
"I blame you for this nii-san." The comment was directed towards the tall male with long blood red hair and eyes so green even the finest cut, most highly polished emeralds seemed dull in comparison.
"Well I can hardly see why." Came the retort, directed right back to the brunette with the orange flecked brown eyes glaring his way.
"Hmm…let's think about this one for just a moment shall we?" She growled out, her long black tail puffing in agitation and her furry black neko ears falling back in a gesture that meant she was ready to rip somebody's' throat out. "Being raised by two thieves and finally getting my ass back to Makai to find out from easily persuaded idiots that they are both, supposedly, dead yet ONE of them has recently been a part of the winning team of the very recent Dark Tournament certainly didn't help me find you! Beyond that, I hear more rumors about you and your team saving the human world from the demon world or something like that, I can't remember all the details but they said you were very much ALIVE! How else was I supposed to survive and track you the hell down?"
"Well you know that I left you several years' worth of loot in Northern Makai!" Suddenly the calm was gone and the fox was out, eyes flecked with gold, hair streaked with silver though to be completely honest that's what he'd looked like when they'd first caught her anyway. "You couldn't possibly have forgotten where the cave was!"
"I never said I forgot damn it!"
"Then why in the three worlds did we have to arrest your little butt in the human world!"
"I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU!" (She conveniently decided to leave out that she pretty much knew he was there and had a general yet accurate idea of where.)
"THAT WAS THE 12TH STORE YOU ROBBED IN AS MANY DAYS!" (He conveniently left out the fact that he'd known her exact moves ever since catching his first whiff of her familiar scent.)
The group looked on in complete and utter shock as Kurama and the neko they'd brought in for being illegally in Ningenkei AND robbing about 12 different jewelry and weaponry stores, including one run down but still operational temple because they had a set of Sai's that used to be hers, argued. If they hadn't believed her calling him her elder brother before, they sure as hell did now because they were fighting like it! Most of the shock however was directed at Kurama who had never so easily been brought to shouting in an argument.
"But everything was so shiny!" The neko suddenly sniffled out, putting on the cutest pout in creation. Her eyes grew in size and began to water, her bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly and began to tremble while her ears and tail drooped noticeably. "And…and I knew that IF the rumors were true then I'd…I'd be able to find you even if it meant a jail sentence…"
Kurama's eyes widened and he searched her eyes for any ounce of simple manipulation, he found none.
"You still didn't have to demolish the places you robbed. That little part is inexcusable young lady." Kurama gently scolded but with a warm smile.
"Since when have I been a lady?" The brunette neko with the black feline appendages queried before she got enveloped in tight hug by none other than the infamous kitsune, and quite unexpectedly I might add!
"By Inari did I ever miss you, you little imp!"
"I missed you too you big silver bug!"
Everyone else in the room, Boton and Koenma included: O.o…
Such a strange relationship these two had, fighting one moment then bear hugging each other the next! The story, as it was later relayed to the other detectives was rather…strange. Apparently, when Avaria was an infant Youko and Kuronue found her in a ditch and rather than killing her, decided to keep her and raise her. Apparently several years later the little neko-hanyou went off and disappeared, a good hundred years later Kuronue died and Youko got caught and had to possess the human embryo.
It was just strange!
"Ahem!" The neko yelped and the fox glared at the little ruler of Reikei for making said neko yelp. "If we're done reminiscing the fact of the matter is that Avaria here is a demon who was illegally in Ningenkei and did rob then demolish six jewelry stores, one temple, three pawn shops and two shops that dealt specifically in medieval and ancient weaponry." With each reminder of her crimes the little neko slumped a little lower in her standing position looking incredibly guilty. "What have you got to say for yourself?"
"Uh…" The only female in the room who happened to be a newly convicted criminal began to slowly inch her way back until she found that her elder brother stopped her retreat and gave her a look that clearly said she needed to defend herself. "Well…first of all I'm only half, second of all being a Neko doesn't help my fascination with shiny things nor does being raised by Youko and Kuronue before my abrupt…disappearance from their care help with the fact that yes, I stole several things. I only demolished the places because I KNEW I'd be drawing your attention seeing as I did it with my energy and I drew you out because of the simple fact that I could still feel that you were(she pointed at Kurama) alive and the rumors said you were in Ningenkei so I ran with it. Look, I'm really sorry and I'll give everything back except the Sai's because those were mine to begin with but you have to understand that I did it because it's partly in my nature and because no other way of finding him," She jerked her thumb back towards Kurama, "worked and believe me I tried SEVERAL."
"Well…" Koenma sighed heavily; a bit surprised since most Youkai did not act like this, especially those who had just been formally convicted of something that could easily give them a prison sentence of a good 100 years, if not more. "I'll need some time to discuss your sentence so until then I'm afraid we'll have to stick you in a holding cell. The boys will escort you." Koenma waved his hand dismissively before hiding himself behind a stack of papers to consider the possibilities.
"H-holding…cell?" She asked timidly, staring wide eyed at the little ruler as he hid.
"You'll be fine." Kurama reassured her as he turned her towards the exit and began to walk her out. Hiei and Kurama were in front of her and Yusuke and Kuwabara were behind her on the far to short walk. Kurama saw the fear in her eyes; she never did much like enclosed spaces.
"In." Hiei stated monotonously, giving her a rather hard shove with the hilt of his katana. She hissed and placed on hand on either side of the door, digging her claws in.
"No. Way." Was her reply and for a few moments, Kuwabara and Yusuke were both reminded of trying to shove Ekichi into the cat carrier for her yearly vet visit.
"IN onna!" Hiei shoved again, with more force than he had before but the girl would not budge!
"No!" There was fear in her voice but Hiei gave one more forceful shove and with a yelp, she was shoved face first into the floor of the cell and the door slammed behind her. She whimpered and rubbed her nose gingerly, that was going to leave a bruise. "Bastard."
"Wrong species Ice Queen."
If there had not been bars of Reiki reinforced titanium like metal, chances are the neko would have been very painfully dismembered by Hiei.
The neko glared through the bars before turning towards the small bed and curling up on it with her tail lazily swinging about behind her. Kurama begrudgingly left with the others, hoping to dissuade Koenma from anything too rash concerning the somewhat delicate girl. Delicate not physically, the girl just had some major issues at times.
"You'd best keep the little mutt away from me kitsune." Hiei growled on the trek back.
"Her name is Avaria and quite frankly Hiei, I'm going to say the same to you." Kurama replied, none too happy with the situation as it stood.
(((((((((((((((((((Several Hours Later))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Avaria, as we have now discovered her name to be, was gently set down upon a ghastly yellow couch facing Koenma's paper stacked desk. She looked around groggily before blinking all the sleep away and realizing she wasn't in the tiny cell anymore. She was, however too tired to really care and stared lazily at the toddler ruler waiting for her sentence. She was also too drowsy to really realize the full weight of what she was about to be told.
She also barely registered that the four detectives that had caught her and stuck her in that cell were there too, especially the fire demon sitting as far away from her as possible so as to resist the temptation to remove her head from her body.
"Well Avaria, I've been contemplating your sentence for quite a while and I believe that I've come up with just the right punishment! You were careful to make sure that you didn't hurt anyone, and you never let on to any human what you were and quite frankly, most of it was just petty theft." Avaria yawned but listened as he continued. "Now the choice is squarely yours, you could take 100 years in the Reikei prison, cut down to 30 for good behavior, or you could join the boys here for 'Community Service' like Hiei and Kurama." He finished, waiting patiently for her to choose.
"So…" Avaria perked up a little, "30 to 100 years in prison…or I get to hang out with my nii-san and help save the world and stuff?" She asked bluntly.
"Yes, that's pretty much the gist of it."
"Uh…I'll take the community service." She decided, not that it really was much of a decision.
"That's great! Well then I suppose I'll just go ahead and give you all your assignment now then!"
"Another one? But we just finished the Dark Tournament and that multiple personaltied freak who tried to destroy the world on top of THAT one!" Yusuke suddenly screamed, startling the poor neko right off the couch. Before Koenma could yell at him though, she beat him to the punch.
"Quit your bloody griping boy! And for Inari's sake stop yelling!" She then sat back down and gave Koenma her full attention but relished the stunned looks on several faces. "You were saying, sir?"
"Oh…yes, well Avaria, I read from your file that you've had quite a few…experiences beyond Makai and Ningenkei, is that correct?"
"Uh…" She gave a nervous chuckle. "You could definitely say that, yes."
"Good! Your experience will aid you and your new teammates greatly!"
"Eh..?" Avaria along with everyone else in the room had a bad feeling about this.
Once Koenma had finished filling all the detectives in on their new mission, several shouts of "WHAT?" were heard filling the palace of the spirit world. These were closely followed by a very angry, feminine voice yelling at them to shut the fuck up before she clawed out there vocal chords.
(((((((((((((About a week later))))))))))))))))))
The new term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was starting in about a week but the scarlet steam behemoth of a train was making its way towards the school just a tad bit early. Inside one compartment among many that were completely empty sat three supposedly new students. Between them all was an immense pile of sweets that the only female in the compartment had bought in Diagon Alley just yesterday and it was being enjoyed by all, Chocolate Frogs and Drubles and Lemon Burst Lightning Bugs just to name a few. Why were they heading off a good week before all the other students though?
Simply because their boss and the headmaster insisted upon it for an unknown reason.
He had been reading one of their 6th year spell books when he felt a slight tug at his hair. He thought nothing of it though since it was only he, Yusuke and Avaria sitting in that compartment. Avaria was probably just trying to see how many silver streaks the mergence of the souls/personalities of Youko and Shuichi had given him. He felt another tug at his hair and sighed as Avaria began humming some random tune along with the magickal music player she'd purchased along with the sweets and robes in Diagon Alley.
Avaria giggled to herself, thinking about the week long torture Yusuke had recently gone through to learn English. Poor boy should have paid more attention in class, actually he should have GONE to class. Oh well, she giggled again and continued her project with Kurama's hair.
Kurama twitched once more as a seed fell onto his shoulder. Now he was interested in what his dear little sister was doing. It had been over a hundred years and she still knew how to bug him and how to make him cave to the most whimsical of her demands. Damn that little minx and her manipulative ways!
"Avaria…?" He asked her quietly, not looking away from his book.
"Hm?" She queried as he felt more tugs at his hair and odd sensation it being pulled away from the back of his neck.
"What are you doing?"
"Playing with your hair." She snapped a lime green hair tie at the end of something and smiled triumphantly at him. "All done!"
Yusuke attempted to keep in his laughter but it proved to be too much for the boy. Avaria had put Kurama's hair into a nice semi-long braid down his back and she'd stuck the rose neatly where the very start of the rope of hair was.
"Yusuke be quiet." Kurama gave him a hard look and reached behind him, sighing deeply before pulling the braid out. "Avaria if you're bored why don't you get out that sketchbook of yours and draw something?"
"Oh yeah!" The hanyou's eyes widened considerably. "I forgot about that!" At her exclamation Yusuke laughed even harder and Avaria did not hesitate to smack him upside the head for it.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?"
"For being an idiot and laughing at me." She huffed and sat by the window, drawing away many depictions of painful and bloody situations that involved Yusuke.
The rest of the train ride was made in silence with Kurama reading, Avaria drawing and Yusuke…napping across from the siblings. Avaria sighed to herself when she caught her first glimpse of the castle and closed her sketchbook gingerly, opting to continue staring out the window. Hiei and Kuwabara stayed back in Japan due to the fact that they would still be needed on the job at home, and partly because the animosity between Avaria and Hiei had only grown and neither would confirm nor deny that the will excreted to not kill each other would last during a school year. Beyond that, Kuwabara was strong and all but he'd definitely need Hiei's help and no one doubted that.
"We're here!" Avaria exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence in the compartment. Kurama merely smiled at her and moved to wake Yusuke but Avaria stopped him.
"I'll handle the dimwit nii-san." She wore a smile befitting a pixy whose sole purpose in life is to cause mischief and to Avaria, that WAS her sole mission in life.
"…all right." He raised an eyebrow, watching her as she tip toed over to the sleeping detective and knelt by his ear, cupping her hands to her mouth.
"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" She screamed into his ear and with a yelp, Yusuke jumped up and hit his head on the luggage rack while Avaria giggled loudly in a heap on the floor.
"OW! Why you little-" His move to punch her was blocked by Kurama who gave him another hard look before helping the girl up. "Eh…" at this point Yusuke decided to mumble under his breath about protective people and their stupid habits before exiting the train after them.
"What in the Seven Hells are those things!" Yusuke practically yelled, staring at the incredibly strange things standing in front of the carriage. To him they looked like nothing but big black horses that had been starved and then buried for a hundred years.
"Ugh…"Avaria blanched slightly before answering. "These are Thestrals, one who has witnessed death and ONLY one who has witnessed death can see them so I'm going to safely assume that all of us can?" The boys nodded at her dimly before climbing into the carriage.
"Okay boyo's…I'm sure by now you've realized we are indeed about a week early to the start of the term right?" Avaria began, smiling to herself softly as Yusuke and Kurama nodded again.
"I was wondering why there wasn't anyone else on the train…" Yusuke muttered, Avaria just ignored this though.
"Yes well, the three of us have some business to attend to with the Headmaster and since we are starting as 6th years Koenma figured we'd like to be sorted privately and get to know the grounds a day or well seven, in advance, it's a big school." Avaria giggled before adding, "Oh, and when we get there don't wander off and stick with me." Yusuke gave her a bewildered look while Kurama raised an amused eyebrow.
Avaria chuckled to herself as the carriages pulled up to the school, boy were they in for a surprise.
(((((((((A bumpy carriage ride later)))))))))))))
"Avaria my dear!" the man wore sapphire blue robes adorned with twinkling silver stars and Yusuke was almost afraid he'd step on his own crisp white beard as he and Kurama stood back where the carriage had been a moment before.
"Albus!" Avaria smiled as she was enveloped in a warm hug by the headmaster of the school.
Yusuke and Kurama looked at her in shock. "You KNOW him?"
Japanese Terms I use:
Neko – Cat
Nii-san – Older/Elder/Big brother
Hanyou – half demon
Youkai – demon
Onna – woman/girl/female…
Kitsune – fox (if you didn't know that then why are you even browsing this category?)
Ningenkai – Human/Living world
I think that's about all…secondly, please remember it is a work in progress and subject to change, I've already rewritten this chapter three times as it is! I hope you enjoyed it!