Author's Note: Now, I know that this fic is highly improbable, but it's just…interesting. I came up with this while watching Advent Children the other day. Granted, Loz, Yazoo, and Kadaj are all clones of Sephy, and Kadaj clearly mentions in AC that he never knew Sephiroth, I thought this would be funny. So, don't expect any seriousness. It's all insanity from here on out. I don't know how many chapters there will be. By the way, in this fic, Sephiroth is 20, Loz is 10, Yazoo is 7, and Kadaj is 5. Characters will be OOC most of the time.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!


By Aurora M. Tepes

Chapter 1: The Assignment

It had been dull now for a while. No new assignments, no fights, no disturbances, nothing. Well, at least he didn't have to spend any more time around that creep Hojo, right?

That was what he had thought. But he had orders. He was to report to the Shin-Ra Labs immediately. Something about an urgent need of restraining…something. So he did as he was told. He reported to the labs and waited for a few minutes before that creepy Hojo approached him.

Gah, that guy always gave Sephiroth goosebumps. There was something about the way Hojo stared at him, like he was a bug in a jar. Sephiroth shivered.

"Is it cold in here to you?" Hojo cackled eerily. Sephiroth shook his head. The two stared at each other for a moment. "I suppose you want to know what your assignment is, then." Sephiroth nodded.

Maybe at this rate I can leave soon, Sephiroth thought. Besides, anything in the labs can't be too difficult, right?

"I have to go to Icicle Inn for a month and I'm taking most of my staff with me," Hojo stated. "However, those who I am leaving behind are…incapable of handling certain…charges. Hence, I am forced to ask you to do a simple task: take care of the three charges until such time as I return." Sephiroth blinked a few times.

"You want me to…baby-sit?" Sephiroth asked, wide-eyed. Hojo chuckled eerily again, making Sephiroth even more nervous.

"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as…guarding them." Sephiroth was speechless. He was a member of SOLDIER, Shin-Ra's elite army! How dare they put him is such disgrace. Besides, this was Turk work, not a job for a SOLDIER!

Unfortunately for Sephiroth, he had been too caught up in his inward tirade to catch the mad scientist's instructions. The guy was currently walking away slowly, apparently leading the way to his charges. Sephiroth mentally cursed himself for his ADHD. He had to walk quickly to catch up to the blabbering man.

"…and remember to feed them no more than 3 times a day. I can't have them getting slack. The youngest one is a little forceful and quite cunning. Watch out for the middle one, he can be very manipulative. And the oldest is a crybaby, so don't fall for that act," Hojo was saying. "They are to be in bed, lights out, at 8:30. Any later and they won't get enough sleep, (though I'm starting to wonder whether the middle one is developing insomnia). Don't give the youngest one any sugar or he'll go off like a rocket. And make sure there's at least a little light in the room where they sleep or the oldest will be crying all night."

"Wait! Do I leave them here!" Sephiroth demanded. Hojo shook his head.

"Take them back to your…whatever you live in. Unfortunately, the environment will be uncontrolled, but it will have to do since you can't stay in the labs all night." Hojo had stopped in front of a large, stainless steel door. He entered some codes into it and it slid open.

There were three children sitting on the floor together. They all had the same silver hair and the same green, cat-like eyes. They looked up when Sephiroth and Hojo entered. The amount of white in the room hurt Sephiroth's eyes and it took him a moment to adjust to it. The children hadn't moved, well, except for the youngest, who was perpetually bouncing.

"Sephiroth, this is the oldest, Loz," Hojo explained, pointing to the tallest and most muscular of the three. His short hair was gelled back into one spike. He eyed Sephiroth with suspicion. "This is the middle one, Yazoo." Hojo pointed to the second tallest, but he had the slightest build. He had the longest hair, and his bangs seemed to insist upon falling into his eyes. He had a blank, emotionless look on his face and his head was cocked to one side. "And this is the youngest, Kadaj." Kadaj was the smallest. He was built more like Yazoo than Loz. His shoulder length hair swayed back and forth as he fidgeted, he seemed determined not to keep still. Hojo turned to them. "Boys, Sephiroth will be taking care of you for the next few days. Behave." In seconds, Kadaj was by Sephiroth's side.

"CAN I HOLD YOUR SWORD!" he screamed. Hojo knelt down.

"Remember what I said, no pointy or sharp objects." Kadaj pouted. Hojo stood and turned back to Sephiroth. "The emergency numbers are on the fridge if you need them, and so is the number where you can reach me if you need to. Try to keep them out of trouble."

So it was that Sephiroth had entered the Shin-Ra Labs empty handed and left with three hyper children strapped in the back seat of his car. Well, two hyper children and one child that seemed too quiet.

He sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot. The youngest, Kad…whatever his name was, was staring out the window, babbling on about something having to do with the impaled bodies of giant pink bunnies. Sephiroth made a mental note to keep the kid away from his stuffed animal collection. The oldest, Loz (or was it Lars?), was staring at him in wonder and kept asking Sephiroth about what he referred to as "gravity defying bangs." The middle one, Yazoo (Sephiroth could actually remember his name because he had tried not to laugh at it), stared straight ahead with his head cocked to the side. Sephiroth had a feeling he'd get along best with Yazoo.

Yazoo suddenly leaned forward and looked up at Sephiroth.

"Did you know you look like a vampire?" he asked softly. Sephiroth stared down at him in shock. The kid had been completely silent the whole time, not making one noise. But of all the things that he would've thought would come out of Yazoo's mouth, Sephiroth never expected that question. Sephiroth sighed.

"This'll be one loooooong month," Sephiroth mumbled.

"You shouldn't mumble! People won't understand what you're saying!" Kadaj quipped happily.

Author's Note: Well, there's the first chapter! Tell me what you think! No flames please. I shall try to update this fic weekly along with my HP/FF7 crossover. So I'll update this on Wednesdays and update that on Saturdays.

Preview to Chapter 2: "Yazoo, put the gun down! Loz, get away from the oven! Kadaj, WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!"