Revision A/N: As part of my New Year's Resolution, I've decided to get off my ass and revise/rewrite/repost all my favorite fics that are in desperate need of some polish because ff dot net has deleted more of my scene breaks and em dashes that I can count, damn it. I'll be uploading at least one chapter a day until I'm all through. This includes my current WIPs, so if you've been waiting for me to get to work on something specific, it'll probably happen during the revision process. Hooray!

This story is the companion to "I'm Not!" which is told from Laura Cadman's point of view; this one is told from Rodney McKay's. Reading "I'm Not!" first is definitely recommended. After all, that's the one that won a couple of Isis Awards! Originally written in June, 2006. Revised, January, 2012 holycrapsixyearswhat.

It's only Nine AM, and it's already been a painfully long, long day.

Zelenka has been driving me completely insane with his inane prattle about P3X-Z529 since five o' clock this morning.

I'm really thinking about finding a way to kill him. Nothing ostentatious, just something that looks like an accident. I should think, with my IQ, it should be fairly easy to orchestrate.

It's not the usual inane prattle that he has for everyone else, but that special brand of inane prattle that he reserves for me, and only me.

Arguing against my theories, like his are better or something.

Ha! Better. That's a laugh.

I've been tempted to call him Fumbles McStupid on more than one occasion this morning, but have decided that using the same insult more than once is a waste of my magnificent vocabulary.

Regardless of how fitting said insult may be.

He's been baiting me all day.

So has Sheppard, for that matter.

Is it 'Intergalactic Pick on McKay day' or something? Did everyone else get a memo about it but me?

Sheppard really is irritating. Slightly more than Zelenka, actually. At least with Radek, I have scientific evidence with which to dispute his claims, and can then call him an idiot completely guilt free.

Not that I suffer from guilt after pointing out that someone is an idiot, but I do like to have evidence when calling someone a moron. If only so that they can't argue the point later on.

Sheppard is another story entirely.

There's really no way to combat his suggestions, other than vehemently deny them.

What are his ridiculous, ludicrous and completely unfounded claims, you ask?


They're mostly about the way I turn tail and run whenever Cadman's around.

Just for the record, I most certainly do not run away from her, squealing like a girl. I don't. I don't. I don't!

Do so.

I don't have 'a thing' for her, either.

Yeah, right.

No matter what Sheppard says.

She's blonde, she's witty, she can trade barbs with you better than Samantha Carter. What's not to like?

Excuse me, but did I ask for your opinion?

Hmm? Hmm?


I didn't think so!

Besides, she's going out with Carson. Carson the 'sensitive', 'caring', doctor. Well, by all means, if she likes that type, good riddance!

So what if she's blonde? That has nothing to do with anything.

Uh huh.

It doesn't!

Nothing to do with her biting wit, either.

Keep digging.

Or the fact she can tap dance.

She doesn't make me nervous. She really doesn't. At least, not in the way Sheppard thinks she does.

I had her in my head, that's bound to leave some kind of lasting impression.

Zelenka's chattering at me again.

Have I mentioned that I'm no good at suffering fools?

In case I didn't, I just thought I'd let you know, I'm really no good at suffering fools.

At least Zelenka's had to shut up for the most part since we've arrived in the conference room.

Only have to listen to Elizabeth now. That's not so bad, I mean-

Cadman's staring at me. It's a little hard to concentrate with her eyes trying to bore a hole through my skull.

Why is she staring at me like that?

What? Do I have something in my nose?

Stealthily swipe hand across nose, just in case. False alarm.

Carson's here now, he's taken a seat next to Sheppard. He's going on about the medicinal properties of some of the plants on-


Cadman broke her pencil.

Offer her yours!

What? Why? It's my pencil!

She's recovered quickly. Has shoved the two pieces of pencil into her pocket and has made a witty remark about not knowing her own strength.

Wonder why she's so jumpy.

Ah. Yes. Yes. Carson entered the room just now. Of course. That must be it. Makes perfect sense. She's obviously so enamored with the man that she-

Now she's spilled coffee on herself.

This only proves my theory.

Disgusting. Making a spectacle of herself over Beckett. Completely appalling.

Elizabeth's talking again. Ah. Apparently it's my turn to share pearls of wisdom about the upcoming mission with the uneducated masses. Oh goodie.

All right. Only a few more minutes and then-

Dismissed. Good. Have to get back to the lab and-

Sheppard's caught up with me. Is currently teasing me about just how fast I seem to have bolted from the conference room in an effort to avoid being near Cadman for longer than necessary.

Snark at him and retort that I did no such thing, that I had lots of work to do, schematics to go over before we leave. It's got nothing to do with Cadman, nothing at all-

"Oh? Prove it."

Stop walking. "Excuse me, what? Are you an adolescent? In case you haven't noticed, I have a job to do. I'm not about to go gallivanting off after Lieutenant Cadman in an effort to disprove your ridiculous theory."

And it is ridiculous. Utterly, totally, completely-

He's teasing me again. He says that after all, didn't I have something to talk to her about anyway? Something I was going to send someone else to talk to her about in my place? If I'm really not avoiding her, why don't I go do it myself?

Stick nose in the air.

Fine. Fine. Fine. If me going to talk to Cadman will get him off my back, fine!

Snap at Sheppard once more, just for good measure, and then stalk off towards Cadman's quarters.