Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, or anything remotely related to the Teen Titans.

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to write. Things have been happening in my life, and due to them, I have had little to no time for fanfiction. On further note, this story happens to be based on a true story, a sad story, one that happened, and is still happening, to me. So please...no flames.


They searched from morning to dusk, and then from morning to dusk again. For an entire week, the Teen Titans searched over ever inch of Titans Tower, every nook and cranny of Jump City, and even most of the state of California. But no where did they find their friend.

They checked her room first, of course, but found nothing. Her room was not missing anything. The Book of Malchior was still locked deep within her trunk; the Nevermore mirror was likewise tucked safely away in her dresser. Her clothes were neat and tidy, nothing taken.

It was as if she had simply disappeared.

"Have you had any luck, friend?" asked Starfire as she descended onto the roof of Titans Tower. Her green eyes were filled with worry and on the verge of tears. She had had trouble flying recently, due to her emotional state. She wasn't the only one.

"We've had plenty of luck, Star," said Cyborg, "unfortunately all of it being bad." Cyborg's face was not smiling as he said this. His friend's leaving had made him cynical lately; he hated not knowing if she was safe or not.

"We haven't found anything," Robin clarified, looking over at Starfire. "It's been a week now, and we don't have any clue as to where she went, or why she left." Robin was still his leader-like self, but even the other Titans could tell he had been affected by Raven's leaving, too. He was much more strict lately, more blunt, and had no patience for anyone.

Robin had ordered them all back to the Tower, and that was where they all were now. Cyborg had arrived moments before in the T-Car, and now Star had just landed. Only Beast Boy . . . and Raven . . . were missing.

"What do we do now?" asked Starfire. "Should we alert the other Titans? Or the Justice League?"

"We could," Robin said. "But it wouldn't do any good. You know Raven as much as I do, and if there is one thing you should know by now . . . if Raven doesn't want to be found, she won't."

"But why would she not want to be found?" asked Starfire. "We are her friends! Her family!"

"Not anymore we aren't," Cyborg said, his eyes downcast.

"Please! We must keep trying!" Starfire cried. "What if she is in trouble? What if she was captured? It is our job to find her!"

"She wasn't captured, Star," Robin said. "If there was a struggle, of any kind, we would have known about it. And if she was in trouble, she would have come back to us by now, or at least tried to." He sighed. "She left on purpose. On her own. She doesn't want to come back."

There was a silence. Robin was left staring over the horizon as Cyborg and Starfire both continued to study the roof below them. The past week had been hard on them; it had been hard on everybody. There was no one left unaffected.

After a while, Starfire spoke.

"Please . . ." she said, looking up. "Is Beast Boy still . . . ?"

"Yes," Cyborg answered.

"All day," Robin said. "Again."

"Not a word."

One floor down, the Titan known as Beast Boy was in his room. And if anything, the room was even dirtier than it usually was. Clothes were thrown everywhere, heaping piles growing from every corner. Papers littered the floor and desks, crunched up and thrown haphazardly around. Ripped posters and bed sheets hung from the walls and furniture. Claw marks were evident in more than one area.

But Beast Boy looked even worse. He wore his Titans uniform, one he hadn't taken off in exactly a week. A deep, husky odor clung to it, smelling of tears, sweat, and late nights. Small drops of blood stained its fabric; it was ripped in several places. The gloves and boots had been removed, revealing green and dirty feet and hands.

Beast Boy's face was long and stretched. His eyes were only half-opened, and deep rings off dark circled underneath them; BB hadn't once in the past week. But if anyone were to look closely at his eyes, they would noticed that they were actually shaking. The pupils of his eyes were visibly shaking back and forth.

Beast Boy was, in any definition, a wreck.

Raven's running away had affected Beast Boy the most, and the other Titans knew it. While they were all sad and depressed, Beast Boy had taken it a few steps further. He was miserable; he was suffering. And the other Titans knew why.

It was because he had loved her.

It had been Beast Boy who had first discovered Raven was missing. The Titans had just returned from fighting another super-villain, and it was late at night. Everyone was preparing to go to bed, but Beast Boy had had other plans.

Beast Boy had decided that was the night he was going to confess his love to Raven. He had loved her for so long, and he knew he couldn't keep it bottled in any more. And he had gone to her room to find her and tell her. Only to find there was nothing to find; she was gone.

He asked the other Titans; none of them had seen her. They activated their communicators only to find that Raven's was switched off. It was out of the Tower . . . but it's signal was lost. Raven was missing. She had run away.

And Beast Boy had been left behind.

For two days he had searched for her, completely cut off from the other Titans. He searched all of Jump City three times over in that time, every nook and cranny, every square inch of town, inhabited or not. And he had found nothing. He returned back to the Tower and had locked himself in his room. Every attempt from another Titan to contact him was met with silence.

For five days Beast Boy had remained in his room, never sleeping, never eating. He looked everywhere on the internet, read every article that ever mentioned Raven, every article that mentioned anything closely related. He checked dates that might have ben important to Raven. He read he obituaries, the runaways, the police contacts. And he found no leads at all.

And he fallen and fallen until depression had consumed him and suffering became him. Every moment of his life was filled with the torment of being left behind, of losing the thing most dear to him. His heart was an empty void . . . all that filled it was pain and loss.


The daily knock, the one to make sure he was still there. BB had heard it four times before. Now it was five. Each time he had simply knocked back. If they tried to engage him in conversation, he was silent. If they tried to drag him out of the room, he transformed into a lion and roared until they left.

Today he did something different. Today he actually answered back.

"You can come in," he said, surprised to hear his own voice after five straight days of complete and utter vocal silence. His throat was parched, and his voice was tired; he sounded old and hoarse.

Robin opened the door and took two steps in, observing the state of the room. It wasn't good. He was almost afraid to look at Beast Boy . . . and yet he did. And he looked even worse. Robin had already lost one friend; he was afraid he might lose this one, too. But for another reason. And in a different way.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking at his friend and his friend's room.

"Do I look like I'm okay to you?" Beast Boy asked, turning to face him. Robin visibly flinched when he saw his friend's face. The baggy, shaking eyes, the ripped uniform. It was like a horror movie.

"No, you don't," Robin said. "That's why I asked." He looked around. "The claw marks. How . . . ?"

"I transformed into the Beast a few times," BB admitted, turning away and walking to the other side of the room.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"It would have slowed down the search," Beast Boy told him. "I didn't want you to . . . waste your time. Besides, I had it under control."

"You could help, you know," Robin answered, his eyes narrowed behind his mask. "If she means so much to you, you could help us find her."

"I'm not helping because I know it will do no good," Beast Boy told him, spinning to face him. "I know Raven better than any of you! Any of you! And because of that, I know she's not coming back! I loved her, okay? She meant the world to me, and now she's gone, never to return, never to be seen again!"

He growled and one of his eyes twitched. "I loved her, Robin. And I never even got to tell her."

Robin's expression was unreadable. "I'm . . . sorry, Beast Boy." There was a silence, and then: "But you can't stay here. Not forever."

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah . . . I know. I just . . . need time. And lots of it."

Robin nodded back. "Just don't take too long," he said sympathetically. "We're all Titans; if you suffer, we all suffer."

"I know," Beast Boy said. "Thanks."

And with that, Robin left, the door hissing shut behind him. Beast Boy stood in the same spot, facing out the window into the bleak evening. He would have stayed like that all night. But then, something happened. Something unusual.

Beast Boy smelled something.

Beast Boy turned as his animal instincts kicked in. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end . . . his ears twitched . . . his eyes scanned the room. He took a deep sniff and caught the scent. That scent . . . so familiar, and yet almost forgotten. The scent he had loved.

It was Raven.

And that was when he saw the dark energy circling in the middle of his room. The familiar darkness, created so often by Raven, was in the form of a sphere and floating in the middle of his room. When BB noticed it, the sphere floated over to him and disappeared in a black flash of light.

Left in Beast Boy's open hands was a note. It was written by Raven. Beast Boy ripped open the envelope and began to read.

Beast Boy —

I so hope that you receive this. Because these may be the last words I ever say to you.

I know you must be worried sick about me; I am so sorry for that.

But I had to do it. I had to run away.

I know there is nothing I can say to make you believe me, but . . . I truly had to. I wish I could describe it to you.

My life . . . it is so painful, so . . . awful. I had no other choice.

I'm not allowed to be happy, it seems. And I don't want that to happen to you, too.

I'm starting a new life, Beast Boy. But before I do . . . there is something I have to tell you.

Something I should have told you a very, very long time ago.

I love you.

I love you so very much, but I could never express it. But I could never start a new life without telling you this.

I love you. And I always will.

I am so so sorry . . .

My Eternal Love,


Beast Boy read the letter. And then he read it again. He could feel the sadness consuming him once again, filling him up. But just before he felt the tears arrive, he turned the letter over. And there was a picture.

It was an old photograph, taken months and months ago. It was back when the Titans were still all together, when the team was in its prime. The photograph, taken probably by Cyborg, depicted both Raven and Beast Boy. In the photograph, Beast Boy had one arm around Raven's shoulder and was winking at her. Raven was looking back at him and, amazingly, seemed to be smiling. Not frowning, not smirking, but honest-to-Gd smiling.

And Beast Boy's face was surrounded by a big, red heart, which Raven had drawn with a marker.

And the real Beast Boy, the one in his room, the one who was sad, and the one who was forgotten, just stared at that photograph. He stared and he stared.

And then, he started to cry.


Dedication: To Raven S.

My best friend, and my first love

Wherever you are now . . . I miss you

A/N: Ireally don'tthink there is anything more to say. Please Review.