A/N: I'm sorry to say that this will be the last chapter for a little while. I am still going to write this story, but I have a lot going on for the next week or so, so I won't be able to write much. However, as soon as I have time I will start the next chapter. Thanks for all the comments, they are so encouraging!
When I woke up the next morning it was to somebody shaking me awake.
"This better be fucking good, I'm exhausted." I said as I opened my eyes. "Oh, Cap, good morning…"
"Go home Olivia. Someone will cover you, you need to go get some sleep, I know I just gave you half a week off and it has only been one day since you've been back, but you look like shit. Think about taking a vacation, relaxing maybe."
"Cap, no I'm fine…"
He cut me off. "Olivia Benson, don't argue with me. Go home, get some sleep, come back this afternoon around 2."
"Alright Cap…" I put my shoes on and trudged out in the office. Elliot was sitting at his desk and looked up at me.
"Damn Benson. You really do look like crap."
"Thanks and good morning to you too!" I quipped. "I'll see you at 2, when Cap is letting me back."
"Alright, see you latter then." Elliot said as I headed out.
I drove home getting caught in a little bit of traffic along the way. When I got there I kicked off my shoes and climbed into bed. I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't. I kept thinking about Alex being back in town and having actually seen her and flirted with her. Oh gosh, flirting with her came so natural. It was like nothing had every changed, except it had. She wasn't the same Alexandra Cabot I know and love. She isn't the same as she was before she went into the program.
I started to wonder about what could've happened between the two of us if she never went into the program. Would we be together? Would we be in love? Would we have started seeing each other and ended each other before too long? Would she have been in control of the relationship? Would I have been in control of the relationship? The questions were endless and they all ran through my head that night. It was actually starting to drive me a bit crazy. I wanted to call her and just lay everything out on the table for you. Let her know how I feel and how I've always felt. Would she pull me close and tell me she feels the same way or would she push me even further away and not say anything at all?
The next day at work I just sat at my desk and tried to read a motion but I couldn't concentrate for anything.
"Cabot." Jessica said, as she stood in my doorway.
"Jess, hey, what's up?"
"I think I should be asking you that. I've been standing here for almost five minutes and you keep looking at the same page there, with no emotion on your face. How did things go last night?"
"Good, I suppose, as best as expected. He told me he wanted me to be happy and he wanted to be the cause of that happiness, but he could tell he wasn't going to be. It was a lot easier than I had expected."
"So what about her? Have you two talked yet?"
"No, we haven't… She works a lot and I don't want her to feel obligated to sit down and have me pour my heart out to her."
"Call. Her. Today!" Rossi stated. "Actually, call her now." She continued into my office, closing the door and sitting down in one of the seats for clients in front of my desk.
"Umm… alright, what time is it?"
"Ten, call her cell…"
I dialed the number and let it ring. "Benson?" The voice said groggily.
"Oh, Liv it is Alex. Am I waking you?"
"No, not really… umm… what's up?"
"Nothing, I was wondering if we could get together to catch up soon? I feel terrible for not stopping by or calling earlier…"
"Yeah, I'll talk to the guys when I go into work this afternoon."
"Well, I was hoping, just you and I could get together…"
"Oh…" She sounded different all of a sudden. "Sure, when were you thinking?"
"How is tomorrow night? Dinner, I'll cook…" I offered.
"Sure, what is the address?"
I rattled off the address, we picked a time and I told her that dinner would be a surprise. We talked idly for a few more minutes before she said she had something to do. I said it was fine and I would see her the following night.
"How did I do?" I asked Jess who was still sitting in my office, with a stoic face.
"Pretty good. I was impressed. If you were asking me out I might have said yes and I am straight."
"Thanks, except I said just to catch up, not out on a date."
"Sounds like one to me Cabot. Probably did to her as well…"
"Oh yeah, she is really jumping at the opportunity to go out on a DATE with me, just like I am her."
"Aren't you?" Rossi questioned.
"Yes and no. It would be a lot, it isn't like it will advance my career at all."
"Hold up! Are you saying you haven't already asked her out because you are afraid that your career will get hurt? Cabot, I thought you were smarter than that. I still do, that is why I am going to tell myself you didn't just say that. If you want her enough, your career won't even matter…" She got up and headed out of my office. "Think about that Cabot." She said as she opened the door and left.
I pondered what she had just said. Was I seriously afraid of a relationship with Olivia because of the effects it might have on my career? It actually sounded quite selfish. Rossi was right, if I do want her enough then my job shouldn't matter, she should. Olivia should be the only thing that matters that much to me…