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Scenes in Colour
He stands in the front, right behind Ryan, wearing a serious expression on his face and trying to forget the hurt that's killing him inside. He resists the urge to wrap his arms around the younger man's waist and bury his head in his stomach and beg to take him back. He just stands there, the quiet support, the friend, the best man, on his former lover's big day.
He'd always known she had a thing for him, had always known that she felt something for him and that if Ryan gave himself the chance he could love her back. But he'd always thought his lover was safely in his arms and that her small crush would go away and that was the way things were going to be.
He hadn't counted on standing here, watching him and feeling his heart breaking in his chest. He can still remember how it used to be, ghosts of touches, whispers of kisses and all of that when they were at work. He can still remember how they were at home, laughing and happy.
He can still remember how it felt making love with Ryan.
He can still remember how it felt being inside of Ryan.
He can still remember how it felt being taken by Ryan.
The only thing he wants, needs more then anything, is feeling those things again. The only thing he wants is Ryan by his side but as he watches on he knows it's impossible.
He turns around, watches Alexx smiling while she's sitting next to Horatio. She's happy for her baby and she's happy for her friend. The older man, however, meets his eyes and gives him a dark look. He knows exactly what Horatio is thinking and he shakes his head, merely turns around again.
Because things are the way they are and there is nothing he can do about it now.
He wants to fight, wants to scream, wants to yell, wants to throw Ryan on the floor and claim him with everything he has. He wants to take his lover back home, to their home. He wants to go back and undo everything he had done to loose the only one he'd ever loved.
Thinking back he can't even remember why he did it. He can only remember lots of alcohol and a warm and willing body and when he woke up in the morning it wasn't Ryan's face he woke up too. It had been a one night stand, had been a drunken fling. They'd been flirting with each other for weeks and even though Ryan had seen them he'd apparently trusted Eric enough so he didn't say anything about it.
And Eric had thrown all of that out off the window the second he took their flirting to the next step.
He'd woken up to the smiling face of Natalia Boa Vista and he'd wanted to hurl. He couldn't believe he'd taken it further then he'd ever wanted it to go. He'd smiled at her, gotten his clothes and left. He hadn't taken the time to look in the mirror.
When he got home, to find Ryan asleep on the couch he could feel his heart clench at the thought that his sweet and gentle lover had stayed up to wait for him, probably realising as time wore on that Eric wasn't going to show.
His lover had woken because of the door and he'd opened sleep laden eyes. He'd looked around disorientated, then had probably realised what happened. He'd looked up at Eric and his eyes had widened the way they only did when they were… occupied.
The young man's gaze had hardened and he'd stood up, his body language all closed off and steely. 'When I come back, all your stuff better be gone.' The words had hung in the air and Eric can still remember the way his stomach had dropped while despair washed over him.
Ryan had brushed passed him, all faltering control and obvious pain and he'd wanted to reach out. He'd wanted to sooth his lover and beg for forgiveness. But he hadn't. When he'd been cleaning out his stuff from the bathroom he'd taken a look in the mirror and seen that his entire neck was covered in hickey's.
Hickey's Ryan obviously hadn't put there.
He can remember that day as if it were yesterday and he wishes everyday that he could go back and change everything. That he'd never gone with Natalia or at the very least that he'd begged and pleaded for forgiveness. He still doesn't know why he hadn't pleaded with Ryan.
Maybe it was his misplaced pride that had prevented him for begging. Maybe it was the knowledge that Ryan might never trust him again. Maybe it was the knowledge that he'd hurt Ryan way too much to ever deserve a second chance. Maybe it was the knowledge that Ryan had trusted him to stick to flirting and nothing more.
And now he watches on as his ex-lover is marrying his best friend.
He watches on, as the best man, as Ryan Wolfe and Calleigh Duquense kiss and become happy newlyweds.
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He wonders if Eric felt this way when he was getting married. But he doesn't want to think about that because he's happily married with Calleigh. He loves her, he really does but he doesn't love her the way he's supposed to. He doesn't love her the way he loves Eric.
She knows though. She knew the minute she'd seen him in front of her apartment because he had wanted a shoulder to cry on and he didn't want to go to Alexx. She'd known when she took him in, she'd known when she picked up the pieces of his shattered heart.
She'd known when they became a couple. She'd known when they moved in together, she'd known when they got married that the only one he really wanted was Eric.
And she still knows, she still knows when he kisses her, she still knows when they make love in their bed. But she never says anything, because she understands.
He loves her and even though he won't, can't love her the way he is supposed to she still stays with him. She knows that he can never give his heart to anyone else and that he loves her to the best of his capabilities and that is enough. Because she loves him enough to understand.
He wonders why he decided to do this, because it's obvious that his heart is for one man and one man alone and that even though he loves her, he doesn't love her the way a man should love her. But deep down he knows he married her because she was his best shot of happiness and he did love her.
So he married her, asked Eric to be his best man and the Cuban had clapped him on the back, said congratulations and asked what he should get Ryan for his wedding day. Ryan had been tempted to ask for a kiss, but he'd kept his head high, his face straight and asked for a toaster.
They'd burst out laughing one second later.
He sees Eric shift his weight from one foot to the other in front of him and he tries to focus back on the ceremony, but the fact that Eric looks incredible hot in that tuxedo is kind off distracting.
He knows he shouldn't have been surprised when Eric told him he was getting married. He shouldn't have been surprised at all, because Eric was a good looking guy and he had the pick of the town and he knew the Cuban had it in him to settle down. He'd experienced it first hand.
But that didn't take away his surprise, but he'd quickly pushed it away and congratulated his friends. Because that was what they were, friends. So as a good friend he'd asked what the Cuban had wanted for his wedding day and when the Cuban had asked for a toaster they'd laughed together like friends.
When Eric had asked him to be the best man he hadn't had it in him to decline, even though he felt like he'd rather skip the wedding al together.
His surprise at Eric getting married was nothing compared to the news of who he was going to marry. And now when he's standing behind the man he loves she gives him a look and smiles in triumph and he realizes that she knew they were together all that time ago when she stole Eric from him.
Because Eric Delko is marrying Natalia Boa Vista and there is nothing Ryan Wolfe can do about it because he's married to Calleigh Duquense and he doesn't want to believe that everything really is as messed up as it sounds.
He wonders if he did the right thing when he threw Eric out, but he figures that if Eric didn't even try to explain or didn't even try to ask if they could talk about it then maybe Eric had stopped loving him by that point in time anyway.
And that's why he never said anything himself because he doesn't want to set himself up for more heartache and more pain. He wouldn't be able to live through it.
So the only thing he does is watch while Eric Delko and Natalia Boa Vista kiss and become happy newlyweds.
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It's ten years later now and they're having a party in Alexx' backyard. Horatio and Peter, Alexx' husband, are handling the grill while Alexx is setting up the table with the help of her kids.
Eric Delko is bouncing his two year old son on his knees. The young boy is a perfect cross of his parents. He has Natalia sun kissed locks and Eric's darker tan. He's got big brown eyes and he's absolutely adorable. Natalia sits next to Eric smiling and happy. Their daughter six year old daughter sits next to them, colouring and humming happily.
Ryan Wolfe is keeping an eye on his eight year old daughter, who looks so much like her mother he thinks he'll be mistaking them for each other soon. His other daughter is six as well and is clinging to his leg, chewing on a lock for her brown hair. He shifts the bundle in his arms slightly when he notices his son of three months stirring.
They each have a family with a beautiful wife and beautiful children. They each still work in the crime lab, the only job they can imagine doing. They each go home at night to take care of their family.
Eric Delko still gives Ryan Wolfe furtive glances and looks away and Natalia pretends not to notice.
Ryan Wolfe still smiles like a broken man and his eyes always, always linger on Eric while Calleigh holds his hand and smiles an understanding smile.