Link: About time, biatch.

HEY! Respect the Authoress!!

Link: (-sighs-) So who can we blame this time?


Link: Huh whut?

Al: Genis is better.

Well, yes, in my opinion Genis is better, but Kratos has more plot-ish stuff to his character. Thus, KRATOSIROTH.

Link: Huh whut?

Vaati: (-poofs in randomly-) Kratos, a la Tales of Symphonia. Bitch. (-poofs out-)

Err…yeah, so…enjoy?


Ah, another peaceful moment. The trip to Hyrule Castle was bliss. Ezlo had dozed off, the castle guards were cowering from the fire….

Link was having a good day. Nothing to bother him right now, no sir! Just green grass, sunshine, and Zelda where he was heading!

And of course, this means something's going to ruin it.

It did.

And its calling card was the vibrating White Sword.

"Hey, bitchface!" The voice came.

Link stopped "Who said that?!"

"Dumbass! I'm in your head, DURRR!"

"Green, he…he's scaring me!" Red's voice cut in.

Link sighed and tried communicating via thought. "What the heck is it?!"

"Get to the Sanctuary!" The new voice (Link also recognized it as his own) growled. "And soon…or else Rose Red here gets his ears lopped off!"

"Hey, hey! No flying body parts in my head" Link turned a corner into the courtyard. Soon, he'd be free….

That's when the sirens went off.

They were beautiful, those sirens, singing with clear, strong voices, luring listeners from near and far, like sailors to their watery graves (which is, in fact, what they're famous for). The enthralled guards came in the dozens from all around….

Guards? Shit!


Vaati smiled at his handiwork. "Neatly bound and gagged. You aren't going to be saying anything, are you, Princess?" He was answered by muffled curses. "Ah, ah, aaaah! Such words shouldn't be spoken by ladies! Now, I'm just going to leave you like that…and you'll rot there. Deal? Deal! Okay, nice knowing you!"

And the door was shut on the hall closet as Vaati strolled off with a spring in his step and humming the Fire Emblem theme.


Link strolled nonchalantly out of the cell he had been thrown in. Silly Guard and…Other Guard! They should know to lock the cells! Still, did it matter now? Just a short hallway to the Sanctuary, and from there, freedom.

He stopped when a purple shadow sprung by humming Fire Emblem.

And again when he heard muffled curses from a hall closet. Prying it open gently, he revealed….

"ZELDA!" Link proceeded to glomp and nuzzle the statue—much to her…er, muffled curses. "Mmm…what was that, Zel?"

"Mmph mrph mm!"

Link removed the gag covering her mouth.

"That's better!" Zelda's voice rang clear, startling Link. "Well, it's about time you got here! Now get me out of here and get going!"




"There's no Keese in your mouth, Link. Spit it out."

"You talk…."

"Yes. Yes I do. On the other hand, I cannot move. So if you would…?"

"Will your skirt fly up?"




"Alright, alright!" Link hoisted the stone princess and started off, passively bashing in a guard's head with her as he went.

"OW! LIIINK!!!!"


The fairy fountain in Royal Valley was especially dark. Maybe that's because it was behind a bomb-able wall that shut out what little light there was. And deep inside….

"…Luke, was it? Will this be a five-minute session or a course?" an impish Twili asked from her perch on the edge of the fountain.

A redhead cameo with his abs showing answered. "Oh, just the five-minute."

"…Are you certain?"


"No you aren't."

"What?! Yes, yes I am!"

"No you aren't!"

"I am! If I would have wanted the course, I would have paid the appropriate amount!"

"Or you may just be trying to cheat me out of the right payment."

Perhaps the sign by the bomb-able wall explained this…. "Arguments. 5 min3 Rupees. Course10 Rupees. Quiver UpgradeFree for heroes. Inquire within."


Link: Laaame.

Al: I thought you were obsessed with Symphonia!

Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss, same difference.

Link: Still laaame.

Oh, shut it. I have school, I have DeviantART, I have a life. Updates are irregular, so deal with it, brat.