Dedication: To Miss Hill, my 8th grade history teacher, who orchestrated the trip on which I wrote this fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, nor do I own the song "I Shall Believe" by Sherryl Crowe at the end of this fic.


To be completely honest, I had no idea of how I was expected to react when Cyborg proudly marched into the living room of Titans Tower that dreary February day and announced that he had successfully created a serum to revive Terra. Should I have been pleased to hear that a friend was coming back to us, or annoyed that a traitor would once again be returning to our ranks, even if she did redeem herself in the end?

Looking back on it all, I didn't really have the right to suddenly not want Terra to return to life. After all, I'd contributed long hours of research and touches of magic here and there, yet I think that I'd never truly believed that what seemed a near impossible task, releasing Terra from her stony prison, would really get done. So when Cyborg barged into the living room on that dreary February morning, holding out a glowing test tube with a triumphant grin on his face, I could only stand stalk still, emotionless, because I was unsure of just what it was that I was supposed to feel.

But, when Beast Boy's suddenly shining eyes went wide as he rose, a steady smile creeping across his face at the prospect of seeing Terra alive once again, I knew the only thing I could possibly feel was crushed.

I don't really know when it was that I began to love Beast Boy. Hell, I can't even recall when I discovered that I possessed the ability to love. I suppose it happened sometime between Terra's death and a little after the Malchior Incident. That's the way we all referred to it, as though it were capitalized and official, when it was really just a colossal error of judgment on my part. With Beast Boy moping about Terra and my own lowered emotions (I don't think the Titans were even aware that my emotions could go any lower than my usual dark aura) I think that we were both in need of consolation. Misery loves company, I believe the saying goes.

At first, Beast Boy tried to hide it. His jokes got bigger, his smile got wider, his laughs got louder. The sparkle in his eyes was gone though. Life that had once lingered in his soul had diminished into nothing. I could feel his emptiness like any normal human feels the biting sting of a stab to the gut. It made me sink deeper into what one could consider "depression". I suppose that, in a way, I tried to hide it too, but in a different manner. I distanced myself from the other Titans, a fairly simple task what with the other titans always concerned with their own affairs. Starfire was always thinking of Robin, and Robin was always thinking of Slade. Occasionally, the famed Boy Wonder's refined focus drifted from his mortal nemesis to his red haired best friend. The two just kept missing one another.

Cyborg's troubles ranged from his car to Beast Boy to the condition of his body to the clouded relationship between Robin and Starfire. He had so many burdens, and yet the feelings I got from absorbing his aura was pale compared to that of Beast Boy's.

I guess we just shared a connection, Beast Boy and I, strange as it seemed. We both suffered great loss a the devastation of betrayal; we both knew what it was like to have our hearts crushed. Perhaps it was the similarity of our situations that drove me to fall in love with him. Maybe it was because he'd showed such concern for me after the Malchior Incident. Annoyance though he could be, Beast Boy had a good heart, and to the daughter of a demon, like me, that's everything.

And now Terra was back. Wandering the halls of the Tower as though she belonged once again; romping playfully with Beast Boy the way that I never could. The sparkle was back in his eyes. It drove me insane that Terra could bring out the joy that I couldn't reach. And sure, I'd pretend to be okay with it, as I should, but I wasn't.

I felt hurt. Knowing all this...hurt. It hurt a lot.

----

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
Seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
Seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

To be clear, this is not Terra Bashing in the least. It's just Raven's short drabble-ish perspective on her return. I wrote this like…last year, recently found it, and posted it, so excuse me if it sounds…lame. I think it does, but I figure I'll post it anyways and see what you guys think.

Love,
SushiChica