hey everyone...this is going to be the start of a series of Bb/Rae one shots...of course it really depends on what my readers say...whether or not they want me to continue with it...anyway...ENJOY
oh and this is set right after 'things change'
Beastboy sighed as he turned over in his bed to stare up at the ceiling, grateful that he had gotten rid of his bunk bed. His body felt heavy and his muscles ached; probably from lack of sleep and exercise.
It had been almost two weeks since Terra's return, two weeks since she had claimed not to remember her life as a titan, and two weeks since Beastboy had locked himself in his room, only coming out to eat and go on missions.
A part of him wanted nothing more at the moment than to sleep, but closing his eyes only brought forth the image of Terra disappearing slowly amongst a sea of students, and he was forced to relive the moment again and again. Beastboy sighed, feeling the sting of tears in his tired, burning eyes.
What had he done wrong?
He had offered her everything he could, put his heart on the line for her yet again, and still....she turned her back on him. Was it...just not enough? Would it never be enough?
'Little green one. You always try so hard...and always fail so completely.'
Those words had meant nothing to him before- Just stupid villian banter meant to chip away at his spirit; words that he had easily dismissed at the time, and yet they never seemed more true than they did now.
The Terra he knew might not have been gone, but she was lost to him all the same. Unattainable.
She didn't remember....or didn't want to remember him.
He felt his heart sink further at the thought of being forgotten, like he never truly meant anything to her at all, like he was just some...animal; a loss mourned for no more than a week before discarded completely.
Beastboy closed his eyes, wanting to shut those thoughts out, clenching his eyes so tight that even the images couldn't haunt him. No, that couldn't be true, he had to have meant more to her than that, she had to have felt something toward him.
'Perhaps she wanted to keep you...as a pet'
A light knock startled him from his thinking, and with a slight gasp his eyes flew open and his hands released their tight grip on the sheets beneath him.
He knew it was probably Robin, it seemed like he could almost time when and who would arrive. Starfire usually came up to tell him when food was done and to wish him well, and Cyborg usually knocked around five asking how he was or if he wanted to play video games; or something else like that.
They had just had lunch and it was still an hour and a half before Cyborg would arrive, so he was certain that it was Robin; and he already knew what he would say. It was the same everyday; Robin would first try and act concerned by asking how he was-yeah right, like he really cared-...then Robin would make subtle comments about his behavior before giving a brief lecture about Beastboy's duties as a hero.
Beastboy frowned, it wasn't like he had stopped helping on missions, in fact there hadn't even been that many. He was doing his job to the best of his abilities, despite not being in the best of moods, and he felt that he deserved to be able to choose what he did in his free time. Pushing down what little resentment had surface, he closed his eyes as he heard the knock again. What was Robin waiting for? Did he really expect Beastboy to answer him?
He opened his eyes, surprised. That voice definitely did not belong to Robin. No that was..
"Beastboy. It's me. Raven."
He could hardly recall an encounter with her over the past two weeks aside from the occasional glances he received during missions. She had been the only one of the titans that seemed to respect his need for solitude, and the only one who had yet to confront him on his recent behavior. Part of him knew that it was because Raven understood more than anyone the desire to be alone, to have privacy, but a darker part of himself wondered if she wasn't just happy to have him out of her way.
"I know you're in there Beastboy," Raven replied, a slightly annoyed tone to her voice.
Beastboy groaned some as he pulled a pillow over his head. Despite his lack of contact with Raven over the past two weeks, he was not eager for a confrontation with her now. He wanted to be left alone.
"You can either get up and open the door, or I can just phase through," Raven informed him. "Your choice."
Was she serious? Beastboy paused, listening for her to say anything else. It was quiet and he inwardly sighed, she had probably decided it wasn't worth the trouble and left. That was fine with Beastboy, or at least that's what he told himself; he didn't need anyone.
Suddenly though he felt the covers beneath him jerk away, and he was sent tumbling off the bed and onto the floor. He lay on his back for a moment, stunned, blinking up at the cieling. Raven stepped up beside him, arms crossed, looking down at him expectantly.
He glared up at her when his senses returned, but the look did not phase her, although he didn't expect it to. He quickly pulled himself up, turning to face her, his hands balled into fists at his sides.
"What's your problem?!" Beastboy yelled, ignoring the raspy quality of his voice, no doubt the result of crying and misuse.
"My problem?" Raven asked raising an eyebrow, but not her voice. "I'm not the one who's been hiding out in my room for the last two weeks."
Beastboy glared. What right did Raven have to say that?
"No...you're the one who's been hiding in your room for that last three years," Beastboy reported hotly.
The only indication that his words had affected her was the slight narrowing of her eyes, her voice remained stoic.
"This isn't about me Beastboy," she replied. "But if you're trying to turn it that way, then let me just say that there hasn't been one day, aside from the last two weeks, in which you haven't come to my room and interrupted my meditation or reading to try and persuade me to come out."
Raven realized she wasn't entirely truthful when she said that. She recalled having little to no interaction with Beastboy during the time when Terra was a titan- not that it had bothered her, she would never admit to that.
"So then it's payback," Beastboy countered. "Revenge for all those times I bothered you."
"This isn't about revenge," Raven replied, her patience thinning. "This is about you acting like a complete idiot."
"Oh, so now I'm an idiot," Beastboy fumed.
"I didn't say you were an idiot," Raven replied. "I said you were acting like an idiot."
Beastboy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and taking a seat on the side of his bed, scowling. He turned his head away from her as he did this, although it did nothing to lessen his frustration, he hoped it got his point across- Go Away.
This message was clearly received as he heard Raven sigh, but not in frustration or defeat as he had expected. Beastboy could almost feel the tension in the air lessen as she breathed out, could almost her Ravens unspoken mantra.
"I didn't come here to argue with you Beastboy." she replied, calm and in control.
Beastboy remained silent, pretending he hadn't heard what she said, refusing to even move.
"I'm not talking to you."
Raven glared at Beastboy's immature remark. Why did he have to make this so hard?
"Fine, don't talk," she said, abruptly taking a seat beside him on the bed. "Just listen."
Beastboy tensed when he felt her presence next him, unable to keep himself from turning toward her, the anger on his face replaced with confusion and surprise. Ravens closeness made him feel apprehensive, yet strangely calm at the same time. She took a deep breath as if preparing herself, then met Beastboy's uncertain gaze.
"I realize you may not have noticed," She began, "but during the last two weeks, Starfire hasn't made a single tameranian meal, Cyborg's been neglecting his video games, and Robin's been training excessively."
Beastboy blinked, confused at this bit of information.
"And despite it being quieter than it ever has been," She continued, hesitating a moment before forcing the next words out. "I haven't been able to meditate or even finish one of my books."
Beastboy frowned, hands now resting on his lap as he turned his gaze to the floor in slight disbelief and confusion. Had he really been so wrapped up in himself that he hadn't noticed these things? It hardly seemed possible that his distant behavior could effect the rest of the titans like this. It had always just been about him, about how he felt, not the rest of the team- it didn't seem like it mattered.
He inwardly flinched at how selfish it all sounded now.
"We've all been worried about you."
This time Beastboy did flinch, feeling significantly smaller for some reason.
"I'm not trying to worry you guys," Beastboy admitted quietly. "I guess I just...didn't think you'd care."
Beastboy's eyes were still glued to the floor, so he didn't see the look of sadness that flickered across Raven's face.
"We're your friends Beastboy," she replied, knowing it was something he needed to hear. "Of course we care."
Those words held more power in them than she may have realized, and Beastboy felt suddenly very foolish. Of course they cared about him. How had he not seen it before? That's why they'd showed up everyday. That's why the food Starfire left for him was always vegetarian take-out rather than homemade. That's why Robin kept pressing him to leave his room. Why Cyborg never asked anyone else to play video games with him. And it was the reason why Raven was talking to him now, the reason she hadn't left even though he had been a total jerk.
'Man, I really am an idiot'
"Raven I, I'm sorry. I was a jerk." Beastboy apologized, looking up at her. "You were trying to help and I yelled at you and-"
"Don't worry about it." she replied, kindly putting a halt to any further rambling. "I'd be upset too if someone knocked me out of bed."
A small smile crept across Beastboy's face as he stared down at his now entwined hands.
"Yeah, not the most friendly approach" he said, chuckling weakly. "But it did get my attention."
Raven studied Beastboy for a moment and frowned. His uniform and hair were both a mess, his face slightly pale and his eyes were bloodshot. What stood out the most to Raven however, was the sad -if not somewhat strained- smile on his face.
"Beastboy..." Raven asked, hesitating just a moment before placing a reassuring hand on his arm. "Are you going to be okay?"
Beastboy eyes traveled from his own hands to Ravens, which rested gently on his forearm, and then to her face. She gazed at him with violet eyes filled with understanding and support, and he felt somewhat unworthy of her friendship.
"I...I will be." he answered, being as truthful as he could. "But right now...I...I just can't..."
"I understand..." She replied, pulling her hand away. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Raven stood up, knowing Beastboy still needed time to sort things out.
Beastboy looked up at Raven, who had taken a few steps toward the door before looking back him.
"If you ever do need someone to talk to..." she told him. "My rooms just down the hall, okay?"
The offer was sincere and again he felt unworthy of her concern, unsure if he should even believe it were true.
"You may feel like you're alone, Beastboy," she said softly, "But you're not."
Beastboy froze, remembering that he had told Raven something very similar in the past. The fact the she even remembered those words let Beastboy know how important they had been to her then and maybe even still were, and a sense of comfort and gratitude washed over him.
"Um...thanks," he replied his vision beginning to blur with tears- not sad but grateful. "Thanks a lot."
"You're welcome." she replied as she turned to leave, sliding the door closed behind her.
Beastboy let himself fall back onto his bed as he took in a deep breath...feeling drained, but somehow better than he had in a long time.
Raven made her way into the main room and put on some tea, she noticed Cyborg flipping through channels on the TV and Starfire who was laying down a bowl of water for Silkie.
At that time Robin entered the room and sat down in front of the counter, judging from the sweat that still lingered on his forehead he had just been working out. Starfire greeted him with a smile and offered to make him something to drink, Robin smiled in return telling her that he'd appreciate it.
It didn't take long however for Robin to turn to Raven who had just taken the seat next to him.
"Hey Raven," He greeted, studying her for a moment. "I thought I heard you go up stairs a little while ago."
Hm, so that's what it was. He knew she had went to talk to Beastboy...
Raven nodded as she sipped her tea, not commenting any further.
"Did you perhaps talk with friend Beastboy?" Starfire asked, beating Robin to the punch.
Cyborg turned around from his spot on the couch, suddenly interested.
"He probably didn't answer," he concluded with a frown. "I ain't been able to get much outta him lately."
"Actually...," Raven replied. "We did talk."
"You did?" Robin asked his eyes widening some. "You mean Beastboy actually talked to you?"
"Well?" Cyborg asked eagerly. "What did he say?"
"Is friend Beastboy okay?" Starfire asked.
"Do you know if he's coming out?"
Raven opened her mouth to talk when the door to the main room swooshed open. Everyone froze for a moment when they turned to see the very person they had been discussing walk through the doors.
Raven could tell he had changed his uniform, and his hair had been brushed forward to look like it normally did. His eyes were still a little bloodshot and he still looked tired, but he was there nonetheless.
Finally he took a few steps forward, looking up at them, and the silence was broken.
"Glorious!" Starfire exclaimed.
She flew toward him and wrapped her arms tightly around his form, squeezing him against her and lifting him off the ground.
"I am most pleased to see that you have joined us friend." She told him as she spun around.
"Uh, Starfire...choking ...not breathing," he gasped.
"Oh, I apologize," she replied quickly releasing him from her grip. "I am just so delighted to see you."
Beastboy stumbled back, shaking his head, and hoping the room would stop spinning; Starfire's hugs were almost deadly at times.
"How ya doin' man?" Cyborg asked as he stood up from his spot on the couch.
Beastboy looked over at his friend, taking notice of his concerned tone, before nodding in his direction and saying. "Better."
"Anything we can get for you?" Robin asked, almost afraid that Beastboy was going to retreat back into his room if he wasn't careful.
"Um...I was actually thinking of getting something to eat," he replied shrugging some as he looked down. "I didn't really eat much at lunch and.."
"Don't say another word." Cyborg interrupted, suddenly showing up from behind the kitchens counter in a chefs hat and apron.
"Chef Cyborg is on the job," he said with a huge grin. "What'll it be?"
"Uh...it doesn't really matter," Beastboy replied, he didn't want to get into an argument with Cyborg over Meat.
"Tofu it is then," Cyborg announced.
"Really?" Beastboy asked, surprised.
Cyborg simply nodded as he turned towards the fridge.
"Hey Beastboy," Robin said with a cautious smile. "Maybe after you eat we can play some video games?"
Beastboy frowned, noticing Robin's hesitation.
"That is if you want to," Robin quickly added.
Beastboy looked at the ground for a moment in thought and then looked back up at Robin.
"Yeah...that sounds good," he said with a half grin. "I'm sorta out of practice."
"This is most wonderful," Starfire cheerfully exclaimed, grabbing Beastboy's arm and pulling him closer to the others. "We must arrange for the viewing of a movie tonight, and I shall prepare the beverages and food of junk."
"I think you mean junk food Star." Robin said with a smile.
"Maybe we should hold off on the party," Raven suggested; she didn't want put so much on Beastboy.
"No...it's okay," Beastboy replied. "A movie sounds nice."
Raven met Beastboy's gaze and he smiled-a genuine smile- as if to reassure her that it was okay, and she found herself smiling gently back.
It was going to take some time, but at least things were starting to get back to normal, and hopefully it wouldn't be too long before Beastboy started acting like himself again.
It had been two weeks since Terra's return, two weeks since Raven had heard Beastboy tell a joke, and two weeks since she had seen him smile, but only now did she realize just how much she had missed him.
everyone keep in mind that I plan on making more one-shots if you think this is good.
My main plan is to slowly ease Raven and Beastboy into friendship and then ...dun dun dun...love . So yes...I admit this doesn't have a lot of fluff in it...but eventually...the fluff will come...so don't hesitate to leave me a review