Everyone can thank my little sister for this chapter- it was just going to be a seperate one-shot, but she made me rethink it, alter it a bit, and so it could work within this story.
I honestly don't have anything to say except maybe miracles do happen.
From his spot atop the roof of Titans Tower, Beastboy felt as if he could see everything; from the rocky shore of their home, to the vast ocean, to the sparkling lights of the city as the sun began to fade away into the horizon. Then there was the sounds; the soft sloshing of the waves hitting the rocks below, the whistle of the wind, the quiet chirping of birds, and even the very distant sounds of city life that only his sensitive ears could pick up.
He shifted, realizing faintly how stiff he felt from sitting on the hard surface, and he absentmindedly swung his legs back and forth while they dangled over the edge of the towers roof. The wind blew more fiercely, making the already dreary day even more chilly, and Beastboy closed his eyes against it's bitter sting and took in a deep breath.
Smells were more tricky when he wasn't in an animal form, but he suspected they were still more acute than the average human, and it only took some concentration to decipher them.
Each smell was so unique that Beastboy could only think to describe them as if they were textures, feelings, or colors. The surface on which he sat was much like it's build, a flat dull gray smell of cement, the ocean was fresh and cleansing and just a bit salty, and the wind was crisp, it smelt the way rain felt and tasted like freedom. Then there was the faintest scent of…lavender? Yes, lavender. It smelt soft, tasted sweet, and felt like sunshine on a cool day. It was a subtle yet welcoming scent, that brought with it not just textures and feeling, but memories- A healing touch, an annoyed glance, a supportive hand on his shoulder, a grateful hug, an understanding voice, a shy smile- and more recently; an affectionate eye roll, a gentle touch, late night walks in the park with entwined hands, and soft kisses.
The sound of her nearly silent steps came to a brief halt behind him, and his lips quirked up into a gentle grin.
"Am I interrupting anything?" she asked.
Beastboy looked back at her incredulously, as if the question was ridiculous.
"No way, Rae," he said, smiling as he noticed the subtle way her shoulders lowered in relief, despite her seemingly calm demeanor.
"Plenty of roof top to go around," he informed her, gesturing to the spot beside him, "Ya know, if ya wanna…" he shrugged, but the hopefulness in his voice was not missed.
Raven glided over, and he marveled briefly at her gracefulness while she swiftly took the spot beside him.
She turned to him, her gaze searching and almost worried.
"Is something wrong?" She asked.
"Uh…no." Beastboy blinked, looking truly bewildered. "Not that I know of."
"You've been up here awhile." She noted.
"I have?" he asked, clearly surprised. "It's only been ..like.. 20 minutes."
"An hour and a half, actually."
Beastboy's eyes widened. "Whoa, seriously?"
He had only come up there in the first place because he had a headache, one caused by the sounds of his and cyborgs video game playing and smell of Starfires new unique blend of perfumes. The pounding in his head was so intense that he had actually felt sick, and even more disturbing was that for one terrifying moment he was unable to get control of his senses. He had played it off casually though, grinning his best grin and saying that he was going out for some air and would be back soon for a rematch. He had met Raven questioning gaze as she looked up from her book and managed to wink, trying desperately not to wince in pain as he did so.
Being out in the open had a soothing effect on him though, and the migraine had vanished not long after. Since then Beastboy had been enjoying the world around him, practicing on using all his enhanced senses. He had no idea he had lost track of time.
He was surprised that Cyborg himself hadn't caught on to anything and attempted to come check on him. Ever since they had made that deal, Beastboy always felt as if his robotic friend was purposely keeping a closer eye on him- but he had gone several months now without incident and it seemed as if Cyborg had finally let his guard down some. Beastboy had been careful though- During battles he always chose the least primitive animals to change into, and he tried his best to refrain from morphing in his everyday life around the tower. If anyone noticed this beside Cyborg, no one commented. Robin and Starfire were too preoccupied with each other to notice such a relatively small change about himself. Raven also, hadn't seemed suspicious, but he was different when she was around- more relaxed…more himself…and without even trying.
He blinked, coming back to the here-and-now, and processing what Raven had just told him.
"Wait a minute," he said, sounding serious for a moment. "Have you been keeping track of me, Rae?" He quirked an eyebrow, smiling slyly as she rolled her eyes, the slight blush on her cheeks betraying her. "Counting the minutes, huh?"
"No, but Cyborg has." she replied, quickly noticing his now confused frown. "He's convinced that you're just too much of a coward to play against him again."
"Oh right. Duh." he rolled his eyes, remembering again the rematch he had promised his friend. "Totally forgot about that."
"You were distracted." she stated. "I sensed it when you left earlier, but assumed from you're behavior that it was of little concern."
Beastboy let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you know how unfair it is that you're an empath."
"As if I even needed to be." She replied. "You're such an open book sometimes."
Almost without thinking he frowned, "Yeah.. sometimes."
Before Raven could question him on his quite, almost subdued reply, he smiled at her again, half in amusement and half in disbelief as if just coming to a sudden realization.
"Did you just start a sentence with the words 'As if'?"
Ravens nose briefly wrinkled in distaste- too much mall time with starfire, overhearing teen gossip. She sighed with a slight shake of her head, not wanting to get off track.
"And now you're trying to distract me from the conversation at hand." She pointed out, and in a kinder tone asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. At least not anymore." he replied. "It was only a headache, and I guess I lost track of time up here."
"What were you doing?" she asked, not suspicious but curious.
Beastboy shrugged. "Listening and stuff mostly."
"And that helped your headache?" She was a bit skeptical.
"Yeah, it was kinda relaxing." He grinned again,"But don't worry, Rae, sitting still and doing nothing for extended lengths of time is still your thing."
"Thanks" she muttered in a dry sarcastic voice. "Nice to know I'm not out of a hobby."
Beastboy chuckled as he looked out at the setting sun, but Raven sighed, shivering as the wind picked up.
"Aren't you cold up here?" she asked.
"Nah," he replied lazily, still facing the horizon.
Frowning slightly to herself, Raven reach her hand over to cup the side of his face. Instantly he turned to look at her, confused slightly by the serious look on her face- as if she were concentrating on something.
"You're skins like ice," she murmured, brow knitted in concern.
Beastboy grinned, bringing his own gloved hand to lay over her own.
"You're just warm." he replied, watching her eyes come back to truly focus on his face.
She frowned pensively. "We both know that's not true."
"No, really." he insisted, gently pulling her hand down from his face and bringing his other gloved hand up to her forehead.
He let out an exaggerated gasp.
"You're buring up, Rae." He frowned in mock concern as he seized one of her hands between his two. "Don't worry, Darling, I swear not to leave your side until you're well again."
This overdramatic display earned him a clearly unamused glare.
"Ssshhh," he put a finger to her lips, ignoring her murderous stare. "Don't speak. Just save your strength."
Raven grabbed his wrist, pushing his hand away from her as she abruptly stood up.
"Never mind," she replied icily, turning to leave.
Beastboy wondered what he'd done wrong-she was usually much more tolerant of his antics (even amused by them at times now), yet she seem genuinely upset with him.
"Uh-Raven wait!" he quickly stood up, gently grabbing her wrist to stop her. "I was only joking."
She looked back at him, still clearly upset.
"I don't appreciate you turning my concern for you into some kind of joke, Beastboy," She replied evenly. "Behaving strangely and then avoiding my questions- Do you really feel as if you need to put on a show for me?"
Beastboy frowned, speaking softly. "No."
"Then what's wrong?"
"It's not that something's wrong," beastboy began, looking somewhat desperate. "I guess I just don't know how to act sometimes." He shrugged helplessly and Raven expression softened.
"I guess 'old habits die hard' is a pretty lame excuse," he admitted with a brief smile, before looking serious again. "But I really am trying, Rae. I'm sorry."
His explanation accompanied by his quick apology made Raven feel slightly guilty. She had taken his reaction to her concerns too personal- feeling as if he was simply dismissing her. Their relationship was still new, and clearly she wasn't the only one who was still making adjustments. She should have known better. She did know better.
Beastboy's heart skipped a beat, never had his name sounded as good as when it came from her lips.
"I'm not angry with you." She stated. "I just..don't want their to be barriers between us."
Beastboy blinked, both confused and surprised, and Raven sighed.
"I know that must sound odd, coming from me." she admitted. "My whole life has been about barriers; about keeping everyone at a distance, especially myself and my own emotions."
She met his emerald gaze with a set of violet.
"But I don't want to live that way anymore- not if I don't have to. I want a chance to be close to the people I care about." She caught his hand in hers, gently. "I want a chance to be close to you."
Beastboy had the sudden intense urge to tell her that he loved her, but he forced himself to swallow- he had never said it before, neither had she, they hadn't been together that long- although at times it felt that way. Was it right to feel so strongly about someone so soon…or had these feelings been building for a long time now?
"Raven." His voice seemed to catch some, and he took a breathe before speaking again.
"Raven, there's nothing I want more than to be close to you."
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, but his eyes were cast down.
"Then tell me what's really bothering you?" She pleaded softly. "If you really mean what you're saying- then why do I feel like you're pushing me away?"
"I...I don't mean to." He replied, finally looking up at her. "You gotta believe me, Rae- I don't want to push you away."
"I know you don't mean to." She answered, her eyes sad. "But I can't keep pretending that everything's okay when.."
"When I know your feeling so conflicted." She answered, gently pulling her hand away. " You shouldn't feel like you have to hold anything back from me- I'm in this for the good, and for the bad. I don't do anything halfway, Beastboy- our relationship included. If you don't feel the same, then you should at least let me know now."
There was hurt in her voice, and Beastboy hated the thought that he had put it there.
"I do. I do feel the same- you have to know that, right?" he asked, tears stinging his eyes because this sounded suspiciously like she was breaking up with him. "You can feel it, right? You know how much I...."
He swallowed when she looked away, rubbing at her arms.
"I know." she whispered. "I feel it too."
That was probably as close as either one had come to saying 'I love You', but still Raven turned away from him.
"You know where to find me." She stated, before making her way slowly toward the door.
"Raven?" He swallowed, still frozen to his spot. "We..we're still okay, right? I mean..." His voice suddenly sounded very small even to his own ears. "You're not breaking up with me...right?"
She had stopped at the door, hand already on the knob.
"No..we're not breaking up." she replied softly, but surely.
Beastboy felt his heart start beating again.
"But we're not okay either." she continued, causing him to freeze.
And he stood there as she left, listening intently to her retreating footsteps...concentraing so he could hear everything from her beating heart, to her forced calm breathing, to the sound of her door opening and then closing behind her.
'I'm such an idiot.'
The wind picked up, the faint wisps of Lavender still lingering in the air, and for the first time he felt truly cold.
'I'll tell her.' he decided at once. 'Tomorrow, I'll tell her everything.'