Author's note: So, this would be the first story I've submitted to FF. I suppose the setting requires some explanation. In the Discworld novel Men at arms it is mentioned that in an unlikely but theoretically possible universe a whirlwind might have painted the Watch house in pastel and done some odd jobs around the house. I figured that'd be an amusing scenario, so I thought I'd write a story about it. I hope you'll enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or places. Terry Pratchett does.
Vimes of the City Watch looked up at the Watch house.
"Bloody hell," he said, slowly and quietly. "Bloody hell."
"No argument there," Sergeant Colon chimed in.
"Did you see that? Did you see it? I mean, it just came, and woosh, and then it left and-"
"We all saw it, Nobby," said Corporal Carrot.
"Who's ever heard of a whirlwind doing that before? I mean, I've heard about the rain of frogs they had over in Klatch, but I ain't never heard of anything like this before!"
Sam Vimes took his helmet off and stroked his chin, mouth still open.
"Someone's got to be playing Silly Buggers with us," he said. "Maybe the wizards over at the university thought it'd be fun to play a little prank on us."
They all fell silent as they studied their old Watch house, which didn't quite look the same, anymore. For one, it was in pastel. The walls were pastel green, and the roof was pastel pink. The door was pastel orange. They stood and watched it in silence for a minute, as if they were waiting for something else to happen.
Then Corporal Nobbs cleared his throat, and spoke.
"Dya... dya reckon we should go inside? Dya think it repainted the inside aswell?"
Vimes didn't know what to say. He thought "bloody hell" had summed it up quite well.
He braced himself.
"I suppose we should see if it's done any damage on the inside."
"I don't really think it's done any damage on the outside, Captain," Carrot said, with his usual bright, innocent smile. "I think it looks much brighter now. Very colourful. Really cheers the neighbourhood up. Makes us look friendlier in the eyes of the public, I should think."
"We're not supposed to be friendly towards the public, Corporal. 'S basically our job, not bein' friendly towards the public. I hope Lord Vetinari can find it in his heart, or whatever that is in his body, to fund the repainting. We'll be the laugin' stock of the city, with the Watch house lookin' like this", said Sergeant Colon.
"We are the laughing stock of the city, Fred," Corporal Nobbs replied.
"Look at this!" Vimes shouted from the doorway. "It fixed the bloody door latch!"
They went over to look. Indeed, the whirlwind had repaired the old door latch.
"I was just 'bout to fix that anyway," Nobby said. "I figured next week. Saves me the trouble."
After a quick survey of the building, the Watchmen gathered outside again.
"Maybe it's just my imagination," Vimes said, "but I think the damn thing actually fixed some more things."
"I got that feeling too," Captain Carrot said. "The doors don't squeak when you open them anymore."
"Great, so all we have to worry about is lookin' ridiculous."
"Could've been worse," Corporal Nobbs said thoughtfully. "We could've been chasing some lunatic hellbent on killing the Patrician with some new and unheard of weapon."
Noticing the other Watchmen's stares, he quickly added "Just a thought.You never know."
"Yeah, right," said Vimes. "In what universe is that likely to happen?"