By Andie O'Neill
Summary: When Elizabeth Weir finally admits her feelings toward John Sheppard, he shoots her down, but after she dies in his arm, he begins to regret what he did… but of course its to late… or is it?
A/N: Warning! This story is pretty angsty, and there is a character death, but it's not exactly what you'd think…. Am I being cryptic enough for you?
He'd known something was wrong with her, noticed she was distracted. For weeks her mind always seemed to be else where, lost in thought. He was starting to get worried. Sheppard watched Elizabeth Weir work in her office late at night, trying to finish up the reports to be sent to Earth tomorrow morning. Now or never, he repeated in his mind as he walked over to the office door, hesitating only for a second before he walked inside. "Elizabeth… do you ever sleep?" he asked, smiling.
Elizabeth looked up from her work and smiled back at him. "These days I'm not even sure I remember what it's like to sleep," she muttered, sighing as she scrolled through the reports.
John took a seat on her desk, watching her for a second as she focused on the computer. "Care for a break?"
"No thanks, I should really finish this now."
"How much you got left?"
"Too many to count."
John shook his head, closing her laptop. "Then I'd say it's time for a break. You have dinner yet?"
Elizabeth frowned. "Actually I haven't eaten all day."
"I was just heading to get myself something to eat, why don't you join me?"
Elizabeth looked down, shaking her head as her hands moved to reopen the laptop. "I can't… I really need to finish these reports. I promise to get something to eat as soon as I'm down."
Normally he'd let go by this point, but he wasn't gonna stop there this time, not when he knew the reports weren't the reason why she was declining his invitation. "Is… everything okay, Elizabeth?" he finally asked, not seeing any other way to get her talking.
"Elizabeth, you should know by now that I can usually tell when someone's lying to me… especially if their a friend. What's up?"
"John, I'm fine… really. I just have a lot on my mind, it's nothing."
"Elizabeth, whatever's on your mind is starting to show… you've been distracted. People can tell that something is going on, spill it."
Elizabeth took a deep breath, shutting her laptop. "I know… I'm just not really ready to talk about it."
"Because I'm not. John, stop pushing this."
John was beginning to get frustrated with the woman before him. Why wouldn't she just tell him? It couldn't be that bad, could it? "Would you say we were close friends, Elizabeth?"
"Of course I would."
"There aren't many people to confide in when you're the leader of a city far away from anyone not under your command. Everyone needs someone to talk to… talk to me, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth sighed, rubbing her forehead for a second. "I heard a rumor… a while ago."
A rumor? Why would a rumor be bothering Elizabeth so much? "A rumor?"
Ah… now they were getting somewhere. "What about us?"
Elizabeth looked down, unable to look him in the eye anymore. "People have begun to notice how much time we spend together… how close we've gotten. They've started to talk John… they saw we have feelings for each other. That I… have feelings for you."
John paused; he'd heard the rumors himself. People had gone crazy after the kiss he and Elizabeth had shared during their alien possession. Sheppard suspected McKay to be the one who'd opened his big mouth about the whole thing; unfortunately he couldn't kill the man for suspicion alone. "It's a rumor, Elizabeth… it's not like it means anything. You shouldn't be so affected by gossip… it's not like its true or anything."
Elizabeth continued to look down, not saying a word.
Still she said nothing, continuing to look away. Finally she closed her eyes. "I should get back to work." Weir moved her eyes to the laptop, opening it quickly.
John could feel his heart beat faster as he realized what her silence meant. "It's not just a rumor is it? You… have feelings for me?"
Elizabeth cleared her through, her eyes still on the laptop. "John, I have a lot of work to catch up on… could we talk about this later?"
"No, we're going to discuss this now. How long have you felt this way?"
Elizabeth paused, finally looking up at him. "A while," she whispered.
To say Sheppard was shocked would have been an understatement. She'd certainly hidden it well. "A while? And exactly how long is a while?"
"Look John I'm-"
John eased off her desk, unsure how to take this news, clueless as to how to handle it. "Elizabeth, this is important! I don't care if you're busy! We need to nip this problem in the bud. You know we could never… be in a relationship, right?"
Suddenly Elizabeth went silent, looking away from him.
"Elizabeth, I do care about you… you know that, but as a friend. I just need to know if friendship is all you expect."
Suddenly Weir looked up at him, her face growing emotionless. "Well as your expedition leader I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about, Colonel Sheppard, now if you'll excuse me I think it's time I finish my work."
Colonel Sheppard? Oh crap, that was never a good sign. Sheppard watched her focus her attention on her work, completely ignoring the fact that he was even in the room. John deflated; knowing anything more he did to explain himself would probably just make things worse. The Colonel slowly turned around and left her office, leaving her to her work.
It had been a week since Sheppard had a real conversation with Weir, a very long week, and the thought frustrated the hell out of him. He knew it was more than their positions in Atlantis that kept him from a relationship with Elizabeth. The fact was, John wasn't good with relationships… people saw him as a love em and leave em kinda guy, that was because it seemed to be all he was good at. Women were attracted to him, and he knew it well, but love was a different story all together. It had been years since his last real relationship, and it hadn't ended well. He just wasn't cut out for relationships; he'd accepted that… a relationship with Elizabeth would ruin everything, including their friendship. They hadn't even done anything and it had already messed up their friendship.
Sheppard watched Elizabeth from a distance as she did her job, finishing the talks with one of the elders of the tribe for an alliance. The village was surrounded by ruins with Ancient writings, and Doctor Weir had been working on make a deal with them to look at the ruins for days. It hadn't been until she came to their world to discuss things that she'd begun to make progress. Elizabeth finished her conversation before breaking off from Elder Corta, walking towards John and his team. "Well, he's agreed to allow us access to the ruins, as well as provided coordinates to other writings located in the caves. Elder Corta believes I'll find them to be important for our research."
"Caves? These wouldn't be very small caves would they?" Rodney asked. "My allergies have been going crazy ever since I got here… dust would just be topping on the cake!"
"Relax, Rodney, I'm going to check it out myself. Colonel Sheppard, I'd like you and your team to head towards the ruins you found earlier and let Rodney get to work while I head towards the caves. Corta said he'd show me around."
"Don't you think it would be best if someone went with you? No offence to Elder Corta, but I don't like the idea of you being alone without a guard."
Elizabeth sighed. "Fine Colonel, if it makes you feel any better, you can come along. Will that work?"
John glared at her, annoyed by her attitude. He was just trying to protect her! "Yes Doctor that will work just fine."
"Good." Elizabeth turned around, not even bothering to check if he was with her as she headed back toward Corta. "Elder Corta, we're ready whenever you are."
Corta smiled warmly at Weir, giving Sheppard an uneasy feeling. "I'm glad to hear it Doctor Weir, let us go. There is much for you to see."
It had been hours since they'd left for the caves, and John was beginning to wonder if they'd ever get there. It was driving him nuts just walking in silence next to Elizabeth, Corta walking head as he lead them toward the Ancient writings. Finally he'd had enough. "You must really be pissed at me."
Sheppard could tell she wasn't in the mood, but against his better judgment he forged ahead. "Look, I know I may have hurt your feelings that night we talked in your office, but you have to understand-"
"I understand perfectly, Colonel."
"If that were true you'd stop calling me by my rank all of the sudden. We haven't even had a decent conversation since that night and you can't just ignore the fact that there's been uneasiness around us lately."
"Actually I can ignore a lot of things, Colonel Sheppard."
"Stop it!" he finally snapped. "Will you just stop with the attitude and just talk to me! Elizabeth, there are a ton of reasons why you and I could never work."
"Yeah, I got that," she muttered, her eyes continuing to stay focused ahead.
"Then why are you being so hostile toward me?"
"I've grown lax in my leader ship. I'm in charge of this expedition and it's time I act like it. I've let attachments and emotions stand in the way of my duties more than I'd like to admit, Colonel, it can't happen again."
Sheppard stopped walking again, not believing what he was hearing. As he watched Elizabeth walk further and further away from him, he realized it seemed almost symbolic when she left him completely. Finally John began to head after her once more, realizing his duty to protect her was more important than his wish to just turn around and leave her to her work. He couldn't believe her! She was letting her emotions get in the way now, and yet she's gonna talk about focusing on her duties! Suddenly he heard fire ahead, and his walking quickly turned to running. "Elizabeth!"
It didn't take long for him to reach her, but he froze the moment he saw her, lying in Corta's arms as he held his hand against her chest, trying to stop the bleeding. Finally he looked up, his fear noticeable. "She is dying, Colonel! You must help her."
Sheppard ran over to her, grabbing her and pulling her from Corta's arms to his own. "Elizabeth! Stay with me here!" John moved a hand to his radio. "I NEED HELP HERE! ELIZABETH'S HURT! GUNFIRE WOUND TO THE CHEST! LOCK ON TO MY SIGNAL AND FOLLOW IT!" John rigged his radio to keep signaling the message then set it down to the side, holding her close. "Elizabeth!" She was falling in and out of consciousness. "What the hell happened!"
"I don't know. The forest makes it easy for enemies to hide… but these woods are sacred… my people and all the other villages would never dishonor the Ancients with violence in this place."
John looked around him, trying to find something to help him stop the bleeding. She was losing a lot of blood, and John was beginning to worry the gun shot had pierced her heart. Finally he located tough looking leaves nearby on a plant. "Hand me the leaves, over there. We need to stop the bleeding."
Corta nodded, scrambling to get what John asked him for, then quickly handed it over. Sheppard set to work, putting as much pressure on her wound as possible, before tearing the strap from his backpack to tie the leaves to her chest. "Will she be okay, Colonel?"
"I don't know… the gun shot may have pierces her heart… if it did my team may not get here in time to get us and take her back home." John's eyes stayed on Weir as she lie still in his arms, her skin paler by the second. "Elizabeth! Stay with me here! You gotta wake up!" He needed to know she was going to survive this. God, she couldn't die now! Not after everything that had happened between them in the last week! Not this way!
Slowly her eyes opened, and she looked up at him. "J… John?"
"Elizabeth! You've been shot! You have to stay with me here! I'll get you outta here soon! Just STAY WITH ME!"
Elizabeth closed her eyes for a few seconds before they focused on him once again. "Ca… can't," she whispered, the pain making it hard for her to speak.
"No Elizabeth! You can! Stay with me! I can't lose you!"
Her eyes were going dull, she lost her focus, her head was slowly falling to the side.
"Elizabeth! ELIZABETH! Don't you dare leave me now! Elizabeth!" He was too upset to realize there were tears falling down his face as her eyes finally closed and she stopped breathing. "Dammit!" he swore as he checked for a pulse. When he found none, he moved her down to the ground, beginning CPR without hesitation. Two rescue breathes, fifteen compressions. One rescue breath, fifteen compressions. He repeated it over and over again, praying that his team would get to them soom. "Dammit Elizabeth, hold on! They're on their way! HOLD ON!"
When Colonel John Sheppard finally walked back on Atlantis everyone knew something was wrong by the defeated look on his face, he looked lost. "Colonel!" one of the majors had greeted, but he didn't register anyone around him as he dropped the stuff he'd been carrying and left the gateroom. His team followed behind him. Everyone in the gateroom froze as they saw what Ronan carried in his arms, the looks on each of Sheppard's team filled with pain. Doctor Elizabeth Weir was gone, unable able to be revived. Ronan took a few more steps as the gate shut down, then finally walked over to a now stunned Major Lorne. "Doctor Weir's been killed. There was an attack on her way towards some caves she planned on researching."
Teyla then moved forward, her face still wet from when she'd been crying. "Send Carson to take the body for examination."
Lorne nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the body of their dead leader.
To Be Continued….
A/N: Great way to start a story eh guys? Review if you want more!