Harry Potter and the Little Shop of Horrors The Alternate Ending


Hermione II (singing): Hey, little lady, hello.
You're looking cute as can be.
You're looking mighty sweet.
When it's not Harry - IT'S ME!

Hermione: I don't believe it.

Hermione II: Believe it baby, it talks.

Hermione: Am I dreaming this?

Hermione II: No, and you ain't in Kansas neither.
Hermione II reaches out with one vine and pushes the door shut. Another vine creeps towards Hermione, she pushes it away and steps away.

Hermione: Something's very wrong here.

Hermione keeps walking ending up in the centre of the room.
Vines continue to snake around her, threatening to enfold her.

Hermione II: Relax and go with it, doll. Do me a favour, will you sweetheart?

Hermione: A favour?

Hermione II: I need some water in the worst way.
Look at my branch, I'm drying up. I'm a goner, honey.
(Singing) Come on and give me a drink!

Hermione: I-I don't know if I should.

Hermione II (singing): Hey little lady, be nice...

Two more vines hoist the skirt of Hermione's robes.
She pushes them away as yet another snakes over her shoulders.

Hermione: Do you talk to Harry like this?

Hermione II (Singing): Sure do, I'll drink it straight.

Hermione grabs the vine from her shoulder with both hands.
Still another creeps up behind her.

Hermione: Your leaves are dry, poor things.

Hermione II (Singing): Don't need no glass or no ice...

Three vines snake around Hermione's waist.
She pushes them back down and turns towards the counter.

Hermione: I'll get the can.

Hermione II (Singing): Don't need no twist of lime...

Hermione reaches over the table and grabs the watercan from underneath.

Hermione: Here we go!

Hermione II (Singing Loudly): AND NOW IT'S SUPPERTIME!

To Hermione's horror, the plant wraps its vines around her arms, wrists, and waist. She drops the can.
Laughing, the plant begins dragging the screaming, struggling Hermione towards its laughing maw.

Hermione II: Aw, relax darling, it'll be easier. Come join your friends Malfoy and Ron. They're right inside.

The plant laughs as it draws Hermione inexorably closer, closer...

A chomping, squelching sound is heard outside. Harry emerges from the bathroom.
By now, Hermione has been pulled into the plant's mouth, with only her legs sticking out. Harry quickly rushes to her aid.

Harry: Get off of her.

He tries to pry the plant's mouth open, but it rears up out of his reach. He jumps up,
grabs Hermione's still-kicking feet and pulls it back down. The plant laughs as he succeeds in prying the mouth open. Hermione throws her arms around Harry as he tries to get away.
The plant, still laughing, chases them with its vines as Harry half-walks, half-carries her outside to the main street.

Harry: Are you alright?

Hermione: Yes...no.

She collapses onto the ground. Harry drops to his knees and cradles her on his lap.

Harry: Hermione! Hermione!

Harry picks Hermione up and carries her over to a bench and sits her down.

Hermione: You know, the plant just said the strangest thing just now.
It said Ron and Malfoy are already inside.

Harry lowers his head.

Harry: It's true. I did it. I fed them to it.

Hermione (Realising): And that's what made it so big and strong you so famous.

Harry: I've done terrible things, Hermione, but not to you. Never to you.

She touches his cheek again.

Harry: It's just that...the plant was controlling me somehow, you know?
First it was just a few drops of my blood. But it kept wanting more and more. And now, all these people from the press want me to go international with the plant, and I just can't do that because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. A simple life away from this plant. 'Cause you see...


Harry (Singing): You're tender like tree leaves,
You smell like sweet perfume;
I'll love you and care for you,
Our love will bud and bloom...

Hermione (Singing):I'm feeling somewhat happier now,
Contended and serene...

They both kiss.

Both (Singing):Don't you see.
Very soon we'll be.
Somewhere that's green...

They're about to kiss again when...

Voice:Excuse me.

The two turn around to see Patrick Martin from the World Botanical Enterprises.

Patrick Martin:Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds. But I've got a proposition for you. Now, which one of you is Harry Potter?

Harry:I am.

Patrick Martin:Boy, am I glad I ran into you. Our phones have been down right busy trying to reach you. (Showing Harry his calling card) Patrick Martin,
Licensing and Marketing Division, World Botanical Enterprises. I've got an suggestion that's gonna make you a millionaire.

Hermione:He's not interested!

Patrick Martin:Oh, but he will be. We down at Marketing have come up with a whopper of a idea that we are very proud of! Picture this - we take cuttings of the Hermione II, put them in pots and sell 'em to florists across America! Why, with the right marketing this thing could be bigger than hula-hoops!

Harry and Hermione: Bigger than hula-hoops?

Patrick Martin:Pretty soon, every household in America will have one.

Harry and Hermione: Every household in America!

Patrick Martin:Whaddya say, Mr. Potter?

Harry:You can take your idea and shove it! I don't care what you're planning, no one's touching the plant! Go on! Get out of here!
Go on, piss off! Get out!

Patrick Martin:What are you nuts?

Harry:Yeah, I'm nuts! Go on! Get out of here! Get out!

Patrick Martin runs off.

Harry (to Hermione): That's plant not gonna stop until it's destroyed everything and everyone in the world.

Hermione:We must do something!

Harry:No, I must do it! I got us into this, I'll get us out!

Hermione:Let me come with you!

Harry:No! Stay outside, Hermione! This is just between me and 'the plant'.

Harry walks into the shop and shuts the front door.
Harry looks up at the plant with an angry look on his face.
Hermione is watching this final confrontation through the window.

Harry: Every household in America! Thousands of you eating!
That's what you had in mind all along, isn't it?

Hermione II: No shit, Sherlock!

Harry:We're not talking about one hungry plant here;
we're talking about world conquest!

Hermione II: And I wanna thank YOU!

Harry:You're not going to get away with this! Your kind never does!

The plant merely laughs.

Harry:I don't care what it takes! Only one of us gets out of here alive!

The plant shoves him with a vine.


Hermione II (Singing): Better wait a minute,
Er, ya better hold the phone.
Better mind your manners,
Better change your tone.

The plant knocks him to the floor and shoves its massive pod in his face.

Hermione II (Singing): Don't you threaten me son,
You gotta lot of gall.
We gonna do things my way,
Or we won't do things at all.

The pod rears up, laughing. Harry watches in horror as the plant's pot begins to crack.
Small chunks break away, and roots begin pushing their way out. Suddenly, the entire pot shatters, showering clay and dirt on Harry. Hermione II has taken root in the ground underneath the shop, and now faces him down defiantly.

Hermione II (Singing): Ya don't know what you're messing with; you've got no idea.
You don't know what you're looking at, when you're looking here.
Ya don't know what you're up against, no, no way, no how!
Ya don't know what you're messing with, but I'm gonna tell you now!

Harry clambers to his feet, runs to the table and picks up a revolver.
He brandishes the gun at the plant but is frozen by fear, as dozens of smaller pods,
like miniature Hermione II's, pop open, singing the harmony.

Hermione II (Singing):Get this straight!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad.

Harry: Outer Space!

Hermione II (Singing): I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,
And it looks like you've been had.
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,
So get off my back, get off my face,
Because I'm mean and green and I am bad.

Harry squeezes off three shots, which ricochet off the plant's pod and into a mirror.
He looks away nervously and fires a fourth, which also bounces off. The plant grabs the gun with a vine. The plant twirls the gun and fires a shot at Harry's feet. He jumps.

Hermione II (Singing): Wanna save your skin, boy?

The plant fires another shot, which breaks the watercan at Harry's feet. He jumps again.

Hermione II (Singing): You wanna save your hide?

Harry goes into the back room. The plant shoots the door.

Hermione II (Singing): You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside.

The plant fires off another shot that hits the windows.

Hermione II (Singing): Better take a tip, boy.
Want some good advice?
You better take it easy, because you're walking on thin ice.

The gunshots have stopped. Harry takes a tentative step to look, but jumps back when the cash register comes through the window. Finally, Harry steps away from the window, facing the plant.

Hermione II (Singing): Ya don't know what you're dealing with; no, you never did.
You don't know what you're looking at, but that's tough titty, kid!

An idea hits Harry and he runs for the table again.

Hermione II (Singing): The lion don't sleep tonight,
and if you pull his tail, he roars.

Harry picks up an axe and turns around. He lunges at all the vines gathered on the counter. He hacks at them again and again, missing each time.

Hermione II (Singing): Ya say, 'That ain't fair?' Ya say, 'That ain't nice'
Ya know what I say? 'Up yours!'

As the pods take up the harmony again, Harry runs out in front of the table,
the axe over his head. The plant pulls his trousers down with its vines.

Hermione II (Singing): Watch me now!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad.

Harry drops the axe and shuffles off to take cover under the table.

Hermione II (Singing): I'm just a mean green mother, a real disgrace. And you got me fighting mad.

Harry cowers under the relative safety of the table, but the pods are now beginning to snake their way under there and are ooh-ing and aah-ing in his face.

Hermione II (Singing): I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,
Gonna trash your ass, gonna rock this place.
Because I'm mean and green and I am BAD!

The smaller pods retract to rejoin the main one. A huge vine snakes forward and smacks the table, breaking it in half. Harry huddles there, pants around his ankles, as the plant raps at him.

Hermione II (Singing): You know I don't come from no black lagoon,

Pods (Singing): No!

Hermione II (Singing): I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon.

Pods (Singing): Yeah!

Hermione II (Singing): You can keep the Thing,

Pods (Singing): Hey!

Hermione II (Singing): Keep the It,

Pods (Singing): Whoa!

Hermione II (Singing): Keep the Creature, they don't mean shit!

Harry: Alright that does it!

Harry yanks his pants up and runs for the door.
The plant thrusts a vine into the door, blocking him.

Hermione II (Singing): I got killer buds, power stem,

The plant shoots out another vine into the wall next to Harry, trapping him.
Two more trap him at the waist!

Hermione II (Singing): Nasty thorns and I'm using them.
You better move it out, Nature calls.
You got the point? I'm gonna bust your balls!

A vine shoots into the wall, between Harry's legs, mere inches from his crotch.
He looks up in horror; he realises now the plant is playing with its food. The pods once again harmonise in Harry's face as the plant laughs.

Hermione II (Singing): Here it comes!

Harry drops to the floor, attempting to crawl to safety. But the plant plunges a vine into and across the floor, kicking up tiles as it does, an emerges in front of Harry.
Undaunted, he crawls in a different direction, but is again blocked by a vine. He makes several more attempts, but is soon trapped huddling on the floor as vine pop up all around him.

Hermione II (Singing): I'm mean and green...

Pods (Singing): Mean green mother from outer space

The plant is shooting vines into the walls now, even through the ceiling.
Harry remains huddled on the floor.

Hermione II (Singing): I'm mean and green...

Pods (Singing): Mean green mother from outer space...

Harry watches as still more vines continue to snake into all corners of the room, grabbing and smashing whatever they can.

Hermione II (Singing): I'm mean and green...

The plant laughs. Still more vines shoot out; through the heater, through the clock...

Pods (Singing): Mean green mother from outer space.
Mean green mother from outer space...

Hermione II (Singing): And I. Am. BAD!
Ha-Ha! Bye-Bye, Harry Potter! Hiyo!

The plant grabs the ceiling and yanks. As the plant and the pods laugh, the entire room collapses around Harry; first the ceiling caves in, raining dust and tile everywhere. Then one wall gives in, then the other wall collapses and soon what used to be a plant shop is now a storm of wood, cement, dirt, and debris. The plant surveys the carnage, still laughing. Just then, Harry's arm appears out of the rubble and with wand in hand, stabs one of Hermione II's many vines. The plant then starts to shake as if it's being electrocuted.

Hermione II: Holy Shit!


The dust slowly starts to clear as Hermione looks for signs of life. Just then, Harry appears covered in dust and debris but very much alive. Hermione runs to her new hero and gives him a great big hug. The two then kiss before they walk off hand-in-hand towards their new life.