A/N: Welcome to the Epilogue, written under desire to please you all and so Reefgirl would write more of her fic, Cooking With Blue MarySue.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is one of those movies that even though I own it and can pause it at any time, I wont, suffering the urge to urinate so as not to break the mood of the film because it'd ruin it or something. Anyone else feel the same?
Oh, and this probably wouldn't make too much sense unless you've seen the movie.
Discalimers: Monty Python and the Holy Grail belongs to the Python guys.
Alex Ramsey to Reefgirl in Cooking With Blue MarySue
Lydia Winter to BiteMe Techie in Retribution!
Epilogue- Monty Python Night
"Are you gonna be ready soon or should I pull up a lawn chair and pop open a corona?"
I called from the bathroom, "They can't start without me, I have the movie." Where's my tee shirt… ahh. I picked it up from the hook on the door.
"By the time we get there, there'll be only kernels left." Laura retorted.
The shirt slipped over my head, "Let 'em eat the popcorn, then they won't get the Python cookies."
"Is that what you're hiding in that Tupperware?"
"Yep." The reflection the mirror gave me was not quite satisfactory, so I played with my hair again, debating whether or not to keep it parted to the side. "Have one if you want, before the guys eat them all."
The sound of the Tupperware popping open made its way to me along with her amazement, "No way. How did you get these? Where did you get these?"
"Chief Ramsey. Oh, she's coming by the way. I told her to meet us here." Giving up on my hair, I went out into my quarters.
"The Head Chef? The one Lorne had to pull three Marines off the day after we all got off the Daedalus?" Laura was investigating the frosted sugar cookies with delight, also dressed in civilian clothes with a fitted tee shirt that declared in small print, 'Warning, Prone to Combustion.'
"Maybe. Was she yelling at a porter in the kitchen?"
Her eyes flashed up and though her mouth was stuffed with a cow-shaped cookie, she managed to get out, "Yeah. Billick, Hansen and Stevens thought she was going to kill the guy. You invited her?"
"I couldn't ask her to make the cookies and not, even after I gave her some oatmeal cookies I made. They would've been chocolate-chip oatmeal, but Matt and I didn't find any chocolate-chips."
"Who's Matt? Oh! You mean Lt. Pullman."
"Yeah." Knowing her, she'd go off in the gutter. I had better distract her. "Who's all coming?"
"Lorne and now Ramsey. Stackhouse couldn't get out of duty."
Breathing a sigh of relief that she took the bait, I picked up the case with all my movies from the desk, next to the other containers of cookies. I thought Sgt. Stackhouse was coming. Ahh well.
"So, how long has this trist been going on?"
Damn it. "There is no trist. I didn't even know his name until we got back from Stinea yesterday."
"Have to give it to ya, he's a good guy." She closed the container and hovered around the door.
"There's nothing going on. He just showed me around the kitchen." I had an urge to bake after spending five days on Stinea working, and politely asked if I could use the kitchen, and Matt was there again.
"Did he show you his plumbing?" She gave me a teasing smile that I wanted to wipe off her face.
"Laura! He's just an acquaintance. And besides, I don't have time to get involved with anyone." I'd spend, what, a waking minute a day with him? And then if it got serious, I'd be leaving in a year anyway.
"Aww, you're no fun."
"I guess I'll have to live vicariously through you. Anyone in your radar?"
"That's Poker Night fodder."
Hmm. Interesting. "Which I won't be at, so spill."
"Going back on your word? You said you'd come."
"I don't play poker. I don't even know what beats what, I barely remember how to play WAR and King's Corners." And that was an overstatement. Though Cribbage might have had more hope.
"Come anyway. The girls and I can teach you."
"Okay. But I'll be the first one out every round." God, I'm a pushover sometimes. "Hey, did you like Stinea?"
"How could I not when I got to scope out their high temperature and energetic materials technology."
"Couldn't resist blowing things up?" I teased as I looked at the clock. Alex was starting to cut it close.
"I was stuck babysitting your ass for a few days, who says I couldn't have some fun?"
"You know, I think Major Lorne sent you with me so he'd get out of Monty Python night completely." Lorne and his team had other things scheduled for the past few days. Dr. Weir wanted me to go back in the late afternoon after the debriefing, 'No sense it waiting if you're ready' she said. A quick communication with the Stineans so they'd know we'd need quarters and a few hours later, we were off.
"Like we'd forget."
"Can't blame him for hoping. I don't know if he's a Python type of guy."
"He might surprise you."
The door chime went off. Man I hate that thing. I should find someone who can make it sound like a regular doorbell. I went over to the door, swearing silently I'd find a way to make the gene therapy 100 percent effective in my spare time when I wasn't working on the enzyme or my work with tracers.
"Hi, chief. You ready?" I eyed the tray she was carrying. Don't ask me why she's called 'chief.' She's a civilian. Maybe I'll ask one day.
"I wouldn't be here unless I was. I brought some lemon squares. It seems I've used up all the choc chips in apology cookies…"
"That explains it then." I gestured to Laura, "This is Lt. Laura Cadman. Laura this is Chief Alex Ramsey."
"Good to meet you."
I grabbed the DVD case and attempted to stack both containers of cookies in my arms, but was failing miserably when Laura took one. "Don't want you falling. You have to protect the movie."
"Thanks. Here we go. Off to face the Bridge of Death and the Black Beast!" Pumping the case in the air, I left my quarters with Cadman behind me and Ramsey still poised right outside my door. I realized I had no idea where we were going so I stopped. "Uh, which way?"
They laughed and Laura turned right, "Just follow the leader."
We started following her and Alex asked, "Is anyone bringing drinks?"
She fell back to walk beside me, "Not that I know off."
"Oh for fucks sake, I could have brought something from the kitchen. We're making a detour." Alex hung a left at the end of the hall, leaving Laura and I no real choice but to follow her. If there's one thing to know about survival in Atlantis, it's not to defy the British Head Chef who has one hell of a temper.
"So, what exactly are we going to get?" I asked as we jogged after her down the stairs.
It amazed me how she could balance a tray in one hand and still fly down the stairs. "Something that contains alcohol. Python's even better plastered."
Somehow, we were in and out of the kitchen two minutes later thanks to a secret back way in, and in the hall to the rec room in another one, but laden with so much stuff it was amazing none of us tripped.
Wait, if Stackhouse couldn't come… "So, it's us three who've seen it numerous times, and Major Lorne?" I asked Cadman.
"Yep." Laura nodded and almost lost one of the bottles she was carrying.
"He's in for an interesting night." Alex had taken it upon herself to carry a tray of glasses in addition to shoving a bottle under her arm.
"We'll convert him." Laura strolled into the rec room, "Hey, Major."
Lorne, in jeans and a black shirt, looked like a startled erbert sitting on one the couches as he looked at the three of us piled up with stuff, "Hi."
We started to place it all on the little ity bity table along the wall while he got up and helped us.
"Did you make these cookies, too, Chief?" Lorne asked as he eyed the Python cookies through the clear cover and quickly opened it.
"Yes. You all better like them because cutting out all those shapes was not exactly quick to do."
I opened the container of oatmeal cookies I had made as Lorne, already eating a white frosted rabbit cookie, replied, "They're great. Really. Just like those chocolate chip cookies were."
We continued to set everything out, and I could've sworn I saw Alex checking out Major Lorne's ass. Not that I haven't done the same…
After everything was ready and we all had little plates of sweets and drink-filled glasses, I zipped open my DVD case and flipped through until I found the movie. Well… "Huh."
"What?" Lorne asked.
"This is disc two."
Laura's eyes went wide, "There's two discs?"
"Yeah. It's the Special Edition. Disc one isn't here." No, no, no. I started to flip through the case frantically, scanning each group of four as I passed through them.
"Ahh fuck." Alex called out.
Lorne look pretty pleased, in contrast to the other two women, and happily chomped at his white rabbint cookie. Laura was on the other end of the couch he was sitting on and looked like the world just blew up. Alex just looked pissed.
It had to be there though. What were the chances of leaving that particular disc in the DVD player at home, hmm?... … "Ahh! I got it. It was switched with Life of Brian." I pulled it out and zipped up the case, the DVD balanced on my finger.
A collective sigh of relief flooded the room from us woman, but something all together different radiated from Lorne. It made me wonder just how Laura roped him into coming. She had to have something on him. Or something. Maybe he did secretly want to see it.
Alex took a sip of whatever it was she was drinking, "You have that too?"
"Yeah, and The Flying Circus."
"We are never leaving this room." Laura chewed on one of my oatmeal cookies.
Lorne retorted, "Some of us are on duty in the morning."
The DVD player looked normal enough, so I slid the disc in making sure it and the giant Ancient view screen was on. When the Columbia Woman came on, I grabbed the remote and took a seat next to Alex. The menu screen came on and I looked at the remote trying to figure out where the hell the enter/select button was as the others watched the Terry Gilliam's cartoons on the menu. Finally finding it, I hit it.
When the black-and-white Dentist on the Job film came on, I couldn't help but to bop to the music, and with a glance over to the others, they couldn't either, except the Major who looked downright confused. I couldn't blame him, I had that same look on my face when I first got the DVD too.
I couldn't help giggling hysterically when the dark music came on along with the credits.
"How long does this go on for?" Lorne asked about a minute through.
"I think it's… seven minutes?" That sounded about right. I knew it's awhile.
Laura added, "Give or take."
"What's with all the moose?"
"Uh…" Was my only reply.
Alex scoffed at one point during the credits, "I can think of someone I'd like to sack."
We fell into silence and when the flashing llama credits came on, and I also couldn't help bouncing in my seat a little. "So I lied, there's three and half minutes of credits."
Silence fell again until Lorne broke it, "Are those coconuts?"
"Shh!" Was the collective response.
I sat back and smiled, remembering high school. We were putting on Don Quixote, and no one wanted to be either ends of the horse, it wasn't like we had money for a horse costume anyway, so the guys had the brilliant idea to use two halves of a coconut.
Apparently the village of all the dead people reminded Lorne of some of the planets he'd been too, and it also gave him his first laugh after the line "He hasn't got shit all over him."
It seemed like conversion was upon us.
My favorite part, the Black Knight, elicited laughs from everyone, as there were some great lines in it and who wouldn't laugh at someone who just had an arm cut off comment "It's just a scratch," and once reduced to a torso yelling "I'll bite your legs off!" ?
We all snickered at John Cleese getting better from being turned into a newt, and us woman sang and danced along with the knights in Camelot in our seats. I saw Laura elbow Lorne in his side when he didn't even bop along, but he was smiling.
God it was great to wind down and just watch a movie for once, especially with people who appreciated the humor of the Monty Python guys. Even Lorne was getting into it, and I swear Alex was laughing more at the French guy insulting Arthur than the rest of us. Well… the British and French I guess…
"Is that the giant rabbit you were talking about?" Lorne asked after the giant wooden rabbit landed on the page.
"No." I answered.
"Shh!" The others shut him up. You really can't miss a word of dialogue or you'd miss something terribly hysterical. The first time I saw it was back in high school and I probably missed half of it. I watched it with my European History teacher of all people. He showed the "Bring out your dead" part in class and we could stay late and watch the rest, so a few of us did, including one of the guys who'd be in the play later with me.
Lorne muttered and drained his glass, "I could've taken him."
"Yeah, take on a three-headed knight." Laura shot popcorn at him, and it quickly escalated into a full blown popcorn war, each man for himself.
"You should like this part." Laura threw a hand of popcorn at him and gestured to the screen.
I snickered, it was the Castle Anthrax scene.
He practically choked on a grail-shaped cookie of all things once Zoot… or Dingo or whoever announced oral sex would be following the spanking, sending us into an uproar of laughter all the way until Scene 24 with the old man.
He got up to get more food, ignoring our tears of laughter, and offered to pour us refills of our drinks, which we accepted.
I practically fell over at the Prince of Swamp Castle's name. "Did he just say Prince Erbert?"
Lorne looked back and forth from the screen to my shocked eyes, "Impossible."
"It's Herbert, and why the hell would Erbert be so bad?" Alex calmly ate one of her fabulous Python cookies, a green one so I figured it was a shrubbery.
"It's what the Stineans call the giant black killer rabbits on their planets." I responded, almost saddened it hadn't been the case.
"Wait, isn't the King the same guy as Gallahad?" Lorne innocently asked, sending us into a giggle fit. Well, me and Laura. Alex doesn't giggle, probably to keep up her reputation.
Alex answered since she was the only one still capable of speaking without falling back into a giggle fit, "All the Python guys play more than one character, haven't you noticed?"
"Now I did." He defended and calmly ate a lemon square, sending me and Laura into another giggle fit. You just don't see a manly Air Force Major eating lemon squares every day.
"No! Never! No shrubberies." The old woman shrank back into the doorway.
But King Arthur wouldn't give up, "Ni!"
"Nu!" Bedevere added.
"No, no, no. No. It's not that, it's Ni." Arthur directed.
Bedevere tried again, "Nu."
"No, no. Ni. You're not doing it properly."
"Nu… nu.. Ni."
"Ni! That's it, you've got it."
They said it together to the old woman, "Ni… Ni… Ni… Ni…"
"What's with this Ni?"
I didn't have an answer. Well, except to say Major Lorne is one talkative man during movies. Weird. And between him and Laura, there wasn't going to be any food left because she just got up to get more.
Alex retorted, "It's the sacred word that inflicts pain, weren't you listening?"
Laura laughed and sat back down with another plate of sweets. Hmm… maybe I should get more too… I got up and quickly crossed past the screen and eyed the selection. There was half a container left of Python cookies, a few of my oatmeal ones left, and almost all the lemon squares were gone. Hmm… I piled up with one of each and poured a shot of whiskey in my glass, it being my absolute last one of the night because I could feel it coming on, but if I sipped it, I should've been okay.
I plopped back down on the off-white Ancient couch on the opposite end where Alex was just as Robin and his minstrels came on screen.
There was weak hand pumping in the air at every "There was much rejoicing" on my part.
Laura tittered with glee at the explosions Tim the Enchanter set off.
Lorne teased, "You would get excited over that."
"You were the one oooing at the chicks at the Castle Anthrax." She retorted.
He shot back, "If it was a castle full of scantily clad men, you'd do the same."
A voice from the door caught our attention, "Is that Monty Python and the Holy Grail?"
I spun my head around and saw a woman I recognized, "Hey Dr…" Damn it, I forgot! The physicist who walked in on me singing in the lab… "Winter." Aha! "Want to sit down?"
"Hell yeah." She promptly sat down between me and Alex.
"Oh this is Chief Alex Ramsey, our Head Chef so be nice to her." I winked and gestured to the other two, "Major Lorne and Lt. Cadman. There's some snacks and drinks left if you want some."
"Oh, yeah. Thanks." She got up and went over to the table.
Noticing how far the movie was now and that we missed a chunk, I rewinded a bit and started it again when Dr. Winter sat back down.
"Death awaits you with big, nasty, pointy teeth."
Us women, now four, snickered with laughter knowing what was coming while Lorne didn't laugh until the little cute fluffy white rabbit appeared and Tim the Enchanter tried to convince them of the danger of the bunny.
"Christ!" His eyes widened after the killer rabbit tore at the knights's throats.
I huffed, "Now do you see why I was so afraid of the erberts, I had that scene running in my head."
He scratched his head, "Yeah. You're done going to Stinea, now, right?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
Laura asked teasingly, "Not afraid of some bunnies, are you, Major?"
"I just don't want to have that playing in my head anymore than I have to."
We all laughed almost continually, especially during the Intermission, up until the ending, which was expected for all us women.
Major Lorne, not so much.
"What? Wait… that's it? They get arrested and it's over?"
"Yeah. In true Python fashion." Dr. Winter replied, grinning.
I glanced at the now black screen with the happy music from the beginning playing, and got up to eject the disc. "So, who's up for Life of Brian or some Flying Circus episodes?'
"Not me, that's all the Monty Python I can handle for one night." Major Lorne got up and stretched, looked at his watch, and put his plate and glass on the table. "You need any help cleaning up?"
"We can get it." I replied, trying to decide what I wanted to watch as the others were too.
"Okay. Good night ladies."
"Night, Major." I waved and the others said goodbye as well. He left and I swear Alex checked him out again. Could've been my imagination though.
"So, what shall it be, ladies?" I asked again.
"Episodes." Laura responded, garnering nods from the others.
"Okay." I slid out the first disc of Season 1, put it in the DVD player, and sat back down, but on the other couch so the four of us were equally spaced out.
We all laughed as the night wore on we burned through the discs, getting more and more tired but refusing to leave except for the group bathroom break because none of us wanted to miss something and didn't want to make the others pause the show and wait.
I shut my eyes for a moment somewhere in Season 2 and eased back into consciousness hours later to the screen stuck at the menu and everyone else still passed out.
No one ever said life in Atlantis couldn't be fun.
A/N: Well, I hope it didn't disappoint!
I have to say I never thought this would go this far. It was orginally posted as a oneshot for a challenge! I'm truly glad you all liked it.