A/N First Teen Titans fic posted on this site. Guess its a fairly light M rating, dunno it all melds together in my mind. Hope you all enjoy, review please! Flames will be used to throw crazy beach bonfires!
Oh yeah, dont own it. Because if I did, the show would be a lot different. I'm not a Starfire hater though, I think she's sweet. And the italics mean flashback... hope thats fairly obvious... ok I'm done...
"You said you wouldn't do this."
"Robin, for Christ's sake, you promised me you wouldn't do this."
I couldn't deny there was a bit of pride there. I mean, to be the proud owner of Robin's biggest (only?) fuck up was quite the accomplishment. Years from now, I could tell all those gossip columnists that it was the temptation of me that drove the child hero of Jump City over the edge. That I was the reason Robin had done something so completely immoral, so reprehensible he couldn't even bear to think about it. That is, I could do this if he hadn't been completely trashed at the time. Or if he hadn't been thinking about it for a week since the incriminating event. Or if I didn't intend on taking the secret with me to my grave. Or if I had any intention on ever giving an interview to anyone.
I turned from him and walked down the hall to the comfort of my room. I had to get away from his stupid face. That look, even without the eyes, just made me feel sick. But he was too fucking noble. I should've known. That was the thing with flings, they were supposed to stay in the past. If no one found out, no one could regret it. But Robin, he didn't work that way.
"Raven! Raven just listen to me!" He caught up with me and held my arm. Such a small action caused me to remember that night and want to beat his face in for thinking he had the right to touch me at the same time. An odd combination, all things considered.
"What, Robin?" I whirled around, ripping my arm from his hand. He looked a bit taken aback. "What do you want?"
He was silenced for a minute by the hostile tone, but you couldn't blame me for being angry. Robin or not, he said he would let it die. We are mature adults (sort of) after all, we should be able to handle it.
"Raven, you can't just think that we'd-"
"That we'd what, Robin? That we'd just let it go? Yes, I can! You should too."
"You can't deny what we had!"
"What we had, Robin? What did we have? You were drunk, I was drunk, that's all. We didn't have anything, Robin. People like me don't have with people like you. We never had, we didn't have, we never will have. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Go back to Starfire. Move on."
This cut deep, I could tell by the way his face fell. It hurt. But he needed it. Sometimes if someone's holding onto you so tightly you can't gently pry their fingers loose, you just have to cut off their arm. It's for their own good, but it hurts like fucking hell at the time.
For having his arm cut off, Robin proved remarkably resilient. Maybe I didn't quite get through…
"Don't call me that."
"Rae, please just let me explain-"
"You did Robin, and you were wrong. I know it's a new thing for you, but take my advice. Let it go."
"But I can't Rae." There it was, that horrible, obvious truth plastered all over his broken face. I sighed.
"I know, Robin. But you have to."
For some reason I managed to convince myself that he could handle this. That we would laugh about it the next morning, and not talk about it for 20 years. How I managed that feat of imaginary ability I'm not sure, but I did. And we didn't talk for a week. It was looking like we weren't going talk at all for 20 years, but that honestly might have been better than this.
Of course Robin couldn't handle this. He was so noble, too much the hero. He was responsible and generous and he dated like every girl he kissed was a potential future wife. He was the designated driver, the one to hold your hand when you were moody and depressed, the one who wouldn't try anything on any girl unless he had a signed contract that she was comfortable with it, much less pressure her into something. Me? I was a half demon misanthrope who had taken to living life day to day. I never played for keeps and I didn't like being kissed on the mouth because it was too personal.
And deep down, I had expected this to happen. He would confront me, probably ramble on about how sorry he was for taking advantage of me and some shit like that, what a disgusting person he was, the usual Robin. He would try and make it up to me, though what he was making up for I'm not sure. Maybe he'd promise to be a good father to our love child.
That week long period of avoiding each other was more than I ever should've have hoped for and the biggest sense of false relief I had ever experienced. For seven blissful days I thought he would keep his promise. It was bullshit and I knew it all along, but I wanted so hard to believe I had not made a mistake. Or rather, it would just be another mistake that never came back to haunt me. But here I was in the hallway arguing with a breaking Boy Wonder about whether we had shared anything that wasn't purely physical that night.
"But I just can't Rae! I can't this time."
This time, honestly. When had he ever done something like that before? And why couldn't he cling to her instead?
"Because why? What's so fucking difficult about this?"
"I can't because I lo-"
"No, you don't! You think you do but you've got to trust me Robin, you're wrong."
"But what if I'm not. What if you're making a mistake!"
"I'm not! You are making the mistake, Robin."
"Why can't you just think about what I'm trying to say? Maybe you do feel-"
"God Damnit, Robin, what did you think I was going to do? Profess my mad, undying love for you?"
He looked at his feet. Obviously.
"You have lived in this tower with me for 5, almost 6 years. Don't you see it doesn't work that way with me? You want love, go back to Star."
"That's not what I thought. I just wanted to tell you-"
"Why? Why did I have to know about it? You promised me you wouldn't do this."
"Rae you can't just let it die!"
"Yes, I can!"
"You would honestly prefer I just lied to you and told you I felt the same way before… that night, as after?"
"Yes, Robin, I would. Because this is stupid. You have Starfire, she's perfect for you. She fulfills all your obsessively good, wholesome needs. I don't. I could never give you that."
"You don't have to. I could handle it being one-sided, Rae, just to feel like maybe you'd…" He was on the verge of insanity. Some one shoot me.
"No, Robin. You couldn't. You crave love, caring, any emotion at all! Maybe if I despised you, thinks would be different. But I don't Robin! I don't feel anything."
He looked shocked.
"No, Robin. I don't."
"How could you not!"
"It's how I am, Robin! It's why you need to give up. Go back to your room, get some sleep, and forget about it. You love Star, remember?"
"You know why I was drunk?"
I shook my head, backing away, "No and I don't want to."
"But what if-"
"You don't Robin. I know you don't. And if you do, I can honestly say I don't want to hear about it."
He stared at me from behind his mask. The idea that someone would not want to be loved washed over him like a Creationist seeing proof of evolution. He had never looked more like a little boy then he did right then, trying to grasp the fact that not everything was good and whole in this world. Seeing me staring at him, he did the one thing I could never have expected. He pulled off his mask.
Of all things I expected to come down to, it hadn't been that. Yet there he was. Robin, defender of Jump City, childhood extraordinaire, bent over a bottle of whiskey. I stopped dead.
"I thought you went out with the rest of them."
He shook his head, smiling slightly, "I fel tlikes tayingh ome."
Obviously. I leaned on the counter across from him, staring into the white mask with a look almost akin to awe. It might've been awe if I hadn't been staring at Robin, completely trashed on hard liquor.
"You're drunk, Robin."
He nodded, smirking at me, "Yesh. Not oo bad though."
I couldn't help but smirk back.
"Never thought you to be the drinking alone type."
"You coul ddrinkw ith me," he moved to pour some of the liquid into an imaginary glass. I gently pried the bottle from his hands.
"Give that to me Robin. Why are you plastered?" Not generally a good question for a drunken person, but I figured he would mumble something incoherent that he would never remember. So you can imagine the shock when his voice became surprisingly clear.
"I'm having problems with Star."
This was unexpected.
"What kind of problems?" I asked without thinking. The normal Robin would've stiffened and lied about nothing being wrong, but drunk Robin was a bit more open.
"I like someone else."
"Oh. Do I know her? Or him…"
"It's a her," he laughed, "But yes, you know her."
"Friend or foe?"
"Sometimes I'm not sure, but friend."
"Well, I hate to say it Robin, but having a little crush is hardly cause for getting wasted."
His grin faded, "It's not a little crush. I had a dream about her last night."
"Ahh… Good dream?"
"If you like things like this," and without further hesitation he moved to me and pressed his lips against mine. Completely aghast, I felt myself being pushed back over the counter until I was lying back and he was leaning down over me. It was not a drunken kiss, sloppy and ill aimed, but that of an expert. Gently biting my bottom lip, he pulled his face away from mine, though still holding me down on the counter.
"So why are you drunk over a dream like that?" I breathed, feeling his hands running up my sides.
"She'll never like me back. Not sober, in any case."
I lifted the bottle still clutched in my right hand.
"You should never drink alone."
How we made it back to his room is a bit unclear. The alcohol was long gone, and the world was spinning as we slammed through his door. Somehow he managed to carry me up the stairs while trailing kisses down my neck and carrying a half bottle of whiskey in his stomach. It's a wonder we didn't both die on the trip.
Robin dropped me on his creaking mattress and proceeded to crawl up over me, mouth traveling up my collar bone, hands frantically searching the back of my leotard. I guided one to the zipper and within seconds the meddlesome clothing was in a heap on the floor by his shirt. He stopped his frantic groping for a moment to look at me, splayed out below him on his starched white sheets in nothing but a pair of black underwear. He grinned down at me. Suddenly everything became slow. He leaned down, gently brushing one hand over my chest as he placed his mouth by my ear. Flicking his tongue at my earlobe he traced my right breast and whispered,
I opened my mouth, trying my best to sound biting.
"And the million dollar check goes to-" But his hand slid down over my stomach and pressed between my legs. The caustic remark vanished in a loud moan of pleasure. Rocking against his ever adventurous hand, I searched breathlessly with my own fingers for some sort of advantage. But Robin had covered all his bases, holding me down on his creaking mattress with one hand and destroying my last shred of dominance with the other. I gave up. Abandoning reason to complete submission, I pleaded hoarsely to the ceiling,
That bastard, he had stopped. He was smirking down at my pained face.
"What, Raven? Did you want something?"
Only the great Boy Wonder could be completely drunk and still have total control of his body during sex. Most of his body anyway… it was really too bad I probably wouldn't remember this.
Seeing my face relax, he came back with a vengeance. I was practically crying out and he hadn't even taken off my fucking underwear yet.
"R-Robin, please, I need-"
He cut me off, slamming his mouth down on mine. His tongue violated my lips so roughly that it hurt. This didn't stop me from finding the button on his pants, or from dropping one hand to really feel what I had caused, or from raising my hips from the bed as I felt his hands finally tugging on my underwear. This didn't stop me from knowing…
"…I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake…"