red fish, blue fish

warning: implied incest and pedophilia. please note that laguna, mentioned as squall's father, is from final fantasy viii.

disclaimer: you can't own what isn't there

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and a thousand times over, cid hears these words.

still lonely, Leon?

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

it's a common response. leon doesn't want to admit it, but he craves affection and he never ever leaves them alone, he's always there he's always there and he always forgets to mention that he doesn't want human company and he's 25 but not a day over 17, because cid remembers when leon was a loner and a sad little kid and his name was still squall.

he may be older, but he still remembers enough to remember what squall was like when he was younger. his hair used to be shorter, and he still had that damn scar, and he was a little bit smaller, a little bit lighter, a little bit thinner because he was still depressed about losing his parents to the heartless

oh god please let our boy go squall you have to run go leave go get out of here don't come back never look back

and he didn't eat at all back then, he never slept and he buried himself in learning always learning and now, he's still young, and he knows more than cid and he's so much more mature about it and he never swears or gets angry, even though somewhere he's still that lost little boy that wants his father and his mother back.

cid tries his best to be a father figure, but he knows he's awful at it and he settles for a best friend instead. aerith takes that role better, perhaps, and maybe that's why squall turned out so girly and always has really nice hair and somehow stays calm about everything. but at the same time, yuffie's his right hand (mad) man, always giving him a helping hand and nattering on pointlessly about information that leon already knows and digested years before she did because he's so much smarter than everyone else. way to fucking rub it in.

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

when leon comes to cid, leans against the wall and stares at the cobblestone under his feet and asks where's sora cid barely shrugs and keeps his attention on hustling the moogles into their new shop setup. hollow bastion will take some time to rebuild and it's already bringing back bad memories for squall, but not leon, because leon forgot about squall a long time ago. cid finally pays attention when leon tugs him aside and says he wants to talk (for once) and cid stares at him with a wide mouth and leon has to snap that jaw shut just so the chewed up straw that's been occupying the man's mouth doesn't fall out.

sora hasn't been here but he feels like he's here

cid's eyes roll and he wants to go back to work and he mutters swear words because he doesn't know how to respond to leon, but he's pulled back and slammed against the wall because for once, leon wants someone other than himself to listen to him.

there's something wrong with sora and i don't know what it is but i can feel it and he's holding onto my shirt right now and i can feel it there's something wrong this isn't real

cid stares. squall yer goin' fucking crazy leggo of me what the hell is wrong with ye

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

leon pushes him back against the wall when cid tries to leave again, and the older man is taller but leon's stronger and he knows what he's doing because he trains every damn day because he's got nothing better to do but wait for sora or wait for death. listen to me cid there's something wrong i don't understand this feeling tell me what's happening

cid's astounded, because for once leon doesn't know the answer and squall never knew the answers and maybe that scared little kid he saved from the heartless is rearing it's gorgeous, unscarred head once more. yer missing someone squall now let tha fuck go of me

squall and leon don't understand what 'missing someone' is but they play along anyway but leon doesn't let cid go and just stares at him and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares and stares until cid feels nervous and wants squall to let go.

will ye let go of me

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

squall and leon don't understand what 'letting go' is, either.

leon's silent and he releases cid's collar and he takes a step backwards and his eyes are fixed on the floor. cid doesn't know what to say so he adjusts his clothing and clears his throat and moves away. leon's eyes are still glazed and on the floor and cid doesn't know what to do when i don't remember him slides out of leon's lips.

what the fuck are you talkin' about

who's sora

cid stares and leon stares back and cid doesn't understand what's going on in leon's head because leon is completely different from squall and cid understood squall and knew how to make him (grudgingly) accept burnt toast because he'd forgotten to eat earlier because he wanted to rush outside and start practicing using his gunblade. cid knows squall but he's still learning leon.

squall ye need to go lie down or something i can git aerith

cid lightly shakes leon's shoulders because the man seems to have slipped out of consciousness and his eyes are blurry and he falls backwards a little bit when cid lets go and the older man has to hold leon against his chest because leon's about to fall down. cid feels a little strange, himself, but he won't say it because leon seems so much more affected.

cid sighs i dunno any sora but i 'member a squall

leon's still isn't responding and cid feels weak too and he can't explain the phenomena because he doesn't understand and neither does leon (for once) and cid is glad because he's still the one standing he drags himself (and leon and squall) back to his makeshift house where everyone visits and barges in uninvited because they're all a bunch of fucking bastards and cid takes off leon's leather jacket but skips the belts and pushes leon onto his bed before he falls there, too because he can't remember how to walk because he can't remember how to breathe because he can't remember some kid who saved their asses and was named ----.

when leon wakes up and he doesn't remember and cid is on top of him leon doesn't take it the wrong way because leon is smarter than that and damn it feels nice to have something lying beside him again. only, he doesn't feel guilty because it's not a fourteen year old boy or his own father and it's just cid and cid still has his clothes on so everything's okay.

wake up laguna

cid grumbles and slowly pulls himself upward and his hair is even more messed up than usual and squall's always been a perfectionist so he pushes cid's goggles back up onto his forehead and uses his fingers to wipe the trail of saliva off of the other man's mouth. what the fuck did ye jus' call me

squall freezes and leon remains calm and never mind but he can't help himself so he leans forward and smashes his lips against cid's and he can feel the shock from the older man and he has to use his tongue to pry cid's lips open and he can feel teeth smash against teeth and cid's stubble is rough against his smooth face and cid smells like cigarettes (even though he said he quit) and he has awful morning breath (how long did they sleep?) and squall pretends and leon is calm until cid pulls away and falls off the bed and growls and curses and what the fuck is up with ye and squall winces and leon gets out of the bed and hates the way that he has goggle imprints on his shirt and a drool stain on his stomach.

squall always did like older men.

cid is yelling and leon is quiet and what the hell

ask me tomorrow, but not today

and leon can't help himself as he pushes cid backwards and cid's back hits the table and damn, there goes the third coffee pot this month and they don't even bother to avoid glass because leon's already on him and his face is serious and cid doesn't get it and squall understands and leon is predatory and cid snarls and protests. leon hates the way cid dresses so he pins cid down with one hand and doesn't avoid a punch to the face and his lip is swollen and bleeding but he can get his hands under cid's shirt and manage to take off that atrocious belt and cid's still in good shape even though yuffie teases him about getting old. leon can feel muscles moving beneath his fingers and he's so used to boyish curves and callused hands and squall realises that cid has a half of that but his skin is rougher than his father's and there's nothing soft about cid.

get the fuck offa me ya brat

cid gets another punch in and leon swears he's going to have a black eye but he's already gotten cid's shirt off and cid is still thrashing and /fuck, that hurt/ and leon sways because cid's boots have steel in them and he stumbles and cid manages to push squall and leon backward and he falls onto his ass and hisses when glass cuts right through his gloves and digs into his hands. cid feels sorry but he wants his shirt back and his goggles are crooked on his forehead so he fixes that first. /you all right/

ask me tomorrow, but not today.

i'm fine

it's an automatic response for squall and leon shakes his head and when cid gives him a scoff and a pointed look leon pulls himself upwards, peels off his gloves and he makes a slight noise but it doesn't really hurt but seeing blood is always awful. jagged shards of glass with blood and something that's got to be coffee cover his palms, and leon just rolls his eyes but his skepticism stops when cid's hands are on his and the man is pulling out the glass. yer so fuckin' clumsy ya idiot

squall scowls and leon scowls too and they agree for once. the glass hurts more going out than going in and his hands are bleeding profusely and cid is still searching for bandages and he can't remember where the fuck did i put 'em and leon would help searching but he's still looking for himself.

sorry and leon doesn't feel the way he says but leon is a liar, even to himself.

don't care says cid and he really doesn't because he doesn't care about much. though, he does care when leon slowly begins to lick the blood off of his fingers and cid's eyes are glued to leon's mouth and fuck, leon must have no gag reflex because he can get those fingers in pretty damn far and cid really hasn't paid too much attention to himself in a while and leon's tongue slides along the wounds and he must have missed some glass because the tip of his tongue is almost forked and sweet shiva and there are reprecussions for acting like a slut and cid doesn't care that he used to act like a father and he doesn't cut it as a best friend and cid forces leon to the floor and he arches and writhes and there's glass in his back but he doesn't care because pain makes it so much more realistic.

while squall pretends and leon moans and digs bitten finger-nails into cid's back while the older man breathes heavily over him, and this is such a farmiliar feeling and leon can finally get used to his own skin and he feels comfortable with cid over him, cid in him, cid just being there because cid is farmiliar to both squall and leon and h-harder and he hates feeling lonely because secretly, he misses his parents and he wants friends.

he's only human after all.

so when leon remembers sora and sora shows up again and he's a little bit older and a little bit taller and cid is completely forgotten and replaced with sora, and a complete year of secret endeavors are still secret, cid talks to leon and yuffie won't shut the fuck up and sora is still sleeping in leon's bed and cid chews on the endings of a cigarette and hates leon and says still lonely, Squall?

leon looks at him.

ask him tomorrow, but not today