Disclaimer: Totally not mine. Wished it was tho... sigh... Only thing that belongs to me is Cassandra. And the crazy idea that started all this.

A/N: Anything in italics represents thought.


Prologue

They ran into the lush house with glee... well, most of them did, any ways. Ducky moved a bit slower than the rest, and McGee slightly did too, but they all were excited to check the house out.

Abby didn't quite look like her usual self... she wore a simple and demure black dress, and gone were the customary pig tails and bangs. Instead she had braids. Her usual heavy make up was not so heavy, and she didn't look quite as pale as normal... not to mention the lack of visible tattoos. Tony looked mostly like himself, Ziva too... although her hair was somewhat different. Gibbs had fared really well... gone was the silver hair and in it's place was hair as black as night. Ducky and McGee were the worst for wear... McGee looked positively fat, and Ducky looked much older (and heavier) than he really was.

But all in all? The team was alright, and they were all together again.

The insanity for the first while was great... they all exclaimed over the silliest things, and hooted and clapped over clocks and ornaments and trees. Before long, they were right at home... McGee clacking away on a computer, Ducky reading a book, Tony tickling Ziva, Abby playing a video game, and Gibbs looking through each room methodically.

As the hours passed, their interaction grew. McGee made a few fruitless advances on Ziva, who scorned him without a second thought. So then he tried on Tony. Tony accepted McGee's caresses and smooches for a short while, before growing tired of it, and going to have a nice long bubble bath. In the meantime, Ziva nearly set the kitchen on fire, trying to make mac and cheese, and Ducky wandered around the house, looking for someone to talk to, but everyone would either ignore the old man, or, let him talk for about 5 minutes, and then get up and simply walk away. Gibbs had found great interest in reading a book, and Abby tried a few times to lure him into talking to her, to no avail, so she now was watching TV by herself.

That first night, they all found beds... but oddly enough, McGee and Tony bunked together, and Ziva for whatever reasons, climbed in with Ducky. Gibbs fell asleep on the couch, and Abby slept alone.

The next day McGee served cereal for breakfast. But he served it somewhere around 4:30 in the morning, so by 6 am, it was starting to look sort of wrong. Tony sauntered out in his underwear, and Ziva began to ogle him, openly. Gibbs seemed cranky (which wasn't so unusual at all), and made espresso. He then drank the entire pot. Ducky wandered out and tried to make toaster pastries, but he burnt them beyond recognition, and then proceeded to eat them, making terrible faces. Abby ignored everyone, in favour of sitting at the computer, and chatting with random people. It seemed an unusual start to the day.

By noon, Tony and McGee were in the bedroom assigned to Ducky and having sex. Various growls and yips and sighs could be heard coming from the bedroom... no one ventured near it. Ducky was sitting on the couch, staring into nothing. Abby had tried to talk to Gibbs, but he ignored her. She tried to engage him in play. He ignored her. She tried to appreciate him. He ignored her. So she went off to play a video game, and he stripped down and took a bubble bath... in the same bathroom where Ziva was sitting on the toilet, and yelping at Gibbs to get out. Ziva finally left, without washing her hands, no less... and made some meat sandwiches. She ate one, and left her plate in the middle of the kitchen floor and went outside to strip down and climb into the hot tub.

Tony and McGee finally came out of the bedroom, both in their underwear and making sweet cooing noises at each other. Tony ordered pizza, and everyone had some. Then Ducky went to bed (the very one that was still rumpled from Tony and McGee's antics), and Ziva proceeded to flirt with McGee in the hot tub, while Gibbs and Tony made out in the kitchen. Abby was more or less being ignored by everyone, so she went to bed. By herself.

By 3 am, Gibbs and Ducky were in bed, going at it. It had suddenly happened, and there was no discerning how it had even began. Ziva and Tony were also going at, but in the hot tub; with much splashing and sighing. Abby was on the computer once more, and McGee was stuffing his face with chips.

Sure... they were together... but it wasn't right. Not a single fucking thing about any of it was right.