Being a Nobody isn't easy, the young woman wrote. It's hard knowing that even though you feel things just like you did when you were whole, that those feelings aren't real. No matter how lonely I feel, or how empty I know I am, those feelings aren't real. They're jus wraiths of what I once felt.
The woman paused, and scratched her chin. She tapped the pen on the side of the desk, pulling her thoughts in order before continuing. I know I'm only twenty, or I was when my heart was stolen, but I feel like I've lived an eternity. How my longer will I go on like this? Living but not actually alive? Felling without a heart? What became of my heart? What sort of grotesque form did it take? I was only on my way to the market. Why me? Why my heart? I was nothing special--or at least my whole from wasn't. I cannot take this empty existence any longer. I am going to put an end to this. An end that should have come when my heart was stolen. Whoever reads this, finds this, I'm sorry. Sorry to put you through trouble for a Nobody. Ha, I sound like an angsty teenager. I guess I'm sorry for that too. I'm sorry for a lot of things. What will happen when I die? Will I fade into nothing? Into absolute nothing? Or will I be thrown into a purgatory to await my hearts end? Or, worse yet, has the real me, the whole me, been dead and gone all this time, and I'm nothing? Nothing becomes nothing? It's the none existing that scares me the most, the thought of absolute darkness. The darkness that's terribly like sleep without dreams. But whatever awaits me, it must be better than this.
She carefully folded the letter, just as she had so many times before, and tucked it under her inkwell. The well was empty, had been for a while now, she kept it out of habit. Why does everything always have to be so difficult? She put her face in her hands and sighed. She never cried anymore, she wanted to, but just couldn't. Nobodies couldn't cry. It was cruel that everyone else could express grief, but she couldn't. She looked at the folded paper through the crakes between her fingers, and considered the letter carefully. Kione had written this type of letter at least a dozen times before, but each time she'd left the room swearing to end it all, she'd always come back about an hour later.
"This time I'll do it," she swore. "I've got nothing to lose. Nothing to lose, heh, that's an understatement"
Maybe it was. Kione didn't have a job, when she became a nobody she'd retained her human form. Not as she had been, not exactly, but no one from her old life recognized her. She stayed in Twilight Town for a while, watching over her loved ones until they moved on. That was an awful existence. Kione found that whenever she was around people from her old life--her whole life--she tended to make them upset. They'd get irrational around her, and sometimes violent. So she slunk in the shadows, watched her own funeral, watched her will reading, watched her family, her friends, move on, and forget her.
She eventually moved on too. Kione made her new home in an abandoned upper floors of the train station. The place hadn't been home to people in a long. It needed cleaning up, a lot of cleaning up, but she had all the time in the world. All the time in the world was becoming a daunting thing. It just sort of hung there, ever present. When she was whole, she thought life was too short, but now it was becoming apparent that life was much too long.
Part of her was grateful she still looked human, the other part wished she looked like a monster. As a human she'd been slightly tan, now she'd taken on a dark olive complexion, and she had an odd symbol just under her left eye. It looked vaguely like an upside-down skeleton keyhole. Kione's hair had been in braids when her heart was stolen, now it was in thick dreadlocks that hung almost all the way down to her waist. Where her hair had been a light blond color, it was now pure white. The only thing that remained exactly as they had been, where her bright, green eyes. For that she was thankful.
Certain parts of her Whole life were blurry. At first she remembered everything, but now her memories were fading. It was a slow process, but it was still happening. She'd stolen (did it count as stealing?) a photo album, but each time she'd look through it she'd have to remind herself who each person was.
Kione walked to the box next to the old mattress she slept on. She picked up the album and leafed through it. There was one photo she wanted with her. It was a picture of her family. They were at a reunion a year before her heart had been stolen. There were four smiling people, and she was holding a baby. There was a man beside her, he looked a little older than she was. Kione wrote on the back, two words: MY FAMILY.
She tucked the picture into her pocket and took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. It's time, she decided, this time for sure. Kione got up and walked towards the giant clock.
The room she'd salvage happened to be just behind the clock. As a result she got one giant window. There was a small door near the 6 that lead to a ledge outside. Normally Kione just sat out there--out of sight of course, she didn't want to be caught as a squatter. But, today Kione stood on the ledge and looked into the sunset. The golden rays stretched on forever. Forever, was a very long time, even for a Nobody. There was a star just to the left of the sun above Twilight Town. An ever shining star. Or was it a planet? Kione kept her gaze fixed on it.
"This one's for you," she murmured to the star. Kione stretched out her arms and took one step forward into the void.
"For me? Why, I'm touched," came a voice behind her.
Kione was so surprised by the voice that she jumped off the side. Suddenly the thought of endless nothing became terrifying. Kione scrambled to catch an hand hold on the ledge. The stone felt cool to her touch, she clung to it desperately and hauled herself up.
"What were you trying to do, kill me?" She demanded as she slid over the ledge and fell to the floor.
The man smirked down at her. He was wearing an odd black cloak that covered half of his face, but she could see the smirk. "No, my dear, I believe you were going to do that all on your own."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a peace of paper. Through the steadily waning light Kione could see through the back of the paper. She saw her signature.
"Hey!" she snarled and sat up. "That's mine."
The man didn't pause in his response, "Oh, I know. Let's read a bit, shall we? Ahem. I cannot take this empty existence any longer," the man read in a high pitched nasally voice. "I am going to put an end to this. An end that should have come when my heart was stolen. Oh spare me! This is pathetic. If you are really going to end your life, please do it more eloquently. "
Kione was getting angry, very angry. How dare this man come in out of nowhere and criticize her suicide note. Why did the world keep getting in the way of her death? "Listen you," she growled, "I don't recall asking your opinion! I haven't had a lot of practice in suicide notes, so if you don't mind just go away and let me kill myself."
The man crumpled the letter and tossed it over his shoulder. "Oh, I believe you have a lot of experience writing these little notes. We've been watching you for a while now, Kione. Don't look so shocked. You think you could just go on pretending to exist without someone noticing?" He crossed his arms over his chest, as if daring her to say something. "Don't you ever wonder why you kept on going even though you didn't have a heart."
"Well, yes I--"
"It's because you were strong, Kione, strong were others were weak. It's a blessing, not a curse. You're stronger because of it! Not like those fools of the Kingdom would have you believe."
Kione didn't know what to say. A million questions were running through her head. But the one that kept come up was: "Who are you?"
"Ha," the man barked, "Someone who will make a great alley, or a terrible enemy. It's your choice. I'll give you sometime to think about it" The man stepped beside her, and then jumped off the ledge.
"WAIT!" Kione yelled after him, "When will I see you again?"
So, Kione was left. All she had left was a crumpled suicide notes, andthe nagging question: What now?