Lark: YEAH it was.
Me: Okay, the first one is Little Red Riding Hood. You'll see how the parody works after you read this one.
Lark: It's a series of one-shots. If you don't like one, it doesn't matter, because there are a lot of fairy tales.
Me: Plus, you won't get confused.
Lark: Unless you're stupid.
Me: And I don't own any fairy tales or the Teen Titans. Pairings are Star and Robin, and BB and Raven. I made it more obvious bewteen all of them...in these stories, Robin and Starfire are dating and Beast Boy and Raven are getting a little more affectionate towards one another.Here we go.
Little Red Riding Hood
The tower was mostly quiet, save for a few footsteps and the soft whoosh of a cloak. A girl weighed down with a large book, one that she cradled gently in her pale hands, entered the living room of Titans' Tower. A green cat dozed quietly on the sofa and the cloaked girl regarded it silently, sitting down next to it. She opened the book, turning the pages carefully, almost lovingly. Everything was at peace.
She curled up on the couch, her violet eyes scanning over the runes inscribed in her ancient spell-book. A yawning meow, then a thump, from behind her made the half-demon roll her eyes, annoyed. She carefully marked her place…and a good thing too. Before she knew it, a fanged mouth was next to her, screaming, "Hiya Raven!"
A small sigh passed over her lips as she looked at the changeling grinning so cockily next to her.
"What do you want?"
"Nuttin. Whatcha readin'?
"I'm not sure you'd understand it even if I told you the title."
"'The Chronicles of Metrion's Roots: Herbal Remedies for Critical Wounds'," Raven read from the cover.
Beast Boy's tongue flopped out of his mouth, his ears drooping. They quickly perked up again as he laughed. "See?" he stated perkily, "I knew that, it's the…roots of metronomes and the wounded herbs'…remedies…thing."
Peals of laughter from the doorway caused the demon and the changeling to turn their heads. Cyborg and Robin were leaning on each other for support, tears leaking from Cyborg's human eye and from under Robin's mask.
Raven flushed and glared at Beast Boy, who looked dumbstruck.
"What'd I say?" he asked innocently.
A shriek issued from upstairs and a very happy Tamaranean girl followed. Starfire hugged a book to her chest. "Friends!" she squealed happily. "The book I have discovered upstairs on the bathroom shelf is quite enjoyable! Will you please read?"
Raven raised an eyebrow and looked toward the team, not surprised to find 4 pairs of eyes staring at her.
"What, like I'd leave a book in a restroom?" she said dully.
Robin smirked. "Good point. And I have my own bathroom. Cyborg?"
"Not mine, man."
Beast Boy looked away, whistling innocently and bobbing on his toes. The eyes turned to him.
"Beast Boy?" Four voices, varying from the disbelieving Cyborg, to the happy, curious Starfire, to the shocked Robin, to the irritated Raven, rang over him.
"Uh, yeah…what book is it?" he rushed out quickly.
Starfire turned it over in her hands and read "Grimm's Fairy Tales." She looked puzzled. "It is a collection of tales based on sad little winged people?"
Beast Boy turned a colour like an un-ripe strawberry and laughed lightly. "Well...about that..."
Raven saved him the humiliation by taking the book in her hands and looking through it. "Wow. The brothers Grimm. Beast Boy, I wouldn't have guessed you had any taste for stories other than comics." Beast Boy nodded firmly and took it back. "I just bought it," he said meekly. "I don't remember the stories well, so I bought this at a yard sale."
"Good condition for a spit-back," Cyborg laughed. Raven shook her head in disgust.
Starfire looked at Robin. "What are these stories, Robin?"
Robin rubbed the back of his head. "They're fantasies. They tell morals to children. Like...Little Red Riding Hood. Warns kids about why they shouldn't talk to strangers."
Starfire nodded vigorously. "Would you read me these stories? They sound like much fun to read together!"
Raven winced and sighed heavily, prodding Beast Boy in the back. He turned to her. "Yeah?" he said in an undertone.
"This isn't the version that has the big bad wolf from Riding Hood getting his stomach sliced open and filled with rocks, is it?"
Beast Boy blanched. "The what now? I don't remember the stories well, but THAT I'd remember." Raven held out her hands and Beast Boy dropped the book into her arms. She opened it and her violet eyes flashing as she scanned the pages expertly. Breathing a sigh of relief, she spoke. "No, these are more appropriate than Grimm's original works."
Starfire cocked her head in curiousity. "What was wrong with them?"
Cyborg chuckled. "They were too grim."
Beast Boy groaned. "Dude, even I know that joke was corny."
Raven shook her head. "Actually, Beast Boy, the word "grim" comes from "the brothers Grimm." She held out the book for him to take it back. "Their original works were too dark and morbid for children. Here, you can read them to Starfire." Beast Boy pushed it back.
"Naw, Rae. You read it to Starfire and me. You're cool when you're reading. Really good at it." Raven blushed slightly.
"Okay...Cyborg? Robin? Interested?" She opened the book to the first story and sat on the couch. Beast Boy took a seat to her left and Starfire leaned over the back of the sofa to read over the half-demon's shoulder.
Cyborg jumped over the back of the couch and landed next to Beast Boy, leaning back casually. The four Titans looked to Robin, who sighed. "What, like I'm going to go upstairs and track Slade when my friends are reading fairy tales?" He sat to Raven's right and put his arm on her shoulder. She shook him off and Beast Boy mimicked him instead. Robin glared at him in mock-annoyance when Raven didn't shove him aside.
"Little Red Riding Hood," Raven read, "was called so because of the cloak she wore every day. It was red and hooded, and she was never seen without it. Eventually people even for-"
"Was she an angry child?" Starfire interrupted. Raven raised an eyebrow. "No. Why?"
"Red cloak means anger, yes?"
Beast Boy and Cyborg chuckled while Robin looked at Starfire, confused. "What?"
"I'll explain later," Raven gushed. "No, she just liked red. Moving on.
"One day, Red's mother-"
"Dude, what's with the abbreviation?" Beast Boy asked. Raven moaned and leaned her head back.
"It just said that. The publishers probably saved money, time, and equipment but not having to type out "Little Red Riding Hood" every three sentences. So, one day Red's mother gave her a basket-"
"What was in it?" Starfire queried.
"Bread and cookies. So the mother told Re-"
"Dude, I want cookies!" Beast Boy went sparrow and flew over to the kitchen, where he started bussling around, making cookies. Raven looked slightly disappointed, and very annoyed. "So I'll just wait an hour until you get back, then?" she scowled.
"Nah, I'm listening."
"Ugh." Raven turned the page and started reading again. "So the mother said 'take these to your sick grandmother and don't stop along the way for any reason.' and Red nodded and went into the woods toward her grandmother's house."
Starfire clapped her hands to her mouth in horror. "Her grandmother lived in the forest! That is most depressing."
Raven rolled her eyes. "No, she lived in a house at the edge of a forest."
Starfire sat back. "Oh. I see. Continue."
"Red went into the forest and made a beeline for her grandmother's house," Raven rushed out. "When a wolf came out from a tree and approached her. Very kindly he asked her where she was taking the basket, and Red replied 'My grandmother is not well. These are for her.' The wolf grinned and told her that there were many pretty flowers by the creek, and she should take some to her grandmother. Then, with a slight chuckle, he asked Red politely where her grandmother lived."
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Starfire screamed. Cyborg and Robin jumped slightly, and the sound of pots and pans clattering to the ground could be heard in the kitchen. Not in the least bit unnerved, Raven turned her head slowly to face Starfire. "Did you have to do that right next to my ear?"
"Forgive me, Raven, but...the girl of riding hoods did not tell the wolf where her sick old grandmother lived...did she?"
"She did. And she went to pick flowers just as the wolf suggested." Raven turned back to the book. "Meanwhile, the wolf ran to the grandmother's house, thinking he'd eat the grandmother, then Red." At this, Raven clapped her hands to her ears, and in good timing, too; a second later, Starfire shrieked again, and Cyborg fell off the couch.
Raven continued blandly, her nose becoming pink-tinged as she became more and more irritated. "The wolf knocked on the door and the grandmother called 'Who is it'
The wolf took on the voice of Red and replied 'It's me, dear grandmother.'" Raven turned a page quickly, feeling the need to rush through the next few sentences. "'Come in, dear child' the grandmother called, and the wolf came in and approached the grandmother, who gasped, 'You are not my grandchild!'"
"No (insert "s" word here), grandma..." Robin muttered. Raven glared at him viciously and continued on. "'No,' replied the wolf, 'But you will by my supper!'"
Ignoring the scream from Starfire and the slamming from the kitchen, Raven read, "The wolf chased the grandmother around the house and locked her in a closet, then put on a pair of spectacles and a nightgown. He laid down in bed and a few moments later, Red came in. She approached the bed and saw who she thought was her grandmother. 'Oh grandmother,' she gasped. 'What big ears you have.' The wolf snuggled into the bed and said 'All the better to hear you with my dear. But please, come closer so I can hear you better.' Red came closer. 'Oh grandmother,' she gasped. 'What big eyes you have.' The wolf nodded. 'All the better to see you with my dear. But please, come closer so I can see you better.' Red came a little closer and cried out, 'Oh grandmother! What big teeth you have!'"
"ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH MY DEAR!" came a roar from behind them. A green wolf sailed through the air, a tray of cookies on his back. He landed with a crash on the coffee table and cookies went flying.
Starfire was screaming hysterically and Robin and Cyborg were cracking up. Beast Boy morphed back to his normal self and laughed, embarrassed, his cheeks slightly pink. A vein throbbed in Raven's forehead and she slammed the book shut. She got up and screamed, "STOP!" The laughter and screams faded instantly.
Raven glared at them. "How do you expect me to read through all of these interuptions?" she scowled. Beast Boy sighed and picked himself up. "I thought it'd be funny," he said apologetically. Cyborg and Robin snickered.
"It was," they both laughed.
Raven sighed and dropped the book onto the couch where she had been sitting. Starfire gasped. "Oh no, please Raven, what happened next?"
With a glare, Raven said flatly, "Red screamed and a woodsman came and saved her and her grandmother. Then he cut open the wolf's belly, filled it with rocks, sewed it back up, and threw the wolf into a river, where he sank to the bottom and drowned. The end."
Shadows engulfed her and she vanished into the ground. The Titans all went pale. "So..." Beast Boy said meekly. "What now?"
It'd probably be best if I had you nice reviewers vote for the next one. Vote for your favorite Grimm's Fairy Tale, and I'll wait until I have ten reviews before I write my next one. I hope you enjoyed that. The STORY, not the bold-printed command...morons...
- Raven the Sorrowbyrd