OH MAH GAWDZ, LOOK WHAT I UPDATED.

So after my last update frenzy (more than a month ago) I started thinking about the fanfics I've just left to rust. Well, after rereading the first chapter, the full copy of BakaGaijin 30's "Mamoru Must Die", re-watching the entirety of Monty Python's Flying Circus (always study the techniques of those that came before you), and miscellaneous other preparations, I think it's about time to update the hell out of this baby!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1...

Also, if I did own Sailor Moon, the world would have been a different place…

Cartoon Network would have never been able to show it in America (the annoyingly homophobic bible-thumping Christians would have seen to that),

Usagi's English voice actress would have come down with a mysterious illness, and been immediately replaced,

There would be an entire story arc dedicated to the Outer Senshi,

Poor Naru wouldn't have been completely left out the way she was,

…and Mamoru and Helios would have mysteriously vanished under less than innocent circumstances.

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Warning: This "story" contains shoujo-ai, a little sexual content, and humor that only makes sense to the author. There may also be some other stuff too… (see Chapter 1)

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Summary:

Setsuna Meioh walks onstage, grumbling to herself. "Stupid author, first he writes 'Blind Dates' and leaves it for more than a year. Now he decides to update the 'crackfic'." She taps the microphone at the front of the stage, then grabs it and brings it closer to her face. "Hello and Welcome back to-" This was all she managed before the piercing din commonly referred to as "feedback" filled the air. She waited for the noise to die down and began again.

"Hello, and Welcome back to Broken Gates, except for the fine people at Shoujo-ai Dot Com. Hesitation on the part of the author regarding the title for this failure of a story means that you lot might know it better as "Because There's Not Enough Madness in Shoujo-Ai." Please ignore this, as the title is now confirmed to be "Broken Gates." Muttering to herself again, she added; "As if I need another reminder that they're broken."

With a sigh, the Senshi of Pluto continued. "For those of you that don't remember (apparently, the author himself doesn't either); last chapter Helios was killed by aliens from a British sci-fi show, the Gates of Time broke down, Haruka and Michiru had sex with the characters of an unusual CLAMP series, Mamoru got stabbed and beaten up by two top ex-SOLDIERs, a tentacle demon was smashed before this story could turn into another disgusting Sasami lemon, school was cancelled, Ami's feelings for Makoto were revealed (to you anyway), I temporarily fixed the Gates of Time (wait, temporarily?!), and my little Hotaru-chan and Small Lady made out and Small Lady went home before Haruka, Michiru, Miyuki, and myself… showed… up… wait, Hotaru-chan and Small Lady did WHAT?!"

The Senshi of Time quickly ran offstage.

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At the Outer's home, a certain green haired Guardian of Time was sleeping soundly, completely exhausted by the events of the day, and in complete contradiction to what you just read.

But it's not like her efforts helped.

Elsewhere, a small rumble caused everything around the Gates of Time to vibrate horribly. There was a small "clink" as something was jarred loose.

And the threads of time and space began unraveling.

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It was a normal, though quite cloudy, night in Tokyo's Juuban District (hey, this is similar to how the first chapter started out) though it was only normal by the standards of other places that aren't in Tokyo. In fact, that means that it was a fairly strange night in Juuban, considering how little was going on. Making their way down the dimly lit streets, Makoto and Ami were headed towards Ami's apartment, since it was closest. The last chapter contradicted this fact, but I think that we've established that reality is a bit malleable at the moment. Both girl's minds began to wander, however, as they each thought of the other.

"Arrgh, I'm such an idiot! It's so hard to ignore her, and how I feel about her." thought Ami. "I wouldn't be in this situation if I'd gone with Rei, Minako, and Usagi… but… it is nice to be with her…"

Alternatively, Makoto thought: "Why can't I just tell her how I feel? The others aren't around, it's just the two of us. Now would be perfect…"

She glanced over at the blue haired genius, but quickly looked away, blushing, hoping that she wouldn't notice her. This drew her attention more towards her surroundings, as she noticed little things she'd have missed, had her thoughts not just been directed towards another girl. Little things: like the girl with the long pink hair wearing a boys school uniform cuddling with a dark skinned girl on a nearby bench… or the blue haired red eyed girl walking down the street holding hands with a red headed girl wearing a yellow sundress… or the other dark skinned woman with blonde hair and pointy ears tripping rather klutzily (in a way that strangely reminded Makoto of a certain Moon Princess) but was caught by a girl with teal hair, the blonde looking up at her lovingly.

"If some higher power is trying to hint that I should tell Ami how I feel, I get it, okay?" thought Makoto

Her attention was drawn elsewhere by the sound of shouting. She turned to see what looked like a Chinese girl with purple hair and a Japanese… guy?… with long hair and a giant spatula strapped to… his/her back fighting over a cute, busty red-head, who a nearby girl with short blue hair glared at.

Makoto quickly looked back and forth between this girl and Ami, thinking: "Wow, they look so similar…"

As the two Senshi turned a corner, they missed a nobly dressed man holding a bokken trying to declare his love for "his fierce tigress", and "the pigtailed girl". They also missed all four girls (one was cross-dressing after all) beat him into the ground.

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At the Gates, more pieces of stone fell from where Setsuna had tried to reattach them. Reality began spinning out of control. However, what most people don't realize is that Existence is very adaptable, and doesn't end very easily. Time was unraveling, so it began to rework itself back together. This may have involved taking bits and pieces from elsewhere, which resulted in the annihilation of a few other dimensions throughout the multiverse, but survival of the fittest, right?

Other than the absolute destruction of several universes, certain events in time were changed throughout many other nearby dimensions. In one, certain farm animals evolved to avoid being slaughtered for bacon by growing appendages needed for flight. In another, people began to hallucinate about a fake civilization in the middle of the ocean, that sank to the bottom. Many people in this reality spent their whole lives looking for the continent. In still another, a man started to hallucinate and dream of terrifying and, overall, very depressing things. Most prominent was a large winged creature with tentacles on it's face with eyes that drove anyone that looked into them insane.

Come on, flying demonic calamari? There are scarier things right behind you!

If you are reading this after dark, please take this short pause to look behind you to make sure that there is in fact nothing there

Finally, in other dimensions, certain people who, say, should have died in a cataclysmic event that wiped Earth out of existence to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, didn't exactly die… they just ended up on another Earth in slightly less danger of annihilation.

And by that, I mean that the threat of absolute planet-wide annihilation only occurs once a month.

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Standing in front of the door to the apartment Ami and her mother shared, Makoto and the bluette were about to say their farewells, when the bottom of the clouds seemed to open up, and buckets of rain started pouring down. Seeing as how hard the sudden rainstorm was falling, Ami invited the brunette into the apartment. Both of them failed to notice that the other was blushing.

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Ranma sighed as he poured the hot water on himself, changing back into his male form. He looked down into the hole that he, Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo pounded Kuno into a few minutes ago. Just as he was about to try to escape the three girls, the rain started pouring, turning him back into a girl.

With a groan, the martial artist looked up at the clouds. "Oh come on! Is one break too much to ask for?!"

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After leaving Denmark for a business trip, Robert McKenna had hoped that there might be a bit less rain in Japan. He was sadly mistaken, however. In fact, this rain was particularly heavy, making driving anywhere in Tokyo a cautious affair. Now that he thought about it…

"Yes," He thought. "Haven't seen this kind before." As he waited for the seemingly endless line of traffic ahead of him to move, he pulled out a small book. Eskimos were supposed to have more than two hundred different words for "snow", each for a different kind. Well, Rob McKenna had two hundred and thirty one different kinds of rain entered into his little book, and he hated all of them. No matter where he went, it always rained, and now he had number 232, "Deus ex Machina".

"Stupid fan fiction authors."

It's a pity that he didn't realize that the clouds were literally following him everywhere he went, for he was a Rain God. The clouds simply loved him, wanted to be near him, cherish him, and keep him well watered.

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Makoto and Ami sat on a couch, waiting for the heavy rains to die down. They'd been waiting for nearly an hour now, and were beginning to wonder if it would ever let up. Little did they know how much traffic there was outside.

"Wow, it's really pouring." Makoto said, breaking the silence.

Ami really couldn't think of any reply to such a fairly obvious statement, so it is perhaps for the best that the phone started ringing at that particular moment.

Ami picked up the phone and said: "Hello?"

Ami's mother spoke from the other end. "Ami? Oh good, your home. Listen, there have been a lot of accidents today because of the rain, so I won't get home from work anytime tonight. Also, do you have any of your friends over right now?"

"Makoto is here right now, but she's just waiting for the rain to stop-"

"Isn't she the one that lives by herself?"

"Well, yeah-"

"I see. According to the weather report, the storm's moving pretty slowly. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that she's walking home in that, so why don't you invite her to stay over tonight?"

"Um, okay…"

"Good! Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you, bye!"

"I love you too mom, bye."

As she hung up the phone, Dr. Mizuno felt no small amount of satisfaction at this turn of events. She had to admit, with the way her daughter went on and on about the brunette, it hadn't taken too long to figure out how she felt for the girl. And the older woman wasn't exactly blind to the way Makoto looked at Ami when the two were together. She hoped that they would admit to each other how they felt tonight, she really wanted Ami to be with someone who made her happy.

However, she had a very helpful accomplice, who had this idea brewing for quite some time. She grinned at the blonde standing next to her. "Well, looks like you were right Minako-chan, Makoto was still there. And I've convinced Ami to let her spend the night."

Minako flashed a v-sign and smirked. "Never doubt a goddess of love! …but thanks for your help Mrs. Mizuno."

The doctor shook her head at the girl's antics. "Well, it's out of our hands now, anyway. I'm going on duty now, so you should probably get back to your friends."

The blonde nodded and went back inside the still unconscious Mamoru's room, where she saw Rei and Usagi both blushing bright red.

"Hmm,' Minako thought, 'I wonder what I missed."

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Some time ago, the three Inner Senshi had been led to Mamoru's room by a nurse. "Well, this is his room." she said, opening the door. "He was brought in with multiple lacerations and stab wounds. He got out of surgery about fifteen minutes ago, so he'll probably be unconscious for a while. Don't worry though, he should be fine eventually, after a few days of bed rest."

Usagi nodded at the woman, who then turned around and left the three of them alone. They hadn't been there for very long, when Dr. Mizuno peeked into the room. "Excuse me, but could I borrow Minako for a few minutes?"

Rei and Usagi looked at each other in confusion, wondering why Ami's mother would need to talk to the girl. Minako herself looked perplexed, but nodded her head and exited the room.

Usagi stared at the ground for a while, and Rei looked at her with a worried expression on her face. "Usagi, are you going to be alright?"

The blonde looked up at her raven haired friend and smiled gratefully. "Yeah, it's just… earlier today, Mamo-chan and I had a fight…"

"No way. R-really?" Rei winced, noticing just how glad she sounded as she said it.

It seemed as though the other girl hadn't noticed, however, as she continued. Nodding, she added "Yes, you see…"

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ERROR…this flashback has been temporarily halted due to legal complications. Have A Nice Day.

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The two senshi looked around in confusion. Rei asked, "Usagi, weren't you about to go into a flashback?"

Just as she was about to respond, the door to the room burst open as several men and women in fedoras and dark suits rushed in, the one in front holding what looked like a badge. "I apologize" he said, "but you are currently violating the double flashback law. It is illegal to have a flashback during another flashback."

Usagi's eye's widened in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

"That's okay," he sighed "neither do some authors. Just don't let me catch you doing it again."

The blonde nodded emphatically as the group left. She looked over at Rei and apologized. "Sorry, I guess that will make it hard to explain things between Mamoru and I for this chapter." She looked thoughtful for a moment before looking at the other girl. "Rei, can I tell you something personal?"

Rei looked somewhat surprised. "O-of course, Usagi-chan."

Usagi took a deep breath, before starting. "Well, it's just that, the fight I'd had earlier with Mamoru? It made me start to think. Mamoru and I… we… haven't been all that close lately. I've even been wondering if I still l…" She stopped talking and began again on a different subject, hoping Rei didn't notice what she'd almost said. "I've thought a lot about Crystal Tokyo, and our futures, too. It just seems… wrong somehow, that our lives are preordained. Do you know what I mean?"

Rei nodded, thinking sadly, "I know exactly what you mean. Usagi-chan" This last thought was full of longing and desire.

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As this was happening, the Gates of Time trembled once again as destabilizing forces tried to eat away at reality. The few subroutines left that worked within the ancient artifact began to reprioritize their functions, and connected to an even larger network for help.

Which meant of course that when the Yggdrasil, the computer that runs all of creation, picked up on the Gate's plight, as well as the effects this had on reality, it answered the call. Firewalls were set up and anti-virus software was installed almost immediately, while confused gods and goddesses stared at their computer screens, wondering what the system was doing that it had to log off all current users.

As it began to piece together the Gates' network, the Yggdrasil quickly realized that reality as that particular universe knew it no longer existed, since large portions of it's central infrastructure had gone missing. That dimension had tried to supplement these absent areas with portions of other dimensions. This wasn't any better however, because while normalcy had been sixty-two percent restored, this came at the cost of over a hundred other universes that would never be the same again.

The Yggdrasil began generating the other thirty-eight percent of reality necessary to restore balance to that world, and would later attempt to fix the other affected dimensions. It did even better than the absolute best that one could expect from a computer that ran existence, but it was quite a mess, and the damage had already been done.

What all this translates into is basically this: Fate and Destiny just got a few dozen monkey wrenches thrown into the works, and each one is as big as the state of Nevada.

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Unaware of the drastically changing landscape of reality (which is bad news for people who prefer things like "Effects" to be preceded by things like "Causes"), Usagi shook her head and continued.

"I just don't know what to do! I mean, I know that I have to become Queen of Crystal Tokyo, I have to marry Mamoru, and I have to bring everlasting peace to the world! If only for Chibi-Usa's sake!! But what if I want to do something different?!"

Rei, realizing that the blonde was becoming more than a bit hysterical, decided to act on impulse. Had she given any thought to what she planned to do next, she would have never gone through with it. The raven haired beauty put her hands on Usagi's cheeks, and quickly pressed her lips against the blonde's.

Usagi was shocked out of her spiraling anxiety attack

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On an interesting side note, in another universe, where Rei HAD thought through her impromptu "Calm Usagi Down" plan and decided against it, Usagi went through a complete nervous breakdown and eventually became the Evil Sexy Empress of Crystal Tokyo rather than its Queen. After smothering Mamoru with a pillow, she carried Rei off to become her Sexy Right Hand Minion With Benefits, while the rest of the Senshi decided it was easier to just go with the flow and become The Empresses' (Sexy) Enforcers. Seventy two genetic experiments later, the Chibi-Usa problem was solved. Strangely enough, not much really changed, except of course Mamoru's death. Why didn't I write that story, you ask? Too much peril. Trust me, it's far too perilous; and no, you can't have just a little peril.

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After the brief moment of shock passed, Usagi found herself closing her eyes. She pulled the Senshi of Fire closer to her and deepened the kiss.

Deep Mamoru's subconscious, something seemed to be screaming at him to wake up. He ignored it, in far too much pain to care.

Both women jumped and pulled away from each other at the sound of the door handle turning. The door opened and Minako jumped into the room. "And this is where I came in!"

The three of them stayed overnight, but got very little sleep. Usagi found it hard to sleep because of her worries over the state of her relationship with Mamoru, as well as her confusion over what had happened with Rei. Minako couldn't sleep because the hospital chairs were uncomfortable, and Rei couldn't sleep because both of the blondes were snoring.

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Back at the Mizuno apartment, the rhythmic sound of the rain was luring Ami and Makoto, who were both lounging on the couch, to sleep. Ami was leaning into Makoto, with her head rested against the brunette's shoulder. While the scene appeared peaceful on the outside, the conflicts within the minds of the two raged silently.

Indeed, it could have been likened to a great strategic battle that had reached an impasse. One would have to make the first move so that the other could begin.

Finally, one of them made a decision.

"I told you already, Ami; I don't mind taking the couch." Makoto tried to tell the short haired genius.

Ami replied with a chuckle, "And I've been insisting that you can take my bed, although at this point I think I prefer you stay here as my pillow." Both girls blushed at this, though it was too dark to see it.

Embarrassment, however, was soon replaced by drowsiness, and the two Senshi fell asleep.

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The next morning began and quickly left. All of the characters important to this story had fallen asleep late, and so it is understandable that they all slept well into the day. In fact, the first one to awake…

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With a yawn, Miyuki arched her back until she heard a satisfying pop. Looking at the two women on either side of her, she gave a small chuckle, though a small blush also graced her face. Looking over at Haruka's alarm clock, she realized that noon had come and gone. Thinking about the clock, she giggled, liking the irony that oversleeping was what had brought her here in the first place.

The blonde carefully slipped from between Haruka and Michiru, and noticed the mirror at Michiru's dresser. Miyuki was reminded that the Wonderland dream wasn't the only one she'd ever had. Her suspicions were confirmed when her reflection winked at her seductively.

After a few moments of thought, she looked for some paper and something to write with. Finding a pad of post-it notes and a pen on top of the dresser, she quickly wrote her name and phone number down. Below that she wrote "Call Me!" and drew a little doodle of herself grinning.

After making sure everything was in order, she set the note down where it could be easily seen and crawled into the mirror after her doppelganger.

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"Ah, Natsuki, look at this view!" The woman in question grumbled as her girlfriend latched onto her arm. The bluette then replied, "Shizuru, I still think coming to Tokyo Tower was a bad idea. All kinds of weird things happen in this city." She frowned, realizing that the brunette had been focusing on the view from observation deck's window rather than her. "I will not get jealous of the scenery," she mentally repeated to herself.

Shizuru revealed that she had been listening though. "I'm sure we can handle anything Tokyo can throw at us," At this she turned to her lover, a serene smile on her face, "We did survive Fuuka Academy after all."

At this, Natsuki had to nod and chuckle. With a contented smile, she wrapped her hands around the brunette's waist and looked up at the sky. Almost immediately, any feelings of peace she'd felt were gone, her face contorting into a look of fright.

"…Shizuru… What happened to the sky?"

"Hmm?" The brunette looked up as well, to see what once been a clear blue sky marred by black cracks that seemed to be rending the very heavens.

"You see! I told you Tokyo was where all the crazy shit happ-" Natsuki was cut off by a loud roaring noise.

Two seconds later, a blinding light obscured everything. In the universe.

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At the Gates of Time, a small window popped up, reading "Reformatting Your Software, Please Be Patient".

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Do you want to know what I love the most about this story? I mean really *LOVE*? I love reading through it and picking out the parts where a logical, well thought out, plot-filled story COULD have started, and waving goodbye to that story as it drifts away…

Tee Hee.