Not many people see me for who I really am. Well, not many boys that is, and perhaps a few girls as well. Everyone sees me as just a big-boobed, blond-haired bimbo. But maybe if they actually got to know me, they'd see that's not at all what I am.
Every boy I've dated has not been interested in any sort of relationship at all, rather just a snogging buddy or a friend full of benefits…but perhaps I never really allowed a relationship to become more intimate, more meaningful than just a snog here and there…maybe I've been afraid, or maybe, it just didn't feel right…
There was Ron Weasley though…I don't know why I even got myself into that relationship, when I knew it'd end up with a sore heart on my side. I think the reason was because I know Ron isn't like other boys…he actually tried to get to know me, rather than just making out all the time. But I wouldn't let him. I wouldn't let him get to know me because I was afraid of commitment, or perhaps, I was afraid of commitment with Ron, when I knew he wasn't the one I wanted to commit to.
My relationship with Ron taught me so many things, and maybe one day I'll thank him for that. Ron taught me that maybe commitment isn't all that bad. I look at him and Hermione and I just know that they're meant to be…Ron taught me to have courage in a relationship. If I want a real boyfriend, then I should make that known. He taught me to stand up for myself.
And that's what I am doing. I don't want to be known as the 'easy', 'slutty spoiled girl' anymore. I don't want to be called 'babe' or 'hot' anymore. I want someone to look past my body, past my flesh. I want someone to tell me that I'm beautiful. And I want them to mean it, inside and out. I want something true. I almost wish I were ugly. Almost. Maybe then, someone would actually try to get to know me. The real me. Some one other than Ron.
And it hurts, because the one boy I want, only sees me in the flesh. I've known him since I was a child. He is one of the few boys who really do know me. But he overlooks me and his boy instincts kick in, making him want me for all the wrong reasons. I could have him, I really could. I could date him, I could touch him, I could snog him, but my heart can only hurt so much more. Because it will hurt so much more to have him, to hold him, with out really, truly having him, than to not have him at all. I see him look at me, but I see nothing more than lust in his eyes. And I can't bear the thought of having him, without really having him.
And now, I see him walking towards me, a hesitant smile on his face, and it's contagious and I can't help but give him a small smile back.
"Hey, Lavender." He says as he sits next to me on the scarlet plush couch.
"Hello, Seamus." I reply quietly.
He looks at me, and then looks quickly away, and my breathing begins to speed up just a bit. I know what's coming, and I am not anticipating it. I know he's going to ask me out, and I know it's going to be excruciatingly painful to tell him no.
"Listen…do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me Saturday?"
And there it is. I look down to hide tears forming in my eyes.
"I can't." I finally manage to sniff out.
Seamus hesitates before lifting my chin and asking, "Why not?" with an utter look of concern on his face. Must he make this even harder for me?
"Because!" I cry, "You're just like all the other boys, you don't like me, Seamus! You like my body! You just want a snogging buddy!"
"But I do like you!" He pleads. Doesn't he see how hard this is for me? How hard it is for me to turn him down!
"No you don't Seamus!"
"How would you know?" He stands up. I stand as well.
"Because Seamus, nobody wants to date me for me, alls I am to everybody is a flirt! I don't want to be the 'flirt' anymore Seamus! I want someone to like me for who I really am! Not just what's on the outside!" Tears stream down my face.
"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I actually like you?" He asks quietly.
"Because," I reply calmly, although my tears are endless, "Seamus, I know you. I've been friends with you since I was six! You never seem to get past the looks of girls. Why should you change your ways for me?"
"Because…you're different…I-I mean, you're right, I do tend to focus on the looks of girls rather than who they really are, but the thing is, I do know who you really are…You're beautiful, Lavender, but I'd still want to date you even if you looked like a troll."
"Really?" I whimper quietly.
He nods, "I…I love you Lavender."
I launch myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face into his shoulder as I cry. He holds me tight and strokes my hair as I sob. Finally, I pull back and smile at him with sure to be red, puffy eyes.
He smiles back and asks, "So how about that date Saturday?" My smile widens and I nod.
"But Seamus? Do you think we can…take it slow? I want a real relationship which means we don't go at it on the first date…"
"Of course!" Seamus replies.
I hug him again but before I can pull back I hear Parvati's voice calling me from the bottom of the girls' staircase.
"Lavender! Come quick! Kaylee's hair dye is a complete disaster! It turned her hair purple! Hurry!" she says franticly.
"I'll be up in a second." I reply. I turn back to Seamus and smile apologetically. He smiles back and I reach up to give him a light peck on the cheek. "I'll be back down later." I tell him.
"Ok" he replies. He watches me as I begin ascending the stairs but I stop suddenly, and slowly turn around.
"Seamus?" He raises his head to me. I shift on my feet and bite on my lip before sheepishly saying, "I love you too."
A/N: Yeah, this is my first non-R/Hr fic that's been bouncing around in my head. Just thinking maybe there's more to Lavender than what meets the eye…maybe, maybe not! Hope you liked it! Please review!