The Unexpected I
Ryo/Dee (mostly), some Dee/Ryo
Warnings: R, Yaoi, Male/male, MPREG, AU If you don't like, don't read!
I wish FAKE belonged to me. I especially wish Dee and Ryo belonged to me, but alas they belong to each other – and to the very talented and wonderful Sanami Matoh, along with the rest of the FAKE characters, series and anime. Any OCs appearing in this fic are mine.
Part 1 – The 1st Trimester
December 7, 2005
Ryo MacLean entered the apartment he had been sharing with his work partner and lover, Dee Laytner, for the last four months. He peered around the living room to find his adopted son, Bikky, turning to look at him from his place on the couch. To Ryo's surprise, he was sitting in the silent living room, with no music or TV and reading a book. "Hey, Ryo! I'm glad you're finally home. The moron's acting really strange. I mean stranger than his usual."
"Dee hasn't been feeling well these last few days, Bikky," Ryo chided softly, going over to join Bikky on the couch. "Where is he anyway?" He hugged the dark skinned, blond haired boy in greeting.
Bikky rolled his eyes, but leaned into the hug. "He went to take a nap, thank goodness. He's been grouching and slamming things all afternoon since I got home," he replied.
"Oh." He ruffled Bikky's hair. "You know how he hates doctor's. I'm sure his mood will lift," he encouraged the boy, realizing why Bikky was just reading a book. "I suppose it was too much for either one of you to get dinner going, huh?"
"Dee put some crap in the crock-pot earlier today, or so he said before going to bed. He said to tell you to check on it."
"That's some good news." He smiled at Bikky. "So how about if I check on whatever Dee has going for us, then after I look in on Dee, we eat? I don't know about you, but I'm glad something is at least almost done because I'm starving."
"Yeah. I'm hungry too. I went to take some cookies earlier and Dee snapped at me. So I left the kitchen. No after school snacks for me today." Bikky fumed a little at the thought of being kept away from his favorite after school snack.
Ryo started to frown, but caught himself. "Okay, bud. Let me get things going here okay? Honestly, if it wasn't for me, I don't know what you and Dee would do." He gave Bikky a teasing smile before standing up. "Oh, homework?"
"Did it. Dee grouched about that too, and to shut him up, I did it."
"Good boy." Ryo laughed, then went through the living room past the large semi-circle window, and into the dining room, to enter the kitchen and check on their dinner. He tried to push away the feeling of dread he had been feeling ever since he entered and spoke to Bikky.
He looked in the crock-pot to discover chicken and dumplings along with vegetables. It was a good meal to look forward to on a cold winter's night, Ryo thought, taking a wooden spoon to carefully stir it. It seemed done to Ryo, but leaving it on a little longer until he checked in on Dee would not hurt it. Ryo covered the pot again, then left the kitchen to go to their bedroom.
That nagging fear tugged at him again. For the past three nights, Dee would get violently ill. He felt somewhat better during the day, but the day before, he had to leave work early. When Ryo dropped Dee off during lunch using a squad car, instead of making his lover promise to call his doctor for a check up, Ryo had made the call himself after he had Dee settled comfortably in their bed. Dee's appointment was for that day. Dee was still feeling bad that morning and had stayed home. Ryo called the doctor shortly after the time Dee was supposed to be there to make sure his partner made it and was relieved to hear Dee was in with the doctor.
He wondered what could put Dee in the mood Bikky described. It seemed more extreme than Bikky's normal complaining because Dee was more likely to make the boy do work around the apartment than Ryo. Dee always said he was too easy on Bikky. Ryo could not stop his mind from Dee getting bad news at the doctor, but what it could be, he had no idea. He just hoped it was not something serious. Or something that would take his lover away from him.
Quietly he entered the bedroom to find Dee sleeping, tangled in the bed sheet, the cover rolled down to the footboard of the bed they had bought upon moving in together. Ryo went to sit on the side of the bed, and studied the face of the man he loved. He caressed the cheek turned up to him gently.
"I love you, Dee," he whispered, hoping all was well with his lover.
Dee shifted in his sleep and gave a little stretch. His face leaned into the touch. "I love you too," he mumbled.
Ryo smiled softly then bent to kiss Dee's lips gently. "Waking up, love?" he asked.
"Mmm… yeah," Dee replied sleepily, opening one eye, then the other and gazing at Ryo.
"You feeling any better tonight? If not, I can always bring your dinner in here," Ryo said.
Dee shook his head. "I think I can manage it. Going to have to get used to it."
A tendril of alarm ran up Ryo's spine. His face must have reflected what he felt because Dee was quickly sitting up and pulling him into his arms. "Oh no! Baby, don't worry. I'm fine. It's nothing more than what others went through."
Ryo closed his eyes against the onslaught of tears. "Damn Dee. Don't scare me like that. So what did the doctor say?"
Dee shifted them so he could get comfortable against the headboard. "Umm… well, it's not as simple as that. But what they think it is, well, it's not life-threatening. Or debilitating or any of that stuff. But…." Dee trailed off, dropping his head, suddenly uncertain of himself. "Guess I'm only accepting it myself now. I was a bit of a ogre on poor Bikky today."
Ryo attempted to give him an encouraging smile. "He did mention something about you being in a bad mood. I guess that got me all worked up and…."
Dee placed a finger on Ryo's lips. "Shh, baby. Look, this isn't going to be easy, and I'm not even certain if it's that or something else. The results should be in tomorrow. So for now, let's go eat."
"Dee, tell me now."
"If one of us doesn't turn off that crock-pot, we won't have dinner tonight. And I'll get all upset because one of the rare times I made us dinner it ended up burned. And how the hell do you burn something with a crock-pot?"
"You let it overcook. Okay. I'll get it on the table. But tonight, first chance alone, we're talking. Okay?"
Dee nodded. "Okay."
Ryo leaned in to kiss Dee gently. "That's because I love you," he stated with a smile.
Dee ran a hand through Ryo's hair. "I love you too, baby. I'll be there in a few."
Ryo nodded and got up to go to the kitchen and save their dinner. He tried, but could not get his mind off what could be wrong with Dee. What Dee had told him, he should not work himself into a state of worry, but he still could not help himself. If it wasn't something terrible, then why did Dee just tell him then?
On the way to the kitchen, he called for Bikky to set the table while he took care of the rest of their dinner.
LATER THAT EVENING
Ryo found himself staring at Dee in shock. He was completely speechless.
After dinner, Bikky asked if he could go to the arcade with Carol. Normally, Ryo would have argued that on a cold winter night, it would be better if Carol came over there and they play the video games he had. It was not that Bikky's selection was limited. As if Ryo was not bad enough with attempting to give Bikky what he would need, in order to prevent the boy from using other means to obtain things, but Dee had a habit of spoiling him. His lover would try to deny it, but there was no argument. Dee not only chipped in with most of the expenses for what Bikky needed, but he would occasionally dip deeper into his wallet and bring home things Bikky did not need, but made the boy feel special that he had more than his friends. Ryo just could not get mad at Dee, and would sometimes do the same. Bikky's PlayStation cartridge collection was impressive, along with the additional add-ons
That night, Ryo decided to let Bikky go out, even giving him extra money for a fun time, making Bikky promise to be in on time. It gave him the opportunity to sit down with Dee and get to what the doctor said.
He continued to stare at his dark-haired lover, the man sitting on the couch next to him running a nervous hand through his hair.
"At least you're not yelling," Dee said with a weak chuckle.
"How? What?" was all Ryo was able to utter.
Dee attempted to give one of his self-assured smirks. "If you don't know how, then we did something wrong," he remarked. But it was a rare moment, when not only did the smirk fall short, but Dee started to blush. Profusely.
"Dee," Ryo tried to start again. "I mean, I know how, but I mean…how?" He shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry. I'm not making sense."
Dee laughed bitterly as he rose from the couch to pace. "You're making perfect sense, I'm afraid," he stated. "Because that was my first reaction too."
Dee turned to face Ryo. "I didn't know, Ryo. I swear I didn't. And it just totally slipped my mind that I was never tested. Ever. And since so far we've done… that… only once, it never crossed my mind to think about checking into it." He turned and headed over for the window seat at the large semi-circular window. Leaning into the pillows, he gazed out at the city skyline beyond and the falling snow. "I'm sorry, Ryo. I wasn't planning this, you know."
Ryo stood up from his seat and walked over to the window seat. He sat down behind Dee, pulling his lover to lean against him, Dee's back resting against his chest, his arms going around Dee to hug him. "Baby, I know. To be honest, I never thought of it either. So I guess we're lucky that this didn't happen sooner."
Dee nodded. "I guess," he sighed. "Isn't it odd though? I mean considering the odds, the way our physical relationship tips, that I'd be the one in this position."
"What do you want to do, Dee?" Ryo asked gently, running fingers in a soothing gesture through Dee's thick strands of hair.
Dee continued to look out the window, his head cradled on Ryo's chest. "I…I want us… to… together. I want it, Ryo."
Ryo bent his head to kiss Dee's temple. "I was hoping you'd say that, love," he sighed, the relief heavy in his tone.
Dee sat up to turn his head and look to Ryo. He studied his partner's face, his shocked expression on his own face. "Really?" he finally asked. "No doubts?"
Ryo chuckled warmly. "I think if either of us stopped to talk about taking precautions, I'd be all for that for both of us. I don't see myself agreeing to trying – regardless of which one of us we decide to be the one. Yes, I'm being honest here. But since it has happened, I don't think I could accept hearing you plan to dispose something you and I created."
Dee gave Ryo a timid smile. It was so unusual to see such a thing on Dee's face. Dee, usually the one with the intense, vibrant gaze and the self-assured look on his face. At the moment, he looked scared and lost. His eyes reflected fear and uncertainty. "I can't," he replied. "Once I got over the shock and had time to consider…" He shook his head. "I can't." He lowered his head. "I'm going to go through this with you or not."
"You can even think I'd leave you because of this?" Ryo remarked, slightly annoyed.
"I'm sorry, Ryo. I don't know. I didn't know how I felt about it. How the hell was I to figure out how you would react? We've been together for two years. We only moved in together four months ago. And then there's Bikky. I mean, he's still adjusting to having to deal with us 24/7. Now this? If not for me, I had to consider what you might do for Bikky's sake."
Ryo placed his arms around Dee to rest gently on his abdomen. He felt Dee tense up and he softly stroked the hard, rippled muscled abs that he loved so much on his lover. His own abs were hard and firm, but not as finely defined and rippled as Dee's. "Well love, I guess I now have two kids to consider their sakes. Just as you do." He kissed the top of Dee's head. "I'm not leaving you, Dee. Never. We've been given a gift. A blessing of our love, if you will."
Without warning, Dee twisted to launch himself against Ryo, his face pressed firmly against Ryo's chest, arms going around his waist, holding on tightly. Dee started to shake.
Ryo ran a hand down Dee's back. "Let it out, Dee. God knows, you'll be hit to do this enough in the upcoming months. Get used to it," he said softly, continuing to stroke his lover's back.
It was not all that long after that he felt his shirt where Dee buried his face start to feel wet.
Dee clung onto Ryo as if he was a lifeline. Even having made his decision, and knowing Ryo agreed with it, it did not make it less scary. He still felt uncertain about the future, and had none of his usual courage. It was a situation he never thought about. Had anyone, even Ryo asked it of him, he would have said no. There was no way he would have made a decision like this if he was given the choice before he went to the doctor that day.
Now that it was a possibility, and finding himself being held in Ryo's arms, feeling his lover's acceptance, he knew what Ryo had just told him was the truth. Dee closed his eyes again against the onslaught of tears that he could no longer keep in, he found himself almost hoping the doctor was right. He was told it was a possibility. Yet once presented with that possibility, he knew it was true.
He was going to have a baby. His and Ryo's baby. Suddenly, he would not accept it any other way.
His mind went back to his visit to the doctor earlier that morning.
EARLIER THAT DAY:
Dee sat down in the seat the nurse indicated as she went over his medical record before going into the treatment room. He watched the nurse frown slightly as she scanned his record. She then picked up his check-in form, going over the symptoms he had listed upon his arrival not long before.
"Mr. Laytner," she finally spoke up, in a pleasant voice. "Just a few questions, if you don't mind."
It was a far more pleasant voice than that nurse Emiry in NY East, Dee thought. And much more pleasant to look at too, he noted. Not that he had any intention to do more than notice she was quite beautiful. Besides, she was no longer his type. Then again, most men were no longer his type either for the last two years. His type was only one man. Ryo MacLean.
"Sure," he replied, trying not to appear nervous. Beautiful nurse with pleasant voice or not, doctor visits always made him nervous.
She went through a list of medical conditions that might be possible since his last visit to a doctor. Dee continued to state he did not have any to his knowledge. It was all normal procedure. Nothing he had not been asked the two or three times before that he had was sick enough to see a doctor. Nothing he had not been asked the times he found himself in a hospital because of his career.
"Do you think you can be pregnant?" she asked.
Dee gaped. He had never been asked that one before. "No!" he stated quickly. "I'm not."
"I see. Let me ask you this. You originally listed your sexual preference for your medical history as bisexual. I noticed on your check in sheet, you stated you are gay."
Dee nodded. "I've been in a monogamous relationship for the last two years. With a man," he said.
"So it is safe for us to make the change in the permanent record?"
"When you first stated you were bisexual, why did you not test to see if you are a carrier?" she asked.
"Because," Dee started, feeling as if they were wasting time. He just wanted to get the exam over with, find out what was wrong with him, then get some medication to get over it, "I never had the need to."
"You've had sexual relations with men for how long now, Mr. Laytner?"
"Since I was 17," he replied. "But not exclusively until four years ago."
"I see. But you just stated you've been in a relationship for the last two years. What about the previous two years? Have you been exclusive with women?"
Dee shook his head. "Celibate," was his reply in a manner that warned he did not care to elaborate.
"No sexual relations at all?" she asked. "I just want to make sure I understand, mind you."
"Unless you count my hand, lady, no. Nothing at all for two years. Just me and my hand. Can we get on with the exam please?"
"Doctor Lansing will be along in a few minutes. Please let me finish, Mr. Laytner.."
"Okay. Let's get this over with."
"Mr. Laytner, please explain why, despite having sex with men you never underwent the Carrier testing?"
Dee rolled his eyes. "Because there never was a need. I've always assumed the top position. Except for my first few lovers. No, I didn't think of being tested back then and since nothing came of it, I never felt the need to. Especially because I went exclusively top since."
"So you are saying that since you were….?"
"Nineteen," Dee provided the age he stopped being under someone.
"Okay, since you were nineteen, you have since always assumed the dominant position."
Dee was not the type to be squeamish over talking about sex, but there was something unsettling about his sex life being raked over the coals by a woman that four years ago he would have been hitting up, when all he wanted was to find out what type of virus he had and get some medicine to help speed ridding himself of it. "Yes," he replied annoyed.
"Never once have you assumed the submissive position."
"How many freakin' times do I have to tell you? I can tell you in Spanish and Japanese too, if it might help."
"Please stay calm, Mr. Laytner. This is just standard procedure."
"Oh yeah? If it's so standard, then how come this is the first time I'm being asked this?"
"Because this is the first time you've come for a check up and listed these particular symptoms, Mr. Laytner," came the response. "And while I'm not a doctor, I have to be absolutely sure before I rule out the possibility."
"What possibility?" Dee demanded.
"That you could be pregnant."
Dee's mouth hung open. He could not be. And for someone to think he was, well, it was just shocking.
"Now, are you saying that in this two year monogamous relationship, your partner has always taken the submissive role?"
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say he's submissive, but if you mean being bottom, then…."
His mind flashed back to five weeks before. It was something he was not expecting, and something Ryo had not mentioned previously. In fact, before that night, he had always thought Ryo was quite happy with things the way they were. Dee found out that night he was not. Ryo wanted more. Ryo demanded more. In a way that had Dee finding himself demanding that Ryo get what he wanted. After they had agreed it would not be the last time. However, they were yet to do it that way again.
How could he forget? He thought horrified. Especially since it was one of the best nights of his life. Ryo had always been assertive in their relationship. They both were in all aspects of their lives. Just because Ryo took bottom did not make him any less assertive than Dee during sex. Especially once Ryo lost his shyness. The fact that Dee was actually a true alpha male and Ryo was not saved them from finding themselves incompatible after a while. However, that night Ryo had taken total control over what they had done that night. Dee had found himself completely submissive and loved every moment of it. He had been looking forward to it happening again, hoping it would be soon. So how could it have slipped his mind while answering the questions?
"I… uh…," he struggled to reply.
"Yes, Mr. Laytner? Have you assumed the submissive position lately?"
Dee nodded. "It was our first time, and we haven't since. It was something that just happened one night."
Dee gritted his teeth. Pleasant voice or no, she had an annoying way of saying those two words and it was starting to work on his nerves. "But still, I can't be…." He suddenly found he could not even say it. Not as a possibility for him. Not even for Ryo. 'Omigod!' he thought. 'We never even considered it before.'
Male pregnancy happened often enough. Enough times that no one gave a double take when seeing one on the streets. Yet it was not nearly as common as females. Not every man could become pregnant. Only those who tested positive to being what was termed a carrier. Men who had the ability to produce eggs at times, along with sperm, as a result of a genetic engineering project back in the 40's. Those who had the DNA code passed it along to the offspring. In its dormant state, the reproductive system was not as complex as a female's and usually quite hidden unless full x-rays were taken, or if a male took the Carrier test. Most heterosexual men did not test for it. If a man did not have sex with another man, carrier or no, he was not going to get pregnant. The percentage of carriers were quite high, but the majority were heterosexual. And out of the percentage of those who were bisexual or gay, less than half of them decided to have children. The other half either chose to use birth control, or have an operation to have the extra egg producing parts removed. In most men, the unused egg producing organ would dry up and eventually shrivel away at some point in their mid-30's. Only 20 percent of the homosexual inclined males actually chose to have their own children. There was still a 15 percent rate of unexpected pregnancies among the rest of the homosexual population.
"Mr. Laytner, before we can move onto any further examination, I highly suggest you take the test to see if you are actually a carrier. If you aren't, we can rule out the possibility of pregnancy. If you are, then it is most likely that what is afflicting you right now is the first stage of pregnancy." She held up her hand to stop Dee from further protest. "And as a precaution. Because if perhaps you may also have a viral infection, we have to be certain we do not prescribe any medication that can be harmful to a embryo."
Dee shook his head again. He suddenly felt as if he was trapped in a weird dream he could not wake himself from. It just seemed impossible that he would find himself in this situation.
"Mr. Laytner," the nurse called out. "Are you okay?" She seemed concerned.
Dee gaped at her. Running a hand through his hair, he said, "I come here because I think I have the flu, and you're telling me that I'm going to be one of those freaky pregnant men? Tell me how I'm supposed to feel, lady?" His voice started to rise with panic.
"Calm down please, Mr. Laytner. You are not a freak. If you are pregnant. It is only a possibility. And if you are certain you are not, we can easily rule this out by having you tested and obtaining negative results."
"If – If I go for the carrier testing, and it's negative, then there's no reason to do the pregnancy test. Right?" Dee asked, trying to make sense of everything.
"That is correct."
Dee nodded, swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat. "Okay. Then let's do this test."
"That is fine. Please go back to the waiting room and we will call you in as soon as we are ready to administer the test."
"But you said the doctor…."
"Doctor Lansing will be informed of the change in your schedule here. He does not administer the Carrier testing. But we can get you in within the half hour."
"And the test will be how long?"
"The test will take about a half hour. We will have the results before we can fit you in to see Dr. Lansing at your new appointment sometime this afternoon. You can talk to the receptionist to find when he has his first open spot for today to reschedule your appointment."
Dee started to protest, but knew it would be futile. With a heavy sigh, he said, "Fine. Is that all for now?"
"Yes, Mr. Laytner. Please wait for when your name is called. I will file the order for the carrier test right now."
It was the longest twenty minutes in Dee's life. He almost took out his cell phone and called Ryo. Almost. Then he thought of what Ryo might think of it. He was scared, really really scared. He wanted to believe in Ryo, know he would stay with him. But he could not be sure. Dee was not sure what he thought of it, never mind what Ryo would think. He decided to wait until after the test. He managed to convince himself it was all a false alarm. He'd take the test and it would come back negative. He would not even have to worry about the pregnancy test. And he would have gotten Ryo all upset over nothing.
It was still a long twenty minutes. By the time he heard his name called out by a male intern, he had a new appointment for an hour later. He kept telling himself he had nothing to worry about. He had done some quick reading on the subject while waiting. He noticed a note about carriers were mostly males who were not classified as alpha males. He knew he was definitely one of those. He was classified as one as a result of the psychological portion of his entrance exam into the NYPD and was in his record. Alpha males were noted to not have the extra hormones produced by the reproductive organ periodically.
By the time he waited for Dr. Lansing to see him with the results, he had convinced himself there was no possible way he could be a carrier. Too much testosterone in his system. He was not told that, but he knew it to be true. No chance for any estrogen or whatever strange hormone that made a male produce an egg.
So a little over an hour later, he found himself staring dumbfounded at Dr. Lansing as the older man explained the results of the test.
Dee shook his head in denial. "No. No way. Those results are wrong," he insisted.
"Mr. Laytner, I can assure you that the results are 100 percent accurate." With his words, the doctor produced the infrascans on a screen and pointed out the findings to Dee. "So before we go any further, I suggest you take a pregnancy test," the no-nonsense doctor stated pragmatically.
Dee rolled his eyes. "But I can't be…."
"Mr. Laytner, there's a small chance that you might have the flu. However, since you are a carrier and your symptoms correspond to those for pregnancy, I am legally obligated to assure you take a pregnancy test before I go any further. You did come here to see what is ailing you, and chances are good that it is you are pregnant."
"But we only did it one time," Dee muttered. "Once." His mind tried to project the odds of it happening. Out of the two years of a quite healthy sexual relationship with Ryo, sex without protection, and the one time they switch roles, he ends up pregnant? Even if he was a math genius, which he was not, he did not think he could figure out the odds in his head.
"One time is all it takes if you are a carrier. When did that one time happen, Mr. Laytner?"
"Five weeks ago," Dee remarked defeated. It was then he knew. Everything just seemed to waver in and out of existence for an instant as Dee felt his life change drastically. "Okay. I'll take the test," he added.
After the test was taken, he was told it would take 24 hours before they could have an accurate result. He was also checked up for other possibilities, such as the flu or some other virus with negative results. He was then told that while they could not be positive for 24 hours, since he did not appear to have any other illness and from what the doctor was able to read as a preliminary to his pregnancy test, it was very likely that he was.
"Should we call you?" Dr. Lansing asked Dee as he was getting ready to leave. "Or would you prefer to call us for your results?"
Dee closed his eyes for a moment. Suddenly, as if now that he was aware of his situation, he was becoming aware of other sensations. One of them was to break down and cry like a baby. He fought harder than he ever had before in his life to keep his tears from reaching his eyes and barely succeeded. "I-I'll call in," he said in an unsteady voice.
"You can call anytime after 12 pm then. If the results are positive, you will be appointed a physician who handles male pregnancies. A male obstetrics practitioner, or MOP for short. Should you not like him after your first visit, you are encouraged to go through our directory of other affiliated MOP's to choose a new one. Your MOP should provide you with a list of support channels you can go through, should you desire a need for one."
"Thank you," was all Dee could find to say. With those words, he turned and walked out of the doctor's office.
He ignored the receptionist who waved to him as he passed. He ignored all the patients still waiting for their appointments. He especially ignored the very obvious pregnant man who walked in past him with his lover.
He left the building the clinic was in and just walked through the streets of Manhattan. He had no destination. Nothing registered to him as he walked, not the crowds bumping into him and jostling him as he made his way down street after street, sometimes turning up one and down another. He did not notice the biting cold, or the first snow flakes starting to fall. It did not matter to him. Nothing seemed to matter for a long time. He was in a void.
When he finally snapped out of his void two hours later, he reached for his cigarettes. He put one to his mouth and went to light it, then froze. Someone went crashing into him, not expecting his sudden stop. The woman who ran into him and almost knocking him to the ground in her haste, pushed past him, cursing up a storm at him being stupid enough to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. His cigarette went flying from his mouth during the collision and he watched as yet another passing man stepped on it.
Dee felt as if he was about to break into tears at the loss of the precious cigarette now gone, as if there were not more in the pack in his pocket. He gripped his lighter tightly, forcing the tears stinging his eyes from falling. Suddenly as he continued to stand where he stopped, pedestrians rushing past him, still jostling him about and cursing him, his eyes on the lost cigarette, he felt a rage build up in him. He was still scared and confused, but the rage pushed those feelings to the background. Dee grabbed onto the rage and held it. It was only then that he went into motion, taking long purposeful strides, his direction changing, going to the subway station to go home.
By the time he had entered the apartment he shared with Ryo, and Bikky, his fury had grown. He was angry at everything and everyone. He was angry at the nurse for first bringing it up, at the intern for doing the test which came out positive, at Dr. Lansing for telling him he believed the results would most probably be positive, for not finding some odd strain of the flu. He was furious at himself for being born a damn freak and able to become pregnant. For being stupid enough to allow himself to become pregnant. But most of all, he was most furious at Ryo. For taking him that night without warning. For making him want Ryo to take him that night. For being the bastard who put him in this position.
He did not dare call Ryo. He had enough sense in his rage to know he might say or do something he might regret later. He would wait until Ryo came home. Maybe he would be calm enough to warn his lover of the unexpected development in their lives. Or at least his life.
He was still not sure how Ryo would react, what his lover would expect him to do about it. Dee did not want to think about it, or even give credit to such a thought, but he had to consider the possibility of Ryo being unable to accept being the father to their baby. Or it might be having to stay with a freak that might drive Ryo away. It could be just sheer embarrassment, ashamed to admit to others what he had helped create. It took Ryo two years to admit he loved Dee, but it had been at least ten years longer than that, that he could not accept his being gay. He still had trouble accepting it after they had officially become a couple. It was only in the last few months before they moved in that Ryo appeared to settle down in the role life had dealt him.
Their relationship was still a secret to most of those who knew them, including at work. Only Penguin, Diana Spacey, Ryo's Aunt Elena and another male couple who were friends of theirs knew about their relationship, and of course, Bikky and Carol. Not even Carol's Aunt Elina knew about them. The official story to cover their moving in together was that Dee was offered the chance to expand his apartment and if the rent was split in half, it would be cheaper for each detective than maintaining their own apartments. They were just roommates to everyone who knew them. There were 3 bedrooms, one for each of them.
The only ones Dee and Ryo thought suspected the truth of their relationship were J.J. and Commissioner Rose. Yet both of those men had no solid proof, nor were Dee and Ryo giving them any.
Well, if Dee was pregnant, they would have it now. Or would Ryo publicly deny being the baby's father? Would he expect Dee to come up with a story of seeing someone else and got pregnant by him?
What about himself? Despite his toughened exterior, and his ability not to care what others thought, he knew he had his limits. Could he really handle others staring at him, knowing what he had done? Especially those close to him? Those he had worked hard earn the reputation of being an alpha male, always on top, never the bottom would know otherwise now.
By the time Bikky got home from school, Dee was in quite the mood. After being snapped at more brutally than the usual that had been established as acceptable between Dee and Bikky, the boy retreated to the living room, leaving Dee to his rage in the kitchen. After Dee stormed out of the kitchen into the living room for the third time, yelling at Bikky to lower 'that damn noise', Bikky retreated to his room. After he got snapped at, along with his hand being slapped, for taking cookies from the cookie jar Ryo maintained for his afternoon snacks, Bikky did not come out of his room. He still had not when Dee stopped by the boy's room and yelled through the door that he was going to take a nap, warning the boy to be quiet, then adding for him to tell Ryo to check on their dinner in the crock-pot.
It took a while wallowing in his turbulent emotions before he finally fell asleep. In the last minutes before falling into a restless sleep, he lost his anger. Especially at Ryo. He needed Ryo more than he ever had before, and clung to the hope that Ryo would be there for him. As he drifted off, he was once again in that void.
The next thing he remembered was Ryo's soft, loving voice stating that he loved Dee. Dee could not help his reaction to waking up to that and the gentle, concerned touches his partner gave him. He did not mean to say what he had and got upset at scaring Ryo as he had. Yet he was still afraid. He had to believe in Ryo. He hoped desperately as they ate dinner that Ryo would not leave him. Or ask him to abort or give the baby up. By the time they had finished dinner and Bikky rushed off to go out with Carol, Dee knew two things without a doubt – he did not need to know the results of the test the next day, because he was now certain he was pregnant. And now that he had accepted he was carrying his and Ryo's child, there was no way he was going to do anything else but carry it through to birth, then love their child for the rest of his life.
When Ryo softly encouraged him that it was okay to cry, it was the first time he had allowed the tears to flow. He found himself sobbing into Ryo's chest for quite a long time as Ryo softly stroked his back, ran soothing fingers in his hair, bestowed kisses on his head, all the while crooning gently that it was okay.
Dee had no idea how much time had passed by the time he finally lifted his head, felt Ryo's strong hands cup the sides of his head and press his lips to Dee's. Dee fell into the kiss with the same desperation he had clung onto Ryo. He needed this. He needed to feel the love between them did not change on Ryo's part because of this. As the kiss deepened, Dee found he had to correct himself. Something did change. But it was a good change. It was a change that assured him he was never going to lose Ryo. He would have Ryo with him through the pregnancy and there to raise their child. Just as he helped in raising Bikky.
BACK TO THAT EVENING
Some time after they parted for air, and Ryo had felt Dee was calm enough for the moment, he asked more questions. Mostly when would they be officially certain this was true. And if so, what then as far as doctors and treatments went. Dee suggested that while they were thinking about it, that Ryo should take the Carrier test and if it was positive, that he should see about birth control. Sure he did not get pregnant in two years of always, except for one time, receiving, but they could not take the chance of both of them becoming pregnant at the same time. Ryo agreed to make an appointment the next day.
Having accepted that it was very likely Dee was pregnant, Ryo wanted to be there for Dee and help him through it. It was going to be a difficult time for Dee, yet Ryo wanted to do whatever he could to also make it the best time in their lives. He could not be there for Dee as he wanted to if he suddenly found himself also pregnant. Yet, if he did find out he was a carrier, suddenly the thought of having Dee's child did not seem so ominous. Not while holding Dee in his arms after hearing his partner proclaim so adamantly that he was going to have their child, even if he had to go through it alone.
They had settled comfortably on the window seat, Dee leaning against Ryo, in his arms as they watched the snow fall, mostly in comfortable silence. Each man's thoughts was on the future. Occasionally the silence would be broken by an affirmation of love. There were other questions they both had, but decided to wait until Dee got the results the next day and set up all the what nexts concerning his pregnancy. Then they would decide everything else.
When Bikky came home, actually a few minutes before his time, he found them still sitting together on the window seat. Bikky paused long enough by them to say goodnight and then headed off to get ready for bed. Shortly after, Ryo prompted Dee that they should do the same thing. Regardless of their decisions, the next day was still going to be a long one. Dee quickly agreed and allowed Ryo to guide them to the bedroom after Ryo turned off all the lights. For the first time since Ryo moved in, the dinner plates still sat unwashed in the water they were placed in after dinner. Ryo actually forgot about them as they headed for their bedroom.
Inside the bedroom, after they had changed into their nightclothes – for Ryo, a pair of light blue silk pajamas, and Dee, a pair of black sweatpants and black tank top, they got into the bed. Dee still seemed to have the need to cling to Ryo. He fell asleep not long after.
Ryo ended up watching the man in his arms in the dim light from the bedside table, feeling his breathing, hearing the soft sound that was not exactly a snore that came from Dee. He watched and he studied his lover. His partner. His life.
He could not turn his mind off at that moment, so contented himself to turn off the light and settle himself against Dee, holding him tighter as he allowed his thoughts free reign.
Ryo knew how he would have felt if it had been him in Dee's position, and he knew his partner's personality enough to know if Ryo would have a hard time adjusting, despite his willingness to go through with it, it was going to be double as hard for Dee.
With that in mind, knowing Dee had not even considered any alternatives, choosing the difficulties ahead because he wanted to give life to their child, Ryo discovered the impossible that night.
He had thought he could not love Dee anymore because of how much he loved his partner. He found he was wrong.
He had fallen in love with Dee all over again that night.
And stronger than he had the first time. 'More than anything' just did not seem enough to convey how much Ryo loved Dee.
He bent his head to lightly kiss Dee's lips. "Goodnight, love," he whispered softly against those luscious full lips that seemed to respond even in Dee's sleep. "I'm always going to be here for you, willing to do whatever you want. Whatever you need. Because I love you that much."
Dee softly sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer into Ryo's hold.
For the first time since they met, Ryo was overcome with the protective urges of being the strong one. Not that he never had been protective over Dee or the strong one. What he felt went beyond the normal. More like how he felt Dee would feel over him.
In some way, the balance between them had shifted that night because Dee would be the one needing more nurturing, protecting. Dee would need a strong shoulder to cry on, and someone to depend on more than he ever had before. Ryo willingly took on the responsibility to be all that, and so much more, without hesitation.
It was not long after that he finally fell asleep, with Dee securely in his arms, his lover's soft breathing against his neck. Ryo fell asleep with a smile on his face.