I Love You Is Just So Hard To Say

By Rubedo's Dragon aka Keiko aka Ashly

A/N: Warning: this story contains beaucoup de fluff. Lots of MOMOxJr and ShionxAllen. Possibly some ZiggyxJuli and others. This is rated teen strictly because I'm not exactly sure about one future scene shhhh no spoilers! But I doubt it'll be anything too major! This is my first fan fic on this site although definately not my best... yes I'm sure of that. Well, I'll work hard. It'll get better as it goes on, I promise. I like to really get into characters' heads. Well read and REVIEW. I hoREpe youV likIEW!e it! What there aren't any subliminal messages! What ARE you talking about! pant pant

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga or its characters...AGGGHHHH! WHY, WHY WHY!


A Late Night At Vector Industries

Shion Uzuki sat staring numbly at the holographic monitor in front of her. She sighed for what was quite possible the eleventh time just in the last fifteen minutes. She shook her head angrily and slammed her fist down, causing her steaming mug of coffee to slide over a few inches… almost to the edge of the desk.

"Chief?" came a soft, male voice.

"Oh! Allen! I didn't see you there."

"I just got in."

"So late?" she asked in a puzzled expression.

"It's four in the morning, Chief."


"You've been here the whole night haven't you?" He sighed. "What were you doing so late?"

"What about you? What are you doing here so early?"

"I couldn't sleep so I thought I would come in a little early and get things set up around here."

"I see." She turned back to the monitor. "Well, I'm just going over some things myself." Allen glanced over her shoulder at the monitor.

"Are those… the second division reports involving KOS-MOS?" He took another step closer to her working station, laying one palm against the desk and laying the other on the back of her chair.

"Well, yes," she replied, pushing her glasses up with a free hand.

"Geez. You were going over those this afternoon! Maybe…" He hesitated, knowing she might become angry at what he was about to suggest. "Maybe you should call it a night… er morning rather."

"Really, Allen!" He flinched. "How can you be so insensitive? As chief engineer of the KOS-MOS project, I have to—"

"But that's just it, chief." He straightened and laid a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "You're not… lead engineer anymore. Second Division's taking care of KOS-MOS now. Maybe you should take a break. You know, call in sick today or something. I'm worried about you. It's not healthy to push yourself so hard all the time. What am I saying? You never listen to me anyway."

"This problem is so persistent!" Shion nearly shouted. "I can't seem to fix it!"

"Why do I even bother?" Allen exclaimed. "You're not even listening to me! You're not even… listening…"

"I'm sorry," began Shion, causing Allen to lift his head in one shining moment of hope. "But I'm right in the middle of something at the moment. Do you think we could talk later?"


He began to exit the room, taking one last look at an irritated Shion who was still staring at the numbers on the screen, completely oblivious to his feelings, as usual. He hung his head and let his arms go limp at his side. She was always too busy for him. He wondered if he shouted "I LOVE YOU!" at the top of his lungs right then and there if she'd even notice he was still in the room. Things were never going to work out between them.


The Joys of Physical Therapy

A bead of sweat appeared on Jr.'s brow as he struggled to remain upright on the tipsy metal rod beneath his feet. His soles were beginning to go numb. This was pure torture… But if it was important to MOMO, he figured he could handle it… for a while.

He looked up to see how she was doing herself. MOMO stood, gracefully balanced before him. His mouth hung slightly open. Upon realizing his gaze was on her, she smiled warmly.

"Jr. watch!" she begged enthusiastically. She lifted one leg high into the air and did a backwards summersault, landing on the other foot. Jr.'s mouth dropped a little more.

"H-how are you doing that!" He asked in a frustrated manner. He was struggling just to stay "standing" and here she was doing flips! MOMO appeared to notice that he was having difficulty and bounced over in front of him. "Seriously," he continued. "This crap is impossible!"

"It's not that hard really," MOMO assured him, trying to get him to distribute his weight evenly.

"Yeah right. You're probably the only person within a hundred mile radius that can do that."

At that exact moment, a familiar swooshing noise echoed behind them as one of the doors to the room slid open. KOS-MOS walked gracefully in, face devoid of emotion. Her irises retracted, adjusting to the light, making a small mechanical sound. Jr. and MOMO watched her curiously. Her head turned left then right, then without another word she jumped up onto the balance beam directly behind Jr., twisting twice in the air.

"WOAH!" cried Jr. in surprise, falling face first onto the beam below. He gripped the metal with his boots and arms, trying not to fall.

"Umm…. Yes, KOS-MOS?" asked MOMO timidly.

"Where is Shion?" she asked, not even glancing at Jr.

"Umm… I haven't seen Shion in here today. Have you tried her room?"


"Hmm… Well how about the hangar?"

"My sensors indicated that she was not present at that location."

"Oh. I'm sorry KOS-MOS. I really have no idea where she is."

"H-Have you tried the foundation?" asked Jr. from his rather uncomfortable position. "She was there earlier."

"Confirming…." KOS-MOS turned her head a little to the right. "I have detected two vector employees at the establishment Iron Man. I have determined that there is a 97.3468 percent probability that the two life forms are Shion Uzuki and Allen Ridgley. Your cooperation is appreciated." And with that, the android jumped down and exited the room with another swish of the door. The two stared after her for a moment. Then MOMO started giggling.

"See? KOS-MOS can do it," she said, helping Jr. up with no difficulty at all.

"She doesn't count. She is a battle android after all. It's not like she's human," defended Jr.

"Oh." MOMO let go of his arm and turned away, looking somewhat downcast.

Damn. Now what'd I do?

"MOMO," came Ziggy's voice from a little further down the beam. "I'm sorry, but could you go tell Dr. Mizrahi that I'm ready for the next treatment?"

After undergoing the life extension process, Ziggy had required an extensive amount of physical therapy in order to get used to his new parts. MOMO had decided to go with him so he wouldn't be alone and that meant Jr. went too. They followed each other everywhere lately. After all, it wasn't often MOMO got to visit the Kukai Foundation after moving in with her mother Juli Mizrahi. But with Ziggy's operation, Juli had insisted on doing the work herself. She was also in charge of his therapy.

"Jr.," said Ziggy. Jr. turned, with no small amount of difficulty, to look at the old man. "You should be careful what you say around MOMO."

"Huh? Why?"

"She is a realian. She's not human either. Just like KOS-MOS."

"Oh…. Damn it!" Jr. hung his head in shame. "Oh man. I guess I wasn't thinking. I always… manage to say the wrong things don't I?"

MOMO traveled slowly down the hallway. Jr. was right though, wasn't he? KOS-MOS wasn't human. And neither was she. But did that mean that their skills weren't as valuable? Realians certainly didn't have to work as hard to excel. But she still tried her best, didn't she? Or did it mean that she was some how less than everyone else because of what she was? She thought back to the disaster at the UMN control center when she had shut down. What was it Mary had said? A simulated consciousness. Were her emotions all just… simulations? Was what she felt every time… Jr. came near her just… a simulation? A program designed to imitate human sentiment?

But that couldn't be true, could it? Her heart beating faster… the warming sensation of free falling every time she heard his voice… the omnipresent tingle every time he touched her…. She shook her head. Those weren't simulations.

A/N: I'll try to make the chapters longer from now on. The next chapter will be pretty good. It involves Jr. and...MOMO and...water and... near death experiences. So, REVIEW! You know you want to!