AN: Just something I couldn't get out of my head. Set to Anna Nalick's Breathe (2 A.M).
Rory stares at the stars outside her window without really looking at them at all. Two years. It had been two years since the fateful day when he left for London. One year and sixth months since she ended it over the telephone. Somehow, she turned back to the arms of the man who had first held her. She wasn't she why, or how, it happened. But she is here. Unhappy. And very much not in love. Afterall, the man she loves is...actually, she had no idea where he is. It was weird to think someone who had meant so much to here had been cut out of her life that easily.
With a sigh, she rises up from the bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping form next to her. She doesn't feel like answering questions as to her destination tonight. Quietly, she walks out to the balcony and sits down on one of their chairs overlooking Chicago. The city was beautiful, she had to admit that. The tears begin streaming down her cheeks, and she welcomes them gratefully. When the salty liquid was dripping on her lips she feels alive, even if the only emotion she feelsis pain.
Leaving Logan wasn't a bad breakup, in fact, it was just a quiet goodbye. She knew he wouldn't around hardly at all now that his father had a hold of him. And so, with one tearful phone call, Rory ended the relationship that was supposed to last forever. Logan pleaded for awhile, saying that he loved her, and that he needed her. But she knew he would never be able to give her what she so desperately wanted: a solid home, a loving father who was around, a family. So, she went home to Lorelai and found Dean. She married him five months later, and that's where she was now.
Slowly, she pulls out her cellphone and dialed her mother's number, knowing very well that Lorelai will still be awake. But she also knows full well that she will never reveal her true feelings to her mother, just like Lorelai would never show her's to her daughter.
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
Lorelai sits in the living room of the Boston apartment, staring at the silent television. She ispregnant, with a daughter. A daughter! Sheis going to have another child to raise, to teach an abnormal coffee obsession to at an extremely young age. It should've been the happiest news of her life, tied only with the birth of her eldest daughter. But she can't help but think that it was all wrong, all wrong.
It should've been Luke. She should've been carrying Luke's child, not Christopher's. It wasn't right, it wasn't what she wanted. But she couldn't tell Chris that, he would be heartbroken. Afterall, she came to him. And going back to Luke wasn't an option. She didn't even know where he was now. Was he happy? Was he married? In a relationship? Was he closer with April?
And most importantly, why didn't he love her enough to take her away that night? Heis the only man she ever loved: her soulmate. Thereis nobody in the world she would rather spend her life with. But he was different. He obviously needed more than her, or he was just afraid. He made his choice, and it was for a life that didn't include her. How could she compete with a daughter? She sighs, the truth was she never should've had to.
Her cellphone vibrates suddenly in her pocket and she pulls it out, knowing who it isalready. Rory always calls late at night, or extremely early in the morning. Lorelai knows that were both in the exact same situation, but they would never admit it. Admitting itis too hard, admitting it only heightens the pain.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
And so a mother and a daughter, both regretting their past, both married to men they didn't love, share a conversation in the late evening moonlight. And they talk, and for the first time, one of them cries. But for the first time, the mother can't help the grieving daughter, for the mother isgrieving too much inside.
And the daughter can't leave. He's been too good to me, she says. He loves me, she sobs. But she doesn't love him. Her heart left on a plane to London, and she never really got it back. Did he miss her too? Maybe she should've waited, maybe they could've had a family someday. But after London, his father was sending him to Seattle, and after that, who knew?
And the mother can't leave. He's been too good to me, she thinks. He loves me, she sighs. But she doesn't love him. Her heart is still in Stars Hollow, sitting on a stool at the counter watching the man she loves with the family he chose. Maybe she should've waited, maybe they couldn've all been together someday. But when would he marry her? And when would April's mother accept her?
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Logan sits ata bar, a blonde girl on his right and a brunette on his left. Neither one could've found their way out a paperbag, and neither one meant anything to him. Heisn't sure what their namesare. He thinks the blonde's started with an 'S', and the brunetteis either an 'M' or a 'N.'. He sighs, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. He dumps another beer down his throat. In about three more, he'll be ready to take one of the ladies home that night.
But the only woman really on his mind is the one that got away. Beautiful, intelligent, funny, witty Rory Gilmore. She wanted more than he could give her, more than money could buy. She insisted that he wouldn't be home if they ever had children, told him that he wouldn't remain faithful on all of the business trips. He tried to convince her otherwise, but it was no use. With one final goodbye, she was gone from his life forever.
Little did she know that before the phone call he was planning to propose when he returned for his next visit. He wonders if she wouldn've accepted, then decides it that it doesn't matter. He's going to be attached to her for life either way. Now, he's working for his father in Washington. He never returned to the east coast. There was no reason to, the only thing it would bring him was pain.
She was probably married by now, maybe even had children. Often, he pulls out his cellphone and selects her number, forgetting that isn't his place anymore. When he realizes his mistake, he quietly pockets the phone and heads to another bar. He guesses therearejustsome habits that will never be broken. Fighting back tears, he holds out his hand to the girl on the left, smirks, and walks out of the bar.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
Luke wakes up late that night, like he always does. He dreamt about her again, but that wasn't unusual. He'd waited for so long, why did he let her slip away? Why didn't he leave with her that night? He glances over at the other side of the bed, which has remained empty all this time. He can't make himself move on. Thisis his punishment. Thisis what he gets for letting that amazing woman walk out his life.
And it was all for nothing. A few weeks after Lorelai left, he demanded another DNA test from April and Anna. As it turned out, April isn't his daughter afterall. He owes her and her mother absolutely nothing. He still sees April, but only occasionally, she brings up too many painful memories for him. But he can't turn his back on her now, she hasfound herself a permanent place in his heart.
He walks into the kitchen, pulls out a beer, and sits down at the table. If he could only go back in time, he would've taken Lorelai away that night in a second. Sheis everything to him, everything he's ever wanted. Through Sookie's slip of the tongue, he found out she'd married Christopher and they were expecting their second child together. He wonders if she's truly happy with him, and if she ever thought about what they had together.
He downs his first beer, then moves on to the next. He shows no sign of stopping anytime soon.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
And so two men, worlds apart, hold the same pain in their hearts. One had been walked out on, one had left the one he loved walk out. It didn't matter how it happened, the heartache was still the same. Neither one could find the strength to move on, and both turned to alcohol to forget.
And the older one curses himself in the apartment. It was his mistake, his and his alone. She was ready, she would've married him right there on the street. But he was hesitant, too hesitant. And now she was gone from his life forever.
And the younger one kisses the lips of a girl he just met. He blames his father for controlling his life, he blames Rory for never giving him the chance to give his life to her. But she was stubburn, too stubburn. And now she was gone from his life forever.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
Dean wakes up to an empty bed, wondering where his wife disappeared to this time. It seemslike sheis always gone from the room these days, and he usually finds her on the balcony with tears falling down her face. It's just exhaustion, shewouldsay, from her new job. Little did she know he'd been finding her like that long before she became editor. And he knows all too well why she's sitting out there. She doesn't love him, she never did. He never met the man that has her heart, but he must have been something special. Sometimes in her sleep shewould murmerhis name, and each wordwas like a stab in the heart. He loves her. He loves her more than anything in the world. But he doesn't have all of her, and that hurts more than anything.
Christopher wakes up to an empty bed, knowing that his wife is sitting in the living room. She would be watching the television on silent like she always did. And when he'd stumble into the living room, she'd quickly wipe his eyes and offer him a smile. It's just hormones, shewouldsay, from the baby. Little did he know he'd been finding her like that long before she ever became pregnant. And he knows all too well why she was sitting out there. She doesn't love him, she never did. She'd met the man that had her heart, and he must've been something special. Sometimes, he would see her staring at her phone and would see Luke's name on the call list. Each time he saw the vision was like a stab in the heart. He loves her. He loves her more than anything in the world. But he doesn't have all of her, and that hurts more than anything.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
A young wife threw her life away because she thought he could never please her.
Her mother had her life thrown away when the man she loved wouldn't fight for her.
An older man painfully remembers the moment when he let her leave his life.
A younger man thinks about what could've been if she'd just given him the chance.
A young husband watches his wife cry on the balcony and wonders why she can't love him.
An older husband peers into the living room, and wonders why she ever came.