Not Fat

Summery: In which, Sirius is convinced he is fat. Can Remus, our beloved werewolf, prove him otherwise?

Disclaimer: I do not, nor ever will, own the characters of Harry Potter. This fic is for enjoyment purposes only, not to exploit J.K.Rowling. Do not sue me.

A/N: This is a two part, and I promise the second part will be longer. Hope you enjoy this, just a little Remus/Sirius because I, personally, am obsessed with those two.

Part 1: The Sonnet

"Sirius, please come away from the mirror?"

Sirius Black, most sought-after boy in Gryffindor, (by both the male and female populations of Hogwarts, I might add), was currently standing in front of the mirror next to his bed, staring at his exposed chest and back.

Why, you may ask?

Because our dear Sirius had just last night decided, once again, to sneak into the Girls Dormitories, and listen to their conversations.

The fact of the matter was that Sirius was gay, and loved girl talk. He would actively engage in it, in fact, at any chance he got. But Sirius couldn't very well just walk into the Girls Dormitories when he had an irking for some bitching and demoralizing womanly conversation, so he did the next best thing; he listened to it.

And last night, after hearing that his best friend's girlfriend, that being James Potter's girlfriend, Lily, was having a get together for all the girls in Gryffindor to have a 'slumber party' of sorts, Sirius knew he had to listen in. Who knows? Perhaps they would discuss a few of the issues that Sirius wondered about himself. Namely: 'Where is my dream man?' And 'Why the hell is he taking so long?'

Unfortunately for our dear Sirius though, another conversation of theirs had stuck in his head. The dreaded, degrading, all-too-common conversation every girl, and quite rightly every gay man, must 'discuss' at some point in time with their friends: 'Do you think I am fat?'

Indeed, our poor Sirius became victim to one such conversation just the night before, and after hearing every girl in Gryffindor discredit themselves and belittle their bodies, the question stuck in Sirius's head; 'Am I fat?'

And so, to put a long story short, that is why Sirius currently stood in front of his mirror, scrutinizing his body, and pointing out every flaw to me, one of his best friends, Remus Lupin.

And what am I to do? I, when I am already so infatuated with the boy in front of me that I myself cannot tear my eyes away from him? As he stands, half-naked, in front of his mirror.

What am I to say? When he demeans himself, with that alluring body, so tanned and muscular, yet so slim and tall. To me, he is, and always will be; the picture of perfection.

And before you ask, yes, I am aware I am in love with the boy. I have known this for quite some time. Beit ever since third year when he tenderly pecked me on the cheek in congratulations the first time I flew a broomstick, and I felt shivers run up and down my spine; or the time in second year when we stayed up late on a school night just to talk about our selves, our family lives, and Sirius told me about the domestic abuse from his mother; or perhaps the time he first told me he was gay, and I felt special, because he had told no one else. Whenever it had started, it had only deepened with time.

I knew I was in love, because whenever he was around, I always felt special. No one else made me feel that way.

"Hold on, Moony," Sirius replied after a while, "I think I see some cellulite..."

I sighed, he never should have listened in on that conversation, he always came back from such occasions with something troubling him, even though this was a particularly bad topic, those girls were a bad influence on him.

"Sirius," I tell him gently, but sternly, "There is not an inch of cellulite on your entire body. Stop worrying about it."

"But wait... what's this?" Sirius says as he grabs onto his side, "AHA!" He suddenly cries and leaps towards me, too close.

"You can't tell me THIS isn't cellulite!" He says, pointing to the left side of his lower back, which literally doesn't have a mark on it.

"I don't see anything there, Padfoot." I say, trying not to stare at the bulge just south of where he is pointing.

"Feel it!" He says, all to suggestively for my mind, "just there." He commands, pointing again.

'Please don't make me...' I think to myself, 'I don't think I can bear it...'

I do anyway, with a shaking hand, I reach forward and brush my fingers on the part of his back that he had pointed to, it is smooth and toned. Perfect. Like everything else about him.

"Padfoot, it feels per-" I stop myself in the nick of time, before I make a fool of myself, and reveal too much.

"It feels fine." I correct, he doesn't seem to notice the slip up. Then I quickly stand, and gather my books for the day's classes into my backpack. "Now can we please go to breakfast?"

He sighs dejectedly, "Fine. Let's go. Not that I need any more food."

Down at breakfast, he doesn't make things any easier.

He refuses to help himself to anything, so I begin to place things on his plate for him. He doesn't object.

That is, until I try to give him some bacon and he complains loudly; "Don't put that crap on my plate! I might as well inject the fat right into my hips!"

"What are you talking about?" I retort, "You love bacon!"

"Not any more." Sirius replies dramatically, "Anna Thompson said that there are calories-"

"Oh Please," In interrupt him with a rolling of the eyes, "Anna Thompson would tell you not to breath to much because their are too many calories in the air." and finish with a firm 'plop' of bacon onto his plate.

He eats it, with a glare in my direction.

'Oh, Padfoot, what will I do with you?' I think to myself, with a small smile.

After breakfast, we part our ways as we make for our first classes. Him with Transfigurations, me with Charms.

As I step into my classroom full of all the other 6th grade Gryffindors and Slytherins, I sweep across the classroom, and settle into my normal seat, right next to James Potter.

We greet each other, and he begins to talk animatedly about Lily. Until our teacher arrives.

"All right, class!" The professor announces as he enters with a flourish, "Today we will discuss the many Pro's and Con's of performing your own healing charms..." Which starts him on a long and tedious speechthat will no doubt consume the entire lesson.

'Thank lord,' I think, relieved, 'now I have some time to think.'

I like to think by myself in Charms; it is often the time I think my most creative thoughts. Which usually involve Sirius, and exactly what I would do to him, given the chance. Cellulite and all.

And that is when it hits me, I should write a sonnet! It would let out my many bottled emotions, and relieve my troubled mind.

Its perfect, abso-tutly genius. I'll write a sonnet, a poem of sorts, expressing exactly how I feel about him. Of course, after it is written, it will be for my eyes only. Can't have word getting out that I like Sirius, not when he'd be sure to reject me openly. What with my boney figure and pasty skin, and the all-in-all terribly unattractive body I behold.

And so I set off, writing my sonnet, and expressing my feelings secretly.

And then, just as I finish putting the final flourishes to its page, James snatches it away from me with an all too loud; "What's this?"

"Give it back, James!" I yell, distraught, and immediately alarmed.

But all too late, it seems, as James already begins reading it, and suddenly looks back at me, wide eyed, with a gigantic grin plastered on his face. "What the hell, Remus?" He asks.

I'm terrified. What must he think? Horribly of me, that's for sure. But he seems calm... Peaceful... If not for his being a complete and utter bastard.

"Oh, I get it!" He says, now in a nothing louder than a whisper, "You like Sirius, don't you?"

I can't answer at first. I am speechless. And then when I find my voice, I cannot help its pleading. "You won't tell anyone will you?"

He looks at me with mirth in his eyes; I know what he is thinking. "Oh, please Prongs," I ask, "Keep it a secret?"

He looks at me soberly, apparently he does not mean me poorly, but all the same he says; "I will keep it a secret," looking me in the eyes intensely as he finishes, "If you promise to give this to him."

He holds the parchment just out of my reach as he waits for his answer. I debate it in my mind, whether I should agree. He is sure to reject me, I reason. But if James where to spread this around... No, that would be much worse.

And so, as my brain screams: 'HELL NO! I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!' Instead, I say:

"Fine. I'll do it."

A/N: Hope you liked it. And if you want a happy ending, eg. Remus and Sirius come together, they kiss, they live happily ever after, etc, then you had better review! Otherwise, who knows? Perhaps Sirius will reject him? Who am I to say? Bwa ha ha! cue evil laugh.

-Emerald Elf-Slytherin707-