Disclaimer: The rights of Superman belong to DC comics and Warner Bros. I am making no financial gain from this story whatsoever.
A/N: No spoilers here, if you've seen the trailers.
I wanted to write two one-shots on Lois Lane finding out Clark was Superman. They are completely separate, and should be treated as two different stories.
I must stress that I'm not a Superman comic reader. Only Superman comic series I've read was "The Death of Superman". I'm more of a movie, and Lois and Clark TV series, Superman admirer. Clark and Lois act as I see them act. It might be different to what you've seen in the comics and/or movies.
She stood in front of him, unaware of the effect she had on him. Every time he saw her was like the first, every time she spoke was like she was composing poetry. Even when she was dismissing him without a care in the world. Her piercing eyes, so sharp and full of emotion. Without words she could shatter a person's pride.
"Yes," she said. "You told me you had something to say. Spit it out, I have a source to talk to."
Right, then. It seemed so much easier when he played this conversation in his head. I love you. I am Clark, I am Superman. He knew what to say. Shouldn't be too hard.
Shouldn't be this hard. His mouth was parched, his mind dizzy. And this time, it wasn't Lois' beauty that was knocking him off.
"Clark?" Lois' features softened. "Are you all right?"
"What? Oh, yeah. I'm fine." Clark took a deep breath, and jumped right in.
"You see, Lois," he said. "I know I just returned the previous summer, but I had to tell you this."
"You can tell me anything, Clark," said Lois. "I'm all ears."
"Lois, we've been friends for so long," Clark began, "but for quite some time, I've wanted more. Certain... feelings have come up which were easy to ignore at first, but over time it's been quite cumbersome. All of the sudden, I was thinking of you as not as a friend, but as a woman I would like to be with.
"Or was it that I wanted you all along, and it took time for me to realise it? Or, perhaps, I knew I wanted you from the very beginning, and I was just dismissing what I felt? I don't know Lois," he sighed. "But I thought that I had to tell you this, along with something else."
He paused, and Lois looked at him, emotionless. Clark remained silent, watching her. He'd give up all his powers just to hear her thoughts right now.
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked suddenly.
"Why are you telling me this now? You knew me all these years," she pressed, "and you admit that these feelings are before you left. So I ask you, why are you telling me this now, when you have almost no chance of it happening,"
"I didn't want to hear that you didn't want me back," Clark admitted.
"Okay, what changed?" Lois questioned.
"I am exhausted, Lois," Clark said. "I am tired of all the endless Does she? or Doesn't she? questions that crowds my mind every time you smiled at me. I was tired of being in limbo, waiting endlessly for you to finally feel the same was towards me as I felt for you."
"I never gave you the wrong signal," Lois replied.
"And I never said you did," said Clark. "When you have strong feelings for some, you begin to apply reasons to the other's actions. I thought that you felt some attraction to me when you were being friendly."
"I am with Richard now," Lois said. "Seriously, I have a child."
"I battled myself before I came to you," Clark said. "I wondered, should I say it? Really? What was there to gain? What if you didn't feel the same about me? You were with Richard now. Did I want to feel the pain? I decided that it was the thing to do."
"Simple. Ignoring my feelings did cow's manure to me," Clark said. "It just didn't work. By confronting it, perhaps I'll move on. All these conflicting emotions and thoughts were too painful to me, and I longed to end it. If you said you loved me back, great. If not, it'll hurt, but I'll have to move on. Even I couldn't fool myself again in such circumstances, with another What if? thought."
Another moment of pause. Clark watched Lois as a whole slew of emotions, unidentifiable, came and left her face. She returned to the cool emotionless face, unreadable eyes.
"I'm sorry Clark, but I think you're mistaken," she said. "What did you expect me to say? That I'm madly in love with you? That I have been for many years? That I did nothing about how I felt? You know me, I would've never sat on my feelings. I would've done something. You should've done something. Why didn't you?"
"It was too hard," Clark said, avoiding her eyes.
"Nonsense," Lois replied. "You've always been ready to speak up. Why did you wait now? Were you already sure that I didn't love you? Are these circumstances a pillow to your feelings? So you can tell yourself that maybe, just maybe, I'm rejecting you because I'm feeling a sense of duty to my son and Richard?
"Let me remove all doubt," Lois said. "I do not feel the same way. You are a friend, a very good one, and that was all you ever were. Perhaps you're partially to blame."
"What?" Clark replied.
"You made us into a friendship. You never acted like you wanted more, and I never thought about wanting more," Lois said. "Just when you have as much hope as snowball in hell, do you finally come up with it. Why?"
"You want to know why?" Clark spat. "Do you really?"
"Yes," Lois said. "I confess that I'm curious. You're not a coward, Clark. Keeping your feelings wrapped up like that makes you look like one."
Clark never knew why he told her. He was planning to reveal himself only if she loved him back. Not after being rejected. Perhaps it was the 'coward' comment. As if she understood me.
In his anger, he removed his glasses. He smoothed his hair down.
"There!" he exclaimed. "That's why."
She looked at him, confused at first. She opened her mouth to say something, but suddenly stopped, mouth open. She stared for awhile, looking at him as if something was wrong. After a minute, she blanched.
"Noooo," she gasped. "It can't be."
"Yes," Clark snapped. "It can be. It is."
"You can't be..." Lois shuddered. "Superman? How?"
"You were so fond of analysing my reasons," Clark said softly. "Analyse this."
"I loved you," Lois said.
"No," Clark said. "You loved Superman. Clark Kent, on the other hand, was nothing."
"That's not true!" Lois argued. "You were a dear friend, and I never thought of you as nothing.
"Why did you not tell me?" she asked.
"Why should I have?" Clark replied.
"I was your friend," said Lois. "Didn't you trust me?"
"Of course I trusted you," Clark waved aside. "But what would've been the outcome of this?"
"What do you mean?" asked Lois.
"I mean," Clark clarified, "how would you have dealt with it? Would I be Superman, or Clark, to you?"
Lois remained silent.
"You see, whatever happened, one part of me would've died forever in your eyes," Clark said. "Either you'll see me as Clark Kent, and Superman as a costume character, or, more likely, see me as Superman, and Clark being a pathetic cover-up. I'm neither of that. I'm both of them."
"I'd never think of Clark as pathetic," Lois argued.
"I was giving the paths that our relationship would take," Clark said. "Either way, you'd see me differently. And I wouldn't accept either."
"So," Lois said, after a long time, "who are you?"
"I'm Clark Kent, son of Martha and Jonathan Kent. I'm also Superman, Kal-El. I'm both of them, and no one could understand that, apart from my parents. You prove this, by loving Superman, and not Clark."
"That's because I was the impression that they were two different people," Lois replied. "Which you deliberately put me under."
"I couldn't let the world know Superman had a life," Clark said. "I needed my normal life."
"So you let me fall in love with Superman?" Lois asked.
"No," Clark replied. "That was unintentional. I'll admit it felt great, no, magnificient, when you looked at me with such passion, such desire. But I wanted you to love Clark first, and I'd then tell you about Superman. But you had to love us both.
"Sure, your feelings for Superman was clear as day, even to someone as dense as myself. But I would never accept it if you only loved Superman and not Clark as well. Why? I asked this to myself countless times, but I always knew the answer.
"I am Clark, as much as I am Superman. I wanted you to accept both of them, for who they were, and love them for it. Just like I won't allow myself to start a relationship if you only loved Clark Kent, and not Superman (it would be quite a shock for that to happen, though), I couldn't do the same for the other way round."
"How can I fall in love for two people?" Lois asked incredulously. "How could you expected that?"
"I always knew it was a long-shot," Clark said, looking down. "That's the curse I have being who I am. Who the hell can see me as both Superman and Clark, when I've spent so much time separating the identities?"
"So what happens?" Lois asked.
"You tell me."
"What's there to say?" huffed Lois. "I'm sorry, Clark, but I don't feel for you that way. I'm with Richard now, and I'm going to marry him."
Despite knowing that it was headed here, it felt like a stab, nonetheless, for Clark.
"It was worth a try, anyways," he shrugged, not looking at her.
"Can we still be friends?" Lois asked tentatively.
"I want to if you do," Clark said. "Do you?"