This is just a little idea I had earlier this morning... hope you enjoy it!



Chapter 1: Of Stewed Tomatoes and Evaporated Milk

In which Jack laments the demise of alcohol, Will ponders the meaning of life, and Elizabeth is convinced she will die.


Captain Jack Sparrow trudged up the beach, fuming. Damn you, Barbossa! he thought angrily. I hope someone from that measly crew of mine shoots you in the head.

He turned around, taking in both the sight of the Black Pearl rapidly shrinking off in the distance and that of Elizabeth walking up the beach towards him. "That's the second time I've had to watch that man sail away with my ship," he said bitterly. "The second bloody time…"

Elizabeth sighed, also turning to look. "Jack, how did you get off last time?"

Jack walked away from her.

Not to be deterred, she caught up with him and tried again. "Are you the pirate I've read about or not?" she demanded. He looked at her curiously, knocking on the trunk of a palm tree, listening for something. "How did you get off last time?"

"Last time…last time I was here a grand total of three days, all right?" he replied, walking away from the tree with abnormally large steps.


"The Rum Runners used this island as a cache." He started jumping up and down.

"What in God's name are you doing?"

"Looking for said cache." Satisfied with the muffled sound the ground suddenly decided to produce when he jumped, he leaned over, spotted the handle to the trap door, and pulled. "And from the looks of things," he continued, "they've long since been out of business." He proceeded down the steps, searching for something. "They came by and I was able to barter passage off the island."

"So you spent three days lying on a beach, drinking rum?" Elizabeth was appalled.

Jack emerged from the cache with a bottle. "Welcome to the Caribbean, lass," he replied, handing her the liquor.


She knew that voice anywhere. Looking up in surprise and dropping the bottle simultaneously, she exclaimed, "Will?"

Sure enough, there, a few feet above her, sitting in a palm tree, was Will. She said something to him, but it was drowned out by a loud, anguished cry from Jack.

"NOOOOO!" He fell to his knees, weeping in despair.

Elizabeth and Will looked down at him, puzzled.

"You dropped the bloody rum!" wailed Jack, rocking back and forth. "That was the last bottle!"

"It shouldn't have bro—"

"Look!" he countered, pointing.

Elizabeth bent down. Sure enough, the bottle had broken on impact with the ground, and the rum was now rapidly leaking out, only to be absorbed by the sand. "It'll do you good not to have it," she observed. When she saw the hungry expression on his face, she added, "And don't try to eat the sand."

"Elizabeth?" called Will hesitantly. "Could you help me get down?"

"You can't do it yourself?"

He shook his head sheepishly.

Dear God, help me, she thought. I'm stuck on a desert island with a couple of babies.


After a while, Jack recovered from his, erm…grave loss. By that time, however, the sun had already made its way across the sky and sunk far below the horizon. Getting up from his knees and casting one last despairing glance at the shards of glass and damp spot on the ground that his rum had ultimately become, he walked resolutely over to Elizabeth and Will, who were sitting by a small campfire.

"Oh, there you are, Jack," said Will, turning around when he heard Jack's approaching shuffle.

Elizabeth merely looked up at him with mild disdain.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sitting next to Elizabeth.

"What does it look like?" murmured Elizabeth, but Will said, "Just sitting by the fire."

"I see…" He looked around. "Umm…is there, perhaps, something to eat?" he asked hopefully.

Both Elizabeth and Will shook their heads grimly. "We're trying not to think about that."

"Ah." Resigning himself to deal with the hunger gnawing at his stomach, he said, "What are you thinking about?"

Elizabeth answered first. "Home," she said simply.

"And you, Will?"

"I'm trying to figure out the meaning of life," he replied philosophically. "Unfortunately, I haven't gotten very far."

Jack flopped down on his back, gazing up at the stars. "You know what I could really go for right about now?"


"Stewed tomatoes and toast."

Elizabeth groaned, but Will added rather energetically, "Yeah, and evaporated milk!"

"Evaporated… Has that even been invented yet?" wondered Jack.

Will shrugged. "I dunno. I just thought it sounded cool."

We're all going to die, though Elizabeth miserably, staring into the flames as Jack and Will chatted about nonsense. We're all going to die…



please review!

- dark-hearted rose