Don't own the Dragonriders of Pern
This chapter is dedicated to all those who reviewed to say, ' use punctuation!' Hopefully this is better.
Yasmine was a herder's daughter; she was the middle child of five. She had a snobby older sister, Serafina, a kind older brother, Kalem, and twin younger brothers Davy and Willy. Kalem was grown, and married with a little one on the way, and Serafina had just been married a couple of weeks ago. Willy and Davy were still young, but they got into more trouble together than all of the other children in the hold combined. Her mother was finally paying more attention to her youngest daughter, as it was now Yasmine's turn to start a family. Yasmine was not used to having so much attention and had grown up with no real guidance from her parents, and she wasn't sure that she wanted it now that she had it.
She had some training in healing and was always outside doing some man's chore or another. She was exotically beautiful, of average height, curvy, and darkly tanned from hours spent working in the sun. She had dark curly, brown hair, which was often pulled back from her face as she worked. She also had dark golden eyes that unnerved anyone who was not used to them.
She was very kind, gentle, and graceful when she wanted to be, and was also stubborn, defiant, independent, smart, and you never wanted to get her angry. These qualities ensured that she was an outcast from the rest of the girls in the hold who were prim and proper ladies. With good qualities, however, come bad ones. Yasmine had a tendency to be clumsy, when she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing, and to be a little tactless, and blunt when speaking to people. She called it the foot-in-my-mouth disease.
Her mother and father, now that they had finally decided to take notice of her, were trying to marry her off to a farmer on the outskirts of Keroon. The man was both uninteresting and old. She really didn't approve of this man. So, why was she letting her mother poke and prod her with pins for her brand new gather dress, because she wanted to leave this tiny hold and see the world and was not going to pass up a chance to go to a Keroon gather for anything.
Her brothers rushed in from their playing dirty and dishevelled. Even though they were 12 turns old they still acted like children most of the time and now was no different. They barged into their mother's workroom tracking mud everywhere. Yasmine gathered up the long skirts of her dress to save them from destruction at the feet of her siblings. "Mama Yasmine look what we've found" they said in unison. There wrapped in Willy's grubby shirt was a small clutch of seven eggs from a gold. They were rock hard and would hatch any day now. Flit eggs were common but it was rare to find gold eggs unguarded and even rarer to escape with them unscathed. "They're close to hatchin' but if we're lucky we might be able to sell them in Keroon" said Yasmine's mother. Yasmine however new better, they were hard enough to hatch any day now and would not wait for the gather. She put them gently into a sand filled pot and placed them by the hearth. Before her and her mother hurriedly packed up the materials for her dress and began making supper.
Later, after all her family had gone to sleep, Yasmine woke to the sound of rattling. She stumbled groggily out of bed, and managed to stub her toe on her dresser and knock over the small stool before managing to light her lamp and attempt to figure out where the noise was coming from. She proceeded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Stopping to peer into her brothers' room, only to find it empty. She reached the kitchen with no further mishaps and saw a shaking pot and her brothers with a bowl filled with meat scraps from today's slaughter. She rolled her eyes at their lack of forethought, and cursed them silently for not waking her. She then took the lid off the pot and carefully poured the eggs and sand onto the warm hearth before watching the eggs split. She grabbed a handful of meat from the bowl and began feeding the two greens and the gold that came her way. Her brothers had each impressed a brown and a blue and had already finished feeding theirs and were heading back up to their loft room to sleep like their flits. She decided to name her queen Belle and her greens Viv and Chi respectively before heading back to her room.
Her last thoughts before falling into slumber was that her parents would be cross that they could not sell the flits, but quite obviously there was nothing they could do about it, they would also get the benefit of a quick means of communication for their remote hold, and the flits would keep the tunnel snakes away from the house and granary if properly trained. She followed her brothers' example and went to sleep but not before bringing up the extra meat that she would doubtless need in the morning.
D'rien strode confidently down the halls of Benden Weyr. The hand some bronze rider was tall at 6 foot 2, and tanned and muscular from a life of a harvester for hire. He had been lucky to get a chance to be searched from the select few that were for Ramoth's first clutch. D'rien's life before being searched had been gruelling. He had lost his mother at the age of 6 while she was in childbirth with his sister, and his father at the age of 10 to thread. He had been harvesting at Fort hold when they had found him, and although he didn't impress that time, he did impress his big bronze Caranth the next time around. He jumped at the chance he had to start anew and make new friends, and by the end of weyrling training he knew all the people from his dragon's hatching. He worked extra hard during threadfall and training to prove that he belonged with the Weyr. He was soon promoted to wingleader of the new wing of Bendan Dragons because he was the best man for the job. He knew all of his wingriders' strengths and weaknesses and nobody was afraid to come and talk to him about problems they were having.
His hair was a brown so dark that it looked almost black. It was cut in such a fashion so that the area at the nape of his neck was close cropped to his skull but the top layers of his hair hung down to his ears framing his chiselled face. He exchanged nods with passing riders on their way out of the dining hall, his bronze flit Zar resting casually on his shoulder. Everyone was in a tizzy, because there were for the first time in recorded history, TWO queens on the hatching sands, plus another 30 eggs of varying colours. It was the biggest event since Ramoth's hatching and Lessa's trip to fetch the oldtimers. He was on his way to help search, he had to be in Igen for their gather, then fight fall, then go to the Keroon gather and search there for likely candidates. A bronze rider's work is never done and he loved it.
Is it any better? Pls. review so that I know. Also I don't appreciate flames. Constructive criticism is all-good as long as you have evidence to back it up! Thx!