AN: Its been awhile and I 've just been pretty much lazy. Anyways, I decided like any good author to go do some research (on wikipedia) about the Kirigakure (Village hidden in the mist) and its people. And I discovered something about Kisame. Apparently he's not only a megaton Juggernaut that can destroy all but he's actually a formal, respectful poofter in the way he talks as well. In other words no swearing and cussing and all that. Sooooo you can either consider him incredibly OOC or that he only acts respectful to those he views as more powerful to him. Sorry for the mix up but I kind of always imagined Mist-nin's to be alot more abrasive and violent then other cultures. I mean come on, to become a Genin you have to kill you'e fellow classmates there. BAH, I blame fandom for making him a bumbling Itachi bitch all the time. Read on, hope ya like, I have kinda been outta the game for awhile.
Disclaimer: I wish I did, but I do not own Naruto.
'This is by far the most awkward situation I have ever come up against. Even compared to that time when Kakashi and Raidou walked in on me and Ino in that porn shop…' Sakura sat (with proper clothes on finally), with only a table between them, not five feet away from the Village Hidden in the Mist's most mysterious hunter-nin, Hoshigaki Kisame. Complete and total silence reigned in the small room.
Kisame also felt the tension rising in between his partner and himself. After waking Itachi up with pungent smelling salts, he did exactly what Kisame was hoping he wouldn't do, act twitchy and wide eyed. It was fucking freaky is what it was. It was like the man had gotten up today with a new psychological torture for him. Better than the Tsukiyomi could ever be, in the shark mans opinion.
He was used to walking on egg shells around the quiet killer, getting beaten to within an inch of his life for sneezing on one of the Uchiha's old kunai then handing it to him for target practice. Kisame was hesitant to recall that he accidentally mistook Itachi's hitai-ate for a washcloth when the poor ex Mist-nin needed to wash his hands after gutting fish. That was the last time he had looked Itachi in the eyes, over two years ago. So Kisame was pondering whether or not this was some sort of game for his partner. Was he supposed look into Itachi's Sharingan for 72 hours of pain, or was his "comrade" actually messed up? Kisame kept glancing at Itachi then quickly averting his gaze back to his now cold cup of sake.
Of course instead of trying to make eye contact, Sakura was currently examining Itachi's nicely manicured, black fingernails. That actually appeared to be a black and skin colored blur but it was better than looking at the S-class criminal shaped blur across from her. 'Is it bad that I'm jealous of a psycho's manicure? I wonder what kind of hand lotion he uses…' The pink haired girl's train of thought was interrupted by another voice in her own head. 'Oi! I think that freak with the gills on his face is checking us out again! Hey, you think he might be gay for this weirdo? I bet he is, I mean even in another persons body you attract the mother fuc-'
Inner Sakura was interrupted by the clang of a tray filled with teacups and an aged teapot on the table in front of her. The freakishly tall blond was back and placing a teacup in front of Sakura. Smiling politely she inquired "How about some freshly made green tea Itachi?" Kisame poked her hard in the side.
"Respect Mizaki, you moron." The shark man hissed through clenched teeth.
Glowering back at him, Mizaki turned smiling again to face the confused looking Uchiha and asked, more politely, "Itachi-sama, would you like some green tea that I have made?" She lifted the teapot for affect.
'…ummm' Worried that she might be taking too long to respond Sakura, with equal formality replied "Why thank you… Mizaki…-san, I would love some green tea" Smiling softly the girl trapped in a mans body inclined her head, grabbed her teacup and placed it within reach of Mizaki.
Who happened to be completely shell shocked, with her shark like companion. Turning slowly to each other, Kisame and the girl named Mizaki shared a look. Glancing exaggeratedly towards the kitchen doorway, Kisame suddenly stood up and bowed. "I apologize Itachi but I have business to attend to." And with that the former hunter-nin made his way towards the kitchen, giving Mizaki a meaningful glare on is way out. The blond just nodded.
'That was strange.' 'Ppfffft, bet he had to go whack off! Seriously and what's the deal with this girlie in front of us?' Sakura glanced at the blond who was currently pouring tea into two cups while chewing her lower lip. 'She seems familiar for some reason. And that name, I get the feeling I've heard it somewhere before. But where? And what's her connection with Akatsuki? She seems to be closer with Kisame then Itachi. And-' Sakura was cut off by Inner Sakura 'Oi, you think she's a Mist-nin? 'Cause she's got a worse mouth on her then Kiba when he's piss drunk.' Sakura began looking for any identifying markings Mizaki might have.
Still biting her lip the blond looked at her superior with a blush on her face as she handed him a cup of tea. "Itachi-kun" She purred '-kun! What the hell? Where did this come from?' Inching closer and looking up through her lashes, Mizaki continued, "I'm so glad you're finally coming around," She proceeded to pout, crossing her arms to amplify her chest. "Here I thought that you thought I was ugly!" Hr eyes then welled up with tears as she placed a dirt and calloused hand on 'Itachi's' chest.
Sakura was of course panicking. 'Wait, wait. I never did anything, why is she crying, why is she coming onto me? I never said she was ugly! What do I do…What would Naruto do? Erm, maybe not Naruto…, what would Sasuke do? Okay, that's even worse. I'm a girl; I can comfort another one, even if it does make me feel like a lesbian…' Inner Sakura just snorted.
"You're not ugly, you're gorgeous! I mean look at your hair color, it's a wonderful color, and I love it!" Sakura patted Mizaki's consolingly and smiled sympathetically.
Mizaki just froze. 'What now? Oh, is she broken?' "Err, Mizaki, are you-" The blond in question blushed furiously and turned around and started coughing.
Standing up without turning around, Mizaki gurgled an "I'll be right back" And made her way towards the kitchen at a faster then normal pace. When the door slid shut behind her, Sakura could here barely muffled whispers hissing at each other.
"What do you mean it didn't work? He's already fucked up, your fucking hitting on him should get some kind of reaction" came the gravely voice of Kisame.
'Eh, don't they realize that I can still hear them perfectly clearly?' Sakura sipped her tea just a tad bit miffed. Inner Sakura chimed in 'Hello! Shoji screen, literally paper thin!'
"Well, screw you! I tried and he's all, nice about it or something, like what the hell? You want me to get information out of him by seducing him? Well guess what dumbass it's not going to be easy!" came the lighter hiss of Mizaki.
'Damn right! I'm not easy!' Inner Sakura chirped.
Kisame snorted "So the woman who managed to get in good with the Mizukage and became his prized bodyguard and only person in line to succeed him, can't seduce one leaf-nin?" You could practically hear the smirk in his voice.
'HOLY CRAP! This Mizaki is THAT Mizaki? The Mizukage's only bodyguard and the only kunoichi who has ever been nominated to be the Mizukage's replacement? She works for Kisame? I have to tell someone! I have to get out of here…' Sakura used all the stealth and ninja skills she had learned over the past four years to inch her way to the shoji screen that was slightly ajar. It seemed to lead to a garden like area with a small pond.
"He's a sociopath. You know no desire for sex and all that. It doesn't surprise me that he doesn't like me that way. And don't go bringing the Boss into this. No plan of yours is going to work unless I get the Mizukage title." Mizaki huffed.
This made Itachi's body stop. Sakura, who was just about to step outside into her freedom, whipped around startled. 'Plan? What plan?' Slowing her breathing so she could hear better, Sakura paid closer attention to what was being whispered. In the back of Sakura's mind she could barely hear Inner Sakura quip 'God damned curiosity!'
"Yeah, you're right. You think we should just drug him or something?" Kisame grumbled.
"And what? Put it into some cookies?" Mizaki sighed.
"Can we?" Kisame sounded eager. "Well, it seems like we're taking too long, go back in there with food or something. Maybe some of those mushrooms…That'll appease him."
There was shuffling as the screen slid open and Sakura scrambled to get back to her place that she had vacated in an attempt to escape.
Sadly, she wasn't yet used to Itachi's higher center of gravity and tripped over Itachi's feet, attempted to catch herself, banged his shins on the low table, spilled the still hot tea all over her, burning Itachi's chest and landed on her face on the other side of the table.
'The way my luck is going I bet they saw that.' Turning her head to look at the two figures in the door, both bug eyed and jaws hanging open.
"Owwwwie…" Sakura was now adamant that this was officially the worst experience of her life.