Purple Haze

A One Piece Crack-fic by Aoikami Sarah

Note: This story takes place between the anime filler-arc called "The Rainbow Mist" and the Water Seven arc and contains much silliness. Enjoy. – aks

Chapter One - A Mysterious Transformation

Usopp dozed off at last in his hammock inside the men's cabin. It had been a long day. As he fell asleep he imagined Kaya sitting next to him. 'And then when we went into the Rainbow Mist we were trapped in time!' he thought as he told her the story of their latest adventure. 'She's gonna think that one's a total fib!' He snickered to himself and drifted off to sleep.

.x.

The Going Merry was quiet. It sailed along with Zoro in the crow's nest and Nami's assurance that the ship would be fine with its present course until early the next morning. If they passed through any odd climates, Zoro would alert them and they would deal with it. Unfortunately, the swordsman slept through just such a climate sometime around two in the morning.

The ship slowed to a crawl as the wind died completely. Under starlight, a faint, violet fog could be seen just ahead. The Merry slipped into this patch of thick, almost fragrant fog and remained there for a half an hour. At about 2:30 the wind picked back up, dispersed the fog and filled the sails once again.

Surprisingly, Zoro was the first to wake. The sky was a fair periwinkle color with the coming of the sun. He stood and stretched. "Mmmm…" His stomach was empty, but otherwise he felt fine until he reached for his swords. He stopped as he clutched the Wado Ichimonji and stared at his hand which appeared much smaller than it usually did. A brow raised. His mouth pouted. "Ok," he grumbled. "What the hell's goin' on here?" The sound of his own voice shocked him so badly he dropped the sword and clamped his small hands over his mouth. His stomach flip-flopped as he felt a smooth, stubble-free chin. "Not cool. Am I…?" He wondered if he had been reduced in age overnight for some reason, but that theory was dashed to bits as he looked down. "Oh no." His stomach flopped and flipped. He sank back down into the safety of the crow's nest and tried to go back to sleep.

.x.

When Usopp woke, kicked in the head by his captain's foot, he grumbled for him to watch himself and turned over. He was just awake enough to feel that something wasn't right. Reaching a hand down to check his situation Usopp shot up and tangled himself in his hammock, flipping around and kicking Luffy back in the process. "Help! Help! Something's wrong! Someone, anyone, help!"

"Mou, Usopp…" Luffy muttered. "Knock it off." He stretched his arm out and bashed Usopp on the head to get him to calm down. It knocked him out. The hammock untwisted slowly and deposited the unconscious Usopp on the floor, face first.

Sanji snorted and turned over to try to get a few more minutes in. He knew if Luffy was disturbed it was only a matter of time before his stomach would switch back on and the chef would be pestered into the kitchen. Sanji exhaled and felt his first urge for a smoke. Reaching across to a shelf on the wall next to his hammock, Sanji's left arm crossed his chest and he stopped moving. "What the…?" he whispered and slowly pulled his arm back. He rested one hand on the right of his bare chest, one hand on the left. Pursing his lips tightly, he gave a squeeze.

.x.

Robin decided she should probably get up after hearing a piercing scream coming from the boy's cabin. A quick glance to the right told her the screamer wasn't the lump that was the sleeping Navigator. The shirt she wore to bed felt suddenly quite restricting. It took only a moment to assess the situation. "Ara," she muttered. "This is inconvenient." Assuming something similar had happened to the boys, she decided to stay where she was and to find something more suitable to wear.

.x.

"What? Where? I'll kick your ass!" Luffy shouted as he leapt out of his hammock. A young woman with blond hair stood before him in the pale early light. She had her oversized pants clutched in place in one hand and a large, blue button-down shirt clutched closed in the other. She was hyperventilating. "Hey!" Luffy shouted. "Who are you?"

"It's me, moron!" the woman screeched.

"Me who?"

"Sanji!"

"Yeah right."

"Are you retarded!" she cried. "It happened to you, too!" She pointed with the hand that had been keeping the shirt a bit tighter at Luffy.

"Hm?" he wondered and looked down. "Woah! I've got boobs!" Indeed, hidden only slightly under his red vest were a set of fairly nice looking breasts. His shorts hung low on his feminine hips.

"Put a shirt on!" Sanji cried.

"Why? You're a girl too."

"No I'm not! I'm a guy!" she wept. "And I don't want to have the hots for you!" "Usopp! Tell me it didn't happen to you, too!"

Usopp pulled the covers around himself and stood up slowly. They were shocked to see what a surprisingly good-looking (albeit long-nosed) female he made. She nodded sadly.

"Ok. This is bullshit," Sanji hissed and fumbled with a pack of cigarettes. "Luffy. Make it stop."

Luffy laughed. "Why? This is cool!" she said and innocently fondled herself.

A vein popped out above Sanji's exposed eye. "Stop that!" She pulled the sheet off her hammock and hurled it at her captain.

"Where's Chopper?" Usopp asked quietly, still a bit ashen and dazed from being knocked out.

A short, stifled shriek alerted them to the reindeer's presence. In the corner of the room, cowering and shivering was the doctor in natural form.

"Chopper! Are you ok?" Usopp asked as she shuffled over with the sheet wrapped around her and crouched down to the doctor's level.

"No." Chopper answered and nodded toward the pink hat a few feet away. "I can't wear my hat anymore." Indeed, the female reindeer did not have antlers to hold it up.

Usopp pet Chopper gently. "It's ok. You can wear it," she said, picked the hat up and tried to put it on her head. "Well, if you change into your normal form you can."

"Oh, no. I don't want to," she muttered. "I look silly."

Luffy chuckled. "Ha, I bet you do!"

"Luffy!" Usopp scolded. "Ah. Where's Zoro? Is he outside still?"

"Oh God, Marimo's a chick too…" Sanji sank down into a chair and hugged herself. "What am I gonna do what am I gonna do…" she repeated and rocked back and forth.

"What are you so worried about?" Luffy asked. "So we're girls. Big deal."

"Big deal!" she screamed back. "What is the one thing I love above all else?"

"Girls," Usopp answered plainly.

Luffy made a face. "But you're a girl, too."

"No I'm not!" she argued.

"Luffy's right, Sanji," Usopp added. "I mean, his boobs are right there," she indicated to Luffy's shameless display. "And I don't really feel much of anything except for being totally freaked out at the whole being changed into a girl thing." Luffy nodded and gave a grunt of approval. "But it would be nice, Luffy, if you'd put a shirt on. Please."

Luffy pouted and buttoned up her vest. "There," she said stubbornly.

Usopp sighed. "Come on, let's go check on the others."

"Oh, no. I'm not going out there!" Sanji protested and clamped her hands down on the chair she was sitting in.

Another sigh escaped Usopp before she had an idea. "Sanji. If we were turned into girls, what do you suppose happened to Nami and Robin?"

Her eyes went wide. "Nami-san… Robin-chan!" she cried and bolted out the door, comically pulling her pants up as she ran. "I'm coming!" Luffy laughed and her breasts bounced, threatening to spill out of her vest.

"Oh man does this suck," Usopp grumbled and followed Luffy out, trailing the sheet she had wrapped around herself as she went.

More to come…