The following takes place between 12am and 2am...
I finished watching the World Cup match. I can't remember who was playing, it was that shit, damn it!. All I know is I wanted to get up and kill the umpire. But unfortunately, there are laws that prohibit me from doing such a thing. That is, unless I make it look like it was a matter of National Security. But I'd had a long day, damn it, and it takes a lot of effort to pull something like that off. It's less effort for me of course, being Jack Bauer and all. So I guess when it really boiled down to it, I just couldn't be assed. Damn it!
I had like, a whole keg of beer on my own, too. Tony came around with Michelle and Chloe. He brought a 12 pack and conked out after 2 cans. But me, I downed that whole damn keg and then pointed and laughed at his passed out life form. He's such a whimp. Just don't tell him I told you that, I'd hate to have to give him one of my special Jackomatic wedgies. Damn it, those rock. But what do you expect? I'm one of the most kick ass dudes around, damn it.
I contemplated brushing my teeth, but then realised that Jack Bauer doesn't have to bother with such mediocre little things like that. So not being tired after a boring game of Soccer and a whole keg of beer, I went over to my computer which had been left on. I thought maybe someone had tried to hack me, but then I realised that that is so impossible because my computer has all the latest technology and things you've never even heard of.
So, I went into a chat room and yelled at a bunch of piss ant little kids. I tell ya, these 13 year-olds are so lame. They're all like, "OMG! LOLZ!1 MANG!1" So I just showed them some of my ass kicking Jack Bauerness and they ran like the little girls they are. Damn it, I rock.
Anyway, that got boring after a while. So I went out on my balcony and decided to play a game with the passers by. No one came, I guess that was because it was oh-one-thirty-two-am-and-twenty-seconds, so I ordered a pizza.
When the pizza guy came I thought it would be fun to play interrogation 101. Naturally I didn't tell him it was a game, otherwise it wouldn't have been any fun for me. The best part was when he shit himself and admitted to lying on his resume to get the job. Turns out he never graduated high school. He's so going to be in the shit when I tell his boss. But I won't, because Jack Bauer isn't a dobber. I'll just get a bit of mileage out of it and demand free pizzas every now and then.
I let him go, and thanked him for his time. He ran and neglected to say thank you and give me one of those manly hugs that only Jack Bauer can make manly. So I shot him in the leg.
The phone rings... who could it be?
Dink. Dink. Dink. Dink. 02:00:00