A/N: This is the last bit, no matter how much you all poke me!
"Uh, clothes would be a good idea."
"So now you're going to let me get dressed, unbelievable." He stormed over to the bed, one hand clutched tightly around the white towel.
"To prevent future accidents." Lennon stayed frozen by the door. Rodney was partly naked feet from her and it was a little more than distracting.
"Like you'd mind." He mumbled out of ear-shot, grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom.
Now with him gone from the room, she felt more secure in walking around and just so happened to stand where she could see in the crack from the not-all-the-way closed bathroom door. "So, Count Chocula?"
"What? You looked!"
She snarked back seeing a glimpse of towel, "They were laid out on the bed, they were hard not to notice."
"That's a man's private business." He moved to pick up the boxers in question.
"Whatever. I never figured you for a Count Chocula guy."
"Chocolate cereal for breakfast. There's nothing better than that."
"You being a science geek, something science-y would make more sense. Like Schrodinger's cat or some physics equations. Maybe a bunch of monkeys typing out Shakespeare." She leaned back a little, catching a glimpse of him through the crack in the door.
"So you've thought about this, hmm?" Next up, pants.
She defended, "No. Not at all. Nope."
"Right. That'd be like me saying I haven't pictured you in a little pink Victoria's Secret number."
He didn't catch the warning in her voice, "Especially after the fishnets were brought up." He walked out, fully dressed in clothes Lennon wanted to burn.
As soon as the door started to open, Lennon had jumped back so as to look like she wasn't a peeping-tom. Er… Sue? No… Betty? Peeping Betty?
She glared, "That was one time. I don't wear that sort of thing."
"But you did." He emphasized his point by using his pointer finger.
"It was under special circumstances." Lennon defended.
"What sort of circumstances? I'm sure I could replicate them."
"We are not having this conversation."
"Fine, should we move back to talking about my boxers?"
"Noo." Lennon drawled.
Lennon turned from Rodney, "Yeah?" Charlotte was so quiet, Lenny could barely hear her.
"We got trouble. Stay low until further contact. Radio silence."
Lennon started to panic, "Charlie! Charlie, what happened?"
There was no answer.
"Great, this is just great. I can't leave them alone for fifteen minutes!"
"What are you going on about?" Rodney actually sounded concerned.
"Nothing." She rubbed her face thoroughly, "This mission has really gone to hell is all."
" Mission? You haven't explained anything yet."
"Oh, right. Well…"
"It's hard to explain."
"Get on with it." He gestured expectantly.
"My boss isn't trying to take over the world with science."
"I didn't think so."
"That was before."
Lennon sighed, "I work for an agency that searches fandoms and universes for plot bunnies and other related issues."
Rodney quirked his eyebrow, "Universes? How could an agency that I've never heard about possible be exploring other universes?"
Leave it to Rodney to gloss over the plot bunnies.
Maybe it was the SEP.
"The world doesn't know about the SGC traveling to other planets."
"It just is."
"How do you get from universe to universe, was there a quantum mirror found on Earth somewhere? Did the Nazi's find it? They were big on exploring."
"I can't tell you, it's hard to understand." She took another breath, "So these plot bunnies overrun fandoms and cause absolute havoc, my job is to find and kill them."
"Nothing is hard for me to understand. Wait, what are plot bunnies?"
So now he caught on to the plot bunnies.
"You know what a Muse is?" Lennon asked, figuring that would be the best way to approach things.
"They inspire too, but way worse. They force fanfic writers to do indescribable things to canons."
"Canons?" Rodney eyed her, wondering, not for the first time or the last, if she was crazy.
"Like Mulder, Kirk, Spock…"
She explained, "Stories based on tv shows, books, and movies written by fans."
"Okay… so you're here, why?" He crossed his arms, this time not having to worry about a towel falling off.
"Uh…plot bunnies had set up dens here."
"Why would they come here? I'm sure no one in the US Air Force is writing stories about Captain Kirk." As soon as he said it, he had the thought that Coombs would.
Lennon wondered whether or not to tell him he was a canon and she was an OC.
Better not, it might shatter his world.
"You'd be surprised."
He eyed her again, "That all sounds crazy, you know that? Have you missed taking medication lately?"
"I'm perfectly sane."
"Good." She certainly didn't look insane. "I don't want to be thrown in jail for messing around with a mental patient."
"That's it? You're not going to freak out about what I do?" That must be one strong SEP generator.
That could come in handy some day.
Maybe she could get some schematics. Take some pictures of it too, if everything was okay with Charlie and Madge.
"It has nothing to do with me. If you get your kicks from killing wannabe-Muses, then-" It finally clicked, "That was plot bunny earlier, wasn't it?"
"But you were going to have it bite me!"
"But I'm not a fanfic writer!"
"They affect regular… people."
"Why would you purposely attack me with it? What does it do?"
She calmly stated, "Causes varying states of amnesia."
"What! But… why… I'd rather be brainwashed!"
"Relax, there are not more bunnies on base." What? It wasn't a lie.
"Oh… okay then."
General George Hammond sadly was packing up his quarters. With the Stargate blown up and the Russians being Russian, the Stargate Program was dead in the water.
He might as well go home and see the grandkids.
As he zipped up the duffel bag containing the few changes of clothes he kept there and the picture of his wife, he felt water drip on his very bald head.
It was cold. Really cold.
He looked up, saw the very wet ceiling, and had to move out of the way of the leaking ceiling.
He immediately went to the phone.
---Later… and During the Lennon/Rodney part---
As soon as Charlotte got that out after hearing footsteps, the door opened with the typical knock Busters did to warn their teammates not to shoot them.
Two techs walked in, saw them, saw the water, looked at each other, and back at them.
The tall skinny one with glasses asked, "What happened here?"
Charlotte shrugged, "It was an accident."
"General Hammond's quarters are directly below this bay."
Charlotte turned to Madison, acting as if she was talking to her, but she keyed the headset radio, "Lenny…"
"We got trouble. Stay low until further contact. Radio silence." She turned the radio completely off, so as to stop an incoming transmissions because she knew Lenny wouldn't take that command.
Madison smiled her winning smile, "We're sorry."
"Sorry?" The other, and shorter, tech asked, more than a little irritated.
Charlotte explained, "Yes. I was taking a smoking break."
"Are you serious? The whole base is smoke free." The tech in glasses looked like someone had broken a sacred rule or something.
"After the past few days, I needed one."
"You couldn't have waited? We're all ordered to leave in a few hours and now we have to clean this up." The shorter tech whined.
"Sorry." Madison switched to a more apologetic smile.
"That isn't going to cut it."
"What would," Charlotte flashed her eyes to the name on the man's uniform, "Siler?"
"You could help clean up."
The other tech smiled triumphantly.
Charlotte gritted her teeth, "Fine."
---Running back over here ---
"So…" Rodney scratched his head, he was really bad with small talk. Then he remembered some things he still didn't have an answer for. "How'd you get in here and why is your hair wet? Is there a secret pool on base?"
She rolled her eyes, "The lock isn't that hard to pick and there was an incident with the fire sprinklers."
"It's uh… it's a good look."
"Oh please." She pawed at her hair, "It's all clumpy now."
"You can't even take a compliment."
"You're trying to flatter me. It was a lie."
"You're not in my head, you don't know that."
"I know what I look like. I'm not going to be on the front cover of Cosmo."
Rodney didn't know what to say. He really sucked at this type of stuff more than small talk… "Not many women make the cover."
Lennon glared, "That wasn't the point."
"Uh… well. I think you're…"
"Nothing, 'hot' isn't what men describe me as."
"Well… uh… that's what I think."
Lennon clammed up, a little shocked at the confession.
"So…didn't you have to leave or something?"
"I did, but it looks like you're stuck with me for awhile."
"That isn't a bad thing. We can kill some time." He took a step close to her.
She eyed him, "Rodney…"
"What?" He smiled innocently.
Lennon asked rhetorically, "Is that all men think of?"
But he answered, "Well when there's a hot, sexy, smart woman in their quarters who can keep up with them verbally… yeah." He wrapped his arms around her.
Lennon blushed, smiled, and honest-to-god (or whoever you think is up there, or if you think there's no one… then to-(insert something here) ) giggled. Something she never ever did. Or does.
She blamed it on the ship. "Why do I always find myself in this position with you?"
"Because you liiike me." He smiled smugly and leaned in.
She leaned in too, "So?"
The two snarky geeks quickly fell into a fluffy make-out session that Nenya was too cranky and tired to write out and decided to leave it to the readers' imaginations. Besides, she hates writing kissing scenes and was sure that if she tried, that would have been evident and ruined the whole thing.
She will say that there was talk of whipped cream.
And chocolate sauce.
But no strawberry sauce because Rodney was convinced it had citric acid in it.
---57.4 minutes later ---
Charlotte and Madison escaped the watchful eyes of people in the corridor into the store room they had gotten their uniforms from.
The sighed and Madison collapsed to the floor, "That sucked."
There had been a pump, a hose, and a very large buckets that had to be taken from the bay and down the hall to a sink in the janitor's closet because the hose wasn't long enough.
Countless trips back and forth from the bay to the closet later, the bay was clear of water.
Sure Siler and the other tech had helped, but they didn't cause it and offered to keep their names off any reports if the women did most of the clean up.
If anyone looked for the names on their ID badges in the personnel files, they wouldn't find any, and then the Busters would have a problem.
A little manual labor was worth not being thrown in the brig and interrogated.
Charlotte turned her radio back on, "Hey Lenny."
"Lenny, say something or I will circulate that fishnets picture." She picked up a dry black uniform in her size as Madison did the same, but going for green this time.
"I'm uh, I'm here."
"Everything's clear. Meet us in the uniform store room."
"Where are you? I figured you'd come back here."
"An unused guest quarters. Didn't know how long you'd be out of contact and excuse me for wanting to be comfortable."
"Just get over here."
"I gotta go."
Rodney sighed, "For good?"
They were lying side by side, Lennon having gotten up from having her head on his chest to reach for her radio, but had resumed the position.
"And I don't even get to see you in fishnets. That's not fair."
"You'll get over it."
"No I won't. It's gonna be one of those things I'll regret. Like if I don't see Niagra Falls before I die."
Lennon sighed planted a short kiss on his lips, "I guarantee you won't." She sat up and scooted off the end of the bed.
"Yes I will. Think you could send me that picture that woman keeps talking about?"
"I don't think so." She searched for her glasses and located them half-under the bed.
He sat up, swung his legs over the bed, and grabbed her by the waist, "Oh come on. You've seen my legs."
Lennon snorted, "That's not a good argument."
"Be that way." He let go and stood up as she moved to her pack.
"I don't even have that picture. Charlie does. Hence the threatening me with it."
"Was that your boss in the elevator? Charlie?"
"Yeah." Lennon dug in her pack, looking for a particular item.
"Oh. She's a little scary."
Lennon eyed the zat, making sure Rodney couldn't see it from where he was, "Not really. Unless you make her mad."
"I would have said something else to you but you did chase me out of the mess hall." He teased.
She turned around, purposely hiding the view of her pack from him, "I'm glad you didn't, because then I would have had to explain you to Charlie." She bit her lip, "I'm not one for long goodbyes."
"Me neither. Bye Lenny."
She triggered the zat to ready mode, "Bye Rodney."
Seeing a zat aimed at you was not a pleasant experience. Especially for someone like Rodney McKay.
He would have freaked, did a hand waving thing, and dove for the door, but he didn't get the chance.
Lennon zatted him as soon as he saw the it.
He fell on the ground in a heap.
Lennon sighed heavily as she looked down at him.
For some reason he didn't have an expression on his face.
It was kind of unnerving.
She debated whether or not to move him to the bed… it might be better if she did because he might just think he passed out from three days of not sleeping.
So she tried to.
But it wasn't easy. He weighed more than her.
"Are you really this heavy?" Lennon let go of his arms and took a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this. I carry that monstrosity of a pack around all day."
She grabbed under his arms and in a heave had his upper body on the bed.
A little break later, she moved his legs on it too.
After ripping open the plastic around the hypodermic needle and bringing some of the grey amnesia venom into it, she went back over to Rodney.
"Humph." She didn't know where to inject it.
No, she was not going there.
Arm. Arm was good.
His shirt was short sleeve so it only took about two seconds to have it done.
She threw everything back in her pack, the bag quite full since it also had two uniforms in it for Charlotte and Madison that they weren't even going to need anymore.
She took one last look at Rodney's unconscious form and depression started to sink in.
Her mind told her to detach herself, so that's what she did as she left the room.
There was no sense getting all weepy over a ship.
---35.3 minutes later ---
Lennon was whistling.
(She glared up, knowing what Nenya was going to do.
Fine. Stubborn OC. After all I've done for her…)
No, she wasn't whistling show tunes, but a classic punk song of her choosing.
Said whistling was occurring because after Charlotte had told her they zatted the SEP generator into non-existence, the Buster CO let the geek raid the unused weapons store room and load up with as much as she could carry.
They were also on their way out of the SGC.
Which was very good because Lennon never wanted to see the place again.
Neither did Charlotte.
Madison did though.
"…Let me know if I can help."
Rodney's voice drifted from down the hall they were passing and Lennon looked just in time to see none other than Sam Carter kiss Rodney.
She scowled. Stupid blonde.
Sure, it was just on the cheek, but still.
That was not cool.
Madison and Charlotte kept walking, but Lennon lingered, catching more of the conversation.
"Maybe… too bad for you."
Carter started to turn around.
Lennon high-tailed it out of sight because Carter had seen her before with Rodney. On his desk...
She heard Carter teasing, "I was more attracted to you when I did."
Oh that little-
Lennon's thoughts were broken when Madison looked to her and Charlotte, "Hey, do you guys want to go Milliways? I really want some of their soup."
Charlotte answered, "We'll head back to HQ, see when our next mission is."
"I am not going to the Hitchhiker's 'verse!" Lennon protested, "We might never come back, we could pass through some freaky rip in the space-time continuum and end up across the galaxy a thousand years in the past!"
Charlotte countered, "Then Team 42 will come and get us. They know that 'verse inside and out."
"I don't want them to rescue us, we'd never hear the end of it."
Madison asked with her best puppy-eyes, "Please, Lenny?"
Charlotte baited, "We could track down an S.E.P. field generator."
"Slartibartfast has one!" Madison slapped Lennon's arm, "We could find him and you can look at it."
Lennon huffed, "Fine, but if we end up stranded on some prehistoric planet, go mad, and stick bones in our hair, don't say I didn't warn you."
A/N: (Sprawls in the keyboard)
Done! Finished! Kaput!
Fitting how the last chapter is the longest one, isn't it?
For something that was a oneshot answer to a challenge, it certainly has led me to some weird places.
I apologize for any permanent scarring that this story has inflicted on anyone.
I've scarred myself with things that I will not mention. I'll say that all stem from smut bunny effects (including hallucinations)
I really hope this was a satisfying ending. I've had that last scene stuck in my head for weeks.
So, goodbye everyone, thank you for encouraging my stay in Techie's 'verse. I really mean it.
Let's all go bug her to write more WPBA.