Based on a One Piece doujinshi called "Much Ado About Nothing" by Royal Garden, in which Luffy and Zoro (who are already in a light romantic relationship that is about half recognized by themselves, but are not doing anything serious about it yet) get into a fight over something that doesn't even matter, and absolutely REFUSE to make up. This doujinshi is one of my very favorites. That story is the skeleton for this never-ending-fight idea. Don't misunderstand, though. This telling is my own version, and VERY different. If the dialogue weren't way different, and the story itself not 70 percent bigger after my content adding, I wouldn't have changed the name. I've wanted to greatly expand on Much Ado About Nothing and turn it into a broader-story fanfic for a long time. I hope you like it.
This will read differently depending on how to see it. If you read it wanting it to be dramatic, it will be drama. Read it like a comedy (how i intended it) it will be funny. It should read like a cross between the two. I intended for the whole stupid fight to be blown so dramatically out of proportion by Zoro and Luffy that it's funny.
Merry Go Round 'n Round
Part the First:
Round and Round and Round She Goes...
Outside where half the crew was fishing, Usopp had a bite!
He tugged on his pole while heaving with all his might. "I've got one! It's probably a seaking!"
"Sure…" Sanji rolled his eyes, but smiled. At least Usopp's catch made it not quiet anymore. It had been irritably silent before, and Zoro wasn't around for him to fight with.
"Go Usopp!" Chopper cried in enthusiastic suspense.
"Don't lose it!" Vivi added, even though she remembered that the last time Usopp had this much trouble with a fish, it had turned out to be a tadpole.
"Almost there!" Usopp declared again.
Inside the galley where he was drying the dishes next to the counter, Luffy heard the excited voices and again leaned over sideways to see if he could peek at them out the crack between the closed door. He couldn't go out until he finished, and he had a ways to go yet, but he had been complaining that he was bored and hot (they were almost to Arabasta) so Sanji had given him a job. And even though cleaning was work, Luffy had to agree that it was better than the weird silence outside. It was too hot to fish for him, and every time he'd tried to bring up a game, he'd been shushed.
He may not have been so hot had he not been wearing his long-sleeved teal hoodie instead of his red tank top, but he liked this hoodie. It had drawstrings! And his red shirt was torn. Nami hadn't fixed it for him yet… But he had on his red shorts, so it was okay. He could still wear red. These shorts didn't have the folds at the bottom that his blue ones did, so they were a little shorter, but they were also cooler and that made up for the warm hoodie. All the same, he'd complained too much in the end.
Sanji's instructions had been painfully simple: "Wash the dishes and play in the bubbles. Then you won't be bored, and you'll be inside where it's cooler and out of everyone else's way!"
Sound harsh? It probably would to anyone who doesn't have more background information.
Luffy understood why they were mad at him. He'd eaten the last little bit of the food that morning (…oops), so the rest of them had to catch something if they wanted to eat that day.
Zoro's voice brought the captain back to his prison. "Huh?"
The swordsman sighed, finished drying his own wet cup, and pointed at the teacup in Luffy's hands. "I just just just finished telling you not to lean over with wet dishes in your hands, or you're gonna-"
"Woah!" Luffy said in surprise as he stood straight and the teacup slipped out of his hand and started falling to the ground.
Zoro's arm, which had been planning to wrap around Luffy's middle to pull him up and into a little squeeze before letting him go again, changed course and had moved in an instant to catch the cup.
You see, upon seeing that Luffy was basically about to be shut away from everyone else, Zoro's big mouth had said "It's not like he knew it was the last of the food. You don't have to alienate him", and he had been thrown in here as well when Nami had put him on 'make sure Luffy doesn't destroy anything while he's working' duty (even though, to be honest, Luffy didn't break his own ship during lazzzy days very often).
"There, now. Ya see?" Zoro said, taking the cup and not giving it back. "You've done enough. I'll finish this."
Luffy, who noticed that the voices outside had vanished and it was quiet again, became a little annoyed. He was upset because everyone was mad at him, and now even Zoro was saying he was incompetent!
"No, I can do it!" he grabbed the cup to take it back. Usopp's catch must have been another tadpole after all, which meant that no one would be ready to forgive him yet. This place was only a prison while there was something neat going on outside of it and his nakama were happy with him. If they were pissed and it was deathly quiet out there, he wanted to stay in here.
Zoro didn't let go. "Obviously not. You're job's done. Go back outside. You'll just get in the way in here."
Luffy's grip tightened. "Oh, now I'm in YOUR way too? Give me the damn cup, Zoro!"
"I didn't mean it like that! You're wet dishes are over there and I'd have to reach around you. That's why you'd be in the way." He pulled harder on the cup. Both wrapped their fingers inside the cup so they wouldn't lose their tightening grip. "And if you stay in here you're gonna break all the dishes and Nami will get mad at me because you're a butterfingers! Let go!"
"Now I'm BUTTERFINGERS? You're an iron fist! You can't be gentle with anything, so everything you hold shatters! You've broken more dishes than I have, jerk!" On the last word, Luffy pulled the cup sharply toward himself.
"Well, you've SWALLOWED more dishes than I have, pig!" Zoro pulled back, just as harshly. What the hell was Luffy's problem? Sometimes he couldn't believe he followed this little kid!
Luffy was pissed. Every member of his crew had called him a greedy slob that day, but none of them had been as mean about it as Zoro was! "You're being such a prick! Let Go!"
"At least I'm not immature! You let GO!"
YANK. "I'm the captain of this ship!"
YANK. "You're acting like a two year old!"
Swing! The door opened and Nami stood there, her hair in pigtails and her glasses on clearly showing that she had come up from downstairs. She had a rolled up map in her hands. "Hey, Luffy! Sanji-kun caught a huge fish, so no one's mad at you anymore. And Vivi says there's a shipping isle right by Arabasta that we can stop and take a break at before heading on to the her country. We should also be arriving tomorrow morn-"
chink! chink chink!
Nami stopped short upon sizing up the two suddenly frozen pirates.
Zoro had one hand pushing on Luffy's head, and the other was holding the larger half of her favorite teacup from home.
Luffy had his foot planted in Zoro's middle, one hand wrapped around the wrist that was pushing on his head, and the other hand held the smaller half of her favorite teacup from home.
The half in Zoro's hand had been inadvertently crushed into three large pieces by his too-hard grip.
The half in Luffy's hand slipped out of it, fell to the floor and broke in two.
Zoro's expression said: Urk!
Luffy's expression said: um …oops.
Nami's expression said: DOOM!
"My cup…" She said forlornly, holding it's sad remains while Zoro and Luffy smoldered in lumps and bruises behind her.
Luffy started making excuses. "It's Zoro's fault! Be-because Zoro got in my way, and I couldn't finish cleani-"
Zoro cut him off. How dare this pipsqueak try to blame him! "What the hell do you know about cleaning? All you do is make messes!"
Luffy was livid. "At least I try to help. At least I do my chores."
"Are you saying I don't?" Zoro challenged.
"All you do is sleep!" Luffy countered.
Zoro stood to tower over the smaller pirate. "They'd be better off if you didn't help! Every time you try to clean, you break something. Like now! You pulled too hard, moron!"
Luffy stood at his max height as well. He was a head smaller than Zoro, but he didn't care. "If YOU had just let GO, this wouldn't have happened!"
"If I'd have let you have it, it'd be in even more pieces right now!"
Luffy growled, "This happened because you don't know enough about helping out around the ship to actually do it right!"
Zoro looked down and said too casually, "This happened because you're an idiot."
"SHUT UP!" Nami's voice rang out as she easily threw them both out the door and onto the deck below with rage-induced strength.
Zoro hit the deck first, and instinctively moved to break Luffy's fall. In the split second before they collided, he realized what he was doing, but it was too late to take it back, and the captain crashed on top of him in a painful way.
"Get off me, dumbass!"
"As if I wanted to touch you, anyway!"
"Neither of you are eating dinner!" Nami screamed the ultimate punishment.
Luffy instantly became a broken man. Tears of denial poured from his eyes. "But NAMIIIII!"
"Che." Zoro interrupted his lament. "As if I want a fish that shitty cook caught, anyway."
Drawn by the screaming, Sanji came dancing around the corner in a flowery shirt and a pink apron, holding a watering can in one hand. Ignoring the idiots below, the cook poked his head around the corner of the galley door-- "Is something the matter, my lovely Nam-" --just in time to be hit head-on by a flying pair of mops and two buckets.
"Make yourselves useful and scrub the deck!" Nami's angry voice followed the flying projectiles.
Grabbing the materials that had been stopped by his face, Sanji turned angrily to hurl them all down at the feuding pair. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO NAMI-SAN! NEITHER OF YOU ARE EATING TONIGHT!"
And Luffy crumpled to his hands and knees in depression. And of course ZORO had to make everything worse!
"Fuck off, asshole!"
Sanji leered at him a moment. "I don't have time for you two idiots. Nami-swaaan" and he closed the galley door behind him.
Having mostly been hit by the missiled objects, Luffy grabbed a mop and a bucket and pointedly marched in a huff up to Foredeck. And everyone was finally not mad at me anymore. Zoro always messes everything up! Jerk.
Glaring daggers after him, Zoro grabbed his own mop and bucket before loudly marching to Aft. Of course he had to make sure that I got the larger deck to swab! And he called Zoro lazy! What a toddler! And I suppose it's my fault that he got his food taken away too. Not Nami's fault. Mine!
The two stayed on opposite sides of the ship and didn't talk to each other for the rest of the day.
It got dark. It got cold. It had gone from hot to freezing, for some reason.
Luffy was still cleaning Starboard. His hoodie sleeves were soaked and the wind was keeping them like ice. Luffy shivered.
Zoro was still cleaning Port. His feet were wet in his shoes and it was really aggravating him.
Everyone else was finishing dinner. They'd hung a lantern outside so the two offenders could see. Nami had kept them both scrubbing all day. Neither had ever had to do chores at night!
…But if Luffy stopped, then Nami would tell Sanji no breakfast, and he would miss another meal.
…But if Zoro stopped, he'd owe Nami a fortune.
This is all his fault. They thought sourly about each other at the same time.
"Nami, how long are you going to keep them out there?" Usopp asked over his plate of fish.
Nami poked her ohashi at him. "You hush. I want to see if they'll make up tonight."
"What the hell are they even fighting about?" Sanji asked.
"Absolutely nothing important anymore. First it was 'who broke my cup', but then it just became petty insults."
Chopper sighed. "But can't be give them something small to eat…?"
Sanji shook his head and swallowed his mouthful. "I'd let them in, but I'm afraid they'd start throwing food."
"This is their punishment for acting like Neanderthals." Nami agreed with a shrug. "They'd better make up out there. It wasn't them, but their retarded fight that broke my cup! They're just stubborn."
Chopper looked sadly back at his plate. "I thought a captain and a first mate weren't supposed to fight."
Nami sighed, "You always hurt the ones you love."
"Huh? Why?" Chopper was confused.
"Hey Nami," Usopp suddenly said daringly. "A thousand Beli says Zoro caves first."
Sanji froze mid-chew. Vivi and Chopper dropped their chopsticks. Nami continued eating calmly.
"You're amazing, Usopp." Chopper said in awe, former confusion forgotten. No one on the ship had ever proposed bet against Nami.
Nami considered silently for a moment. On the one hand, Zoro was the more mature of the two. His feelings for Luffy were painfully obvious. And from what Nami had secretly observed, he was the more likely of the two to make the first move when it came to something involving their personal relationship.
On the other hand, Luffy had recently been very clingy. More so than normal. He usually did when it got cold out, and they'd had cold nights lately. She'd even seen him bring a blanket up to the Crow's Nest when Zoro had been on watch the other night when she'd been getting a midnight snack. He hadn't come back down.
A bet where there were no guarantees… They weren't Nami's favorite odds, but it was only a thousand Beli. Not even a full meal for this crew. This would be exciting whichever way it went.
"Deal. The first one to admit he was out of line will decide the winner of the bet."
Grins went around the table. Usopp nodded in agreement.
They didn't shake on it.
Luffy and Zoro kept shooting glances at each other when the other wasn't looking. It was because of this that both of them were more firmly believing that he was right and his companion was a stubborn baby/mean jerk.
Sure, Luffy had repeatedly dropped the mop a few times, but he'd seen Iron Fist over there picking splinters out of his hands, like all day.
Sure, Zoro had a couple splinters in his hands, but he'd seen Butterfingers over there drop the mop about a hundred times.
The door to the Galley swung open and the others trickled out.
"You two can go bed, now." Nami decreed on her way down to her room.
Both of them dropped their mops right were. Luffy rolled his shoulders. Zoro popped his back.
And the two followed the others down the hatch, never saying a word to each other.
Luffy lay awake in his hammock. It was the middle of the night, but he couldn't sleep.
He was really cold, and he'd forgotten his blankie…
He could move to get it!
…but he didn't know where it was…
But Zoro would! Zoro always knew where it--
No way. Zoro would just make fun of him because he needed help to find his blankie like a baby or something. So he would have to hunt for it and then he would make noise and if he accidentally woke someone else up they would get even more mad.
He shivered harder. His hoodie was still damp in the sleeves, but if he took it off he wouldn't have anything but his thin shorts. He wanted his warm blankie… but he was so tired of being yelled at today. Everyone was mad at him. …Even Zoro.
Not that Luffy cared if Zoro was mad. It had been all his fault anyway, so if Zoro wanted to be mad he could do it all by himself.
…Except that it was cold. And Zoro's hammock was always snuggly warm, and it was only about three feet away…
Well, that's too bad. Luffy decided. He's trying to tempt me, but it won't work. Zoro would love it too much if Luffy went over and snuggled with him. And then once he got there, Zoro would just yell at him some more. He wasn't going to walk into a trap like that! Oho no!
He was so cold…
In his hammock, Zoro couldn't sleep. How annoying, considering he hadn't been able to nap even once that day thanks to someone's immaturity.
He was hungry. He could go get food, but there were stupid traps set all around the galley that he didn't want to deal with.
Shifting a little to get more comfortable and pulling his warm blanket around himself, Zoro's eyes fell on Luffy's form all curled up into a ball a few feet away.
This caught Zoro's attention. Luffy slept splayed all over when he was comfortable, but he was curled in a ball now, so something was wrong. It didn't take a genius to figure out what.
He could see that smaller boy was shivering even in the dark. His breathing was shaky, too. Forgot his blanket again. Luffy did this sometimes.
Zoro watched his captain for a few more moments. If Luffy was awake and being cold on purpose, then it was because he didn't know where his blanket was. Zoro knew. He slept in the hammock right next to the kid, and when Luffy had kicked the thing off the night before, it had landed underneath him. It almost always did, but Luffy hadn't seemed to realize.
Now as he watched and heard the boy shudder and shiver an arm's length away from him, the temptation rose to reach over and tuck the boy in all warm, and kiss his forehead as he had so many times before.
Then his stomach growled, and the urge died. It occurred to him that Luffy might have done this on purpose just to get Zoro to go over there and hold him.
Why should Zoro do anything for Luffy? He didn't feel like being snapped at for trying to help again, thank you very much. After all, I don't have a clue what I'm doing… I have no idea how to help out around the ship. His frown became sarcastic. Just because I've got a nice warm blanket and he doesn't, what do I know?
Besides, if the kid was too immature to get his own blanket then it just proved Zoro was right. If he wasn't willing to get over himself enough to come over and climb into Zoro's hammock if he couldn't find his blanket, then that was his problem.
Let him freeze. …I don't care.
After a long night, morning came. Sanji got up and made breakfast: the rest of the fish from last night. It had been a BIG fish.
When it was served, most of the crew was up and ready, but Sanji still set a couple helpings aside.
"I see that Luffy-san and Mr. Bushido aren't here." Vivi observed as she ate. "Did they make up last night?"
Usopp rolled his eyes. "Let's just say the bet's still on."
Nami was surprised. "You gotta be kidding me. Neither of them made a move? All night?"
Usopp nodded gravely. "When he went to bed, Luffy's blanket was under Zoro's hammock like it usually is. When I woke up, they were both asleep in their own hammocks, and Luffy still wasn't covered."
Nami let out a low whistle.
Sanji flung a towel over the fish to trap the heat. He was still pissed at both of them for breaking his precious Nami-san's cup in the first place. "What the hell is his problem? It's not like he's acting any more mature about this than Luffy is."
Nami pouted a little. "I sort of hope he keeps being this way." She got a wild expression with Beli eyes. "Then Luffy has to make the first move and I'll make money off him."
Chopper look scared. Nami was disturbing sometimes. Usopp looked just as disappointed that Zoro hadn't made a move as Nami looked excited about it. The little reindeer, however, didn't care who did what as long as they made up soon!
They had all finished their breakfast and were either running or sauntering out of the galley when a refreshed looking Luffy came in, shortly followed by an irritable looking Zoro. The pair were left to the galley with only Sanji remaining for company.
Neither had fallen asleep until nearly dawn, and hadn't realized how late they'd slept. When Zoro had risen and noted that the others were gone, he'd dressed and 'accidentally' shaken Luffy's hammock on his way to the ladder to wake the kid up. Luffy still beat him to the kitchen.
They'd only gotten a couple hours sleep apiece, and while Zoro hardly felt ready to be awake yet, Luffy felt revitalized because he was Luffy and he could do that.
It pissed Zoro off.
Now they sat at the table and Sanji got their plates ready. Neither dish was very full.
Usopp came rushing back in as the two ate. "Hey! I can see the shipping port from here! There's a town we'll be able to shop at, too. Open market! Looks to be a pretty good size!"
"That's great news! I'll make up some shopping lists so everyone'll be responsible for getting things. We don't have money to waste right now, but we need food." Sanji turned a glare on Luffy. "Badly."
Luffy's head dropped in guilt. Why was everyone still mad at him? There'd only been two bites in the storage room yesterday! So he'd had to assume that there would be another stock in the kitchen. It had made sense…
He ate his last bite… and then realized that he'd eaten his last bite. Shoot. He looked at Zoro's plate with purpose.
Zoro raised an eyebrow. He put his hand up to guard, knowing what was Luffy was about t-
Proving once again that the hand was quicker than the eye, Luffy had a piece of Zoro's fish in his mouth in a blink.
Zoro squeezed his own fork until it bent in his fury. His face was red, but he restrained himself from strangling the kid right there.
"Sanji, seconds!" Luffy cheered innocently.
"No way, buster. You broke Nami-san's teacup yesterday, remember? You're lucky she's letting you have breakfast at all. Besides, that's all that's left."
Luffy's head dropped to the table in lamentation. This was it. His life was over! …Unless…
Luffy looked at Zoro's plate sorrowfully. Then at Zoro hopefully. Then at Zoro's plate. Then at Zoro.
Zoro didn't know what the hell he expected. He'd broken Nami's cup because he wouldn't just let go of it, and then he'd try to blame Zoro for it, calling him a prick! Real mature! Zoro hadn't forgotten anything else that Luffy had said the day before, either. Not that it mattered all that much because his captain was such a kid.
But Luffy had already snuck some of Zoro's breakfast, and he'd gotten to eat something the day before as well.
Zoro tilted his plate so that Luffy couldn't see what was on it and shoved the last bites into his mouth at once. He smiled and patted his belly when he was done. "Mmm. Good stuff."
SLAM. Luffy's came down hard on the table. "Zoro! You wouldn't even share with me! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!"
Zoro shrugged casually, as if he didn't care how much Luffy shouted. "Grow up."
Luffy's face turned red. He felt quite possibly that he had never been so mad at anyone in his entire life. "ASSHOLE!" he shouted before running out of the kitchen. Zoro was so mean!
Zoro rose and followed him out the door. Frankly he was kind of getting tired of Luffy's attitude. Why the hell did Luffy have to keep dragging this out? All he had to do was admit that he, not Zoro, had broken the cup! How hard was that?
AN: well, it's different than my other stories in this section... For starters, it moves much faster, and switches back and forth between the two characters in the true style of a straight-up comedy-romance. It's also simple content-wise. There's a fight. That's it. But a fight that is pointless to everyone whose only watching can be such a huge deal to those who are actually involved in it. especially if they are boarder-line romantically involved together. :)
This story will be presented in 3 parts. Much like any fight, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.