Disclaimer: Don't own.
1. Persistently nag her to copy her homework
This definitely works. I ask her pretty much everyday. After awhile though, she REALLY gets pissed. It's quite funny actually...if she wasn't about to rip my head off.
2. Give Crookshanks a good kick
Not that I meant to do it! Heck, I wouldn't even touch that cat if I could help it. It was a complete accident. I ran down the stairs from the boys' dormitory towards a tasty breakfast one morning and I accidentally kicked Crookshanks. He started spitting and stuff! Hermione was in the arm chair near him reading a thick book when she heard Crookshanks hissing at me. She immediately stood up and told me off for it! We had a "nice" row until Harry came down 5 minutes later and asked what the problem was.
"It's that CAT!" I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the ginger furball, which was still hissing at me. I longed to tell him to shut up...with my foot.
"It's not his fault! If you were actually paying attention to where you were going—" she yelled but was interrupted when Harry told us both to shut up and go eat breakfast while muttering words like "tiresome" and "need to learn".
3. Talk about Quidditch
Honestly, every single time Harry and I start talking about Quidditch, she sighs wearily. Just because she's not good at it! Which brings me to the next point...
4. When she's not good at something, rub it in her face
Like Divination maybe. In our third year when she kept saying that the Grim was nothing, I told her off for being bad at something for a change. She really hated that. Clever Hermione...not good at something? Wow.
5. BEATING her at something!
Well, I haven't really done this one...but Harry appears to have beaten her in potions when he had Snape's old potion book. I swear she was just jealous. I mean, she wouldn't stop accusing the Prince before we found out it was Snape. It saved my life and everything too! I wouldn't still be here without that bezoar. And all those useful spells like Muffliato. Good stuff.
Yeah, she was totally just jealous.
6. Stealing her stuff
Well, mainly books. But anyways, I don't think I'll try it ever again. I got bored once so I took her Arithmancy book while she was doing her other homework. The next day, she went insane and I mean INSANE! She looked around everywhere for it and she left the common room in a complete mess after searching through it. Of course, it was up in the boys' dormitory under my bed...but I wasn't about to tell her that. She wouldn't even talk to me!
"What are you looking for?" I asked her innocently when she returned to the common room to continue her search.
"Can't talk! I've lost it! Oh, no! What am I ever going to do?" She cried. She really was pretty much in tears. I didn't feel bad until I saw them.
She was still frantically searching all over the room, her hair even frizzier than normal, when I said quite foolishly, "If you're looking for your Arithmancy book...I have it."
She looked up at once, ran over to me, shook my shoulders violently, and screamed, "WHERE?"
"Hold on...I'll go get it..." I muttered as I ran upstairs to my four-poster bed and grabbed the book. I ran down and handed it to her. I've never seen her eyes light up so bright as then and I felt my stomach do somersaults...
...until her eyes darkened again.
"Ron...why—did—you—have—my—book?" She said slowly and ominously.
"Uh, yesterday...when you were dong homework..." I mumbled nervously and gulped. "I got really bored...so I took it...just for fun."
I added the last part very quickly.
Wow, it was really like she exploded or something. She started yelling at me incomprehensively. She was that loud...up to the point where I can't understand a word she's saying. The only words I understood were "JUST FOR FUN?"
Her hair made her looked as if she had been electrocuted and even though I was much taller than her, I was cowering under her fierce...ness. Fierce-ness? I don't know if that's a word, but if it is, it perfectly describes what she was like.
7. Say anything remotely bad about House Elves
Like that one time we made fun of Kreacher at Grimmauld Place. All I said was that he wasn't normal...I mean, he wants his head to be chopped up and plastered on the walls with his ancestors! And that other time when Sirius made fun of him and we all laughed. She looked very disapprovingly at us. She's become obsessed, I swear! Well, she hasn't been talking about S.P.E.W. lately after everything that's happened with You-Know-Who and stuff. But, still. She really needs to understand that House Elves WANT to serve! She's not doing them a favor by trying to free them!
8. Forget number 7, saying "Spew" is bad enough
Of course, I'm too lazy to say "S.P.E.W." but when I say "spew" she totally freaks out at me and corrects me!
"It's not spew, Ron! It's Ess-Pee-Eee-Double-U!" Goodness. I know I'm not ever going to own a House Elf in the future since I'm going to have to live with her.
9. Interrupting her when she's doing homework
I mean, I'm sure most people would get annoyed...but I kept doing it because, well, I was trying to make some love confession since Harry made me, but I kept chickening out when she put down her book and exasperatingly said, "What is it, Ron?" for the...must have been the twentieth time.
"I...I-I—" I would immediately stutter. Luckily, everyone had gone to bed since it was about one o' clock in the morning. But knowing Hermione, she was doing more homework than she needed to.
"Ron, honestly, I've lost count of how many times you've interrupted me. What is going on?" She asked heatedly, her eyebrows furrowed in a frustrated expression that made her look so much cuter than she would ever know.
After I began stuttering again, she rolled her eyes and whispered, "If you're not going to tell me, then will you STOP IT? I'm trying to concentrate here!"
But I couldn't give up. Not yet! I prodded her with my pencil again and she snapped. She slammed the book down and pinched my ear.
"If you've got something to say, SPIT IT OUT before I go up to the girls' dormitory!" She would have yelled if it was earlier in the evening. This was another reason I chose to tell her now. Everyone's gone to bed except us.
She sighed. "Well?"
"Don't tell me you love chicken, Ron. I already know that—"
"—You." I said that about the exact same time she said "chicken". She must have heard me because her eyes widened and she cut off her last sentence.
"Ron! Why didn't you just tell me! You didn't have to interrupt me a thousand times to get that across."
"Well—Yes I did!" We had another row again. Over something silly as usual. Until it was my turn to get exasperated.
"Hermione! Just get to the point! What are you going to say about that?"
"What I just told you..."
"Oh! Come on, Ron. Isn't it obvious?" When she saw my confused look she gave me a peck on the lips and smiled.
"Of course I love you." I felt more emotions of happiness than I ever had before. These feelings were foreign to me.
At least she wasn't mad anymore.
10. Last but not least – kiss her unexpectedly
Actually, I can't tell if it annoys her or if she secretly enjoys it. When she fusses about her work or whatever is stressing her out at the moment, I have no other way to shut her up.
Except, of course. Kiss her unexpectedly.
She came home once, a few days before Christmas, and slamming the door behind her. I really can always tell what kind of day she's been having just by the way she closes or slams doors.
She walked up to where I was, sitting at the kitchen table drinking some hot chocolate.
"What's up?" I asked her. She instantly bombarded me with shouts and screams. Apparently, she was having a bad day already...something about spilling coffee on herself in the morning, people being rude to her, bad stuff going on for her at her job, and...well, a whole lot of other things that I couldn't really comprehend by the way she was yelling.
"Calm down!" I yelled at her. I would've told her to be quiet also...if she didn't look ready to tear me to pieces already.
"Calm down? CALM DOWN? How can I possibly calm down when I've just had one of the worst days ever!"
Hastily, I stood up, walked (more like ran) over to her, and shut her up with a long kiss before she could say anything else. She was going on about her job when I cut her off. I felt her soften up and kiss me back. Now this was better.
I broke off and stared at her pouting face. Pouting...she must be annoyed. But I could also see her trying really hard to restrain a smile.
Hm, maybe I should cross number 10 off this list.
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